I have never been the type of girl to let the break up of a relationship get me down. In fact, within a week I've shrugged it off and have my hand held up saying next like someone hailing a yellow cab in New York City. When Jamie decided that he preferred his ex to me after six months of soul searching and wasting my damn time in the process, I couldn't wait to see the back of him to be honest. I don't like drama, and a dramatic fuelled man is far from appealing, it's like signing up to take on someone with emotional hypochondria.
Anyway, like I say, his loss, now I am ready to move on and I'm all up and ready to get on with it. My bed has been empty for far too long. So, I am prepared tonight to find his replacement. I'm sat in bed, lap top on my knee, a Friends DVD playing in the background, sipping my glass of wine. I have my cheese and crackers on the bedside table in case I am feeling peckish as I hunt for cock and my bedroom is twinkling with a dozen tea lights. Heaven!
I log into the popular internet dating website and put in the relevant parameters to find my next mate. (Six foot tall at least, living within a five mile radius, aged between twenty eight and thirty five). Some of the candidates look salubrious to say the least, if not down right weird. Others are extremely good looking but their photographs have been obviously taken to capture their best side. Then again, I have hardly uploaded a photograph of myself devoid of make up so I should really stop myself from being so hypocritical.
It never fails to amaze me how much bullshit people put on their profiles either. I scan through a few and some are so lengthy they make my eyeballs bleed. Guys have you never considered holding back a little? Reading how you have just recently divorced and are heartbroken but 'getting over it 'is not a sure fire way of nailing pussy. Well, not mine anyway. At the other end of the scale are the guys who put rubbish like "I hate writing about myself, message me to find out more.'' Yes, will do, Jack the fucking Ripper.
I am obviously showing as being online, so the steady flow of messages to my inbox begins, one message in particular grabbing my attention. I click and take a look at the guys profile before wasting my time bothering to reply to him, damage limitation is the key when you are in my position. He looks pretty decent, it is a side profile picture which would definitely be a no no for me but the actually wording of his profile is decent enough. Not too much information but not too scant for me to fear for my life if I message him. Plus, and this is a big plus, he sent me a flattering message that isn't too over the top.
Hi Suzy, I've looked at your pics and your profile and you seem really nice. Love the short hair by the way, its soooo funky. Message me back if you would like to chat.
So I do, because flattery gets you everywhere with me, sad but true.
Hi Ali, thanks for your message, glad you love my hair, have you got Skype?
I find Skype more convenient in terms of online chatting rather than ping ponging back and forth via the dating site. Although, tonight I wasn't in the mood to do the full on face on face Skype chat scenario. Plus I like the element of surprise; I have always been a sucker for blind dates if truth be told. Anyway, Ali hadn't earned his keep until I had engaged him in some form of instant chat. As an online chat expert I can also gauge how quickly he answers my questions. If it takes him five minutes per question I will blow him off and block him. Not only am I fussy who I fuck, I like a guy to possess enough intelligence to answer me right away, if they're witty to boot that's a huge tick against their name. I nibble on a cracker and pour another glass of wine as I wait for him to reply.