Mason

Mason couldn't believe that he had found her already. The problem was this, he wasn't ready to find her, he had too much to work through at least that's what he told himself.

"Thank you but I really need to be alone tonight." Mason said politely.

Toni shrugged and walked Mason to the door.

"Well thanks again, we wouldn't have made it without you." Toni said.

"You're welcome and it was very nice to meet you." Mason said as he left the apartment.

Mason headed toward the bar. As he walked several things occurred to him, while he recognized Toni as his mate and found her very attractive, the one thing that he had half hoped for didn't happen. He wasn't hit with an overwhelming desire to be with this woman, as a matter of fact; he didn't even feel the desire to see her again. From what he understood from Ethan and the other mated males that he knew, it should have been almost impossible for him to walk away from her but yet here he was heading for the nearest bar.

Meeting Toni showed Mason something else; it showed him that even if he were to fall in love with her; she would never have all of him while he would have all of her. He weighed his options and then gave up deciding that what he really needed was time to mourn the loss of Katrina. Once he did that, he could think about Toni Greene.

Toni peeked in at James. He was snoring heavily like he always did when he was drunk. A pang of guilt hit her, he only drank like that when he was upset and hurt and she had hurt him badly. Once again she wondered why she didn't love him as much as he did her and then wondered if the love that she had for him was enough. James seemed to think it was and he was so confident that her love for him would grow. "Who's to say he wasn't right?" She asked herself.

She changed her clothes and got into bed with him, instinctively; he turned toward her and wrapped an arm around her, waking only briefly to kiss her shoulder before going back to sleep. Toni knew that when he woke up in bed with her that he would assume that they were back together. She began making a mental list of the things that she could do so that she wouldn't forget their dates and then she stopped herself, what they needed to do was talk.

Mason sat in the bar until it closed, two women tried to convince him to go home with them and while almost tempted, he declined. Now wasn't the time to indulge in risky behavior because he was upset. He politely sent the women on their way and headed toward the men's room. From there he vanished to his house and began to unpack and rearrange his bedroom until it was just past dawn. When he was satisfied that his bedroom was arranged the way that he wanted it, he lay down to rest.

"Toni?" James called softly. His head pounded and his mouth felt like it was filled with dirty socks.

"Morning, how's the head?"

"It hurts like hell, how did I get here?" James asked.

"Someone helped me get you here and into bed. Were you really going to go home with that woman?"

James frowned.

"What woman? Oh god, Toni what did I do?" James asked.

"You got drunk, called me and told me that you had a new friend whose name that you couldn't remember and that you were going home with her."

"Toni, I am so sorry! I was just upset about us...."

"James." Toni interrupted, "It's alright, get in the shower and I'll make some coffee."

James didn't reply but gave her a curious look.

"Toni..."

"Shower, coffee and then we talk." she replied getting out of bed.

James came out to the kitchen with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Toni glanced at him and handed him a cup of coffee.

"I put your clothes in the wash but if you want something more to wear than a towel, your shorts are in their usual place. We can go get your car later."

"Thanks but you didn't have to wash my clothes."

"I had some things to wash too so its all good. How's the head?"

"Better, how did you get me here?" he asked as he took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. Her coffee was as bad as her cooking.

"We walked for about two blocks before you decided that it was time to go nighty-night on the pavement. You were on your way down when a man happened along and helped me get you here." Toni replied.

"You let a strange man in here? What were you thinking?" James asked alarmed.

"What was I thinking?" Toni asked, "I'm not the one who got drunk and was going to go home with a strange woman! I'm also not the one who almost passed out on the street and would have if that man hadn't stopped! I couldn't get you home by myself and he offered to help. The question is what in the hell were you thinking? You were going to drive drunk if I hadn't taken your keys and go home with some woman that you didn't even know!"

James was red faced with embarrassment.

"You're right, I'm sorry and in answer to your question, I wasn't thinking. Thanks for coming after me; I'll be out of your hair as soon as my clothes are dry."

Toni took a deep breath.

"James, I want to talk about us."

"But you said...."

"I know what I said and but I realized that we never talked about what was wrong with us, we break up and get back together without really talking about why we broke up to begin with"

"Whatever you want..."

"No James" Toni interrupted, "that's been a big part of our problem. You do whatever it is that I want and it's not fair to either of us and even though I knew it, I let you do it, you get mad, I cry and then you give in and don't hold me accountable for my part in why we don't work. So here's what we're going to do, we're going to talk this thing out and if at the end we decide that it's not really meant to be then we end it as friends and move on."

James wasn't sure of what happened that she was willing to talk about their relationship but he wasn't going to ask especially if there was a chance that they could work things out. He knew that she was right in saying that he never held her accountable for her part in the success or failure of their relationship. He had been too afraid to, he didn't want to lose her and if playing by her rules was going to prevent that then he'd do it. There were other women that weren't nearly as challenging as Toni was but she was who he wanted, who he loved and who he needed.

"Alright but Toni? Can we go get some breakfast first? I can't think on an empty stomach."

