Life with: at and Alejandro Ep. 12

Her baby couldn't breathe.

She kept repeating the sentence in her head over and over, emphasizing different words each time. Under normal circumstances it would have felt as if she were torturing herself with the thought. But she felt so detached from reality in that moment, the words hardly affected her. Kat just kept her eyes focused on the road quickly zooming past her and hoped that when she arrived at wherever she was going, it would all just be one big misunderstanding.

When Eduardo finally managed to get the words out of his mouth to tell her what was going on, Kat was already packed and ready to head back home. Between the fear in his voice and the petrifying background sounds of hospital chaos on the line, she didn't really need to hear anything he had to say to know it was time to leave. She barked at Alejandro to get his things and grab the keys.

She looked in his direction fleetingly. His eyes were hardened on the stretch of road ahead. The dashboard lights lit his sharp, porcelain features.

She wondered how he felt; losing his wife and possibly his son in a 20-minute span while already dealing with his own mental instability. She tried to search his eyes for an answer. Then she decided she didn't really care that much to know.

She had birthed Andres. He was the center of her world. He had been her entire purpose for living far away from her native home and tolerating a man who refused to prove his love for her. He had been the one to make it all worth something. His innocent life—the product of a breathtaking love and the source of an even more powerful one within herself—was dangling on the line.

And she hadn't been there. She had been making irresponsible decisions almost an hour away for nearly four days and she hadn't been there when he needed her most.

Her heartbeat quickened for just a second and she knew her adrenaline-based façade of indifference was wavering.

*

They pulled up to the hospital's entrance and Kat hardly waited for Alejandro to put the car in park. She threw open the passenger door and sprang out of the seat.

The ride grew increasingly more unbearable as the time went on. With each passing minute, her panic grew into something uncontrollable. She spent the last few minutes of the ride biting her knuckles and swallowing her yells of frustration and worry. She alternated between grinding her teeth together and groaning whenever Alejandro didn't blow through a blatantly red light.

Alejandro was right beside her and they stalked up to the front desk. The woman behind the desk was focused on her screen. It took a beat for her to acknowledge them and for some reason, it pissed Kat off.

"Andres Ortiz." She said it sharply. The woman typed on her computer while chewing a piece of mint gum.

Kat tapped her nails on the counter anxiously. She looked toward the elevator and wondered if she would be better off just going to the children's center and searching for him herself.

The woman gave them the room number and they full on sprinted toward the elevators. The ride to the seventh floor was long and gruesome.

Kat slipped through the slowly opening elevator doors and jogged toward the room. Her sneakers made a sound against the smooth floor's surface when she stopped to look around the cul-de-sac of rooms. Her hair swung around her face and her heavy breathing whipped a piece into her eyes.

She found the room and threw open the cracked door.

Her emotion met her right at the threshold.

Kat's knees let out under her body and she tried her best to grab the door's handle for support. Her slick fingers reached out for anything else to hold but fell short when her eyes started spotting with black.

Alejandro quickly noticed her falling frame from the corner of his eye and instinctively reached out for her body. Her weak neck fought hard to keep her head upright and her eyes alternated between unconsciousness and over awareness.

He gripped her waist firmly while she continued to slide down the length of his body.

"Kat," He called for her calmly.

He knew she was going into a light shock and that she would be fine within the next few seconds, but he was still worried about her. Her response was reminiscent of when she was giving birth to Andres.

Alejandro was horrified by the process of child birth and the effect it had on Kat. She looked somewhat like a zombie as she coped with the pains and aches of labor. Her foster mother did almost all the consoling initially because he couldn't get himself to move toward her. His first-born children were delivered by a very scheduled cesarean. He had never had to hear the piercing shrieks and exorcism like aspects associated with vaginal birth. He had never seen her that way and he had hoped he never would have to see her that way again.

So, it was disturbing to see her neck in the crook of his elbow—unsupported and almost entirely limp. He looked into her eyes to see them rolling deep into the tops of her head and into her sockets. Her thick lips were parted wide and her breathing shallow.

