06

After a two hour nap, Astrid woke up. She felt a hard, yet soft body against her and realized where she was and that she did not have a dream; it was indeed reality. At that realization, guilt hit her like a mac truck crushing a bottle in the road. She felt like she had betrayed a sacred vow she had made to her husband. She lifted Caelan's arm off of her very gently, trying not to wake him. But he was awake before her and just pulled her closer to him. With that movement, her body stiffened.

"Don't!" he said.

"What do you mean, don't?"

"Don't begin to think that what we just shared was wrong. Don't diminish it." He stated curtly.

She removed is hand and got out of the bed. She searched for her clothes on the floor but then remembered they were in the kitchen. She grabbed her thong and proceeded to go to the bathroom. He jumped from the bed and caught the door before she could close it. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting dressed and going home."

"Why all of a sudden do you want to go home?" He knew she felt guilty but he was not going to let her off that easy.

"Look, what we did was wrong. I was acting out of emotions and a hangover. It was a mistake."

He could not believe what he was hearing. "What made it so wrong, Astrid, please tell me because I don't see it that way." His voice sounded a bit harsher than he wanted it to but he just did not understand why she felt it was a mistake.

"Caelan," she yelled back "I am married for crying out loud. I get drunk and then come over here acting like a two-bit hooker. That is not who I am. I don't get drunk and certainly don't sleep around."

An exasperated sigh left his mouth, "I don't believe this," he said while running his fingers through his hair. "He Left You! He doesn't want you Astrid. Is that so fucking hard to understand? And besides, hookers get paid!" He felt a sting on his cheek as his head jerked to the side. She had slapped him. He straightened his head and looked at her as if her peering through her soul. She knew instantly she had made a mistake.

She straightened her shoulders to imitate standing her ground but inside she was scared. "You can't say things to me like that," She managed to say before he grabbed her by the neck and backed her up to the wall of the bathroom. He saw the fear in her eyes as he applied more pressure to her neck. He grabbed one of her breast and began to knead it while sucking roughly on her nipple. She wanted to be afraid but she found that she was turned on instead. She felt a trickle of wetness on her legs and involuntarily parted them. He applied more pressure to her neck and she thought she was going to pass out, not from the lack of oxygen but from the powerful feelings moving throughout her body. He released her breast and lifted her leg to his hip. No foreplay, no getting her ready for his penetration, he then entered her in one fluid motion. As soon as he entered her, she had an orgasm. Her legs began to quake and she didn't think she could stand any longer. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as her body continued shaking. Finally she succumbed to the release of the orgasm and blacked out. Caelan continued to plow into her until he felt his own release and it was so intense that his legs grew weak and they both sank to the floor.

Still inside of her, he cradled her in his lap and held her until she woke. He knew he was wrong for what he said but she needed to understand that she was holding on to a pipe dream if she thought Darrell was coming back.

"Caelan?"

"Shhh," he said "Don't talk." He was beginning to stiffen again. He had just released in her moments ago and now he was hardening again. The things this woman did to his body. He didn't ever recall his body responding to a woman like this. He had to find a way to keep her, to claim her and make her feel the same way about him.

She didn't know how he did it but he managed to pick the both of them up off the floor and remain inside her the entire time. She could feel his erection growing inside of her. Her mind didn't think she could take anymore but her body was responding to his as he walked them back to the bed. This time he gently laid her upon the bed and slid in and out of her. He rotated his hips as his cock slowly entered and exited her. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He rose up on his hands and looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed and he could see the ecstasy all over her face. "Look at me Astrid."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She was not sure but she thought she was looking into eyes that cared deeply for her. No, he doesn't care, she thought, it's just sex to him. As if he could read her mind, he leaned down and said, "I want to care for you. I want to fall madly in love with you and make you mine Astrid. I want to take care of you and make you happy and make you smile all of the time." He gave one final thrust and they both came in unison. It was if their bodies were melted into one and they were meant to be.

***

It was around nine that night when Astrid finally made it back to her house. She had been with Caelan for nine hours and managed to have sex with him three times. She had never done anything like that before in her life. She kept telling herself that her marriage was over and that it was ok for her to be with Caelan. Once she got home, she ran herself a hot bath and soaked her body. She rested her head on the headrest in her tub and relived the events of the day. Was Caelan serious about falling in love with her? It was too soon. She hadn't even signed the divorce papers yet. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and it was Darrell.

"Hey," she said sadly.

"Have you signed the papers yet?" No formal greeting just getting right down to business.

