Journey From Addiction to Love

So before I start my story I should say this is my first ever submission so please bear with me.

My story starts a number of years ago, and a lot has changed since the start as you will tell from my id, but in my early 30s the issues in my marriage started to arise.

So about me: I was 30, nearly 31, at the time this starts, 5ft 5 blonde, most of the time, large chested but with a figure that I kept in shape by running and going to the gym regularly. I would like to think I am pretty but like all women I have my points of hang up.

My experience with men was limited to the first boy I ever loved, and father to my eldest daughter, not that he stayed around for her. He was a loving husband that provided so much but nothing sexual.

To the outside world it was fair to say I had it all, a loving husband, although a good few years older than me, and two amazing and beautiful daughters and a lovely home. My husband was a good man who had provided an amazing life for our family, including an eldest daughter that wasn't his child but he treated her as his own.

We lived in a lovely part of the UK, in Wales, in a home and area that people would envy. We had nice cars, took nice holidays and lived an idyllic life.

For all of the happiness the above brought I was truly unhappy and started to begrudge my husband more and more each day. I was starting to feel like he was sapping my energy and making me feel less and less like a woman, but I know that he did not intend it.

You see I was reaching a point where our failed sex life was dragging me down and driving me to despair. For years I had accepted that it was entirely normal for sex to last a few seconds and to leave me craving for more. The truth is we didnt have sex or make love but instead, for a few brief seconds my husband managed to relieve himself on me and then left me frustrated with no feeling of enjoyment. At the time I thought I had achieved the odd orgasm but now I know that that had never happened.

So before I start my story I should say this is my first ever submission so please bear with me.

My story starts a number of years ago, and a lot has changed since the start as you will tell from my id, but in my early 30s the issues in my marriage started to arise.

So about me: I was 30, nearly 31, at the time this starts, 5ft 5 blonde, most of the time, large chested but with a figure that I kept in shape by running and going to the gym regularly. I would like to think I am pretty but like all women I have my points of hang up.

My experience with men was limited to the first boy I ever loved, and father to my eldest daughter, not that he stayed around for her. He was a loving husband that provided so much but nothing sexual.

To the outside world it was fair to say I had it all, a loving husband, although a good few years older than me, and two amazing and beautiful daughters and a lovely home. My husband was a good man who had provided an amazing life for our family, including an eldest daughter that wasn't his child but he treated her as his own.

We lived in a lovely part of the UK, in Wales, in a home and area that people would envy. We had nice cars, took nice holidays and lived an idyllic life.

For all of the happiness the above brought I was truly unhappy and started to begrudge my husband more and more each day. I was starting to feel like he was sapping my energy and making me feel less and less like a woman, but I know that he did not intend it.

You see I was reaching a point where our failed sex life was dragging me down and driving me to despair. For years I had accepted that it was entirely normal for sex to last a few seconds and to leave me craving for more. The truth is we didnt have sex or make love but instead, for a few brief seconds my husband managed to relieve himself on me and then left me frustrated with no feeling of enjoyment. At the time I thought I had achieved the odd orgasm but now I know that that had never happened.

As a housewife I was left with time on my hands and I did start to try sex toys to see if I could find some sexual enjoyment. And yes, as any women knows, they can provide something and certainly provided me with the orgasms that my husband couldn't but I needed more. At that time I didn't know what that meant.

Also at that time we discussed our poor sex life and my husband would suggest things but all these were things to improve sex for him. He suggested we could try anal sex or I could shave my pussy bald for him. He would chirp up with his ideas and I would blow him away.

I now know I said I no to those things not because I was afraid of doing them but because I didnt want to do them for him. Why should I give him more enjoyment when I get nothing?

As time went on my bitterness got worse. Sex would be followed with me complaining about how useless he was and asking why he could never satisfy me. Sly jokes about the dildos in my drawer being the only real men in the house would follow.

Yes I know I was a bitch but it was coming to a point and needed addressing.

After a few weeks we were in cycle where my husband had so much pressure from sex we barely had sex at all. All it did was leave me frustrated and him feeling a failure at his few seconds of performance.

As a family we were very close and always promised the girls we would never have any secrets from them and it was becoming clear that this was driving a wedge between us all. It reached a point that after months of arguments he moved out to stay in a hotel leaving me and the girls at home. We were honest with the girls saying we had a few things we needed to sort out.

