There are things you know, but just can't explain. You just feel what's right. Even if it's not what you "should" do, you know you have to do it, and it was in that moment, probably right before she would have went to voicemail, that I hit 'answer' and brought my phone to my ear.
Silence greeted me before Morgan did. "I didn't like the person I was today," her dry voice greeted me. "I can be better than that. I'm sorry for hitting you. And for, uh, interrupting. Like I always do. If you want to break up with me, you can, and um, maybe you should, but we can't end it like we did."
Her normal tone was back. Hell, it was like the tone she had before we even started dating, like, right before. Trying to be emotionless and professional, but with just enough nervousness in her voice to make it clear something was up.
I stole a look at Taylor. It was weird how, at one time, she was the immature one that needed to apologize, and Morgan was the voice of reason. "I don't want to apologize for anything I said," I said with a dry throat.
"Yeah, no, of course not," Morgan immediately replied sincerely. "You don't have to. I, uh, was the bad guy. I don't want to make that mistake again. I..." She gave a single, sad chuckle. "I don't even know if you consider us broken up or not. I don't know whether to ask you for another chance or..." She trailed off.
Neither of us said anything for a bit. I was staring at the wall, and Taylor's waving hand brought me back to reality. She was fully clothed, and was holding my clothes in her hands. "Put these on," she mouthed.
I covered my end of the phone. "Why?"
"I'm driving you to her place, Quinn," she said, rolling her eyes, as if it were obvious.
I looked at her, weirded out for a second, then heard Morgan speak. "It's up to you, but if you feel the same way, I'd like to see you again tonight. Even if it's over, I just don't want that to be our, uh..." Her voice caught in her throat. "Our, uh... last time seeing each other."
I stared at Taylor for a bit, then snatched my clothes with my free hand. "I'll see if I can find a ride," I told Morgan with a flat voice. "I'll text you soon." I ended the call and turned to Taylor. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing?" she asked with a surprisingly soft voice.
"What, you heard all that shit about us fighting, her hitting me, her cheating on me, and then one phone call later you're suddenly playing matchmaker?" I asked.
"You don't get it," she replied, shaking her head.
"Okay then, enlighten me," I demanded.
"Think of the bigger picture, and all the shit you've been through. All the shit we have been through," she said emphatically. "Think of everything you put her through, all because of me."
"What, so this is because you feel guilty?" I asked.
"Quinn..." she replied slowly, exhausted. "Don't you get it? She didn't hit you."
I stayed silent.
"I did."
Deja vu. This was freaky. I stared at her and stayed silent.
She continued. "Okay, yeah, that sounds cheesy as fuck, but, like, Morgan wouldn't have done that. She was pushed to the edge by... by me. And she, like, became me. It's the same shit the boys did to me, the shit you've heard about over and over, and look how I turned out."
"That doesn't mean I should just forgive her. She didn't just forgive you. Hell, neither did I."
"I know, but..."
"I don't even know if I want to be with her anymore. You and I just had sex. What if we end up together? What if I end up with someone completely different?"
"What if you do?" she asked me back. "But sure, okay, I'll ask you instead of telling you. Who do you want to be in a relationship with?"
"Maybe I want to be alone for a little bit," I replied quietly.
"Great, so tell her that too," she replied. "But at least tell her. I'm not gonna, like, lie to you, your fight with her was big. I'm not gonna be all like, 'oh, you had one little fight, patch it up.' I get it. I've had them too."
"And what did you do?"
It was clear from the look on her face she wasn't expecting that question. She looked away in shame as I finished dressing. "Look, this isn't abo-"
"Answer the question please," I told her.
"Okay, yes, if my boyfriends cheated, or even if they hit me, I'd just forgive them and go along with it."
"And would they stop cheating on you? Fuck, did they ever stop hitting you?" I asked in anger.
"Okay, Quinn, I've been with some real pieces of shit. Number one, you're comparing them to Morgan? Really? But number two, you're way out of line using my past boyfriends hitting me to make a point. Fucking stop."
That took some steam out of me. "...Okay," I said weakly, trying to remain defiant.
We both didn't say anything for a while. "We both know that what she did today isn't Morgan," she told me.
I paused. "Yeah," I admitted. "Do you really think it was you?"
"I dunno. I just know it was caused by me," she admitted. "But hey, I also think that if it weren't for me, she never would have liked you either."