"No."

"Then please don't sign them." His voice was strained. Not sad or sorrowful but strained like he didn't want to be saying this.

Astrid sat up in the tub. "Darrell, what's going on?"

"I've had time to think," he lied. "I don't want this divorce any more than you do. I want to come back home baby."

Astrid sat up straight in the tub. Minutes before she had lost hope of her marriage returning to normalcy. She just laid in another man's bed and now this, this, she didn't even have a name for him right now, wanted to come back and make things right! How dare him!

He continued on in her silence, "I know this may seem as a shock. But I don't know where my head was. I was sad in our marriage and I thought that if I left things would get better but it just made me even sadder. Astrid, I just want to come home. Please baby."

"Darrell, um, I don't know. I.."

He stopped her, "Listen, listen, I know this is strange. I know I screwed up. I know I don't deserve to come back. I know all of this. But we can't just throw away what we have. Just think about it tonight. I'll come over tomorrow and we can talk about it then. How does that sound?"

She was at a loss for words. She could not form any rational thoughts, her body wouldn't move, she was just flabbergasted. "I, uhh, well, I don't..."

"Ok then, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be there around ten in the morning. And Astrid, I want you to know that I've never stopped loving you." He hung up the phone.

She sat in the bathtub with all kinds of thoughts running through her head. She thought about how Darrell had left her. She thought about the hurt he caused. She thought about Caelan and the time they spent together and how he held her and how he made her feel and what he said to her. Then her thoughts went back to Darrell and what he had just said. The water was frigid cold by the time she was coherent enough to get out. She dried off and curled up on her bed after getting under the covers. She didn't even bother with night clothes. Her brain was tired. She was mentally and physically exhausted in just that little time. She just wanted to sleep.

CH5

Caelan woke up the Sunday before Thanksgiving still trying to figure out where he went wrong with Astrid. He thought they had had a wonderful day together and could possibly start a relationship. No, he didn't mean to sleep with her but he thought she left on a good note. He called her the following day and she wouldn't answer. He tried to talk to her when he dropped Aubrey off at school but she wouldn't allow it, "Listen this is not the time or place to discuss this," she would say. One day she finally said, "I made a mistake. I'm sorry that I mislead you." With that he didn't broach the subject with her again. It didn't mean he didn't think about her day in and day out. He missed the conversations they had during drop off or when he volunteered, something he has not done since that day. He hated being in the same room with her and not able to talk to her or touch her, so he opted to just not volunteer at all. He tried to explain it to Aubrey, when she asked why he didn't come anymore. "It's work sweetheart, we have a lot going on." Truth is, he was busy at work but it was completely by choice. He could easily let others handle the responsibilities he had taken up. He just didn't want to see Astrid...who was he kidding? He would give his right arm to see her again, to hold her like he did that one night.

He needed to get out of bed and dressed before Aubrey woke up. He was taking her to eat brunch today. Yes, it was a guilt brunch since he had not been volunteering at the school anymore. He just wanted to know what happened. What caused the shutdown? What caused the cold shoulder? He sighed loudly and got out of bed to take a shower before his mind went back to thinking about Astrid. No need crying over spilt milk. Ha, this is way more than spilt milk. He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. That's plenty to cry about.

He dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a denim long sleeved button down. He threw on a pair of loafers and went to wake Aubrey and get her dressed. He didn't bother shaving since it was the weekend.

"Good morning princess. I thought we would go to the grocery store and pick up some groceries before we ate brunch. What do you think?" He said as he walked in her room discovering she was already awake.

"Ok. And don't forget we have to buy something for the party at school on Tuesday. We are celebrating Thanksgiving. Mrs. Williams said we are going to learn about Pilgrims."

"Well maybe we can look up some information about the Pilgrims when we get back. You can share what you learn with the class."

"Daddy, are you going to come to my party. You could come and help like you use to."

The knife that was in his heart earlier was just twisted and wiggled back and forward. He would have to come. He couldn't keep letting his daughter down because he felt dejected. It's been a month almost. Maybe he could stand to be in the same room with her and not want to scream at her and hold her in his arms all at the same time.

"Yes Aubrey, I'll be there." He sent his assistant a text right then to clear his afternoon on Tuesday. "Let's go so we can miss the crowd."

They were in the car leaving the grocery store when Aubrey mentioned something about Mrs. Williams. "Daddy, I saw Mrs. Williams crying."

"What?" He said in shock. "How do you know she was crying?"