Two hours later Toni and James sat in the breakfast café not far from where she lived each of them had a notebook and were writing when the waitress came to take their order. Toni looked up and recognized the waitress as the woman that James was going to go home with, the woman looked at Toni but appeared not to recognize her but her eyes lit up when she saw James.

"Hi Jamie!" she gushed.

James looked at her with a blank expression on his face.

"Hi, umm do I know you?"

Toni almost felt bad for the woman as her face fell.

"We met last night; we were going to my place until some woman showed up."

She took another look at Toni recognition on her face.

"You, it was you."

"Yep and I don't share my men." Toni said coolly.

James watched with his mouth opened in surprise, she had really taken him back at least for the moment.

The waitress grumpily took their orders and stomped off leaving them alone.

An hour later they finished breakfast and walked back to Toni's apartment. James was second guessing at whether he should have eaten as much as he had. He was so nervous that he was nauseated. A few minutes later they were sitting in the living room on the sofa and Toni was talking.

"The biggest thing for me is that you don't go nuts if you don't hear from me for a day or so. I just need to be able to spend some time alone. I understand that you miss me when you don't see me for a few days but when you want to spend every waking minute with me I feel smothered."

That revelation surprised James, he hadn't thought about it quite like that. In his mind he was showing her how much he cared for her, his parents were always together outside of work; it was rare to see one without the other.

"I can see that but why didn't you just say that instead of forgetting that we had plans? I won't lie and tell you that I wouldn't have been hurt at first but I would have understood and adjusted. I can learn to deal with not seeing you every day but I can't and won't deal with not talking to you at least once or twice a day and I expect you to make it to any thing that we plan barring a major emergency."

It felt good to say all of the things that he had been thinking but was too afraid to say, she was finally taking some ownership in this relationship or whatever it was. James hesitated, he had more to say.

"What?" Toni asked.

"I want us to make love more often. Don't get me wrong, I love lying in bed and holding you but sometimes I need more."

Toni wondered just how long he had been thinking about that and decided to ask.

"A while." he replied with a small smile, "Toni, look; I love you but I can't keep doing this thing with you. Yesterday you broke up with me twice in less than twelve hours and I'm sure that has got to be a record somewhere but you need to be sure about what you want before you tell me that you want to try again and make all kinds of promises about doing better that you can't keep. If you tell me that you want to really work at us being a couple I want you to be sure it's not because you feel guilty about our past relationship and I will hold you to your word. If you agree to work on this, the past becomes the past and we start with a clean slate. I'm going to go home now, I have to do some things to get ready for my shift tomorrow but call me whenever you're ready to talk again."

Toni walked James to the door and kissed him.

"James, just so you know that the issue isn't whether I love you or not; it's that you love me more than I love you..."

"For now." James interrupted, "I still believe that if you would just let go you'd find that you love me a lot more than you realize. Goodnight sweetness." James said as he walked out.

Mason wasn't resting well, his thoughts alternated between Katrina and the girls and Toni. In retrospect, he should have taken Toni out for a drink, there would have been no harm in that and he would have learned something about her. He was still bothered by his lack of feelings for her and the fact that he could walk away from her so easily although it did make things easier for him in some ways.

He was due in the office tonight, he and Eustace needed to work out the details of their partnership and office hours. Eustace he knew liked to work Sunday night thru Thursday nights giving him the weekend off, it was a nice schedule if one had something to do. Finally, he decided to keep the same schedule as Eustace, it would keep Eustace from asking him why he wanted to work the weekends.

It occurred to Mason that had he taken Toni out for a drink his weekends might have been different but then another thought occurred to him, she hadn't acted like she was drawn to him either. He wondered what that was all about. Maybe she had issues too but the fact remained that they should have felt more for each other than the passing interests that they both displayed toward each other.

Eustace was waiting for him when he got there.

"How was your night?" Eustace asked.

"Quiet, how about yours?" Mason replied.

Mason wasn't fooled, Eustace wanted to talk to about his real reason for the sudden move to Boston.

"Mason..."

"I think I'll keep the same hours as you if that's alright."

"Of course but..."

Mason lost patience.

"Eustace, I know what you want to discuss and its none of your business as long as it doesn't interfere with our work here. If and when I decide to discuss it, you'll be the first to know."

Eustace started to say something and then changed his mind, it was clear that Mason wasn't ready to talk about his feelings for another man's mate.

After setting their hours, Mason went to his office to prepare for his first client. Word of his arrival had spread quickly; he found his schedule already full. He was glad, it would keep him busy and he could concentrate on other people's problems allowing him to forget about his own for a while.

The last appointment left just before five am, another case of someone wanting something that they couldn't have except in this case, the vampire wanted to stop drinking blood of any kind.

"That isn't an option." Mason said, "You stop drinking blood, you die. Is that what this is about? Do you want to die?" he asked.

The vampire shook his head no; he just didn't like what he was.

Mason vanished home and took a shower; he was reconsidering whether he should find Toni and ask her out. She was single or so she said and who knew? Maybe the emotions that he had expected to feel for her might come forward if he spent some time with her.