"Seems like you're a big part of this," I noted, whipping out my phone and texting Morgan.
I found a ride with Taylor. Can she be there for part of the conversation? I feel like she's important to this.
"I guess..." Taylor replied slowly. "What do you mean?"
I replied by showing her the phone, and Taylor's look of confusion deepened. "Um, Quinn, I did not agree to that," she said sourly.
My phone buzzed with Morgan's answer, and we both saw her response.
I think i agree, let me know when youre here
I stared at Taylor for a bit, and she looked back at me until giving up and rolling her eyes. "Oh, fuck you," she sighed. "Why not? One last fucking shouting match or whatever. I'll go." With both of us dressed, she started walking towards the stairs before she stopped. "But just because I can't say this at her place... I'm really glad we fucked. It felt, uh... right. I'm sorry if it feels weird to bring up now."
"I feel the same way," I told her. "Whatever happens, I don't regret that we did it."
She smiled at me before walking up the stairs, with me right behind her.
***
Her optimism was gone by the time we reached Morgan's house.
"I really don't want to go in there," she told me sourly. "I feel like people are just going to shout at each other, and it's gonna stink. We always do that."
"And we always do the things that warrant people shouting at each other," I countered.
"Yeah, and we just did, like, the worst thing we could have done tonight, Quinn," she replied immediately, a blush on her face.
"I thought you said you were glad we did it," I pointed out.
"I was. I am. It's still the worst thing we could have done though. Sometimes you want to do the worst thing. Sometimes... I dunno, the worst thing is a good thing to do. Like, it's the worst for some people and better for others. Fuck, I dunno what I'm saying."
"It's the worst thing from some angles, and a good thing from others?"
"Sure," she replied dismissively. "Fuck, let's just get this over with." She undid the seatbelt and opened her door, marching up to Taylor's door. "Hurry up. I'm not gonna be the one to, like, ring the doorbell, Quinn."
I chuckled lowly and undid my seatbelt, opening the car door and taking in the sight of Morgan's house in the moonlight. I was hoping this wouldn't be the last time I'd get to see this house, but I knew what must be done.
I rang the doorbell and Morgan answered surprisingly quickly, with an unusual amount of emotion painting her face. Sadness? Guilt? General unease? It was hard to say. She was wearing a baggy hoodie, and her face looked... like she was having a rough night.
"Hey," she simply said, then let us in.
The room was dark, with nothing but the moonlight pouring through the windows letting us see each other. Taylor took to the couch then buried her face in a pillow immediately, which gave me time to ask Morgan a few things. "Where are Doug and your parents?"
"Mom and dad are asleep and Doug's out," she replied flatly. "So whatever happens, we'll have to keep this quiet, which is nice, I guess."
I smiled. "Always so pragmatic," I said softly.
To my dismay, her expression only turned sadder and her eyes got misty. "Don't compliment me right now, if you could please," she said plainly, despite the state of her eyes. "It only makes me hurt more."
"Okay, so, you can do what you want, and say what you want," I outlined. "But first, I want to say two sentences, then make a request of you. Is that okay?"
"Sure, I'll listen," she agreed, sitting down. Next to her, Taylor removed her face from the pillow, clearly less trusting of what I was about to do.
I took in a breath and began. "I had sex with Taylor tonight."
"Oh, this is so fucked," Taylor laughed with zero amusement in her tone. Her raised voice rang through the hallways.
Amazingly, all Morgan did was furrow her brow and put her finger to her lips towards Taylor. "Shh," she ordered.
I figured the best thing to do was to continue. "I didn't plan on it happening, and neither did she I think, but it happened. Keeping it from you will only cause this shit to keep happening. I'm just... I want out of the drama. I'm so sick of it. I don't care what happens to me, but I want the option that causes the least amount of drama, whether it means us making up or never seeing each other again. I think this was more than two sentences."
I paused, hoping for a chuckle, but no such thing came. So, I took in another breath and continued. "If you think you're going to get mad, at me or in general, I'd like you to ask Taylor to leave before you do. I think, this time, she's innocent, or at least as innocent as Taylor gets."
"Hey! I'm right here, you know," Taylor complained. "What the hell is that suppo-"
"Taylor," Morgan interjected, emphatically enough to cut her off but not enough to denote any kind of anger.
