Reflexion 2

Christine checked her suit for the seventeen times knowing it had no significant damage, she had just made a run to District 97 and things were smooth for now yet she hadn't seen Aston since last night and it was making her lose her mind, she tried to tell herself he was probably busy today he had to "give say" to what happened at the 11.

All she ever did was wonder, who was he really? The polite upright team leader or the sexually insatiable savage, he seems to live between two different worlds.

She had tried to talk to him about his beliefs, he had always said he never wanted to mix private matters with peacekeeping yet he had no problem fucking the shit out of her knowing she was also a team leader.

As he walked into the repair station, she tried to hide and pretend she hadn't noticed him.

"Hey! If it isn't the happy himself, how was the give say?" Dalton another team member asked right behind her.

"It was long and boring, what are you guys up to?" Aston asked looking at the suits being scanned on the tables.

"Me, I am just filtering Intel. I am not sure what you're doing here Captain House!" Dalton said looking at her screen "You have already scanned that suit more times than I can count, is not going to tell you anything new."

"I am just making sure is pristine that's all," Christine said frozen in place, internally killing Dalton.

"You need me to help, Captain House?" Aston said, and she felt him standing right on her neck, and placing a hand on her back.

"No! I am fine, bye!" Christine rushed away from him.

Christine walked as fast as she possibly could towards her desk, "what the fuck is he doing?" she chanted in her mind. Christine was already on warning after everything that happened at the 11 and having him act like they were lovers in public was out of the question.

"Were you waiting for me?" Aston whispered behind her head.

"What the fuck are you doing? You want people to see us?" Christine whispered through clenched teeth staring blankly at her screen.

"So what if they know," Aston said after placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you insane? You can't just do what you want, whatever happened to not mixing things," Christine tried to remain calm but she caught Dalton's confused look.

"You said, you didn't want to go back to pretending," he inhaled the scent of her hair and she tried to flinch away. "So don't pretend you don't love watching me fuck your tight little cunt and sucking my cock Captain House." He whispered in her ear.

Christine stood up and walked out, she knew she was blushing and Dalton had probably seen it all, what if he told everyone what they were doing? There were more than 5,000 teams just in Elba, it wasn't uncommon to have captains bed each other but she had never seen herself or Aston as the type of people to make it public, she realized she had probably confused him when she said she didn't want to pretend, she meant she didn't want to pretend with him.

She didn't want to act like her feelings for him weren't real but from that to have everyone know what they were doing was a completely different story.

~~~

Christine had been waiting for him for hours, she had cleaned up and decided she needed to speak to him but he was nowhere to be found after his shift had ended.

When he finally arrived, she was greeted by a different person, he was sombre and cold, he said nothing at all as he made dinner and checked his keeper device a couple of times.

"I need to talk to you about the station," Christine eased into it as she did the dishes "When I said I didn't want to go back to pretending, I meant with you, I don't anyone else to know about us."

"Christine, I have something to tell you," Aston said helping her dry out. "I know you know by now; I don't care what others see. I don't want to keep us a secret."

"I know but this is not the right time for me, you know,"

"When is the right time for you?"

"Baby, please!"

"I get it, you want a fantasy...you want to be able to fuck me but then avoid me at the station," Aston said as he headed for the door "That's what you really wanted, that's what you were asking for."

"Aston is not like that and you know it!" Christine called after him.

"Let me know when is the right time for you or not.... honestly whatever," Aston said as he walked out.

Christine stood there all alone in her kitchen unable to move, this was not how things were supposed to go, she never thought he would take it like that after all he knew how much she cared for him, she had almost lost her place behind him and now he was acting like she was the bad guy.

In the morning Christine went for a walk, she didn't want to be near him, she realized how complicated things had become in the span of a few weeks. It almost felt like that first kiss was year's ego, but she should have seen it coming, he had never really avoided her at work, he would try to touch and look at her with longing eyes all the time, even kissing her in the repair station when no one was around.

Now she was the one asking for space when she regularly fucked him for weeks, Christine walked along the banks of the river in the freezing morning not knowing what to do, how had things turned out so complicated? She wanted to curse the 11 but she knew that without it she would have never gotten close to him.

Christine called Rose and explained her dilemma yet she refused to tell who he was she also had no idea what to do, so she spent her day eating from the leftovers he had made and looking for a place... somewhere else, Christine even considered moving away from Elba yet she never really wanted to part from him, she knew how much that would hurt him.

As hours passed she realized it was becoming impossible to work on anything else after being a peacekeeper for so many years, when nightfall came she realized he was not coming she hated how much she missed him and before she could think she was inside her vessel with a some freshly made lasagna looking for his house, maybe if she tried to explain things to him more calmly then he would be keener to understanding her.

Christine stood still as his home system scanned her, the butterflies in her stomach going berzerk; he slowly opened the door with a miserable expression, again a first for Christine.

"Mr. Happy I made you this," She said with a bright smile on her face and pushed the lasagna towards him.

"Christine, what are you doing here?" He asked looking at her.

"I just wanted to apologize for how things..." Her eyes darted behind him; a little girl was looking up at her.

Christine stood there in silence as the little black girl stared with a thumb in her mouth while holding a bright yellow blanket.

"Kasha go to bed now! I won't say it again," Aston said behind him and the little girl rushed upstairs.

In an instant he grabbed the lasagna and closed the door on her, Christine was left standing frozen at his door; she slowly turned around and got into her vessel.

There was another Aston? He was also a father. How many things did she not know about him, Christine tried to recall their conversations and she realized he had asked her about kids when they first started having sex, she had always said she never wanted them. Christine was not a kids person and realising he had a child made things between then a billion times more complicated.

