Peter hadn't called in three days. I felt like I was going crazy. I went about my business. I cleaned my apartment three times. After our night together, I left his apartment silently at the break of dawn. I figured he'd call me later that day and we he hadn't called by that evening, I had taken to checking my phone every five minutes. By the third day of no contact, I had given up checking my phone. I had even put it under my couch so I wouldn't look at it. What had I done wrong? Was it the sex? Maybe he wasn't as into my body as he had claimed. I took a long bath that night and changed into a pair of pajama shorts and a white tank top. I sat in the corner of my couch with my Snuggie wrapped around me watching Family guy. The knock on the door startled me. No one ever really came over to my place. I had friends, but usually I went to their place. No one ever came unannounced. They knew I hated it. I got up slowly and peeked through the peephole.
Peter stood at my door. He was in a suit and I could tell he had come from work. His hair was neat and his eyes were focused on my door. I opened it slowly.
"Hi," I said my eyes not quite connecting with his.
"Jesus Ali," he stepped forward and took me in his arms.
To say I was confused was an understatement. I should be mad. I shouldn't let him hold me like this. I pushed away.
"Jesus Ali?" I repeated, "You fell off the planet." I turned to walk into my place. He followed me shutting and locking the door.
"You left without saying a damn word. I was pissed." He took my arm and pulled me to him.
"Mature." I pursed my lips and looked into his eyes.
For the first time I saw the anger in his eyes and maybe something else, like he wanted to kiss me.
He took a deep breath, "Yes, I know it wasn't the best reaction. I'm sorry. I thought about you everyday, but I was so, I don't know, and that you would just leave like that..." He let his hand brush along my jaw. I turned away from his touch.
"Look, I've done this game before. I don't really want to do it again." I moved backwards away from him.
"What game? What are you talking about?"
"Whatever this was to you," I gestured between us, "a fantasy thing to sleep with a black girl, or just experimenting. Whatever, I get it. It was fun, but I don't like to be used." I turned my back to him prepared for him to make lame excuses and then leave. I felt the tears prick my eyes and willed them away. I was use to this I told myself. This is what every other guy I'd been with was like.
He didn't speak for a moment and I turned to look at him. His eyes penetrated into mine. He didn't move, didn't speak, and just looked at me. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He moved quickly and I didn't have to time to react. He took me in his arms and pressed his lips to my neck surprising me.
"I'm not playing games with you Ali. You aren't some girl I'm using to fuck. Jesus, you drive me crazy."
"Stop it, I can't handle this." I tried to push him away. I felt so confused by him.
"Yes, you can. This is real Ali. I was stupid for not calling. I was hurt. I'm sorry." He tangled his hand into my curly hair. He stopped kissing my neck and looked up at me. He let his lips skim over mine.
I moaned frustrated with what I was feeling inside. I wanted to believe him, but everything in me told me guys couldn't like me, treat me well.
"I'm so sorry I did this. I'm so sorry that whoever it was made you feel like you couldn't be loved."
I sucked in my breath when he used the l-word. I moved to turn around. He pulled me back to him fast and kissed me on the lips.
"Peter, please," I didn't know what I was asking him to do.
