Loo Who's Not Coming to Dinner...

"It's still early," Elaine said. "You want to go home?"

"Not really," Ashanti said more because she wanted to go to Earl's instead of home, and less because she wanted to go to another club or bar like she was sure Elaine was suggesting.

"I ain't even got a buzz."

"You want to get another drink?" Ashanti asked and the idea didn't seem half-bad. She felt dirty, and she wanted a shower, but another drink or two sounded good too.

"Yeah, but not in no club with loud music, crazy lights, and big dick gangsters to distract you. Let's sit someplace quiet and talk it out."

"Talk what out?"

"Whatever has you so fucked up. How to get you out of your phase."

She wanted to tell Elaine all of it, if only to unburden herself, but she feared her reaction. Elaine would be as kind as possible while piling more shame and doubts onto Ashanti. There would be no solutions from Elaine. Correction, there would be no solutions from Elaine that Ashanti felt like contemplating right now. When would she feel like contemplating them? The solution to her dilemma was a hard pill to swallow, no matter when she took it. Plan A just failed. Elaine would not have a different solution than what Ashanti already knew she had to do, but the unburdening would be there.

"Let's go in here," Ashanti said and pulled Elaine by the hand into the Reservoir Bar. It was tiny compared to the club they just left and catered to a completely different clientele. It was mostly white, bearded hipsters and fat girls, musicians, poets, artists, and nerds.

"Here?" Elaine asked while allowing herself to be led into the small bar.

The space was deep and narrow. There were two pool tables, tables and chairs down the left side, and the long bar down the right side. Late Friday night it was crowded, but this place would be crowded with a hundred people in it and there was maybe twice that in here now. The walls were also crowded with a variety of art, photographs, beer signs, and general chachka. If there was a theme, Ahsanti couldn't identify it. The music playing was not a song she recognized.

"Why not?" Ashanti said over her shoulder as she stepped between the pool tables and walked toward the crowded bar.

"Because this place is busted. These people is busted. I don't drink beer."

Ashanti laughed and squeezed between two fat men at the bar and raised her hand. The bartender noticed her and took her order. A few minutes later she was backing away from the bar with two vodka cranberries and she made her way back to the front of the bar, passed the pool tables, and found a table by the window where they could sit and watch the masses crowding Ybor City's famous Seventh Avenue as they passed.

They did stand out in their tight tube dresses among this mostly blue jeans, cargo shorts, and flannel garbed crowd. Ashanti's dress was green, fluorescent green, so it clashed garishly with her dark skin. Elaine's was canary yellow. Ashanti was with her when she bought it. They looked like two pieces of fruit surrounded by the earth tones of the typical Reservoir Bar clientele.

"Hey you two," a heavyset white man with tattoos and a splotchy beard said after they sat down. "You looking to make friends or be left alone?"

"Left alone," Elaine said quickly.

"Okay, that's cool. I am McGuire. I'll be over there leaving you alone, but," and he held up a finger dramatically and adopted a serious expression. "Should you change your mind, and decide you would like to know more about me, or want me to know more about you, or discuss string theory, or whatever, I am available and can easily adapt to new circumstances."

"Good to know," Elaine said coldly while Ashanti laughed. McGuire nodded, mimed tipping an imaginary fedora, then backed away. He turned and walked back toward a group of grinning friends while shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

"Motherfucker," Elaine said as she took a sip of her drink.

"What he do?"

"He needs to stay in his lane."

"His lane?"

"Yeah, he roll in the Dungeons and Dragons lane, or the roadie for a local band lane, and not the hit on girls who out of his league lane."

"He was cute."

"Cute?" Elaine looked at her like she just grew a second head.

"Yeah, cute."

"Fat white boy with bad facial hair, where's the cute?"

"What he said was cuter than how he looks," Ashanti said while her mind soaked up Elaine's criticism of the man. "And he isn't that fat." Was Earl veering out of his lane? No. Ashanti veered into his lane. She liked his lane.

