Into the Fire

I awoke early the next morning, my body exhausted from all the tossing and turning I did, which didn't amount to much sleep. As the rising sun started to scatter sunbeams across the room I could do nothing but lie there, staring at the ceiling, replaying last night's events in my mind. Thinking about what Shane said to me on the dance floor made me want to touch myself with a fierce quickness. Thinking about what Sam said to me in the hallway just made me want to punch Shane in the face. Chastity, too.

What kind of name is Chastity, anyway?

I rolled over on my stomach and screamed into the pillow. I was beyond frustrated, but I wasn't sure I had any reason to be.

It's not like he's your boyfriend. You two haven't even been on a date. And you never actually asked him if he has a girlfriend. Besides, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe it'll motivate you to get back to New Haven sooner and get a jump-start on the rest of your life.

I just wanted to erase the past 12 hours, but I couldn't. I could go get a pedicure, though.

***

Sitting at Ms. Debbie's Salon was entertaining, to say the least. The funny thing about a small town is that everyone knows everyone else's business. I overheard talk of four affairs, three arrests, two baby mama dramas, and a partridge in a pear tree. Literally. There was a bird picking at the fruit on this woman's tree and she shot at it, only she missed and killed her neighbor's cat. I was trying to keep my attention on my magazine until I heard an obnoxiously high voice.

"Oh, I didn't tell you, I saw Shane last night. Girl, he looked so good."

Chastity.

She was on the other side of the partition on the phone, getting her nails done. I desperately wanted to eavesdrop, but her voice had the volume of a parrot on caffeine so I'm sure the whole shop heard her.

"Oh, yeah, of course he wants to get back together...I heard he was there with some black bitch, but he left her to talk to me. You know how he is, he runs around to have his fun but he always comes back to me."

I shut my ears off after that, before this

black bitch

jumped across the room and choked her.

I felt embarrassed. And angry. But most of all, my feelings were hurt. My phone buzzed in my purse, momentarily delaying the breakdown I was about to have.

Hey, it's Sam. You free tonight?

I thought about my options. I could go back to Shane's and cry. I could risk an assault case by punching Chatty Chastity over there. Or I could go on a date with a nice guy who was actually into me.

I texted him back and focused on what to wear tonight.

***

I was putting the finishing touches on my make-up when I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, Tess. Can I come in?"

I was hoping Sam would be here to pick me up before Shane got home...but then again, it's not like I had anything to hide. "Come in."

He opened the door and was about to say something when he paused. He stood there watching me through the reflection of the full-length mirror where I was getting ready. "Uh...hey. You look...nice." I had chosen a grey scoop neck t-shirt and a denim mini-skirt, which along with the four-inch heels I was sliding on my feet made my 5'5" frame look much taller. "Are you going somewhere?"

I avoided his eyes by pretending to fix my hair. "Yep. Sam asked me to a movie. He'll be here to pick me up any minute."

Shane crossed his arms and set his mouth in a firm line. "No."

That

got me to turn around and finally look at him. "Excuse me?"

"No. You're not going out with him."

"I wasn't aware I needed your permission."

"You don't. Because you're not going."

I balled my hands into tight fists, fighting the urge to scream at him. "I don't know where you get off thinking you get to tell me what to do. Especially when you decided to go off with your little girlfriend last night."

His eyes went wide. "Who? Chastity? You mean when I took her outside for

two

minutes to tell her to stop being a drunk idiot? That hardly counts as 'going off' with her. Last I checked I planned on comin' home with you."

I turned back towards the mirror to put my earrings in. "It doesn't matter, Shane. I'm not your girlfriend, you can go out with whoever you want. And so can I." I heard a knock downstairs. "And there's my date, so I'll see you later." I plucked my clutch off the bed and started to make my way to the door when Shane stood in front of me, unmoving.

"You are not. Fucking. Going out with him."

My heels didn't put me at eye level with him, but I didn't have to crane my neck as much to look up at him. "Are you planning to physically restrain me to stop me from going?"

He stared straight ahead and I saw his jaw clench. "...no."

"Then move."

He hesitantly moved aside. When I reached the bottom of the staircase I looked up to find him watching me furiously. I decided to get one last dig in. "If you're lonely, call your girlfriend Chastity. Which, by the way, has to be the most ironic name ever, because she looks anything but chaste." He didn't say another word as I stepped out of the front door, and I didn't look back to see if my jab had landed.

***

"Oh man, that had to have been the worst movie ever. I'm a little embarrassed I took you to see that."

We were walking in the promenade outside of the theater, discussing the ridiculousness of the action/blow-em-up movie we just watched. There was a typical Friday night bustle: teenagers hanging out with friends by the fountain, couples having dinner in the restaurants, and people on first dates. Like us.

