They have everything in Japan. I could tell you some tales that'd - nah, I shouldn't. You'd think I was bullshit, and I don't wanna...
Alright, alright, but keep this to yourself, okay.
I was over there, last year I think it was, the company had me doing the rounds at the many, many fast food corporations they have over there. From Yoshinoya to KFC (a whole 'nother kettle of fish compared to ours, trust me), I'd outline our business model, explain the pros and cons, you know, basically repeating the same shtick at a hundred different places.
Anyway. I was over there, I think it was about a ten days in, and I had the weekend off. The Saturday I spent watching TV, and I could barely believe my eyes. They had this show called.. "Kendoken", I think it was. Anyway, there was this shark tank, and they had these contestants, these poor fucks - ah shit, I'm going a bit off track here. Okay, so the Saturday I pretty much saw everything that I could ever want to see on TV, and a lot of things that I didn't. So Sunday afternoon I decided to go out.
They had this shopping mall near the hotel, fairly seedy place to be honest, for Japan anyway, which means brighter lights and darker shadows. I was pretty much doing the whole tourist thing, just walking along the uh, the fairway sort of thing they had in there, it was all underground. Anyway, squeezed between a bar/tattoo parlor and one of the thousands of arcades you have lining the streets here, I see a neon sign pointing into a door leading that, well I just had a feeling about. Looking back, I guess I have a sixth sense about these sort of things, heh. Years and years of...
Anyway, I decide to check it out, so, caution to the wind and all, in I go.
I look around, and see a lot of familiar faces pinned up on the walls, mostly either looking shocked, dazed, content or eager. They have all the classics up there, and I suddenly get hit by, you know, the feeling of home. Like, here's a connection. And what kinda fate is that, a porno theatre showing all-American bimbos and broads smack bang in the middle of downtown Tokyo.
I figure, hey, I can't just turn and walk out of here, not after like, destiny or some shit drops it into my lap. Not to mention I had the biggest case of blue balls since junior high. I'd tried to, you know, get some company, but it's not as easy as these stories ya here. Unless you speak the language, I mean, you think you're asking for a petite young cheerleader type and they're giving you like, a set of mint-condition steak knives and a giant barrel of ground nutmeg. I still have the knives at home, I mean, they really do stay sharp, but I'm like, what am I gonna do with a hundred and twenty five pounds of nutmeg?
Alright, heh, so I was in this theatre right, and went and bought a ticket to - well, it was all in Jap, but hey, chances were I'd remember it when I saw it, heh. Walked into the place, sat on one of the freshly washed seats, and settled in amongst the rest of the poor souls. There wasn't really like, a partition or anything between us, or even an armrest, so I was getting a bit uncomfortable there. Like, if I'm jerkin' off in a theatre, I don't wanna have to see any dude's doin' the same, even in line of sight, really.
But when the lights dimmed, a sound came from under the floor, which was waxed wood (good business thinkin', heh). Kind of a rumbling noise. And then these like, long, thin hatches opened up in the floor between the seats, the ones that were occupied at least, and out emerges these big partitions, like little glowing walls, seperating each of us poor blue-balled folk into like, our own little private space. I liked that.
So the movie starts, and it really is a classic, these guys know how to pick 'em, no bullshit here. One of the greats, I don't remember the chick's name, but she's in this skin-tight french maid outfit, sexiest bust you ever saw, cleanin' up around the office for this doddering old man. Anyway, what happens is fairly generic - he offers her a fee for some "special service", she looks shocked a bit (mouth in a nice O), and, of course accepts. The guy whips out this monster cock, pretty virile for an old dude, and she starts cleaning it for him, heh. Some classy stuff here, they used to know how to make 'em, it was never about that shit, about how close the penetration shots are, about tits bigger than a fuckin' basketball, shit.
Anyway, it's hot stuff, and I've whipped junior out and started doin' my thing. Yeah, I'm getting to the good stuff okay, stop looking at me like that. Anyway, I have a closer look at this, this panel next to me, and there are all these dispensers, different buttons under 'em with Jap writing all over them, which I'd be useless with except they had pictures too. This is what a cigarette machine would be, if they had 'em in Heaven. I hadn't ever tried half of the stuff, and didnt' know what the other half was, just couldn't make up my mind. Anyway, right at the end there was a button, only no dispenser over it, which was weird. They all had, y'know, note slots under 'em for yen, and this one had it too, had English numbers thank God. Was the most expensive thing on the board, but still fairly cheap compared to what I was packin'.
Well, you can tell that I was getting curious. I mean, hell, it could just be inactive, ya know, they took the dispenser off or something, Idunno. And while I'm sittin' here, dick in my hand, the movie's already halfway through the titfucking, I had missed when she takes it down deep to coat it with saliva... I don't know what made me do it, but I put the yen in and pressed the button.
Nothing happened for about ten seconds, and I gave up on it after six. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. Then, something caught my eye. The panels had armrest things attached to 'em, and now a symbol of a hand, palm down, was flashing on both of 'em, in red. I guessed right, and put my arms on the armrests. A second later, these, like, manacle things, sprung out of the wall, and now my arms were trapped. This was weird.
Couple of seconds later, same things happens to my legs, steel around the calf muscles, I could feel it, cold, through my pant legs. I won't kid ya, I was getting a little worried. I'm a big guy, especially in Japan, but that's not much use when you're immobilized. I remember thinking through all this, looking down at my dong sitting there, shit, now I'm gonna die with blue balls. I'm gonna be in limbo or some shit, in a perpetual state of blue balls, because you can't jerk off in limbo or hell, the spunk'd get everywhere, and the old man would punt you down to hellfire and brimstone.