Her baby couldn't breathe.
She kept repeating the sentence in her head over and over, emphasizing different words each time. Under normal circumstances it would have felt as if she were torturing herself with the thought. But she felt so detached from reality in that moment, the words hardly affected her. Kat just kept her eyes focused on the road quickly zooming past her and hoped that when she arrived at wherever she was going, it would all just be one big misunderstanding.
When Eduardo finally managed to get the words out of his mouth to tell her what was going on, Kat was already packed and ready to head back home. Between the fear in his voice and the petrifying background sounds of hospital chaos on the line, she didn't really need to hear anything he had to say to know it was time to leave. She barked at Alejandro to get his things and grab the keys.
She looked in his direction fleetingly. His eyes were hardened on the stretch of road ahead. The dashboard lights lit his sharp, porcelain features.
She wondered how he felt; losing his wife and possibly his son in a 20-minute span while already dealing with his own mental instability. She tried to search his eyes for an answer. Then she decided she didn't really care that much to know.
She had birthed Andres. He was the center of her world. He had been her entire purpose for living far away from her native home and tolerating a man who refused to prove his love for her. He had been the one to make it all worth something. His innocent life—the product of a breathtaking love and the source of an even more powerful one within herself—was dangling on the line.
And she hadn't been there. She had been making irresponsible decisions almost an hour away for nearly four days and she hadn't been there when he needed her most.
Her heartbeat quickened for just a second and she knew her adrenaline-based façade of indifference was wavering.
*
They pulled up to the hospital's entrance and Kat hardly waited for Alejandro to put the car in park. She threw open the passenger door and sprang out of the seat.
The ride grew increasingly more unbearable as the time went on. With each passing minute, her panic grew into something uncontrollable. She spent the last few minutes of the ride biting her knuckles and swallowing her yells of frustration and worry. She alternated between grinding her teeth together and groaning whenever Alejandro didn't blow through a blatantly red light.
Alejandro was right beside her and they stalked up to the front desk. The woman behind the desk was focused on her screen. It took a beat for her to acknowledge them and for some reason, it pissed Kat off.
"Andres Ortiz." She said it sharply. The woman typed on her computer while chewing a piece of mint gum.
Kat tapped her nails on the counter anxiously. She looked toward the elevator and wondered if she would be better off just going to the children's center and searching for him herself.
The woman gave them the room number and they full on sprinted toward the elevators. The ride to the seventh floor was long and gruesome.
Kat slipped through the slowly opening elevator doors and jogged toward the room. Her sneakers made a sound against the smooth floor's surface when she stopped to look around the cul-de-sac of rooms. Her hair swung around her face and her heavy breathing whipped a piece into her eyes.
She found the room and threw open the cracked door.
Her emotion met her right at the threshold.
Kat's knees let out under her body and she tried her best to grab the door's handle for support. Her slick fingers reached out for anything else to hold but fell short when her eyes started spotting with black.
Alejandro quickly noticed her falling frame from the corner of his eye and instinctively reached out for her body. Her weak neck fought hard to keep her head upright and her eyes alternated between unconsciousness and over awareness.
He gripped her waist firmly while she continued to slide down the length of his body.
"Kat," He called for her calmly.
He knew she was going into a light shock and that she would be fine within the next few seconds, but he was still worried about her. Her response was reminiscent of when she was giving birth to Andres.
Alejandro was horrified by the process of child birth and the effect it had on Kat. She looked somewhat like a zombie as she coped with the pains and aches of labor. Her foster mother did almost all the consoling initially because he couldn't get himself to move toward her. His first-born children were delivered by a very scheduled cesarean. He had never had to hear the piercing shrieks and exorcism like aspects associated with vaginal birth. He had never seen her that way and he had hoped he never would have to see her that way again.
So, it was disturbing to see her neck in the crook of his elbow—unsupported and almost entirely limp. He looked into her eyes to see them rolling deep into the tops of her head and into her sockets. Her thick lips were parted wide and her breathing shallow.
"Kat," He gently tapped the side of her cheek with his palm. She stirred lightly but not enough for his comfort. He gave her another tap.
She lifted her head with measured caution as she tried to regain her consciousness. Alejandro guided her back onto her feet at the same time that she attempted to stand on her own. It was like she had randomly snapped awake and continued her mission to see her son as if she hadn't just passed out. She carefully walked over to the small crib that Andres was in and she lightly ran her palm over his crown.
Andres had about six different wires coming from his tiny body. Each wire was held in place by at least two inches of tape. He had tubes stemming from his nose and mouth and he laid in place with only his small, hastily moving chest signaling any sign of life.
Kat battled her tears and tried her best to enjoy his presence despite the circumstances. She felt the warmth of his body under her palm and she closed her eyes, hoping to find thankfulness in her core for his existence.
He was alive.
Almost everything else would be secondary. Her baby could see her face and know that he was loved by her even if it was the last thing he ever saw. She would try to be thankful for that opportunity.
It didn't work.