"To say that movie was bad is a severe understatement." I joked. Despite the hostile environment I'd left earlier this evening, I was having a good time. Sam was easy to talk to, very upbeat and positive. He was also ambitious. It turned out he was Pre-med at Yale, while being on the basketball team and volunteering at the firehouse during the summers. My parents would have loved him.

"I can't believe I haven't seen you on campus," he thought aloud as we walked up to a small pier offside a lake, "I definitely would have asked you out sooner."

"If I'm not in class or at the Delta house, I'm usually at home with my nose in a book." I shrugged. "I don't have much of a social life."

He turned to face me and placed a gentle squeeze on my arm. "Well now that I know where you are, we'll definitely have to do this again."

I gave him a warm smile. "Yes, we will. This was really nice Sam, I had fun."

He smiled back, then bent down to kiss me. I knew it was inevitable, so I placed my hands flat on his chest and leaned in to kiss him back. It was sweet.

He broke the kiss first, then turned back to look out at the water. "Huh."

I glanced downward and played with my watch. "Yeah."

"Tess...I'm a big believer of honesty. You're a great girl, very sweet and really,

really

sexy. But, and I don't know how to say this, but I felt..."

"Nothing?" I finished his statement.

He chuckled. "Pretty much, yeah. I'm a little disappointed."

"Hey, no worries. We can still be friends, right?" I poked him in the ribs as we started to walk back. "Besides, you owe me another movie. Let's go get some coffee."

We kicked around different ideas about our next hangout while we strolled back the way we came. Maybe not the romantic relationship we'd imagine, but it was on my list to make one local friend, and meeting Sam helped me cross that one out.

***

I silently turned the knob on the front door, not wanting to wake Shane and start Round 2. Sam and I lost track of time talking and laughing; I was coming in a little after midnight. I expected him to be angry. What I was not expecting was to see him immediately upon walking in, sitting on the couch, nursing a drink. Waiting for me.

"How was your date," he spoke in an eerily calm voice. I strolled past him without so much as a glance in his direction. "It was fine." I started up the stairs.

"Did you fuck him?"

I steadied myself on the banister. My ears

must

be playing tricks on me. "

Excuse me?"

"Did. You. Fuck. Him." He bit each word off harshly.

I gripped the banister so hard my knuckles started to hurt. I turned my head slowly towards his voice. "Do you want to try that again, Tex? Because I

know

you didn't just ask me what I think you just asked me."

He kept his voice even as he looked at me, bringing his glass to his lips as he spoke. "It's not a complicated question, darlin'. Either he had his dick in you, or not."

I spun around and my purse left my hand before my brain registered that I was throwing it directly at him. "Fuck you, Shane!" I bounded up the stairs as fast as I could, headed to his bedroom and slammed the door so hard the walls rattled. I started yanking drawers open, grabbing as many of my clothes as I could and throwing them on the bed. I was getting the hell out of this house. Tonight.

I heard him stomp down the hallway before he flung the door open. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving." I made no move to the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I want to get out of this town and away from you as fast as I can." I stormed past him with an armful of clothes when he grabbed my arm and sharply spun me to face him.

"Tess, goddamnit, stop!"

"No, YOU stop." I threw the clothes at his feet and pointed at him. "You don't get to act like an asshole. You don't get to be mad I went out with someone else while I have to hear all about some girl you've been fucking. And you

damn

sure don't get to ask me who I'm fucking like I'm some whore. What I do and who I do it with is none of your damn business, let's get that clear right now."

He sneered. "I think it is my business, since you've been sharin' my bed from the first night you got here."

I gaped at him for a moment before I slapped him so hard my hand started throbbing. He slowly turned back to face me, his eyes dark with anger. It was pulsating around us like a force field.

That's when he grabbed the sides of my face and kissed me.

It was tentative at first, softer than the situation would warrant. It soon turned hungry, our tongues furiously attacking each other. I snaked my hand in his hair, roughly pulling his head back as I bit his bottom lip. He grabbed a handful of my ass and cemented me to him as he took my mouth once more. All of our frustration, sexual and otherwise, was being expressed in that moment. It was cathartic. It was intense. It was too much.

I pushed at his chest until he backed away from me. He was breathing heavily, his red hair wild in all directions, his eyes hooded with desire and confusion. I brought my hand to my swollen lips and said nothing. When it became clear that neither of us was willing to speak first, I strode past him out of the room and down the hall. When I reached the guest room I closed the door and leaned against it. I tried to figure out what was upsetting me the most: the argument we had, the kiss we shared, or that, for once, he didn't come after me.