McGuire could be a younger version of Earl. This man, in his twenties probably, had the long hair, the cargo shorts, a band tee shirt of a band she never heard of, and was attempting a beard. Maybe a younger version of Earl was the answer. It would still disappoint her father, but at least he would be age-appropriate. Ashanti looked back over at McGuire, who had his back to them and was talking to his friends now, and tried to muster some attraction for him based on her infatuation with an older version of him. There was nothing. There was no one she found as attractive as the man who drank her pussy juice with his coffee. Maybe she needed professional help.

"Even a little fat is too fat for me. I take care of myself Ash, I want to be with men who take care of themselves too."

"How's that working out for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean these men who take care of themselves, how are you doing with them?"

"I do fine."

"Okay, what's fine mean?"

"Fine is they good. They get me where I need to go."

"Okay, is that all there is to it then? I mean, is that all you want? A man who gets you there?"

Elaine never had an orgasm with a man before. She confided this to Ashanti often. Ashanti did not call her out on her comment because that was not what she felt like talking about at the moment. Ashanti was very orgasmic, multi-orgasmic, by herself, with men, and once at college with a girl, and Elaine was jealous. The brute on the dance floor couldn’t get her there, but that was no reflection on him. He could have if Ashanti never met Earl. Pointing out to Elaine that a fat white guy swerving out of his lane might be the one to get her off felt tacky.

Ashanti was not trying to make a case for incels and nice guys either. She knew there were traditionally attractive men who were also good conversationalists, smart, funny, all that. They were loyal, and capable of loving a woman properly, not just sexually. They dressed well, earned, were kind, and had great intentions for the world they lived in. Elaine had not found one of those yet, and her failure to do so had not discouraged her from the hunt. Ashanti was, due to recent events, seeing the more important attributes in a man wrapped up in different packaging. She was not surprised by Elaine's disgust at McGuire's mild advances, but just now she was feeling critical of it.

"No," Elaine looked confused by Ashanti's line of questioning. "But it got to be there for the rest to matter."

"Well you don't know if that dude has it or not, until you try him. He might take you places no football player ever could." Ashanti went there after all, tackiness be damned.

"Really? Football player? You going there?"

Ashanti laughed and winced after a sip of her drink. It was a strong pour here at the Reservoir Bar. "I'm just saying."

"Andre was good in bed. That's why all those other bitches had to have him too."

Ashanti and Elaine both cracked up laughing. Andre was a few boyfriends back for Elaine and the one who took her virginity. He took a lot of girl's virginities around the same time. Elaine was in love and thought Andre was her forever man. Even though he never committed to Elaine, promised her anything at all, and slept with practically every girl they knew, Elaine held him up as the standard all men had to measure up to. She still carried a torch for him and would marry him, even now, if he walked into the Resrvoir Bar and proposed. She was safe. The State of Florida would not allow him to do that.

"Well, you see how he turned out."

"He still fine."

"Maybe if you marry him they will let you have conjugal visits with him."

"It's a damn shame," Elaine said and shook her head. "Football star to dumb ass nigga caught carrying weight, all in one summer. A tragedy."

"Maybe, but it's a tired story. Happens all the time. Andre ain't special, he common, a statistic."

"Why we talking about this? We supposed to be talking about you. What is your problem?"

"No idea," Ashanti said and took another drink and winced. "I am just fucking up, left and right, and I don't know how to stop."

"Are you even looking for a better job?"

"Nope, my dad was real clear about that."

"He made you work at the convenience store?"

"No, but he explained to me that as an eighteen year old, with no vocational education, I had no marketable skills to offer the workforce. No skills means no value. He told me I could host at a restaurant, dig ditches, or work at a convenience store, all for minimum wage, because that was all I was qualified to do, and all I was qualified to earn."

"That is harsh as fuck. That's why you went with the convenience store?"

"No, I went with the convenience store because they had a now hiring sign on the door. Now I have to pay my dad five hundred dollars a month rent, and my share of the utilities. It will take up my whole check by the time he's done with me."

"Fuck."

"Yeah." Ashanti nodded at her BFF and took another swig, with a wince, of her drink. She felt a glob of the brute's come leak out of her.

Both of them, hoed-up in their tight tube dresses, had to sit careful with their knees under the table and aimed at each other so as not to flash the bar full of bearded white guys their goodies. Ashanti still had come leaking out of her cooch and something had to be done or there would be a wet spot on the thin material she was sitting on. She slid forward on her seat and off to stand on her skyscraper heels. She indicated with a head nod that she needed to go to the bathroom. Elaine nodded and slid forward off her seat to to follow.

