I was in the office finishing up some odds and ends, it had been a long day, and I was taking a leave of absence for the next two months. I had a lot happen all at the same time, a death in the family, my husband and I were temporarily separated, not to mention that I had been working 12 hour days for the last three weeks.
I was the last one in the office, and it was quite, and most of the lights were already off. Everything was quite, and slightly eerie, I hate being by myself. So I put my iPod on, and kept doing what I needed to do. I was feeling slightly bummed because nobody had really said anything to me about me leaving. So I worked harder to get everything done so nobody would need to call me tomorrow. Even though I knew that as soon as I walked in my front door, my phone would be turned off.
As I worked on of my favorite bands started playing in my ear. I blocked out everything else and just listened to the song, letting the words float around in my head. I close my eyes, and swallow back the tears that are creeping into my eyes. All of a sudden I feel a hand on my shoulder, I almost jumped out of skin. I turned around to face James, the IT guy who had come back in to finish a project that was suppose to take him most of the night. I took my headphone out, and told him that he had just scared me half to death. He said he wasn't trying to do that, he just needed to know how much longer I was going to be so he could start on his stuff. I told him that I should be done in about 10 minutes.
At that he turned around and walked toward his office. I went back to work and finish what had to be done. Once I was finished I made sure all my stuff I needed to take with me was gathered up, then I walked to James' office and told him that I was done, and that I was also leaving. He then asked me if I was alright. I told him I was fine. He said that it had looked as though I was about to cry when he was at my desk. I told him that it had been a rough week, but I was alright. He said that if I wanted, he was a good listener, and wouldn't mind the company while he did his work.
After debating in my head what to do, I decided that there was no harm telling him what had happened. I first explained that a distant family member had died, so most my relatives had been around a lot lately and family is family. They poke and prod, telling me what I should or shouldn't do, all in the name of love, or at least that is what they always tell me. I also explained that my husband and I had recently decided to take a break, so that we could work things out. I was still mad at him for not wanting to listen to my feelings about everything. I think he just wanted to go bang his secretary with out feeling bad. I often felt that he had walked out years ago, and was just there to make me feel better, the only problem was we hadn't had sex in almost a year, and he never wanted to be around me. I knew that it was over, and that he wasn't coming back. As I explained all this, James stood there looking me in the eyes. I couldn't help but get lost in his deep brown eyes that matched his skin. He was gorgeous, and toned. I had often wondered what it would feel like if he just wrapped his arms around me, and gave me a hug.
Before I could saying anything, James had done just that. He was hugging me. It felt so warm, and I felt as though I could just stay there all day. Unable to hold it back anymore I cried, I cried for my self, for the loss of my husband, for the loss of some relative I barely knew. Embarrassed I started to pull away from him. He just held on tighter, and told me that it was ok to cry, and if I didn't let it out now, it would just eat at me until I did. So I just stood there in his arms crying, but at least grateful that someone was listening to me.
When I finally quit crying, James asked me if I felt better. I told him I did, and thanked him for listening to me. He told me it wasn't a problem and said that if I ever needed someone to talk to again, or someone's shoulder to cry on, he was willing. I thanked him, and told him that I had better get going. He asked me if I was planning on being at work on Monday, I told him that I wasn't, and that I had the next two months off. He said that he would miss me, and that he would talk to me later. Without another thought to it, I went back to my desk grabbed my things, and left.
I drove home listening to the radio, I wasn't really paying attention, it was just on for the noise. I was grateful that James had been so willing to listen, and that I had gotten everything out. It seemed like it had been a long time since I had really talked to anybody and told them how I felt. Before I knew where I was, I was home. I am not sure how I got there, or how long I had been sitting in the driveway. So I parked my car, and walked into the house, grateful to finally be home. As soon as I got in the house I checked the answering machine to make sure nobody called, then went to the bedroom, where I stripped out of my work clothes and then put on my pajama's, just and old t-shirt and some cotton shorts.
I then curled up on my couch in the living room, and turned on the tv, before long I had fallen asleep. I had started dreaming of James, the softness of his hug, and the warmth of his words. When I stood next to him, I must look like a ghost, because of how fair I am, and how dark he is. The deeper my sleep became the more fitful it became. I woke up around 1:00am, and decided I had better move to my bed. My sheets felt cool against my skin, and the bed was soft and inviting. I was soon asleep, again I dreamt of James.
My alarm clock and woke me up, I had forgot to turn it off again. I tried to turn over and go back to sleep, but it just wasn't working out for me. So I got up, showered and dressed, and was figuring out what to do for breakfast when my cell phone rang. I had forgotten to turn it off. I looked at the Caller ID, and noticed it was James. Thinking I had forgotten to log out, I decided to answer it. He was calling to make sure I had gotten home ok, and that I was doing alright. I told him I had made it home fine, and that I was doing a lot better then last night. He told me he was glad, but wanted to see it for himself, and told me to meet him for breakfast at a coffee shop down the street.