Into the Fire

I've never been much of a morning person, but waking up next to Shane was quickly becoming one of my favorite things in the world. We're still tangled from the night before, arms and legs slung over and in-between, my ear pressed soundly into his chest to hear the steady beat of his heart. I tilted my head upward to study his face, careful not to wake him. I loved the way his hair fell over his forehead, curling over his ears, the soft red ringlets such a sharp contrast from his barely tanned skin. His mouth was set in a straight, relaxed line, and he would occasionally crinkle his nose a bit in response to whatever he was dreaming about. He just looked so...peaceful. It calmed everything inside of me.

So when, in that moment, I decided I was ready to make love with him, there was no apprehension or doubt in my mind.

"Shane."

He stirred, but didn't fully wake. Impatient, I starting poking him in the forehead. "Shane. Shane, wake up."

He grumbled, but kept his eyes shut. "Woman, that has to be the most annoyin' way to wake someone up. What do you want?"

I rested my chin near his heart. "I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" Eyes opened to scan my face for an answer. "What the hell are you talking abo...oh.

Oh."

Eight different reactions played across his face.

"Now?"

"Now."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

He regarded me with concern as he rolled me over onto my back and laid his forehead on mine. "How should we...what would make you the most comfortable?"

I brushed my lips along his jawline. "Can we just do it? I kind of want to get it over with."

He reached his hand between us to see if I was aroused, and hummed his approval when he discovered I was. "I don't want to go too fast, I don't want to hurt you."

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the pleasure he was giving me instead of my rapidly approaching nerves. "I know, and I appreciate that. I'm just nervous. If it's going to hurt I want it to go quickly."

He gave me a quick kiss on the nose before leaning over to reach into the nightstand drawer. He pulled out a condom and tossed it on the bed beside me. "I know darlin', I'm nervous too." He scooted down the bed until he was level with my stomach, planting light kisses right below my belly button. "It's not somethin' to be rushed, though. You want to tell me what you're thinkin' about?" He slid down further and pressed his flat tongue barely onto my mound.

"Ah! You want me to talk

now

?"

"Uh huh." He glanced up at me and nodded, causing his tongue to move up and down.

I laid back and looked up at the ceiling. "Okay. Okay, this is my first time, I think that's reason enough to me nervous." His tongue darted in and out of me easily, lapping up my arousal he was responsible for creating while simultaneously making more. I lifted my hips to try and get more of his mouth on me.

"And...um, I didn't picture it like this. I mean, not like

this.

I just..." My toes curled as two of his fingers entered me.

"I didn't think I would feel this way about anyone...and, God, that feels so good...and I didn't think..." He gently added a third finger, sliding in and out of me at a torturing pace.

"You make me feel so good..." He purred against me, the vibrations making my clit throb.

"...and I just want you so badly..." His fingers were buried deep within me.

...and...I just...oh God..." He ever-so-lightly skimmed my clit with his teeth.

...please, please, please, Shane..." I rode into my orgasm with a fierceness, panting wildly, completely forgetting my nerves, everything. It was just me, and him, and us.

He gingerly withdrew his fingers and reached past me to retrieve the condom. I heard him tear the packet open, keeping my eyes shut tightly as I came down from my high. I felt him settle on top of me, gently nudging against my slit with the head of his cock.

"Tess. Look at me."

I forced myself to steady my breathing, and opened my eyes. He pushed forward, slowly inching inside of me. "Have I told you how happy I am that you came into my life? And how grateful I am to be your first? And how beautiful I think you are?"

I inhaled deeply, reveling in his words and the magnitude of what we were about to do. "I love you, too."

The smile that broke out onto his face was so bright it could have powered a thousand cities. He wasted no time showing his joy of my declaration by kissing me with all the breath he had. When he was finished he looked down at me with the most heartfelt expression on his face, and pushed his hips forward.

The pain that surged within me as he broke my hymen felt a hundred times worse than bruised ribs and stitches. It

hurt.

I went to scream but no sound came out of me, just two tears that rolled down into my hair. Shane tried his best not to move, he kissed down the trail my tears left, whispering "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm sorry..."

I gulped in small, quick breaths of air. "It's okay. It's okay. Just go slow."

