Whomever said what you don't know can't hurt was a damned liar. It is precisely what you don't know that can kick you in the ass and send you reeling.
Ever since the day I jetted from Aidan's his words had kept replaying in my mind, over and over again. That day seemed to awaken me from some post adolescent pansy-assed bullshit nightmare. I'm sure I'm not the first one.
*********
With eyes wide open now for the past few weeks I have been watching Aidan, Cian, Niall, and the rest and what I've found has frightened the hell out of me to the point that I no longer sleep well.
Things have so changed between Aidan and me. I think he's seen it in my eyes, the fear, the understanding. The fact that he is the one who planted the seed in my mind satisfies him on some level. When I was still able to meet his eyes, I could tell that much. The sex that we were both craving recklessly weeks ago has stopped altogether and I know he gets it because he hasn't called once.
Cian doesn't even realize that I suspect a thing. I've been searching through his things and what I've found is so disturbing it has been keeping me up for days afterward. I can hardly breathe around him and not at all easily. Like the other night for instance; he's got his face planted between my thighs and though it feels good, his tongue feels no different wet, soft, and yet hard. His mouth is very warm and he knows what he's doing but the magic or whatever was holding me spellbound is gone. I can't help thoughts that seep into my mind like maybe he knows about Aidan and I and he's just fucking with me until he decides to have me offed.
Me, I've been opening my legs, and everything else I have to lose, to a man who drops bodies in the river for a living. And not only to him, I live with the guy who orders him to do the deeds. Yeah. Holy shit doesn't quite cut it. Neither does asking myself what the fuck have I been doing. I don't even come I just pretend to and know without a doubt that my brain has been disconnected from my pussy.
*******
Cian takes me out all of the time now to dinner, the theatre, museums, wherever I want to go. It reminds me of how things were in the beginning when I first fell in love with him. Back then I thought nothing much of his bad-ass persona or his reluctance and sometimes downright refusal to do the things I wanted because it made him sexy in my eyes. He only ended up giving me what I wanted anyway. Sexy I had thought. He's in love with me, he wants me. Yeah! Can you say N.A.I.V.E? Now I look at him and into his crystal green orbs and all I feel is danger, all the time, unleashed power. And yep I've been screwing his best friend and number one, go to guy. Nothing to worry about there.
It never occurred to me to wonder why Aidan is wound up so tight all of the time. I assumed I knew but then I had been wrong. That fire in his eyes that makes them so beautiful is from his getting off on doing a job well done. Every time he puts in work and he's around me I know it. His eyes are lit up like the night sky on July 4th. How could I not notice Niall and his forever taped up knuckles, he enjoys his job too.
*******
If those revelations weren't bad enough I saw Victoria. She's absolutely beautiful, stunning really with long thick waves of crimson colored hair that hang past her shoulders, eyes some form of mystical green. Cian had gotten up one night to leave after he'd received a text, as usual and I scared shitless, had still followed him. He'd gone uptown to into an apartment building. We live nicely but this place was spectacular. From across the street I watched as he'd nodded to the doorman and then gone in as if he'd done it a hundred times before.
When he went in he'd worn jeans, a t-shirt, and some Nike's. When he came out he was in a tux that even from as far away as I was looked like it had been personally tailored by Brooks Brothers for him. He was devastatingly handsome. As I watched him get into the back of a chauffeured car I realized that I didn't know who the fuck Cian was. With my head spinning I wondered if I had been such a little girl that any tiny crumb he threw at me I accepted? Had to be right.
He was dropped off at a small restaurant that looked very exclusive where again he seemed very familiar with whomever it was that held the door for him as he stopped to speak for a second before disappearing inside.
From my sneaking position on the other side of the building I could see the back of his head as he sat next to a man who I easily recognized as his father. She looked like a woman who was used to the finer things in life with jewels draping her body and her perfect table manners. Even after all I had done flames of fury licked at me for a reason I wasn't altogether sure of.
Hurrying back to our place I couldn't help but notice the difference in the scenery and architecture of Cian's two places. It's not that I had ever cared before but for some reason now it mattered. It really did. I tore up our place as neatly as I could while looking for something, anything. He hadn't even taken great pains to hide the keys I found. There were a few of them so I took them all.
I did a lot of praying as I sailed back up town to the apartment building I'd seen him go into. I realized as I got past the doorman that I didn't have any idea where I was going and I couldn't just ride the elevator because surely I would get my ass caught. And as it had never occurred to me to do something like this I was definitely nervous and shaky enough to get busted.