"Kat," He gently tapped the side of her cheek with his palm. She stirred lightly but not enough for his comfort. He gave her another tap.

She lifted her head with measured caution as she tried to regain her consciousness. Alejandro guided her back onto her feet at the same time that she attempted to stand on her own. It was like she had randomly snapped awake and continued her mission to see her son as if she hadn't just passed out. She carefully walked over to the small crib that Andres was in and she lightly ran her palm over his crown.

Andres had about six different wires coming from his tiny body. Each wire was held in place by at least two inches of tape. He had tubes stemming from his nose and mouth and he laid in place with only his small, hastily moving chest signaling any sign of life.

Kat battled her tears and tried her best to enjoy his presence despite the circumstances. She felt the warmth of his body under her palm and she closed her eyes, hoping to find thankfulness in her core for his existence.

He was alive.

Almost everything else would be secondary. Her baby could see her face and know that he was loved by her even if it was the last thing he ever saw. She would try to be thankful for that opportunity.

It didn't work.

She wanted to blame someone. Alejandro—she should've been here. She shouldn't have let him convince her this trip would've brought them closer because knew better from the beginning. He had snatched precious days she would've spent nursing Andres, cooing to him in her arms and kissing his sweet face every chance she could. This wouldn't have happened if he had been honest with her about his willingness to work on their marriage. He sold her a false dream and her son was paying the price.

But Eduardo should have matched her care. This—whatever happened to him—shouldn't have. She trusted Eduardo to watch over him in her place and he failed to do so. Kat gave him the perfect opportunity to hand Andres over to Marlenny's and he declined. Reasonably, Marlenny's was a soon-to-be mother with the growing excessive caution needed to prevent things like this from happening.

Maybe it was her own fault. This was her punishment for her selfishness; taking away the only thing that brought true altruism to her heart. She had lied and cheated while miles away from her son and someone in the heavens saw straight through all her crying, anger and hopelessness. They found her guilty.

She had no one to blame but herself.

*

Alejandro watched silently from his side of Andres' crib.

"My poor baby"

Alejandro was starting to think she had no idea she was chanting the sentence excessively. She'd take a moment to wipe her tears from under her bloodshot red eyes right before she said the sentence again. Her shaking hand struggled to keep steady over his head, but it didn't stop her from continuously stroking his face.

"Kat, come sit down for a minute." Alejandro whispered. He stepped aside to gesture to the armchair in the corner. He desperately wanted to see her relax for a moment. She had been uncomfortably crouched over the crib for close to 15 minutes.

He was, of course, deeply worried about his son but being in the medical field had somewhat conditioned him to the sight of medical technology. He looked to the tubes to see they were all either checking his vitals, assisting his breathing or pumping him with fluids.

Nothing looked life threatening. But he knew Kat just saw her son not in her arms and restricted to only the bed below him. That was enough to elicit the reaction he was witnessing.

Kat slowly dragged her eyes up toward him—she looked completely demonic and Alejandro had instantly regretted his suggestion. She looked to the chair and he followed her gaze too. The chair now looked cold and isolated from where they stood. They connected eyes again.

"Bring me the doctor."

She gritted through clenched teeth and tight lips. Alejandro swallowed roughly and shuffled to do as she asked.

He took wide steps out of the room without any true destination. His eyes darted around for a doctor. He spotted a nurse coming out of a room a couple door down and he trailed toward her. She started down the opposite direction.

"Excuse me,"

He called lightly. She turned around quickly.

"My son is Andres; my wife and I are waiting to see a doctor— "

"Alejandro?"

He turned at the sound of his name coming from a familiar voice. Doctor Perez was the hospital's chief physician. They had become close since he started running the EMT department. He and Perez often discussed standards of efficiency and how to best solve the problems of the hospital and EMT relationship.

"Hey," He immediately left the presence of the nurse and headed toward someone in the best position to give him all the answers he'd ever need. She looked at his clothing and expression and instantly matched his sense of urgency. She knew this wasn't a work-related appearance. "My son is in that room and we need to speak to a doctor." She nodded knowingly as he spoke.

