I met our friends at the bar but as the night wore on the bravado I felt regarding the Crystal situation began evaporating. I went through the motions of having a good time at the bar when inside I was consumed with nothing but thoughts of her.
I began feeling genuine remorse for what I had done and felt ashamed that I wasn't able to emotionally rise above it. And when I factored in the older woman and ebony pussy elements on top of it, I hit rock bottom and hated myself. Needless to say, I got hammered that night.
The next day was a day of recovery for me both in terms of how I felt physically and emotionally. I felt bad for duping her like that but I also recognized that it was her status as a close friend that I cared for and admired that made the pain she inflicted on me so damaging.
Most of all, however, she had unlocked a part of me that I thought would be quarantined forever. Suddenly, it didn't seem so far fetched for her and me to get together and once those walls came tumbling down, I was at the mercy of how I really felt for her. She had allowed me to taste my dream and then snatched it away smacking around my ego in the process. Any other girl I would have shrugged off the bullshit and hit the pussy regardless because the pussy was always the objective. But with Crystal, I couldn't. Everything had to be in line before I would even consider it. And honestly, that freaked me out.
All I wanted was an apology and the respect that came with that gesture. But not once at work or in the parking lot the night before had she said she was sorry. Instead, she tried to justify it and then threw her pussy at me which made my decision for vengeance that much easier.
I resolved to stand my ground and when the opportunity presented itself, if ever, I would put my cards on the table and let it roll. It's funny how enlightened you become when dealing with a four alarm hangover.
When I went to work that night I wasn't worried about any drama breaking out there. Crystal was way too classy and dignified to pull some shit like that. Instead, she walked right up to me and, with our unknowing coworkers and customers two deep at the bar, we engaged in our own meaningful conversation within a seemingly routine one.
"So Sean, I heard you had a pretty good time at the bar last night" Crystal asked me nonchalantly while also shooting me a cold glare which told me she had gotten the lowdown and didn't like the answer as to my whereabouts last night.
"Yea, it kind of got out of control if you know what I mean, but like someone once told me" I said before pausing and grinning for effect "it couldn't be helped"
Crystal recognized the phrase and smirked before resuming her fuck you glare.
"What about you, girl? What did you do last night?" I asked smugly while making her drink order.
"Wasted my damn time, that's what I did" She shot back coldly.
I didn't ask her to elaborate but she did anyway.
"I was supposed to get with this guy" she fumed "who I thought was pretty special but as it turns out he ain't shit. A punk ass wannabee man playing stupid ass games, that's all he is"
"Damn girl" I said grinning as I noticed others listening in "Tell me how you really feel!"
"I'm sorry" she said smiling to the crowd around us before resuming her glare at me and continuing "But this guy had me where it hurts and it's just frustrating. But, trust me; I won't make that mistake again"
"I feel you, girl" I said seriously "I hate games too. Been there and done that." I said while staring and pausing again for effect. "But I always say ‘do unto others' you know what I mean?"
Crystal came out of character and immediately shot back
"Two wrongs don't make a right Sean!" which, to both our horrors, was a bit too out of character and presumed I had knowledge that I shouldn't have.
We both scrambled to repair the damage while inquiring eyes and ears still looked on.
"Well I don't know what wrong you did to make him treat you like that" I said while she nodded and said "I know, I know" before I continued
"But maybe he still thinks you never righted your wrong. Maybe if you talked to him about it you guys can work it out?"
"Please" she said disgustingly as she pulled her drink filled tray off the bar and our brown eyes collided head on "I will never forgive him for the shit he pulled."
"Not Ever" She said emphatically as she walked away.
A week went by and we continued this little game until Crystal noticed that a girl I had met at a bar was coming in frequently to see me. I was moving in her direction hard and that seemed to make Crystal jealous because after she saw that she acted like I wasn't even alive. I didn't get one look or one word.
At that point I resigned myself to having to put Crystal in the ‘what if' column because I wasn't going to apologize for shit and given her state of mind I knew one wasn't coming my way either.
Our Berlin Wall finally came down about a week after that when a bunch of us from work went on a one day ski trip. I was living in house with two friends from high school by then and our house had a huge backyard so we designated my place as being the meeting location where everyone not driving could park their cars. Crystal and I both had committed to going weeks ago and as luck would have it, neither one of us drove but we ended up in the same car along with three other people.
The trip to the resort took two hours and on the way there we engaged in conversation but only in the context of the group talk. As far as one on one communication it was still boycott central.
When we got to the resort and started skiing everybody pretty much separated and did their own thing. It was only the second time Crystal had ever been skiing but she was pretty athletic and adapted well. Like most beginners, however, she got a dose of over confidence and decided she was ready to take the big lift to the top of the mountain.
I had just finished a run from the top when I saw Crystal standing in the lift line. At the top a few friends and I had just burned a fatty before we headed down and consequently I was feeling nothing but love for my fellow man. Thus, I figured this was as good a time as any to get her alone and maybe squash the bullshit. The pussy might be gone but she was still my girl and it sucked having that wedge between us.
I said fuck it and glided over to where she was and asked the stranger she was paired with if he minded that I take the lift with my friend. He happily obliged me and before Crystal could react or object we were being called out to line up by the lift operator. Our lift chair turned a quick U turn and scooped us up and before we knew it we were all alone for the first time since the employee parking lot.
We began ascending and for the first minute of the five minute trip we sat in silence taking in the blue sky, the bright sun, the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, and the tranquility of the soft wind blowing through the snow covered trees.
I looked over at Crystal in her purple bibs, white ear warmers, and sun glasses and she looked good. The way her dark features stood out against the white backdrop and the way her peach lipstick sparkled against the sun made my mouth water. It was do or die now and I knew it.
"Forgive me Sistah for I have sinned" I said rekindling the phrase I used to use with her years ago when we discussed my high school love life.
Crystal's turned her face towards mine and shook her head as if to signify that I wasn't cute but the slight smile on her face betrayed that and told me I was in.
"There was this girl, Sistah" I said beginning my confession "Beautiful, sweet, smart, generous, funny, older, black, AND…" I said before raising my right hand and bellowing loudly towards the sky
"Lord above what an ass on this girl!"
Crystal started laughing and then abruptly stopped herself but she couldn't hide the smile on her face as she continued to shake her head like I still wasn't cute.
"Seriously, Sistah," I continued "There isn't anyone even close to her in my eyes. Even though we never were an item, she has always been my measuring stick for other women. Did they laugh like her? Do their eyes look through me like hers do? Can I talk to them like I do her? Does their smile make me feel the way hers does? Will they look out for me like she does?"
"At first" I admitted "She scared me to death and I never imagined thinking of her like that. She was older, wiser, educated, and yes, black. So I never dared to dream despite what I knew was inside me. But then one night in her apartment changed all that and the possibility that I could have her became real."