Nearly 2 weeks passed and my husband and I had dinner together to see if we could find a way forward. It was clear we were both nervous and had no idea where we would go from here. My husband told me that he loved me very much and didnt want to bring me any more pain. If we were going to separate then he accepted it was his fault not mine.

Just as we were about to go our separate ways and forgo 12 years of marriage he made a suggestion that would change our lives. Perhaps we could invite a partner into our sex lives, someone to help. My immediate response was why does it always have to be about him and I started crying. Up got my husband and came around to my side of the table and said "no hun, I mean someone for you not me, another man someone capable of satisfying you".

During the next hour of the conversation he took the time to explain how he felt a failure and knew how unfair he had been towards me, how he had let me down but had come to realise he would never be able to satisfy me. He explained that it wasn't my fault but instead it was his, a combination of a small penis, just short of 5 inches, and being unable to last any period of time. It meant that he knew now he couldn't satisfy me which was something he said no man should ever be forced to admit about his wife. He said to me "perhaps we can find a man to give you the satisfaction I cannot but as your husband that is the least I can do".

For the first time in perhaps nearly a year I felt close to my husband like we had bonded over something, and for the first time it felt that he had actually heard my needs but I told him I needed to think about it, I needed to know it was right for me.

I didn't want him to stay at home that night but instead to go back to his hotel and to leave me alone to think about it. We kissed, passionately for the first time in some time, and he left for the hotel.

I went to bed with a new found spring in my step, nervous but feeling like my husband had finally started to understand me, even though I doubted it would ever happen. Joining me in bed that night was my favourite 8" dildo and I was excited with the idea, although had no idea what it meant. I took the dildo and found myself thrusting it like I had never done before.

I was excited trying to imagine another man giving me enjoyment like I had never felt, all the while my husband watching me get something I had always needed. With each pull and push of the dildo I got louder and louder and closer to the most amazing orgasm that I so needed.

Unfortunately that night I hadn't realised quite how loud I was so was interrupted by a confused daughter worried something was wrong. Gently putting her back to bed and assuring her not to worry ruined the enjoyment but I had imagined what I needed.

I texted my husband to say goodnight and thank him for the suggestion, telling him I appreciated that he was suggesting something to make me happy. He texted back to say he was pleased but there was something he hadn't told me which infuriated me and took me back to feelings I had before. I rang him ranting about what he was keeping from me. He explained that he wasn't but he couldnt explain as he didn't know how, so he said he would email me a link and asked me to watch it.

Across came a link to an online porn site clicking into a video called interracial cuckolds. I sat and watched as a white couple discussed their problems, similar to ours, but exaggerated as only porn would do, and then it moved to a discussion about how black cock could give them everything they needed. For a few moments they both kissed and exchanged joyous remarks about how they wanted bbc (big black cock) and how amazing it would be for him to see a sexy black man take his wife. On cue came the 'well lets ring the neighbour and have some fun'. Then what I saw was a fantastically sexy black man arrive as confident as I could ever imagine with the most amazing huge black cock and he gave the wife all she had dreamed about, all while her husband watched and received oral abuse for not being able to satisfy his wife.

While I watched I found myself rubbing my pussy more and more, imagining how that women must have felt. Almost before I knew it I was orgasming again but an intense orgasm almost like I had never felt before. I was burying my fingers deep in my pussy much further than I had ever done before. At that moment I wanted that black cock more than I had ever wanted any cock before.

I was jealous of that women. She had everything I could ever imagine and so much more. Strangely, I actually liked how this big strong black man was taking control and how he did the things he wanted and called the husband names while he fucked the wife harder and harder. I didnt care that he fucked her ass or that he came all over her face and breasts, that didnt bother me as I could see the joy that the woman felt from something so sexy.

At the end when the white husband joined to lick up all the black cum from his wife's breasts and face I gushed In a way I hadn't ever before. I saw a glimpse of something that excited me beyond any feeling before.

Ringing my husband I asked if that was what he truly wanted and he responded that it had excited him like nothing else and he wanted to give it to me. I told him to come home now, to leave the hotel and I told him that I loved him.

...

If people liked my story I will start to write more but for moment I am only learning.