There she is. My Purnima Rajani. My lovely East Indian goddess. My gorgeous wife. My angel. Hailing straight from the City of Chennai in the Tamil Nadu region of the Republic of India. Five-foot-eleven, curvy and sexy, with dark bronze skin, long lustrous Black hair and pale brown eyes. Born to a Tamil father and Sikh mother. Truly a unique blend, from what I know of Indian social politics. The first time I laid eyes on her at Carleton University in the City of Ottawa, Province of Ontario, I knew she was the one for me. And this isn’t lust talking either. My name is Mathieu Saint-Armand. I was born and raised in the City of Cap-Haitien, Northern Haiti. My family moved to the City of Ottawa, Ontario, when I was much younger. These days, I’m studying Law at Carleton University. And I’m madly in love with a certain East Indian lady.
When I met my lovely Purnima, I was just coming off a string of failed relationships. Grab a seat, ladies. You’re going to laugh at this one. Especially if you’re a Black woman reading this story. You were warned. My big-booty Jamaican girlfriend Wendy Stephenson dumped me for an Irish guy named Todd O’Leary. A guy I used to be friends with when I attended Algonquin College in the town of Nepean, Ontario. It’s awesome how your lady and your best guy friend can betray you, isn’t it? After Wendy did what she did, I was fed up with the Black females of the world. Seriously. Black women in Canada get mad when they see a brother with a White female or a woman of another race but they’re actively chasing White guys left and right these days. What gives? That is such a double standard! I decided to get me a White woman. Just to show them how it feels.
There was this cute, red-haired White chick named Samantha Connor in one of my Law classes. She always seemed to be checking me out so one day I asked her out. She said yes, and we started hanging out. Things seemed really cool. A lot of the sisters at the Carleton University campus suddenly realized that I exist. Translation? I’m a young Black guy walking around with a White woman. All Black women’s eyes on me! Samantha was cute and great in bed but she turns really crazy when she doesn’t take her pills for bipolar disorder. One time, she saw me flirting with Maria, a cute Hispanic chick at the Tim Horton’s cashier and she actually stabbed me. I spent three days in the Civic hospital hovering between life and death. No more White women for this brother. Those White bitches are crazy! My next relationship was with this Chinese gal named Amy Chang. Lovely gal from La Cite Collegiale, a French college in the town of Orleans, Ontario. She forgot to tell me that her conservative Chinese family hates Black people. Her parents support interracial relationships, especially those between Chinese girls and White men. But they hate seeing a Chinese gal with one of the African brothers. They’re such racists, man.
I decided I just about had it with Jamaican chicks, White chicks and Chinese ladies. I went back to my Haitian sisters. I met this lovely Haitian gal named Nadege Monpoint. She was a church-going gal from the University of Montreal. Cute face, nice body, big round ass and a good head on her shoulders. I thought I had hit the jackpot. Maybe some good old-fashioned Black Love could clear me out of this funk. Unbeknownst to me is the fact that Nadege was a closet lesbian. She was only dating me for a cover, to please her religious Haitian parents. She was hiding the fact that she was sleeping with this six-foot-tall, blonde-haired White chick named Brigid Lancer. Her roommate at the University of Montreal, if you can believe that. As you can see, women tend to break my heart whenever I try to get with them. After three failed relationships in one year, I decided to fly solo. Bitches weren’t worth shit in this Haitian brother’s sincere opinion. It didn’t matter if they were Black, White or whatever. It’s times like these that I almost wish I were born gay. Women make you suffer, man. Black men suffer most of all. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is against us. I swear to God. What did we do to the world? Why can’t the planet leave us peaceful Black men alone?