Pharaoh

Now that I knew I'd be getting back with Alicia I had a powerful urge to hear her voice, to know she was holding up under the pressure, to offer my support and my love. Probably because of the guilt, but also because I really do love her a lot. I waited till 11 a.m. when I figured she would be done with her morning show out in the Free City of LA. I called from the little private room at work I use some time.

"Alicia?"

"Sorry. Roxie. Alicia's phone." Wow, the famous Roxie.

"Ahhh. Hi. This is Jeff. Her husband."

"Well hello Mr. Rochefort. Nice to meet you. Well, sort of meet you. Listen, Leesh is just finishing up, has the next hour free believe it or not. Can you call back in five minutes?"

"Yes, certainly."

"Great. I'll make sure...oops! Gotta run. Good to meet..." The line went dead.

It's too bad she was in such a hurry. I wanted to thank her for the Booya! tips.

I waited seven minutes to be sure and I called back. Amazingly I got Alicia on the first ring.

"Honey!" I said.

"Baby doll!" she said.

"Oh-my-goodness it's good to hear your voice Alicia!"

"Same here darling! I miss you so much."

"Oh-my-goodness, do I ever miss you. Are you OK? Are things going OK?"

"Of course darling. Really good. I think I'm getting the hang of the TV promo shows. Like this morning this blonde girl on LA Today! asks me if I could eat one dessert my whole life long and somehow never have to worry about gaining an ounce what would it be? And I told her that Chocolate Volcano cake you let me taste in DR cause it's so yummy and you bite in and this rich gooey chocolate squirts in your mouth and the audience was so into it laughing and cheering and ...oops, got a call, let me put you on hold, one sec, OK?"

I heard a series of beeps and then my line went silent. I killed time by looking closely at the big framed picture of Roger on the wall. It seemed, not to be critical, like maybe they could have airbrushed out that one big black hole of a nostril. I heard another beep and Alicia came back on.

"Jeff?"

"Yes, baby. I'm here."

"Sorry, I had to take that. Assistant to the Assistant Producer. A big nobody but still..."

"No problem. I just wanted to hear your voice and know you're happy and doing OK."

"Oh, I am. Really. Maybe a little nervous. We only have two more towns and then Cleveland and Pharaoh-Wednesday so I really have to be ready now."

"I know, I hope the pressure isn't too bad. I worry about you."

"Well, that's certainly the sweetest thing I've heard today. We already had a two hour workout and a morning show. Now noon shows and more interviews and two evening events and...dammit!...can you hold again? Just be a..." Then the beeps and more silence. Otherwise I thought the picture of Roger looked great. It really captured the way his eyes can bore right through you.

"Jeff?"

"Yes, honey. I'm here."

"Was Elsie, wants to borrow that purple bra I got in Phoenix and I was like yeah let me swap you for the bra with the little red hearts and she was like..."

"Elsie? I though she was AWOL?"

"Oh that. Nah she's been back 24 hours now. Producer gave her compassionate leave cause her sister had an ingrown toenail operated on. I'm not even sure the purple would fit her, I'm just the tiniest bit bigger there and ..."

"So what was all that about her uterus?"

"Uterus? Oh. Mogumbo," she laughed. "We all had fun together making that stuff up. Elsie was there with us when we did it. I came up with the uterus myself but Elsie gave Liz the one about her tits."

"Oh."

"They're both such sweeties."

I thought I'd be gallant then and said, "Well then too bad they have to lose Wednesday."

Alicia purred lovingly and said, "Oh, Jeff, you're really too good for me. I think of you every night and especially if I start getting nervous and how I know you'll be there for me."

"Yeah. I leave for Cleveland myself in two days and I've been wondering do I get to see you there before the show?"

"I'm not sure. I'd have to ask Roxie or one of the producers. I'll send you a text later."

"Great, just please ask if it's possible, even like 10 minutes? I'm sure they can find 10 minutes."

"Yes, I'm sure the other husbands are anxious too."

"We all have a meeting together on Tuesday afternoon, kind of show us the ropes and how we're supposed to behave."

"I know. Roxie will be at that one so you two can actually meet and...hold please."

I heard the usual series of beeps, a funny clunk sound, I think the phone might have dropped, and then a few more beeps.

Alicia's voice come back on the line. "Did 'oo miss yaw widdle Weesha? Did 'oo? Big man wanna bend widdle Weesha over gen tonight?" I heard her cutest giggle. She went on, "Weeshie be good girl, give big man widduw Tongue Kitty too? Weeshie miss 'oo big dick."

The baby-talk stopped. I could hear her breathing, heard her say, "Dammit...is this?..." Then more beeps and she said, "Dray? Are you there?"

I hung up.