Toni sat at her laptop taking mock boards while James puttered around in the kitchen. He was cooking the chicken, asparagus and rice from the several nights before. Her stomach grumbled as the odor of chicken and garlic filled the small apartment. She had taken three days to think about everything that they had talked about. She had to seriously examine her motives for wanting to give them another try. She was well aware that guilt had a small part in it, how could it not? She had treated James like shit and he had let her but the responsibility of her actions was ultimately hers. And then there was the sex, could she live with sex that was mediocre at best? She fully understood that sex wasn't the end all in a relationship but it should be better than it was right? It occurred to her that she never really told James what she liked and that she had always denied him the one thing that she loved and that was to be eaten out. Why she wouldn't let him she didn't know, why she didn't tell him what she wanted in bed she didn't have the answer to that question either but what was becoming clear is that the majority of their problems was because they didn't talk about what they wanted or needed from each other. That was something that was going to have to change if this was going to work.

She called James to ask him to dinner when he hesitated she said, "for god's sake, I'm not cooking! I'll get take out or something."

She ordered all of his favorites, took a hot shower and set the table. She was going to tell him that she wanted to try again and if it didn't work this time then it wasn't meant to be and they would remain friends if that was even possible, that was two nights ago. That night over dinner they talked and then talked late into the night laying all of the cards out on the table. By the end of the night they were officially back together and had a much better understanding of each other.

They were both off for the next two days and spent one day of it together, the sex was better although Toni couldn't really say in what way. The only thing that stayed the same was that she still hadn't allowed him to do the one thing that he wanted to do ever since they made love for the first time, he wanted to taste her. They did everything else but that and she still didn't understand why. Maybe it was because in her mind, that would be the final piece of giving herself totally to James but whatever the reason, at some point the was going to ask her about it.

It wasn't long before the subject of her moving in with him came up she had managed to put him off by telling him that they needed to get used to the change in their relationship before they could think about living together and reluctantly, James agreed. The subject was dropped but came up again a week later and not because of James.

Toni had just finished her shift and was actually leaving on time. Her plan was to run home, take a shower, change her clothes and be ready by the time James got there they were supposed to be meeting friends at Max's for drinks. She ran up the stairs to her apartment stopping short when she saw that the door to her apartment was cracked open. She thought about going in to see what the damage was but thought better of it, someone might still be inside. She went back down the stairs and called the police with her cell phone.

The police were there in ten minutes. They made her wait outside while they checked out her apartment, after a few minutes they called her up. The place had been trashed; Toni looked around in shock, grateful that she had taken her laptop to the hospital with her. A few minutes later James came running up the stairs.

"Toni?"

"In here!" she called.

James went into the bedroom.

"Jesus Toni! Are you alright?" he asked hugging her.

"I'm fine, but look at my apartment!" Toni said crying.

"Miss, do you have somewhere else that you could stay tonight?" a policeman asked.

"She's staying with me" James said before Toni could reply, his tone said that he wasn't going to accept a no from her.

"Good, just give us a number where you can be reached." the officer said as he pulled out a pencil.

James packed up her books while Toni packed a bag including the picture of her parents. She had lived in the apartment for two years and never had a problem until now.

"Well, I guess you got your wish." Toni said as she came out of the bedroom carrying her bag.

"I wanted you to move in with me but I didn't want it to happen like this." James replied.

Toni locked the door behind her making a mental note to call the landlord in the morning.

It took Mason a week to come to a decision, he was going to go back to Toni's apartment and ask her out for a drink. Maybe if he spent time with her he would feel more for her, it was worth a try at least. Once he made the decision, it seemed like time slowed down and it was only Monday.

Mason kept busy by seeing as many patients as he could. He could tell that Eustace still wanted to talk about Katrina but he wasn't ready to admit that he needed help so that he could move on with his life whether it be with Toni or alone.

Mason left his house as early as he could on Friday evening opting to drive in case Toni wanted to go out to dinner. He had no idea of what her schedule was or if she'd even be home, he could only hope that she was and that she was still single.

He found the apartment easily and was knocking on her door when someone came up behind him.

"Can I help you?" A young man asked.

"I'm looking for Toni Greene." Mason replied.

"She doesn't live here, I moved in a couple of days ago."

"Do you know where she went?" Mason asked.

"No, sorry but the manager might be able to help you; he'll be here in the morning."

Mason walked away kicking himself for his lack of foresight. He had no idea of where she had gone and wasn't sure of where to begin looking for her except.... He got back into the car and headed toward Max's.

Toni settled in at James' apartment. He kept his word and didn't crowd her and the fact that she was living with him helped, he had stopped being clingy and would actually go out with friends without her. He fixed the spare bedroom up with a desk, chair and television so she could study or just have a place to go when she needed to be alone. As the weeks wore on, Toni found that she really did love with James, maybe with not the same intensity but even that was changing. They made love more frequently which made James happy and she found that she was happier too.

They hadn't been back to Max's since the night that James had gotten drunk opting to spend their nights at home studying together for boards or just watching television. Their life together had settled into a comfortable routine.

After a month of going to the same bar, Mason began to wonder if Toni had left the state or at the very least moved to another part of it. The thought that she might be with James didn't occur to him as it should have but even if it had he wouldn't have known where to look for him.