She had been in this room for hours ...at least it felt like it, therapy was supposed to be something good, she knew it but the feeling of watching yourself leave life never stopped, she tried to tell herself things could be worst, she knew better than to be ungrateful but something's will never stop.
How do you fight back against your mind? How do you feel about things? Some questions that she had to think on now and then but it was always why easier to just do things being on autopilot was always better than being paralyzed, but this is a secret she told herself is a secret no one will ever know ...well except this man in his 60s sitting across from her, while She never thought I would be in this position in my life 30 years of diagnosed depression can do that to someone.
Dr. Reed would be the only one who knew, his voice brought her back from the voice inside her head, she said her usual goodbyes as her time was up and made her way out of the building and in two the street below, she got in her car and drove home.
Inside this tiny apartment Alliance could finally rest for the day, her social battery was almost dead and she had barely interacted with anyone today, but she remember things could always get worst even if Dr. Reed warned against those thoughts. high functioning depression was indeed a silent killer, the alluring feeling that things could always get worst was a deadly sickness.
It was so easy to drown in a bottle like usual but for some reason today just wasn't the day, instead she tried meditation she cleared her mind and drown in the dark nothingness where she could finally escape from a mind that would simultaneously try to keep her alive and kill her.
Chapter 1
"I hate Wednesdays" was on repeat inside her head, this office was full of zombies, and sometimes she celebrated being hated, it did make things easy. life could be easy sometimes, there were no pictures in her office space.
she didn't like them with social anxiety and depression it made for a very lonely existence but sometimes in the ocean of repetition and darkness, there was light Kenny her cousin and friend was that light sometimes.
She got back home, parked her Honda, and walked straight to the building. She was almost home her mind screamed when she heard it, the voice of a man calling after her.
It was almost robotic how she kept walking even faster now, how the idea of even crossing words with any kind of stranger was exhausted, she rushed up the stair of the building, into her tiny apartment, as she lay on her sofa face down and pushed the lump in her throat back down and the tears away.
Alliance had been living with this fear for two years now, since the day she had came home from a party. Kenny had once invited her to an office party, he could be introverted sometimes and didn't want to be alone.
She said yes because he was one of the few people that got pass her stoic queen bitch attitude and wanted to get to know her, Alliance was not an easy person to get along with she was a true genius, and she wouldn't let anyone forget how smart she was, a know it all that made others feel insecure with a god complex, she felt untouchable, but Kenny was one of the few people who weren't intimidated by this at all he found her intriguing.
He was a curious person and loved analyzing people, something she wasn't interested in, to alliance most people were stupid and therefore beneath her...a list that was what she told herself, until after the party that was.
Nothing really out of the normal had happened at the party, she had spent most of it making fun of people with Kenny. when he was gone she would just sit and drink by herself as she had always done, having Kenny around was great because for once she didn't have to turn down some poor fool who would try his luck with her by making him feel stupid with some random fact about astronomy, nephrology also talking too much did the trick must of the time, but with Kenny around she didn't need to waste so much energy, at the end of the night she dropped Kenny at his place and got home.
Two days after the party she found the first black rose on her dining table after coming back from the supermarket, from that moment on she knew something was wrong. She had done everything possible to get away from her stalker she had moved houses and even installed cameras, but he whoever he w would always find them and destroy them, no matter where she ran he would always find her, every month there would be a single black rose in any corner of her apartment and she had no idea who it was or why.
As a result of this Alliance developed bad anxiety and paranoia, she was already a very anti-social person with almost no social life but having a stalker took it to a whole different level, all she ever did was go to the store, work, and home, she would only meet Kenny and his friends a few times every couple of months apart from that she had a very closed life, stayed out of the way most of the time except at work where she had to assert herself which made her even more of an anti-social loner.
But since that party, the black roses had never stopped, first she collected them and tried to show them to the police, but they almost immediately had no intention of helping and a few black roses send every month wasn't evidence of anything in their eyes, deep down alliance knew it too.
So she just threw them all away, every month she would get a black rose that would end up in her trash.
Alliance got ready for tonight, after she had calmed herself down she tokes a shower, had dinner, watched the news as she scrolled through social media, laughing at a couple of funny videos, she had some water, and got ready for bed.
