It had been a few months since the party. Since seeing Tarquin...no, Paddy. For the first two to three weeks, Ada had been careful every time she went out. Careful that their paths never crossed. Not that it was likely that they were going to see each other again after such a long time and an accidental meeting but....just to be sure.
Now she needed to go shopping for a Christmas tree for Pandora. It was relatively early, being October, and especially as she normally got her Christmas shopping done late November, but she wanted this Christmas to be marvellous for Pandora. She was nearly four and would probably start remembering stuff now. So a beautiful Christmas was necessary.
'Okay, a big tree or a small tree?' Ada asked Pandora as they walked round Harrods. She had thought about getting a real tree but was scared as to how to set it up. With a non-real one, she simply had to follow instructions and if she got a gorgeous one, she could reuse it over and over again.
'A big one, Mummy!' Pandora squealed excitedly. She was resplendent in a cute bobble hat over her unruly curls, a cute red coat and blue jeans tucked into chestnut coloured Uggs.
Ada rolled her eyes playfully, 'A big one? And Mummy's gonna log that home how?'
Pandora screwed her nose in confusion, 'Log?'
Ada ruffled her curls, what she could see of it, 'Log...like carry. Don't worry, I'm going to order one and get it delivered home. Let's go pick something glorious.'
Thirty minutes of walking around and glancing at different trees resulted in the appropriate choice. Pandora had especially adored the search as she had been the recipient of smiles and coos on how cute and adorable she was. Ada laughed as Pandora grinned shyly and waved to the person Ada had placed her order with. Once that was settled, they moved on to Fortnum and Mason for some gifts.
Ada laughed inwardly at herself as she realised that she had saved the better part of her salary for the whole year for this moment. Normally, she went to John Lewis for all her Christmas shopping, but this time, especially as it was to be the first Christmas Pandora was likely to remember, she had decided to save and splurge for this year and she was not going to look at her bank statement till the year was over.
As she walked round, glancing back every so often at Pandora who was slightly behind her gazing at the cakes and hampers in awe, she smiled quietly to herself. This was perfect. She and her daughter. Whoever said a single parent could not cope without help was very much mistaken. Especially when such a child caused said parent so much love and joy. And was so well-behaved...she could cry for what God had given her.
'Ada?'
Ada whirled round and spotted...oh No! It was Tarquin.
Of all the days, especially after all her furtive outings these past months! She quickly pushed Pandora behind her, her heart pounding rapidly.
'He...Hey, Tarquin. Wow! I didn't expect to see you here!' Ada said, forcing a wide smile.
Tarquin looked a little surprised at her warm reception, especially after the way they ended things at the charity event.
'Well, it is a store. And I decided to do some shopping myself today, hence my presence. Can't always have my assistant doing everything, can I?' Tarquin joked.
Ada laughed loudly, a little too loudly, 'Wow. No assistant helping you? Shocking!'
Tarquin just smiled, there was something definitely off with this conversation. Ada was being a bit harried, like she was trying to...was there somebody hiding behind her?
'Ada, are you okay?' Tarquin asked.
Ada shook her head, almost gulping, 'Yes! Of course, why would you say that?'
'I dunno...it's just that...are you hiding someone behind you?' Tarquin asked, trying to see behind her back.
Ada turned around, pushing Pandora behind her as she did so.
'Why would you think that? And stop peeking behind me, it's a bit childish.' She retorted.
Tarquin stopped immediately. He understood now why she was acting weirdly. 'Look Ada, I'm sorry but I think I know why you're acting this way.'
'Why?' Ada asked breathlessly. Oh fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck!
'Look, I don't...I understand if you're living a new life now. It's fine. I'm engaged as well. But you don't have to hide your...C. H. I. L. D just because you don't want to hurt my feelings. I hurt yours so clearly that night and I understand. Truly.'
Ada looked at him for a minute. Was he serious? Was he really that obtuse that he thought she was hiding her child from him just because she did not want to hurt his feelings?
