Jynx'd

The short, pleasantly plump woman in the white tunic stood behind the store counter surrounded by freshly baked pies and cookies and cakes. Her very round, very pink-cheeked face smiled and nodded as she double-checked an order receipt. She then looked up and said with a beaming smile, "Ok. So we'll have the cake ready by 10:00 Saturday morning."

Mia, already stepping back upon hearing this, returned the smile and replied, "That's great. Thanks very much."

The baker-lady nodded her head and winked, "And Mr.Tall-and-Handsome will be picking it up, right?"

"Yes he will," Mia concurred, "Right, Mathis? Mathis? Mathis!"

Mathis stood off to the side in front of a shelf filled with a selection of breads. He was poking one loaf gently.

"Mathis! What do you think you're doing?" Mia snapped, locking her hands onto her curvy hips.

The young man turned to her. "Hmm?" he replied, looking back-and-forth between the baker and Mia. Then he smiled mischievously and added, "Feels good."

Mia clucked her tongue. "Stop being an idiot. You're picking up the cake at 10:00 before you come to the party. Pay attention!" She reached up and gave his ear a yank.

"Ow!" Mathis swept her hand away and frowned. He grumbled, "Alright! Alright! Got it. You've said it ten times already!"

"Yeah, well I've learned that things stick in your coconut head after the eleventh time," she said, reaching up again and giving his temple a sharp poke of her finger.

"Looks like someone was interested in my loaves," the jovial baker said with a chuckle.

Both Mia and Mathis looked at her, simultaneously raising their left brow.

After a moment, Mathis shook the stupor out and laughed. He took a deep breath and stood tall, and answered with a deep, satiny voice, "I gotta say, your loaves are mighty fine. Mighty fine."

The baker's round blue eyes lit up like a pinball machine, her pink lips circling. "Ooh! Really? Do tell?"

Mathis nodded and leaned up against the counter. He levelled his dark, glassy green eyes on her. "Mm-hmm. They're nice and soft and plump. Just the way I like them," he continued deliberately, holding up his hands, "Perfect texture and size, too. I can wrap my hands around them perfectly, dig my fingers into them and give them a nice, firm squeeze." He gritted his teeth, sucked in a loud breath of air, and angled his fingers into claws, loosing a stiff grunt, "Urh!"

The rest of the baker's round face, along with her cheeks, glowed a honey-glazed ham pink as she held her breath. Hand on top of her ample bosom, she laughed.

Mathis winked and smiled flashing a perfect set of white teeth framed by a strong angular jaw and attractive face wrapped in velvety cocoa colored skin. The baker almost fell back into her muffins.

"Enough!" Mia interrupted, slapping Mathis in the arm. She pulled at his shirt. "Let's go already."

Still giving the swooning baker the laser-eye treatment, Mathis said, "And I was just about to talk about your sticky buns."

The baker couldn't control herself. Her whole body was shaking like gelatine as she snickered. "Oh my!" she said taking a breath, "Are you the birthday boy's daddy?"

Mathis leaned harder against the counter. He shook his head slowly. "Uh-uh," he replied, "Much too young...and much too available to be a daddy, yet."

She nodded aggressively.

Mia rolled her eyes and pinched him in the arm. "Move your ass!" she snapped.

Mathis chuckled, pulling away from the counter, "Okay. Okay. Relax."

Already walking towards the exit, Mia pointed to a large sum of shopping bags on the floor beside the shelves of bread. "And bring those," she said dismissively.

"Yeah. Yeah," he sighed and scooped them up. As he backed his way through the door, he nodded, flashed his perfect smile again and winked back playfully toward the baker. She giggled and waved.

He had to immediately stop as he stepped out of the bakery. He bumped into Mia who stood on the sidewalk doorstep checking her phone.

Mathis rolled his eyes and his shoulders. "Can you not just stop in the middle of the street like that?"

"And you should learn how to stop while you're ahead," Mia replied. She continued to scroll through her phone.

Mathis shrugged and looked down at all the bags of varying sizes in his hands. "Don't you think we have enough crap already?"

Mia ignored him and swept back her wavy, reddish brown hair over her shoulders. She put on her sun glasses then continued to check the list on her phone.

Mathis looked upwards towards the sky and squinted at the sun as it floated high above the tops of the buildings. It was another beautiful summer day. With the heat, he was starting to feel the weight of the shopping bags. "Damn it's hot," he declared, the short curls of his close cut dark hair glistening from perspiration.

Without a word, Mia turned and marched ahead down the sidewalk.

