I don't know how to explain it unless you can understand it. I was hypnotized by Leonard, my master. I was no longer married to Brad. He was the cause of everything in my life gone wrong. In a way I guess it was good that I was doing another's bidding, because left alone I'm sure the kind of physical cruelty inside me would have resulted in Brad's demise. Instead I was onstage. I walked across the room and turned my back as best I could to all three men. There was Brad, whom I now despised. There was Leonard, my new master, and even if I didn't want to be with him, I wanted nothing more than to make him proud. I wanted to fill his every need and desire and yet the idea of his touching me was so repulsive I thought about ending myself right there. But I knew I wouldn't, I couldn't. I sound confused and I was, but I was also resolute. And then there was Leonard, my masters, friend: the repulsive short nigger monster. A big part of me would gut him like a fish, without a second thought… and yet I also knew that my master intended on using my hatred against me. If I was going to please him, I would have to give up that part of myself for him. I don't expect anyone to understand what was going on inside me, but it was so very real.
I let my head draw back, taking a deep breath, letting the situation draw me in. Anybody that has ever submitted to another knows exactly what was happening to me. I was drawing the strength from him, to submit myself to him. The walls were coming down and I was looking forward to what tasks lay before me.
"Bitch is stalling dude." It was the short, ugly nigger becoming impatient."
"Shut up asshole or I'll rip you a new one." Leonard was direct and out of the corner of my eye I saw him move between myself and his friend. As if to acknowledge the action I felt my fingers unbutton the button of my blouse. I turned my head and looked over my shoulder at my new master. I saw him smile a wicked grin that made me both warm and self conscious. I continued to unbutton my blouse. I was warm and I was no longer responsible for what was going to transpire. I think he knew that as well.
I removed my blouse and turned around facing all three men. I was still wearing my bra. Without removing my eyes from Leonard I reached behind and unhooked my bra, letting my breasts fall free. I heard his friend whistle at my embarrassment.
"Wow, would you look at them titties!" It was juvenile, it was obscene, and yet if it had come from "him" I would not have felt the humiliation that crawled across my skin. I could feel my face turning red. I couldn't look him in the eye and yet I despised his insipid little friend, so I turned and looked at Brad. His face was stone, I swear I could see drool coming out of his mouth, and yet I didn't recognize him. It was like I was out of my body, yet I knew where I was… on a journey to subspace, barely conscious of who I was or what was happening.
A lump formed in my throat as I reach for and unbuckled my trousers. It was like there was an echo in the room as I pulled the zipper down and without another thought pushed my pants down past my knees. There was no need for humility now, I was past that. There was no hesitation, I stepped out of my pants, underwear and all, and stood before them naked. My stomach was tight, I needed something but I didn't know what. I suddenly became aware that my eyes were tearing. It was worse knowing what I must look like, crying like a baby, standing in front of three men, one I despised, one I wanted the worst revenge on, and one whom I could refuse nothing. And all I could do about it was cry, I felt pathetic.
Leonard came over to me. I turned myself and looked into his eyes. It was fire, it was lust, it was demands, it was control. It was everything. I felt myself shake. He grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my head backwards, never looking anywhere but into my soul.
"You are?" he whispered in my ears.