His face rested on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He drew back gently then rolled into me again, trying to move as calmly as possible. The pain no longer felt like a sharp stabbing sensation, but I was still insanely uncomfortable. I just held on as tightly as I could and tried to power through it.

"Tess?" He mumbled into my neck.

"Yeah?"

"You're strangling me."

I let up on the chokehold I had him in and gripped the sheets instead. "Sorry." All of a sudden he stopped and I felt him pull out of me. My head snapped up. "What's wrong? Am I doing it wrong? I ruined it, didn't I?"

He sat back while he peeled off the condom and tossed it on the floor. "No. Stop. You're perfect. But you look like you're in a world of pain."

"It's okay, we can keep going."

He climbed off the bed and grabbed his boxer briefs from the floor. "I'm not doin' anything that's hurtin' you. Stay there, I'll be right back." He pulled on his underwear and walked into the bathroom, closing the door. I closed my eyes to collect my thoughts, of which I only had one.

Man, you really should have lost your virginity years ago, so your first time with him would have been perfect.

***

"Sweetheart, wake up." All my obsessive thoughts must have lulled me to sleep. "Come take a bath with me."

"Mmm. 'kay."

He scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the tub, a large clawfoot that sat in the middle of the bathroom. He had mentioned once that he preferred to take baths after his shifts, to sooth his aching muscles. As soon as he lowered me into the tub I immediately knew why. He climbed behind me and sat, tugging me against his chest. He intertwined his fingers with my right hand as I played with the bubbles with my left. We wordlessly melted into each other, feeling out the room before we spoke.

"I lost my virginity in a barn."

I coughed, choking on my words. "You...what?"

"I lost my virginity in a barn. I was fifteen, and there was this real pretty girl whose family owned a horse farm down the road from my house. She invited me over one afternoon to help brush the horses, and one thing led to another...she rode me on top of a hay bale. I had horses starin' at me the whole time and splinters in my ass for two days after."

I

lost

it. The laughter made my lower body spasm in protest but I couldn't help it. "Why are you telling me this?"

He swept the hair away from my shoulder and bit me playfully. "Because you should know that most everyone's first time is a disaster. That's how it goes. It gets better. And," he added, "it's pretty awesome to do it with someone you love."

I reclined into him as much as I could. "Did you love her?"

"No. But I love you. And I'm really glad to be able to tell you so."

I swirled my finger in the water. "...you'll come visit on weekends?"

He paused, his lips in my hair. "You want me to?"

"Not every weekend...but, yeah. I can come here, too. And on breaks. Holidays. Whatever."

"Are you saying you want to stay together when you leave?"

I sat up and turned around to look at him. "I mean, we kind of have to. I told you I love you, now I'm stuck." I stuck my tongue out at him and grinned. "And it's only nine months until I graduate. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be really busy...but I'll make as big of an effort as I can, okay? Besides, I don't think we'll be able to have sex in all the places you mentioned before I leave. You'll owe me."

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a mischievous look. "Ah. I guess you're right, we'll have to keep datin' until all debts are paid. Have I mentioned I've added about fifty new places on that list? Might take months. Years, even. Are you ready for that?"

I nodded furiously and gave him a mock serious face. "Are you?"

He reached up and cradled my cheek in his hand. "Sweetheart, I'm ready for everything you're willing to give me."

***

We spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching movies and talking. Shane apparently thought losing my virginity had turned me into a paraplegic, because he wouldn't let me get up for

anything.

I practically had to beg him to let me go to the bathroom by myself. His hovering was sweet, but I wasn't used to having someone take care of me. Though the foot rub he was giving me was something I could definitely get used to.

"How many girls have you dated? Like,

really

dated?"

He stopped massaging my foot to think about what I asked him. "You know, sweetheart, I'm starting to dread it every time you ask me a question."

I shrugged. "I'm relaxed. When I'm relaxed my mind wanders. No one told you to invite a crazy woman to stay with you, it's your own fault."

"Yeah, I'm really starting to regret that." I grabbed the pillow behind my head and threw it at him, then started squirming when he tickled my feet. "And for someone so small you're awfully violent."

I snatched my foot back and sat on my knees in front of him, putting on my best angelic face. "Aww, I'm sorry. I'll be good."

"You lie, devil woman."