As I ascended in the elevator a male got on at some point. He looked like he was coming in from dinner or a business meeting or something. He smiled briefly and I noticed the set of keys in his hand. One of them looked like a key that I'd picked up from Cian's closet. I took them out to get a better look and the guy glanced over at me a second time, down at the keys in my hand his smile turned into a flat out wolf-like grin as he reassessed me with his eyes.
You're on the wrong elevator he said like we were sharing a secret. This little baby he touched a smaller key on the chain goes to the elevator in the back and only goes to one floor. He acted happy as hell to show me the way and I remained quiet not knowing what to say. "Here we are" he said as I got off and then he handed me a business card giving me another once over again like I was an item in a store that he was interested in purchasing. Still stuck on stupid I guess I took the card and shoved it into my pocket as the elevator doors closed and I was left alone. I would throw the thing away later as I had no intention of calling the slimy bastard what so ever.
I used the key on the elevator like he'd showed me. I only hoped no staff would be in the place. The doors opened and I walked into the place and promptly fell on my ass in shock. As I looked around I wanted to hurt someone or something and badly.
The place smelled like Cian that intoxicating smell that made me want him the moment he came within touching distance, tonight though it was too cloying. When I could get up I went through every room and through all of his stuff. His bedroom was gasp worthy the bed sat on a three tiered circular platform off of the floor. His walk in closet held nothing but slacks, suits, dress shirts, ties, matching shoes no jeans, no fucking sneakers. His bathroom was amazing, and how many where there outside his bedroom, other bedrooms too. The kitchen was like something out of a magazine.
I was almost done with my whatever-the-hell, search when I realized what I had been looking for was not there. His girlfriend obviously didn't live with him here. The last room I came to was locked. I went through each and every key until I found the one that fit. It opened to an office, a very nice office. I really should have been over that by now but it was yeah, nice. Papers in folders on the desk told me that Cian was here a lot, it also told me that Cian had at least three businesses that he owned. Two of them had seven digit entries. On the corner of the desk next to a computer was a picture of me taken right after my law school graduation. I wanted to scream. Instead I locked the door back wiped off my finger prints like I was a criminal and let myself out of the place. I did this without burning it the fuck down, without smashing the floor length windows. Yea me.
I was in another kind of stupor as I headed home. I couldn't think or even take in enough air to breathe. Looking around at this fucking lie that was my life I packed my clothes leaving everything I couldn't carry behind. I had no idea where I would go but thank god I had a job and therefore some money in the bank I could go to a hotel, to think.
I grabbed a taxicab and had him take me as far as I could get from our place. I called into work and holed up in my hotel room thinking way too much. What had I been to Cian this entire time? Just some pussy I thought laughing as tears ran down my face. I knew I must have been as I thought back on how many women I had allowed him to have plus me. FUCK! Regret was bitch slapping the hell out of me. I had been all kinds of fool and beyond.
**********
When Cian got home it was almost two a.m. tired, he just wanted to curl up next to Keya and get some sleep. She was not in their bedroom. He turned on the light and noticed the note in the middle of the bed.
Cian, it's over. Things have been waning for a while now and I don't want to do this anymore. Please don't look for me. I just don't love you anymore, Keya.
More than a little drunk with a looming headache he didn't need this shit tonight. He fucking didn't.
**********
Aidan had gone from babysitting Keya to babysitting Victoria. Cian had started blowing Victoria off right after he and Keya were almost caught at his place almost two months ago. Victoria had been giving him the looks for a while and she was very beautiful and Aidan wasn't particularly strong in that way. Not to mention that he was hurting from Keya's rejection. A lot.
He sat on Victoria's couch watching her watch him out of the corner of his eye. When their eyes connected for the umpteenth time she walked over and stood in front of him.
"Were not in love" she told him. "He doesn't love me and I don't' love him." "So whats the problem?"
Right Aidan thought as he picked her up and walked her towards the wall. Holding her in place he ripped her panties off and then shoved himself into her hot, tight hole.
He fucked her hard against the wall and it was good but as she ran her fingers through his hair in a particular way he found himself wanting to remove those fingers. They reminded him too much of the woman he was in love with. He began to pump harder into her making it hard for her to catch her breath. Her nails dug into his shoulders and that he could deal with.
