October 3, 2024
"Good evening from Washington University in St. Louis. I'm John Harrington of ABS News, and I welcome you to the first of three debates between Senator Mark Robinson of New York and Senator Ray Sherman of Florida. These debates are sponsored by the Commission on Presidential Debates. This debate will last ninety minutes, and will adhere to the rules agreed to beforehand by representatives of the candidates. The audience will remain silent during this debate...except for now, as they join me in welcoming Senator Robinson and Senator Sherman."
Mark and Ray both approached the podium and shook hands. Both men looked like they wanted to pummel each other.
"As determined by a coin flip, the first question goes to Senator Robinson. For the past few weeks, your campaign has been reeling from the revelation by Australia's Channel Six that in the late-2010s, you fathered a child with a young Australian woman named Kylie Maree Connolly. Earlier this week, Channel Six reporter Hugh Macquarie broke the news that in 2013, five years prior to meeting you, Kylie posed nude for the Australian erotic website Larrikin Lust. Your campaign has not commented on this latest revelation about the mother of your child. Do you care to comment now?"
"Well, first, John, I would like to thank the sponsors of this debate and the people of St. Louis for hosting this debate. I'd also like to thank Senator Sherman for participating. I must say that I'm horrified-not by what Kylie Connolly did when she was twenty years old, but by the obsession of the media, both here and in Australia, with the details of our personal life. I fail to see what Kylie's photos have to do with the issues we're supposed to be discussing tonight. I fail to see-"
"You fail to see a lot, Senator Robinson," Ray interjected.
"Excuse me, Senator Sherman," John replied, "you'll have plenty of time to respond."
"Well, I can't let Senator Robinson's attempt to spin the truth go without an immediate response!" Ray yelled. "He doesn't see that this is about character-"
"I will not have you question my character, Senator Sherman," Mark snapped.
"Of course. You don't want anyone questioning your character."
"This election, Senator Sherman, this election is not supposed to be about who's morally superior. It's supposed to be about whose ideas are superior."
"Yes, and my ideas are superior as well," Ray remarked, to loud boos from the audience.
"Senator Sherman," John shouted, "I insist that you stop with your interruption of Senator Robinson."
"Well, he has nothing relevant to say about this issue!"
"That's not for you to determine," John replied.
"Senator Sherman, if I may finish," Mark said sternly.
"Feel free to continue, Senator Robinson."
"I fail to see what the constant discussion of my relationship with Kylie has to do with solving this country's problems."
"Senator Sherman," said an irritated John, "you have a 90-second rebuttal."