"I do. Answer the question. There's no ulterior motive, I'm simply curious."

He reached up and twirled a strand of my hair around his finger. "Two."

"Two? What do you mean two? Including me?"

"Including you."

I gawked at him. "I'm sorry....have you seen how gorgeous you are? How could you have possibly only had two girlfriends? Didn't you sleep with twenty-some-odd women?"

"Dating someone and fuckin' around don't necessarily go hand in hand, darlin'."

I crossed my arms. "Elucidate."

"Alright college girl, simmer down." He rolled his eyes. "Her name was Carrie. We dated from my senior year of high school until...about halfway through my first year at UT. She's a nice girl, she's married with three kids. We still talk from time to time. Ten years later, there's you."

I raised my eyebrows. "And in between...what, a slew of one night stands?"

"It wasn't a "slew". It averages out to, what, two or three girls a year? You're making it sound like way more than it actually was."

"So why did you two break up?"

"Tess..." He shot me a warning look and I put my hands up in surrender. "It's my last question, I swear."

"We broke up because she wanted marriage and kids and I was eighteen and nowhere near ready for that. I just wanted to, I don't know, be young and stupid for a while. I didn't want to commit to a girl until I was really sure I was ready for all of that."

I rubbed my palms on my knees. "And you're ready now?"

"That sounds like another question, Miss Contessa." I just glared at him until he answered. "Yes. Now I'm ready." My eyes went wide and he laughed at my expression. "Calm down, I'm not proposing or anything. I'm just sayin'...I can see, having that kind of life, with you. Someday. If that's what you want too. Is that okay?"

I fidgeted, trying to formulate a response. "I want you to understand that the only semblance of a relationship I've ever witnessed is my parents, and...my dad doesn't love my mother, and my mother only loves money. So I'm not entirely sure how this whole dating thing is supposed to go. So when you throw in things like marriage and kids...that's a lot, to me. So if I freak out - which I will at some point, I guarantee that -- I hope you won't take it personally." I pushed off my knees and sat back on the opposite end of the couch.

Shane cocked his head to the side. "Yeah, I've noticed. You're a runner."

I waved him off. "Shut up. That doesn't even make sense."

He reached over and set his hand on my knee. "See? You're runnin' from me right now. I get it. Your parents treat you like shit for whatever reason, and they make you feel like you don't deserve to be loved. But you do.

I

love you. The only thing I want from you is to

want

be with me. I know it's been crazy the past month, and things have gone really fast. But that's just what it is, and you have to at least try to take some steps forward. I can't do this by myself, because frankly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing either." He pulled me by the leg until I was practically on his lap. "So stop runnin' from me. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

I gave him a quick smooch on the cheek. "Okay. I'll work on it."

"Good. Now, I have a couple questions for you, lil' girl." Mimicking his earlier behavior, I started running my fingers through his hair. "Have you decided what you're doing after you graduate?"

I sighed. "Not yet. I finished my applications to graduate school, but..I don't know."

"And you applied to...?"

I really didn't want to discuss it, but I guess I owed him. "Stanford."

"That's in California, right?"

"Yeah. And Colombia."

"New York, okay. Anywhere else?"

I fussed with the hem of my shirt. "Yale."

He fell silent for a moment. "Is that something you're serious about?"

"I'm serious about all the schools. But if you're asking if I applied to Yale because of you, the answer is yes."

He squeezed my leg gently. "You should go to the school that's best for you. I love that you factored me into your plans, but if the best choice ends up being across the country...I'm not gonna be happy about it, but I support you no matter what. However, if you make the decision to stay at Yale, I have a proposition for you. Move in with me." I opened my mouth to protest, but he held his hand up to stop me. "Before you give me a hundred reasons why you shouldn't, just let me finish. We've been living together for a month and a half already. You won't be in class five days a week, and New Haven is only twenty minutes away. I'll give you all the space you need to work, I just want you

here

. Just promise me you'll think about it."

I grabbed his upper arm and anchored myself to him, pressing my nose to his shoulder and inhaling his scent, a mixture of heat and earth that drove me crazy. "I will absolutely think about it."

"Good. Do you want to watch another movie?"

I climbed on his lap and rubbed my nose with his. "No."

"Are you hungry?"