Cinching up the bags, Mathis sighed and followed her. "Man, we've been to Toys R Us. Parties R Us. Cakes R Us..." he grumbled as he trailed her from behind, "Where to now? How about Feed Your Brother Some Lunch R Us?"

Continuing to walk without looking back, Mia replied, "We're going to Ass-Beatings R Us if you don't stop your whining."

"Aaron should be here. Shawn's his kid," he groused, "Where's he at?"

"It's called a career," she declared referring to her husband, "When you're done with university and working for a salary you can be exempt from pack-mule duties. Besides, it's summer vacation and you don't have work today. You got somewhere else to be?"

Mathis grinned and snickered, "Hey, I ALWAYS have somewhere else to be!"

"Some place better than helping your sister as she throws together a birthday party? For your nephew who, Lord knows why, admires you like some sort of GI Joe action hero?" she said clicking her tongue.

Mathis' stride lengthened as he walked tall, beaming. "The boy knows quality," he said with haughty sniff. He held up the bags and shook them, quipping, "He won't be interested in all of this junk."

Mia shook her head. "You rather we just go to the dollar store and buy him a card?" she hissed, "Besides, what did you get him?"

"Gift card for video games," he replied, "AND a Giants' jersey AND a slick model sports-car."

Her head still shaking as if it were loose from all those years of disagreeing with her brother, Mia sighed, "Typical of you. Video games, sports and cars."

"And sex," Mathis announced with a cheerful chuckle, "You forgot about sex. It substantiates the under 25-years of age, black, male stereotype to say that I want to have lots and lots of nasty, non-committal sex."

Mia finally stopped and turned, eye-balling her younger, taller brother. "What in the world are they teaching these days in university?" she asked disapprovingly.

"Statistics," Mathis shrugged. After a pregnant pause, he added with a wink, "And sex."

Mia continued to give him the evil-eye. Mathis bounced his eyebrows back at her. Against his relentless grin his sister's frown broke slightly, morphing into a bemused smirk. She jabbed him in the stomach. "You're crazy, you know that?" she chided, "You are such a...such a...clown."

Her voice suddenly trailed off along with her gaze past Mathis.

"A 'clown'?" Mathis blinked, a step behind in thought. "C'mon, sis. You can do better than that. Maybe call me a pig or..." He was unable to complete that thought as Mia quickly side-stepped him and ran across the street.

"Mia?" he called after her, "Hey watch the cars!"

Mia made like a butterfly through the traffic over to the sidewalk on the other side of the street.

Still unmoved from his own spot, Mathis frowned, trying to glimpse what had caught his sister's scattered attentions this time. Once he figured it out, his frown twisted into something even more sour and he muttered, "Uh...no. No. No. No."

Even after he had crossed the street, Mathis hadn't completely absorbed the sight before him as he approached his sister. She was talking to a clown, an honest to God carnival escapee clown. It had the big rainbow afro wig and the round bozo red nose which stuck out against the ghost white make-up caked onto its face. Even under the heat of the summer sun, the clown wore white cotton Mickey Mouse gloves and an over-sized puffy jump suit that covered it from neck-to-toe, speckled with so many different colored polka dots that it looked like the Easter bunny had barfed all over it. Bottoming out the outfit were size-28 blue bowling alley style shoes that may have made the clown's feet look bigger, but it certainly didn't help its height. Mia was still an inch or two taller and Mathis already towered over his sister.

"I play instruments and do puppets, too," the clown spoke as Mathis stepped into their conversation. It was either a woman or else a male soprano.

"Great! Perfect!" Mia replied eagerly, "Oh, and balloon animals?"

The clown gave her a knowing smile and waved her hand, "Of course! That's Clowning 101 stuff. Wouldn't get my clown diploma without being able to twist together a few dogs and cats."

The two laughed. Mia was enthralled.

"Uh, Mia?" Mathis broke in, "What the hell...?"

Mia looked up at him and held out a business flier:

"JYNX THE KLOWN Available for birthday parties, public events, fairs, bazaars, Papal and/or Royal visits, and much MORE. Puppets, songs, magic, balloons and fun, fun, FUN! You name it, I'll rub my big red nose in it! $30 an hour or negotiable flat (like my FEET!) rate."

Mathis stared at the sheet of paper, his lips slightly ajar. Then he looked at Mia giving her the 'you-gotta-be-kidding' gaze. "No way," he remarked, as if he actually had a say in the matter.

"The kids will love this!" Mia dismissed his reaction and immediately pounced, "So you'd be able to come by on Saturday, say from around 11:30 to 1:30?" She was already writing her address on the back of one of the fliers.