~~~

Christine picked up the rest of her things at her station, she didn't have a backup plan quitting peacekeeping was the most reckless thing she had ever done in her life.

As she said goodbye to all her team members, he walked in with his usual smile, Christine tried to act normal as she said her goodbyes to anyone else.

"I wish you the best of luck, Captain House," Aston said in his usual friendly tone as he shook her hand but his smile never reached his eyes and without a word, he walked away to his station.

The pain in her chest was so intense she thought she would break, and before she knew it she was hysterically crying in her vessel, she wished she could escape her own body to smooth this pain but it was hopeless, she hated the way he looked at her and the fact that he probably thought she was running away because he had a child, Though those polite words she could almost taste the venom in his eyes.

Christine returned to her family's summer inn on the outskirts of Elba with her Aunty Clear and her closest cousin Rose, her other cousins had gone back to normal life and the house was pretty quiet.

"So ...what did you do?" Rose asked after a few days.

"What are you..."Christine was taken aback.

"Ay! Porfavor Christina! You've walked around this house like a zombie since you came, you thought we wouldn't notice?" Rose said sitting on her bed.

"Well, there is nothing to talk about ok, because we are done."

"Pendejo! Did he cheat?"

"No, Loca! He has a kid and he wanted to be public."

"Oh!, so naturally you dumped him..."

"What was I supposed to do play house with him; you know I never wanted kids and he just made everything complicated."

"So you wanted the fun and exciting and as soon as things got real you were out."

"Wait, I am not the asshole here he should have told me what he wanted from the beginning, I tried to tell him I wasn't ready for things to get serious, I just wanted to keep things between us."

"Oh, I know Chris you never want things to get serious ...anyway was he any good in bed? I mean since you don't want him anymore I could give it a try," Rose laughed when she saw the look on Christine's face "Wow you really like love him and shit!"

"Ya! Callate!" Christine tried to push her out of the bed.

"No, let me get this straight... you left the man that you love because he loved you too and he has a kid?" Rose laughed at her "Well, no wonder he hates your guts... but hey I inspire to be a cold bitch like that someday."

"Get Out!" Christine drove her out and locked the door.

"OH! Culera!" Rose called out behind the door "You ever heard of compromise?" she walked away laughing.

For the rest of the week Rose's words invaded her mind, was she the bad person for leaving him? Christine was trying to defend her actions, it wouldn't have been fair to him if she had stayed knowing she could never want or love his child, and it wasn't fair to her having to force herself into a life she had never wanted.