She burst out laughing immediately and, inadvertently, released a now squirming Pandora.
Pandora poked her head from behind her mum and grinned, 'Game over, Mummy?'
Tarquin looked at the bobble hat and at a suddenly still Ada who seemed to be...holding her breath? Why?
His heart suddenly thudded as he looked back slowly at the little girl.
'Hello.' He said quietly.
The girl looked back up at him and smiled shyly.
He stumbled backwards.
Oh my God.
This was...his daughter.
He looked back up at Ada. Her face was etched with fear, every bone, every expression. All fear-filled.
Ada stared at him, his face was incredibly pale. Oh shit, she thought.
'I'm so sorry.' She whispered before grabbing Pandora's arm and rushing out of the store.
As she turned towards the taxi rank and quickened her steps, she felt someone grab her arm and whirl her round roughly.
She let out a gasp as she was turned round to face an angry Tarquin.
'Is that my daughter, Ada?' He asked softly.
Ada swallowed, then looked down at her daughter. Pandora was looking at Tarquin fearfully.
This gave her her courage back. She shrugged out of his grip and raised her chin.
'We will not do this here like a couple of...chavs. Can't you see you're scaring MY daughter?'
Tarquin immediately looked contrite and eased out of his unconsciously intimidating stance.
'I apologise.' He said tightly. But sincerely. He glanced at the little girl once more, then sighed loudly.
'I don't even think I need the answer from you. It's pretty obvious what she is to me. Are you free tomorrow?' He asked abruptly.
Ada nodded, then shook her head, 'No I'm not. I have work tomorrow. And I normally close really late. Especially during this...'
'You're going to have to make time, I'm afraid. I must have this discussion with you. Tomorrow. 7 p.m.?' He cut in.
Ada just sighed. She knew there was no way out of this. She deserved his barely restrained anger. She had kept his child away from him. But not from lack of contact. She had tried to contact him before.
She nodded. 'Fine.'
Tarquin nodded too. Then he stretched out his hand as if he wanted to touch Pandora but the little girl shied away from him and ducked behind her mother.
Tarquin clenched his jaw tightly. Then raised the same hand to his hair before dropping it.
'Tomorrow.' He repeated, then spun round and stalked off.
Ada nodded to his retreating back before sighing deeply.
'Who that, Mummy?' Pandora asked as she gripped her mother's hand tightly while they walked to a free taxi.
Ada smiled softly, although it did not reach her eyes. She helped her daughter into the taxi, realising as she did so that all she had achieved that day was get a tree and out her hidden daughter to her, now furious father.
She slid in beside her daughter and kissed her daughter's clad hair, whispering as she did so, 'That's your daughter, my darling.'
***
'Shit! How did she take it? No, wait. How did he take it?' Jemima asked as she poured some white wine into a glass and passed it to Ada.
Ada shrugged half-heartedly as she took the glass and plopped herself unto the sofa. Jemima sat down next to her staring expectantly, yet sympathetically.
It had been a trying night. Pandora had been so excited when she heard that she had a father. It had not occurred to Ada that Pandora would feel the effects of being father-less. Oh, she had known that sooner or later, kids at school, or the park or somewhere would question Pandora's status and make her wonder where her father was...but she had not thought it would be so soon. That she would be missing what she had never had.
Putting her to sleep had been more tiring than usual. Pandora had asked numerous questions about where her father had been, what he was doing, why he was not here now, if he loved her.... Ada shook her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She had raised her voice at her.
At her daughter for the very first time.
It had been when she asked Pandora to brush her teeth and Pandora had flung her toothbrush into the sink saying that she wanted her daddy to do it for her and not her mummy.
Ada had yelled that she either brushed her teeth and got into bed or no bed time stories.
Pandora had burst into noisy tears before shakily bearing her teeth for their night time cleaning.
Ada had nearly burst into tears herself as she gathered her child into her arms and covered her face with kisses.