Jynx didn't reply immediately. She was looking up at Mathis. From behind the stark white make-up, a set of two dark-brown eyes gazed up at him, widening. An open-mouth grin slipped across her red outline painted lips.

Mathis stared down back at her, frowning crookedly. What was up with chuckles here? His eyes narrowed and he grinned back. Man, he was on his A-game today if he could make a clown all moon-eyed.

"You...don't recognize me?" the clown asked him, pointing an oversized finger at him. "Really?"

Mathis tilted his head, puzzled. "Oh, yeah," he finally said, "Sure! You were in Playboy, special annual Babes of the Circus edition. Posed with Dumbo the Elephant, didn't you, with nothing but the shoes and the acid trip 'fro? Centerfold with the staple right through your whoopee cushion. Classic."

Mia slapped Mathis in the arm. "Don't be rude!" she scolded him and turned back to the clown, "Excuse my brother. He's been reliving puberty for the past 10 years."

Jynx blinked then laughed. "No problem!" she chuckled, "Kids ARE my specialty, after all."

"Well, he's certainly a kid, that's for sure."

"I entertain all sizes," she said with an exaggerated smile. She leaned to the side and, looking up, gently elbowed Mathis thrice in the ribs each time with a "honk" from some hidden horn. "Huh? Huh? Huh?" she joked, her eyebrows bouncing.

Mathis thought of a suggestive reply to her "entertain all sizes" remark but just swallowed it instead. He couldn't be bothered to take on the wacko earnestness of the diminutive clown. Still he protested, "Sis, do you really think this is a good idea?"

"Sister?" Jynx asked, looking at Mia.

"Yeah, this is Mathis my brother," she reached up and squeezed her fingers around his mouth and jaw, "Cute and charming but totally lacking the class of his older sister, isn't that right?"

Mathis brushed her hand away and fluttered his lips.

"You think YOU'RE a clown?" Mia said to Jynx, thumbing towards Mathis and continuing, "Meet a card carrying lifetime member."

Mathis just shook his head unimpressed.

"Ooh! There's a way we can be sure!" Jynx said and just as quickly reached over and pinched his arm, along with another honk from the horn. Her eyes widened as she looked at Mia. "Did you hear that?" she asked as if she heard the voice of an angel. She pinched his arm again and the horn honked once more, "That's my clown alarm! You've definitely got clown blood flowing through you, my friend!"

His sister laughed as, to his mounting annoyance, the clown continued to poke and pinch his arm, the squeaky horn sounding each time. As Jynx continued to prod him, he turned to Mia and said, "Now see, this is what I'm talking about."

"What ARE you talking about, Mathis," his sister asked.

"The kids are gonna HATE it," he urged.

"'It'?" Jynx said, taken aback.

"Why?" Mia asked.

"Yeah, why?" Jynx followed, cocking her head.

"Clowns are just...you know," Mathis shrugged like he was shaking off a bug, "Old school creepy and weird."

Jynx's pokes slowed somewhat.

"Nobody finds them funny anymore. Just sad and boring," he went on and finally punctuating his argument, "And will you stop poking me already?!"

Jynx blinked. "Oh," she breathed and slowly lowered her head, her rainbow sherbet mane drooping over her face. She started sniffling. She said softly, "Sorry. I'm just trying to get some work."

Mia fired a wicked frown at her brother. "Mathis! How could you be so mean to this sweet thing?" she berated him, "Look how much you upset her!"

Mathis held his breath and looked around. People passing by on the sidewalk looked at them with curious and bewildered gazes, taking in the odd sight of a woman in a clown outfit weeping in public in the middle of the day. Grudgingly, he put down his bags and, placing a tender hand on the small clown's shoulder, said, "Hey. Uh...look, I didn't mean that. You're not creepy or dumb or anything like that."

Jynx's head hung low. She pulled out a large pink handkerchief from her pocket and held it against her face as she spun deeper into her breakdown.

Mathis looked towards his sister apologetically. Mia crossed her arms and tilted her chin towards him insisting he continue.

Softening his voice further, he leaned in and continued, "Aw c'mon. I was just messing with you, you know? I'm a big clown, right? Go ahead. Do your poke thing again. We...we'll have you do our party, okay? Alright?"

Jynx lowered the handkerchief to her chin and raised her head bawling outright as if she had been shot. Mathis' brow spiked upward, stunned. Before he could react though, a stream of water shot out from the handkerchief and sprayed him point blank in the face.

"Bingo!" Jynx sang out.

Mathis stepped back, sputtering against the stream of seltzer water. When it finally died down, he stood dripping and drooping like a wet dog.