"I'll get his file and be right over." She was off in a second—eager and ready to help get her friend the information he'd need to bring him comfort. Alejandro jogged back to the room after feeling as if he was now missing something important.

Eduardo and the kids were back in the room. He held chips for the kids that he got from the vending machine down the hall. He could feel the tension in the room and he could see the defensive stances Kat and Eduardo were in.

She was still in her protective stance over the crib but something about her posture made it clear she was tearing into his father for what happened to Andres. Eduardo was defensive too, but still unsure what to do with this new, argumentative and confrontational Kat. Whatever was going on; he was losing.

"I went to check on him and he was barely breathing. I did CPR— "

"What did the doctors say? What happened to him that would make him stop breathing, Eduardo? What did you do?" Kat's tone was absolutely wicked. Eduardo looked fleetingly at Alejandro before looking back at Kat. He was silently asking for help.

Alejandro stepped in to save his father from Kat's wrath.

He was just as spellbound by Kat as Alejandro had initially been.

"The doctor is on her way. We can all get answers then." He spoke calmly. When he did, the twins looked back in his direction from their positions at Kat's side. They had been flanking her while waiting for some sort of attention they wouldn't fully get. They couldn't quite understand what was going on, but they knew it wasn't good.

After not seeing her for a few days, they had missed her deeply. Maribel had her arm coiled between Kat's thighs and Diego was leaning his head against her leg before he turned to acknowledge his father.

They were wide eyed and unmoving.

Was this what he had become to them? This unapproachable, trivial father who they could only deal with through Kat's facilitation? She wasn't in the right place to bridge that gap for them anymore. So, to his children, he was on a completely different spectrum of what a parent should've been. He'd need to step up in Kat's place to comfort them. Someone had to be there for him.

"Come here." He knelt to their levels with his arms outstretched. Maribel and Diego walked to their father with obvious caution. He embraced them wholly and basked in the feel of their affection. "I missed you." He whispered. He hadn't realized how much his heart had missed genuine affection.

A knock on the door took them out of their loving moment. Alejandro stood and made sure to capture their hands in his. They all turned to see who was at the door.

"Mrs. Ortiz?" Doctor Perez walked into the quickly crowding room with another doctor following close behind. Kat turned to face her with her fingers tightly—almost painfully intertwined at her chest.

"Yes," Kat replied. Alejandro hoped she let the women do their jobs, so everyone could get the answers they desperately wanted. He could see that her anxiety and stress had made her somewhat irrational and difficult to work with.

He wouldn't deny her the right to feel those things. This was her first and only child. Considering all that she'd been through, she was entitled to her feelings. He'd do his best to mitigate any awkwardness her attitude brought about. He'd stand beside her and her emotions.

"Do you want to sit down while we explain everything out to you?" Doctor Perez asked considerately. Alejandro's heartbeat quickened, and he knew the answer to that question before Kat had the chance to fix her tightly bound lips to reply.

"No," She said it sharply. "And please speak in Spanish." She couldn't bear the slowness of anything else. After years of hearing the quickness of Spanish every day, the pace of English felt like a nuisance. She needed this information as fast as her body could process it.

"Okay,"

Doctor Perez started wearily. She briefly looked at the clipboard in her hand.

"Andres suffered from Sudden Infant Death syndrome. Fortunately, enough, grandpa noticed a few seconds after his last breath and started resuscitation immediately."

"He died?"

Kat asked incredulously. The question was so strange and heavy. It left the whole room still.

"Technically, yes."

There was a moment of silence amongst everyone as they processed her words. Kat felt so guilty knowing that Eduardo was probably the only reason her baby was still alive, and she had only been looking to blame him. Without his care, she wouldn't have a son.

"Babies who are overweight tend to be more prone to SIDS. We are still waiting for his CAT scan and MRI to check for any damage but as soon as that's in, we'll be back."