Christine left the woodshop after a short but lively interview, at this point, she badly needed a job and she was running down her savings. In her mind the word "Compromise" echoed, was there a way she could work out with Aston, it wasn't like he could compromise on having a kid, what about the mother? Was she in his life? She wondered if it was just a matter of time... and as soon as the idea popped she pushed it aside, there was no way she could compromise with so much but at the same time her heart battled with the idea of not having him.

Instead, she decided to put up a dating profile, she could just scan potential dates from her home and have a friend of a friend back at the station scan for anything "criminal".

When the night fell Christine decided to spend it talking to Clear about memories of younger days, she remembered all the things she promised she would never go through when she was younger and she was proud she had remained though to her word.

"You have always been very ambitious, Hermosa," Clear said after a few shots of tequila.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Christine laughed as the buzz started to get to her.

"Not really, but is a bit complicated when it comes to the heart, my love," Clear said after her shot.

"Please, Tia I don't want to talk about this thing again."Christine got uncomfortable.

"You can't have it all in love."

"If you expect me to give myself up for someone else that's not going to happen."

"You have to give something to get something ...and I never said you had to give yourself up, that one you came with on your own."

"So what now, I go begging him to take me back? Tia I am going to look stupid and childish ...No, there is no way."

"Fine, Let your ego fight all your battles see how far that will take you, Mira! You can't have shame in love; you have to fight with your heart for someone that fights just as hard or even harder than you as long as it brings you good energia, me entiendes?"

Instead of arguing Christine just drank in silence, She hated having to talk to Clear but she knew her mom would have said something along those lines.

Christine sat in the dark after Clear went to town to dance the night away, and the burn in her belly did nothing to kill away the memories of Aston. She hated nights like this, she never wanted to go to bed

knowing he wasn't looking for her, and she hated thinking she would never love him again, she had been willing him into a distant memory for months without luck.

She badly wanted to instruct her screen to signal him but the shame and the possibility kept her paralyzed, she had tried to think of a way to get back in his life and analyze if he was really worth all of those feelings and effort but the possibility she could be making a mistake was killing her inside.

~~~

Christine couldn't believe her eyes, she checked the bottle again and then looked back at her screen, as his service code blipped rapidly, he was signalling her, she hesitated was it a good idea to pick it up but her finger pressed the button before she could change her mind.

Silence, Christine could only hear silence from the other end she wondered if it was a mistake until she heard his breathing on the other line.

"Aston?" Christine said unable to contain herself.

"I know, I shouldn't be doing this."Aston's voice sounded strangled and soft like he was in pain.

"No, please talk to me."Christine let her desperation flow.

"I know we are done but can you just tell me...can you tell me what I did so wrong?"

"Aston,"

"I tried to give you everything? I know I should be happy you are happy but..." there was silence on the other end and he took a deep breath "I see you moved on, I kind of stumbled on your dating profile, I know is not my business but did you find anything interesting?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your daughter?"

"I wanted things to be better between us before I mentioned her, I wanted to protect both you and her."

"I am sorry; I made you feel like you needed to... Aston I want to work things out," Christine closed her eyes braising herself for the answer.

"Fuck Christine," Aston said after a pause, "I will pick you up if you can make it tomorrow."

"I will book it right now," Christine rushed out not wanting to give him any excuse.

"So tomorrow?"

"Yes, I will get there tomorrow and we can spend the night together."

"Baby, don't be late..."

"I won't ...I miss you,"

"Tell me again... You know I love you,"

"I love you too, tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

~~~

Christine couldn't stop looking at her watch she looked around the station as the people walked past her, her train had been an hour late and it was midnight on the clock.

Christine was again fighting tears and her mouth went dry as the crowd around her slowly evaporated and she was left standing, she thought about sending a signal but her mind started rising.

"Christine!" She looked up and saw him standing at the far end of the line.

Christine's legs started moving and before she could think she was running to him, she had never felt so right in her life as her lips connected with his, and in a second the world was right again and all the pain in the world was worth it when he held her in his arms all the music in the galaxy was nothing compared to the sound of his heartbeat as she listed to it unable to let go.

There were no words left as Christine finished her shower and found him on the bed, she ran her hands on his chest and he placed him on her waist when he hungrily kissed her, Christine held on to him as he switched and laid her down on the bed.

.....