====================================

And that's when I cracked, when I finally went completely mental. In a daze I got up and punched Roger, well the picture of Roger I mean, right on the nose. Thankfully there was no glass but it still hurt like the blazes, our building is very solidly built. Shaking my hand and kissing the knuckles I walked unsteadily back towards my cubicle. Along the way I passed Ed who was in his space sipping from a tall clear liquid and playing solitaire on his computer. Then I passed Jason who sat listlessly paging through photos from White Girl Pride Day. He happened to be on a good one of Alicia, from behind, bent over, bikini, semi-keyhole cause the bottoms couldn't let the lips of her pussy show as well as when she's nude.

The photo of my wife finished me. I rushed in and slammed the computer closed on Jason's fingers. He screamed and began "..what the...?" so I turned and punched him in the face. I probably should have used the other hand. It hurt like the devil. Jason's nose exploded and he went down backward, flipping the chair. I walked out and back to Ed. I slammed his computer too, end of solitaire, grabbed the drink from him and poured it over his head. Then for some reason I kicked him in the leg.

I strode out, could hear the office buzzing, could hear Ed yelping in pain behind me. A few people crowded into Jason's cubicle to help him. I passed right by them. People were making way. I could see Stony standing on her desk out in front, looking into the big room, trying to figure out what was going on. She saw me and smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

Good old Stony.

I went up the stairs, fast. Old Mrs. Epstein-Epstein, said to have been quite the looker in her day, said, "Hey, you can't..." but I walked straight through, pounded once on Roger's door and shouted, "Get your dick out of your hand Roger, I'm coming in," and flung the door open. Roger was prone on the couch, had been napping I think, and became aware of a madman in his midst.

He sat up half way. "Jeff. What...?"

"Quiet, Roger. I'll do the talking."

"Young man, I..."

"I said QUIET. You listen."

Mr.s Epstein-Epstein appeared behind me in the doorway. "Roger, do I call Internal?"

I turned to her and said calmly, "That won't be necessary Mrs. Epstein-Epstein. Please close the door now and let me have a quiet little talk with the boss, would you?"

She turned to Roger who, sheltered now behind his desk, merely shrugged his shoulders. Mrs. Epstein-Epstein didn't like it, but the boss had shrugged, so she closed the door and left us. I figured I had about three minutes.

"Now listen motherfu...listen up Roger. I have just about had it with the bullshit in this organization. I should have been made Regional Sales Manager a month ago."

He corrected me, "Assistant Regional Sales Manager."

"Whatever. Don't interrupt please. We have limited time." I checked his eyes and he gave a tiny nod, allowing me to continue.

"For your information, I just beat the...well...daylights out of the two cretins downstair, you know which two." He nodded. "I'm here to tell you, you either give me the job right now, and I do mean RIGHT NOW, or..."

Roger put his hands up defensively and said, "Don't...please Jeff don't!" He thought I was about to beat the daylights out of him too.

I shook my head No, not that. His face registered relief and his hands went down. Then I could finish, "..the job RIGHT NOW or I'm walking. Your best salesman is walking. Get it Roger?"

Roger frowned, breathing heavily through his mouth.

"Well?"

"Son. I'm not sure I like this." He tried that thing with his eyes.

I ignored the eyes and said, "So what? There's plenty around here I don't care for myself."

Roger continued to look, looking inside me now the way he does, searching for something. I probably have one more minute.

"But...I gotta say...you...you showed me some real balls today. I've been waiting for someone with balls. I like balls. Big balls. Someone with the kind of balls..."

I rapped the desk three times with the same injured knuckles. By now I almost didn't feel it.

"Yes, Roger. Your love for balls is well-established. What does it mean for me?"

That's when Internal Security banged through the door, Mrs. Epstein-Epstein a ghostly visage behind them. Timmy and Jimmy, pretty decent guys I'd always thought. The two big beefy lads took me, one on each arm, started perp-walking me backwards from the room.

Roger held up his hand and said, "Stop boys. Let him go. You're looking at our new Regional Sales Manager."

I had to correct him, "Assistant Regional Sales Manager".

"Whatever," he said, "They're all the same to me."

Jimmy and Timmy nodded to Roger and released me. They stayed put in case Roger changed his mind.

"This is real? You're not just...?"

"It's real. We'll do the paperwork after you clean yourself up. Whose blood is that? Meanwhile...Betty...go get Jeff a key to the Executive Washroom...that ought to tell you it's official."

Mrs. Epstein-Epstein scurried out. We all stood looking at one another. Roger, now that things were settling down, looked like he was ready for another nap. Jimmy, I think it was Jimmy, they're easy to confuse, was whistling softly, My Old Kentucky Home. The other Internal, Timmy I think, stood looking up at the ceiling with his mouth hanging open. A minute later Mrs. Epstein-Epstein came back with the key and said, "Congratulations Jeff."