Elaine was pleasantly silent as they made their way through the crowd to the bathrooms at the back of the long bar. There was a line of tattooed white girls wearing Vans sneakers and skinny jeans with tank tops waiting for the lady's room. Their pale skin seemed randomly blemished with blue tattoos. Some had colors, and nice looking work, but there were no themes that Ashanti identified with. She saw butterflies, faeries, and symbols she did not recognize. One had a peacock with brilliant feathers on her back. Another had a dragon fish looking thing with orange and green scales. Another had a green tree frog on her bicep. Who were these girls, and what were their lives like, that they were led to this spot here, at the same time as her, where they wore Vans sneakers and she wore high heels, waiting on the same bathroom?

They were as strange to her, and out of her element, as Earl should have been. She imagined their lives as fraught with divorced parents, blue collar incomes, and early childhood molestation from some blood relative. She wondered what they thought her history was like. They probably saw her as someone to pity as much, or more, than she saw them. They maybe guessed her parents as never married, no dad in the picture at all, welfare, crime; all the stereotypes.

Ashanti shook her head free of those thoughts. She was the fucked up one thinking and evaluating all this. Their thoughts were probably as mundane as hers usually were. They were thinking about school, or work, of their boyfriends, or what band they wanted to go see. They were probably not looking at Ashanti and Elaine and wondering anything. Ashanti was, because she recently found herself physically attracted to an old white man and wondered what bent her like that. Pussy sauce in the man's coffee aside, there had to be something more to it, right?

Elaine came into the bathroom with her when it was their turn. She saw to her makeup in the dirty mirror while Ashanti sopped up more brute come out of her pussy, and off her thighs, with the industrial grade toilet paper. Once she thought she had most of it she flushed the toilet and went to check her makeup too. When they went back their table was taken. Ashanti went to the bar and ordered two more drinks. They stood by the pool tables. Elaine stepped back and bumped into a man who turned and smiled. It was McGuire.

"Changed your mind?" he said with a grin at Elaine who turned to see who she bumped into then rolled her eyes and turned back away from him. "You are shy, intimidated by me, I get it," McGuire said and Ashanti laughed. Even Elaine smirked. "I am a lot of man, and you, you aren't sure if you could handle it. Maybe we start slow, get to be friends, take some long walks on a beach, before we start thinking about anything else."

"Please," Elaine said with disgust and walked away to stand closer to the exit of the bar.

"I think she's coming around," McGuire said to Ashanti.

"Yeah." Ashanti nodded. "You got this." They both laughed and Ashanti waved and walked over to join Elaine by the door.

"That simple motherfucker is on my nerves," Elaine said and shook her head.

"You ever wonder if the universe is pushing you where it wants you to go?"

"I never, ever, wonder that. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I don't know. I mean we came out, we bumped into McGuire, you bumped into him again, literally, maybe it was supposed to happen."

"Maybe." Elaine took another sip of her drink. "Maybe the universe should go fuck itself."

They both laughed loudly and Ashanti made a point not to look over at McGuire so he wouldn't suspect they were laughing about him. Why did she care about that? She took another sip of her drink and winced and looked at it carefully. The drink was very strong, like the bartender filled it with vodka then only waved the cranberry juice over it. There was more of a pink tint to the drink than any real visual evidence that cranberry was added. She took another sip and realized she was pretty well buzzed.

"The drinks here are strong as fuck," Ashanti said.

"To get these ugly people drunk enough to fuck each other."

Ashanti laughed again. Elaine was not the person to tell about Earl. She would be too critical of him and Ashanti was not ready for that. Ashanti wanted to tell her. She wanted to tell somebody. Maybe the universe put her in this bar to be able to see how Elaine reacted to McGuire so Ashanti would know not to confide in her. Why did any of this matter? She was never going to see Earl again. She could admit to Elaine that she fucked an old fat white man, a few times, as long as she was never going to do it again. Why did that thought bother her so much? It bothered her because she could not stand to hear anyone speak ill of him. That was fucked up too.