Mia nearly threw out her back as she leaned back laughing her head off. "Ooh yes! He had that coming, for sure!"

Jynx held up her hand and Mia gave her a high-five.

Soaked to his skin, Mathis' brows twisted together. His big lower lip was puffed out almost past his nose. He remained unmoving on his spot.

"Well, you did say you were hot, baby," Mia declared, stifling her snickering, "And you did say we can hire her, too!"

"I've got the gig?" Jynx asked, elated.

"You've got the gig," Mia agreed, handing her the flier with her address on it, "You can be there by 11:30?"

"You bet yer booties. Oh wait," Jynx answered, reaching into another pocket. She pulled out a big foam watch. The numbers on it were replaced with chickens and the hands just spun around wildly. She checked it anyway then said, "I'll have to arrive in my mild-mannered alternate identity. Mind if I change into my gear at your house?"

"Alternate identity?" Mathis finally muttered.

"Playboy centerfold," Jynx replied with a knowing squint of her eyes.

"Yeah, doubt that," he grumbled, looking away at nothing.

"That'd be fine," Mia said, ignoring the brief side exchange,

"Great. I'll be there before 11:30 then," Jynx said, and added, "Prep time will be gratis, of course."

Happily satisfied, Mia put her sunglasses back on again and marched away like usual. Mathis continued to eye the clown for a moment.

Jynx looked around towards the sky, a portrait of innocence.

Mathis finally moved along, trailing his sister. He glanced back at Jynx and caught her doing the mocking "put up your dukes" boxing routine towards him before quickly resuming her examination of the sky.

"Yeah, can't wait to see the kids eat her alive," he fumed.

*********

Mathis was cornered. Breathing hard, nerves racing, rivulets of sweat dripping down his face, he pressed his back against the tree trying to steady himself. They were closing in ready to take him down hard. There was no talking or charming his way out of this fight and he was prepared to take them all on.

"Alright. Alright," he nodded wearily, beckoning them with a defiant curl of his fingers, "Come and get me."

With a howl, he pushed out from the tree, springing headlong into his attackers. He heaved the first one onto his shoulders and spun him around. Even as the attacker flailed and raged against him, he scooped up another and held him aloft on his other shoulder. A third one, a female, went for his leg, clutching it in her arms. Mathis spun around again and she lost her grip, tumbling away into the grass. Two more quickly took her place and clung to both his legs.

Mathis struggled mightily even with the mess of humanity assaulting him. He pushed and spun and roared. More of them joined the fray and he was quickly overwhelmed and brought down to his knees.

"Ahhh!" he wailed to the heavens, before finally collapsing onto the ground under a heap of bodies. He inhaled the sweet, earthy smell of the grass and soil before closing his eyes.

"Mathis!" Mia called out from the back door of her house, "I need your help. Quit your fooling and get in here!"

Mathis rose to his knees, shedding a gaggle of kids who had piled on him during their battle. "The master calls," he said regretfully.

There was a collective "Aww!" from the kids surrounding him.

"Don't worry, little dudes," he assured, "We'll continue the Ultra Maniac Wrestling League after Machismo Mathis helps out his sister." He got to his feet and looked around, "Hey, where's the champ?"

A thin boy with a haircut similar to Mathis', wide dark eyes and big ears sprung up, holding up his hand.

"Alright! Let's go for a ride," declared Mathis and he picked up his nephew Shawn and carried him under his arm towards the house. The young boy giggled and kicked.

Mathis navigated his way to the back door. Mia's spacious backyard was already filling up with guests. It was another gorgeous, sunny day and almost everybody was outside. Her son's birthday was also an excuse to have a full on gathering of family and friends. To appease her siblings, she told them they could invite a friend as well.

"Hey 'Machismo'," a dark-tanned, tree of a man with a long main of black hair and sporting the same blue varsity football jersey Mathis was wearing, khaki shorts and sandals called out to him from the patio table, "Need more suds, man!"

Mathis went to a cooler and came back with two bottles of beer, one for his friend and team-mate, Ernesto, the other for Janelle, another friend. She had insisted on tagging along with Ernesto when he told her that he was going to hang out with Mathis.

"Thanks, man," Ernesto said with a broad smile.

"Thanks, handsome," Janelle repeated, taking the bottle from Mathis. She leaned back in her chair, one long, bare, mocha colored leg crossed over the other, bouncing it slowly. "When are you going to join us?" she asked.

Mathis shrugged. "Sorry. My sister's got me running around doing all sorts of crap today," he apologized.

Ernesto gave him a lazy wave of his ham like palm. "Don't sweat it, bro'," he said with his usual relaxed cadence, "Doing just fine."