I pocketed the key and said, "Thank you. And Roger. One more thing if I may."

Roger frowned and said, "Like the size of your balls boy, but don't push it."

"Just one."

"What is it boy?"

I took the key back out and handed it to him. "I quit. Your Assistant Regional Sales Manager position is open again."

Roger's mouth went open in astonishment. So did Mrs. Epstein-Epstein's. Jimmy, I think it was Jimmy, broke off whistling and muttered "Respect, man". The guy who was probably Timmy nodded appreciatively and said, "Dude". Roger and Mrs. Epstein-Epstein were so focused on me I doubt they heard the guys.

Roger and I stood there eyeballing one another. After a few seconds his face broke into a wide grin.

He looked at me and said, "Balls, big balls."

He turned to the guys and said, "Throw him out boys. And don't worry too much if he bounces, will be good for him."

================================

I didn't get to see Stony on the way out. The boys used the side door. As they dragged me out Timmy or Jimmy said, "Fucking with The Man," and Jimmy or Timmy relied, "Fuckin'-A".

I wouldn't say I bounced at all, more like skidded. But it wasn't too bad. My elbows, knees and ribs hurt and my forehead was bleeding pretty good. My pants were shredded at the knees and three buttons had been torn from my best shirt. Other than that things were OK.

I got to my car and checked myself in the rearview mirror. I had some tissues for the cut on the forehead and combed my hair a bit with my fingers. I noticed that my nose was fine.

I called Stony at her desk and told her get a girl to cover. Five minutes later she opened the passenger side door and got in.

"Oh, Jeff. Oh-my-God you're bleeding." Stony took the tissues and began applying pressure to the wound. She said, "Let's get you home and I'll help you clean up, make sure you don't need stitches or anything."

"I don't think so. Not that bad."

We drove out of the lot. Jimmy and Timmy were still at the door, guarding it. I guess in case I mounted some sort of counter-attack. I waved and they waved back. Pretty friendly guys if you take the time to get to know them.

On the road Stony took my hand and asked, "It's true?"

"It is."

"I thought Betty was going to faint when she came down to tell everyone."

"How're the others?"

"Them?" she laughed. "Ed's gonna be fine, was too drunk to feel it much. Just whining. Pussy. But Jason's on his way to the hospital."

"Hospital?"

"Yeah. When he went over his head hit the printer, so he says. Says he's gonna sue."

"Good for him."

At the house Stony walked me by the elbow up the path. As I found my key she asked, "Jeff. What are you going to do now?"

"Me?"

"I think that's who I meant." She smiled. The door came open and we went inside.

Bloody as I was I took her in my arms and hugged and kissed her. She looked up into my eyes and waited.

"Me? What I'm going to do is I'm going to marry you and then get the hell out of this town."

Her faced broke into a lovely smile. She said, "That's a plan. That could work."

And then we went upstairs and made love. I probably should have showered first or at least treated the head wound, but she didn't seem to mind all that much. I sure didn't.

==================================

Afterwards I did go to the shower. The bleeding had stopped somewhere during our love making. I slapped a bandage over it on the way out of the bathroom. Stony had changed the sheets. We were able to crawl in together, her head on my arm.

"I've been an idiot Stony."

"I know that."

"A real idiot."

"Yup."

"Be nice if you took a little longer to agree," I said.

"I know that too. But tough love won't hurt you."

The girl spoke soothe. I had to admit it.

"I guess you already proved that point. I wish you could have been there, shoulda seen Roger's face. I want to thank you for that."

"My pleasure," and she kissed my cheek.

Since I had recently proposed I thought to ask, "When can we get married?"

"Ummm... it takes a while. Starting with you gotta get a divorce. I gotta get my Virginity Cert. So Brianna's gotta come through for us."

"Yeah, she will."

"She told me some things. About Alicia and Dray. Is that why...?"

"Partly yeah. But not the big part. You're the big part. I'm just the idiot."

"I still agree with that," and she kissed me again. "I gotta bring you home to meet my Mom. That oughta be fun."

"Why? The white thing?"

"Not her favorite color. Is white a color? But you'll win her over, you'll see. She's a good woman."

"Yeah." We were quiet. I kissed her breasts and then her mouth.

"Stony, it's weird but, do you think I should go to Cleveland?"

"I've been thinking about that too. I think you should. See her one last time. Tell her in person."

"Yeah." It made me think to check my phone. There were two missed calls and three texts from Alicia. I didn't bother to open them.

Stony asked, "Do you think she's gonna win?"

"I do. Somehow I feel like I know she will. It's her destiny."

"Maybe. We'll see...Makes me wonder what our destiny is."

"Ours? Well, mine I do know. You're my destiny Stony. I love you."

With that we folded together like two pieces of a puzzle, like lovers who find one another again after a long absence.