"Hey mami," a man who was walking by on the street outside leaned into the Reservoir Bar to say to Elaine. He was handsome, Hispanic, lean with bulgy shoulders and arms, and dressed correctly. Elaine turned to see who was calling out and Ashanti saw the smile light up her face.

"Hi, what's your name?" Elaine said in her flirtiest tone and took a step toward the man.

"Arturo, you?"

"Elaine." He took her by the hand and led her outside the bar so they could stand on the sidewalk outside and talk. Elaine looked back at Ashanti and winked and Ashanti grinned and nodded at her.

Ashanti went back to the bar and ordered another drink. How many was that? She took her first sip of the new drink at the bar and winced again. It didn't even taste good, but it made her feel right. Walking in her heels was getting to be a challenge now. She carefully made her way back toward the entrance so she could keep an eye on Elaine with her handsome stranger. She was laughing at something he said, she was fine. She leaned on the door frame and pulled her phone out of her clutch. It was almost one in the morning now and she wondered what Earl was doing. That sucked, but that was what she did. She pulled the picture of him up, the one where he was holding his beard up out of the way so she could see the Run DMC shirt.

He was probably asleep, he would be at her convenience store by six, so he probably got up at five or five-thirty. He was old, so he probably went to bed at like nine. He would be at her convenience store at six, to get his coffee. It would be different this morning. Would he even notice? She hoped so. She hoped he got into his truck and tasted it, then frowned at it. Maybe he would walk back in and complain to whoever was working that his coffee didn't taste right. She wanted him to need her in his coffee as much as she needed her in his mouth. That was fucked up.

She swiped his picture away then checked her social media accounts, her sister accomplished something great at college, their father would be so proud. One of her exes was now in a relationship with a girl she knew. Did she introduce them? Fuck, she tried to care but couldn't. She wished them both happiness. She took another sip of the drink, winced, and wondered if Earl would be pissed if she called and woke him.

Would he even answer? He was dead asleep, dreaming of his booth girls, white girls probably, hot in bikini tops and short shorts, maybe thongs, it was a biker rally so it was probably thongs. Earl would pay them well then take them to dinner. They would have drinks, a couple would agree to go bar hopping with him, at least one would agree to come back to his hotel with him because she was too drunk to drive home. Then she would have her pussy in Earl's mouth. She hated that she had these thoughts, and hated even more that they bothered her. She took another sip of her drink and looked at it closely. She could not detect any cranberry flavor, but there was just the hint of a pink tint.

"They pour a strong drink here," McGuire said as he walked up and caught her inspecting her drink.

"They do." Ashanti nodded.

"Did your friend leave you?"

"She's outside," Ashanti said as she continued to stare at her drink.

"Oh, with that handsome fellow," MacGuire said as he looked out to the sidewalk where Elaine was still talking to her handsome Hispanic man. "Is that her brother? A cousin?"

Ashanti looked at him and laughed as she shook her head.

"They look like they would make a great pair of friends. I think we are witnessing the birth of a strong and life-long platonic friendship here. Good for her, good for both of them."

Ashanti threw her head back and laughed harder.

"What?" Mcguire said with an innocent expression and a smirk. "You think maybe I am misreading the situation."

"What is your girlfriend's name," Ashanti said after she stopped laughing.

"Girlfriend? What's a girlfriend?"

"You are funny as fuck McGuire, you should have girls falling all over you."

"That is very nice of you to say. Could you say it a lot, mostly to girls though, ones that look like you and your friend mainly. That would be cool." He grinned and nodded at her like he just came up with a great plan and Ashanti laughed again.

"My name is Ashanti, and the object of your desire out there with Despacito is Elaine."

"Object of my desire?" McGuire looked confused. "Her? No, you misunderstood, it's in the player's handbook, you show interest in the ugly one to get close to the hot one."

Ashanti laughed again and so hard she jostled her drink and she felt the cold liquid splash her fingers. She quickly took a sip and winced again to get the new drink to a more manageable level. McGuire the funny man was grinning at her. Was she wasted or was he this funny? What was funny about what he said? He called Elaine ugly which was ridiculous. He claimed to have read a player's handbook of sorts which was funny on several levels. And he shamelessly shifted his focus to her once he realized Elaine was out of reach.