"Not for food." I took off my shirt and tossed it aside. The corner of his mouth turned up as he ran his hands down my arms. "Talkin' about commitment is what does it for you, huh?"

"What can I say, I'm a simple girl. Plus you get brownie points for keeping your eyes up here since I took off my shirt."

"Hardest thing I've ever done, sweetheart." He dipped his head down to suck my nipple into his mouth. I fisted my hands through his hair and pulled him closer. One hand traveled to my other breast, gently rolling the hard nub between his fingers. I ran my hands down his chest, my fingertips pressing into the harden flesh, until I reached the top of his boxers.

"I want to ride you. Take your dick out."

He chuckled into my nipple. "Slow down there, tiger. Are you still sore?"

I hopped off to remove my panties, then stood in front of him with my hand on my hip. "Mr. Thomas, would you like to give me a gynecological exam or have sex with your girlfriend?"

"...can't I do both? No? Alright then." Mouth shut, boxers off. "Come here."

I walked to him and mounted his lap. I was dripping wet for him, grinding on the length of his cock a few times before lowering myself on him at an achingly slow speed. "Jesus, Tess, you're so fuckin' tight." I clenched around him as he bottomed out. I was still tender from earlier, but it didn't hurt, just a dull throb. "You okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking," he snaked his hand around the back of my neck and gave a squeeze, "I was thinking, that you were right when you said it gets better, because this feels good." I gradually rose a little further, rolling my hips every time I sat. "I mean,

really

good. God, your cock feels...so. Damn. Good." He held on to my hips, guiding me as I ground into him.

"That's it sweetheart. Take what you need...fuckin'

take

." I contracted around him, watching beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead. He matched me, thrust for thrust, and I was close, right there,

so

close....but something was holding me back.

"I need more. I need you...deeper...please...I need more." I was whimpering incoherently. Shane held me to him as he shifted our bodies; he placed me underneath him, lifting one of my legs up and starting driving his cock into me mercilessly.

"Is this what you need, dirty girl? This how you need to be fucked?"

"Yessss...don't stop, please don't stop..." I scratched my fingernails down his back so hard I could have drawn blood.

"I'm never gonna stop fucking this sweet fucking pussy...come with me Tess, come now, come now." I cried out, holding on for dear life as he unloaded his orgasm within me. His strokes slowed, then ceased, kissing me fervidly as he slowly pulled out.

"Oh...oh

shit

."

"What?" I immediately started thinking what I did wrong. "Was it bad?"

He shot me a look of irritation. "Shut

up

Tess, you were fuckin' amazing. It's just...uh, we didn't use a condom."

I thought back to the instructions the OB/GYN gave me. "Oh. It takes about seven days for the pill to become effective, and it's been...twenty-six hours."

He dropped his head on my shoulder, sweat from his brow dripping down my clavicle and in between my breasts. "Shit. I'm sorry, I just...I wasn't thinking. You felt so good and...you know I'm not...I'm here, okay? I love you, and I'm here." I tried to keep my freaking out to myself.

Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.

"It's okay, Shane. I'm sure it'll be fine."

He raised his head. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I gave him a reassuring smile. He returned the sentiment and kissed me sweetly. He was okay. Now I just had to convince myself.

***

"Hey, Tess? Can you come down here?"

We had just finished showering -- then went for Round 3, then showered again. Shane went downstairs to root through the fridge while I was pulling one of his shirts on. I walked out of the bedroom and headed down the stairs.

"Geez, again Shane? All this sex is turning you into a fiend." I rounded the staircase and halted. Standing by the door was Shane, and my mother. I held on to the banister, the shock of seeing her making me dizzy. "Mom. What are you doing here?"

She scowled at me, taking in my appearance. "Hello to you too, Contessa. Go put some clothes on. That's hardly an appropriate outfit to greet someone in. You look like a whore."

Shane opened his mouth to defend me, but I shook my head at him. "Well, I wasn't exactly expecting you to come here. How did you even know where I was?"

"No thanks to you, Sydney informed me of your little...vacation." She turned to Shane. "Young man, I'd like to speak to my daughter. Alone." He looked to me for approval, I gave him a slight nod. He came to where I was standing. "You okay?"

I responded softly. "Yeah, I'm okay."