Alejandro and Eduardo watched Kat stare at Andres for about another half an hour before Alejandro suggested they take the kids home. They were falling asleep and were likely hungry.

"You take them. I'm going to stay here." She said from where she stood. Kat grabbed the chair from the corner and quietly brought it over to the crib's edge. She wanted to be the first thing he saw when he woke up.

*

Alejandro switched on the light in the foyer. The home was oddly untouched and wasn't warmed with the feel of homeliness he was used to. He usually walked into the smell of food cooking, crying or laughter. The toys he complained about being all over the house were surprisingly missed. There was no sign of his life in the house. Everything was somber and empty.

The kids walked in before him. He took slow, measure steps. Everything was reminiscent of his life before Kat and it put a pit in his stomach. He had never lived a day without her since her first day in Argentina years ago. Everything before that day was something he had never missed.

"Go get ready for bed—I'll be up to start your baths in a minute." The kids went upstairs without the usual, cheerful ruckus he knew so well. Alejandro wandered into the living room to give the kids time to get ready.

The pictures on the mantle caught his attention. He couldn't remember the last time he actually took a second of his life to look at them. He had a few of his old pictures from when the only three people in his household were him and his children. He saw the picture identical to the one he'd given Kat on her last day in Argentina. He was holding Maribel and Diego in his arms and smiling into the camera. He smiled to himself and looked at the next picture.

Kat was very fond of family photos. A few months after Andres was born, she scheduled their next photoshoot as a family. Everyone was dressed in something gray and jean textured. She laid out everyone's outfit that morning—ironed and crisp. She ran around frantically, trying to make sure everyone was perfect. By the time she'd gotten everyone else together, she only had 25 minutes to get herself ready. She still managed to look beautiful.

He sighed at that photo. He fleetingly looked back to the one without Kat and Andres. The contrasts between the two were stomach wrenching.

He had never hated his single life. He loved being a full-time father and if he had been asked then, he would have said life was practically perfect. Alejandro looked at Kat and Andres' face. Now that he'd experienced life with them, his old life seemed subpar. And in one day, he had to accept that he might have lost his son and his wife—the two things that made something great, even better.

*

Alejandro couldn't sleep. It took him almost two hours to get the kids ready for bed and then himself. He didn't miss doing that on his own. By the time he'd gotten a chance to relax, his mind was working overtime. He couldn't stop thinking long enough to let his eyes shut for half a second.

It seemed vain and selfish to be thinking about Kat's infidelity when he knew Andres was sitting in a hospital bed being stabilized. But, he was surprised to find that he wasn't as angry with her as he wanted to be.

He just couldn't live without her. The statement was simple but loaded. In every sense of what it meant to 'live', he knew he couldn't do one aspect of it alone or with another woman. Kat had perfectly weaved herself into his life and the patches she filled had been so unique and crucial to his happiness that there was no question as to if he would willingly choose to live with those patches again. He couldn't.

He hadn't been trying with her. He'd been taking advantage of her love and using it as an excuse to not work on himself. Alejandro never truly realized that working on himself was to work on his marriage. By choosing to be lazy with one, he was failing the other too. But there was no incentive to do better because Kat had been so supportive from the beginning. She went a long time without questioning him. He barely had to take care of his kids. She didn't want sex. She didn't want conversation. She didn't want anything other than to know he loved her. Any hint of subtle love he threw would've been enough to sustain her through another month of neglect and he couldn't even give her that.

Kat was a beautiful, fun and intelligent woman who deserved all the adoration the world could bring her. Alejandro couldn't be entirely upset that she had sought it elsewhere. Another man had showed her the interest she had been begging him for, for almost 6 months. Despite her cheating, Alejandro knew that Franco wasn't what she really wanted. He was secure in the love his wife had for him to tell the difference between desperate lust and earnest love. She had tried her best.

So, as the nostalgia of life before his wife crept over him, he realized that this could be his reality once again. That threat was something he'd never considered before that moment and it was enough to put some panic in his bones. He'd been missing that threat— the fear of losing something he had taken for granted; his wife and all that came with her.