"When we went to art, I had to come back to get my art kit. She was sitting at her desk with her head down. I said, excuse me Mrs. Williams but I need my kit. When she looked at me her face was wet. "

He looked at her in the rearview mirror. He saw the concern on her face. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He knew she loved Astrid just as much as he did. Wait a minute. Love! That's a pretty strong word. Like, that's better. He knew she liked Astrid just as much as he did. So of course she would be concerned. He was concerned, especially because she wouldn't talk to him. He would make a point to call her today. Maybe she would answer the phone after all of this third degree treatment he was receiving. "I'll talk to her on Tuesday when I get there sweetheart. Maybe we should do something special to make her feel better. What could we do?"

"We could buy her some flowers. She likes flowers. She talks about her flower garden all the time."

"Flowers it is. I will have some sent to her at school."

That seemed to satisfy Aubrey and put a smile on her face. They ate brunch and spent the afternoon learning about Pilgrims. She made a picture collage and a little hat to wear for the party on Tuesday. After they cleaned up everything, Aubrey laid down for her nap. He decided to take this time to try and call Astrid. He prayed she would answer and talk to him.

"Hello Caelan." She sounded so sad. Even though he was relieved she answered, his heart ached. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her and see that smile she used to wear. What could cause her so much pain? He hoped it wasn't because they slept together. He would never forgive himself if it was.

"Hi, Astrid. I'm so glad you answered my call." What a stupid way to start a conversation. He was kicking himself. "I was calling..."

"We need to talk," she interrupted. "I need to talk to you today, right now if possible."

"I don't understand. Did you know I was going to call or something?"

"No but I would have called you, eventually anyway. I figured since you did call, I owed you that much to answer it and," she paused. Her voice sounded so uncertain, anxious almost. "Can I come over? Or you could come over here."

"I'll come over there. Let me see if my neighbor can sit with Aubrey. She is sleeping now. Text me your address and I'll be right over."

He couldn't believe it. Finally he would get an explanation. So many emotions were running through him right now, confusion, nervousness, and panic. He already knew she thought she had made a mistake. Maybe she was going to explain why she felt she made a mistake. All he knew was that he needed to get there quickly before she changed her mind.

Jenny, his neighbor, came right over. He told her he had an emergency at work and needed to go see about it. He didn't know how long it would take but once Aubrey woke up, they could go to her house. This was nothing new for Jenny. She has been his impromptu babysitter since Aubrey was born. He put the address in his GPS and was on his way.

CH6

Astrid was sitting at home on pins and needles. She knew she had made a mistake the minute she let Darrell come back into her life. She was miserable. It was if two people just existed in one house. The only conversation they had was the morning he begged her to come back. She didn't sleep at all that night. He showed up the next morning exactly at ten as he said. He was always a stickler for being on time.

"Are you well?" He asked.

"Giving the circumstances, I'm good."

"Well I've thought long and hard about what has occurred between us and I would like for that to change."

She opened her mouth to speak but he continued talking. "You have every right to say no. But I know how you feel about marriage. I'm sorry that I wanted to give up and not make this work. I was just stressed and unhappy and I thought that leaving would make things better. But I see I was wrong. I have been so unhappy without having you around. I want you back Astrid."

"Darrell, I don't know what to say. I mean, you served me with divorce papers and then all of a sudden you change your mind. Am I just supposed to let you back in this house just because you changed your mind? Did you ever stop to think about my feelings, about how I was affected by all of this? You hurt me. I was crushed. I, I..." she couldn't continue. She forced the tears that threatened to fall to stay behind her eyelids. She refused to let him get the best of her. She was better than this. She had cried enough already and that got her nowhere but in another man's bed.

"Baby I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Please Astrid; think about the vows we took." He knew that would get to her. One thing she always talked about was how important the vows were. Her mother and father stayed together through thick and thin. Her mother always said, no matter what, work it out. You've made a vow to God, not to man. Honor your vows. Yeah, he knew just how to get back in. And get back in, he desperately needed to do. He had nowhere else to go. That little heifer he left her for, kicked him, accusing him of wanting to stay married to Astrid. He tried over and over to explain that he can't make Astrid sign the divorce papers but as soon as she did, he would marry her. But she wasn't hearing any of it. He didn't want to spend money on getting a new apartment, so he did the next best thing. He'd just live off his "wife" until Betty came to her senses and let him come back. He didn't care for Astrid anymore, hadn't for a very long time. He just needed her at this moment.

Astrid hung her head low and said, "You're right. We made vows. When will you move back in?"

"Today I was hoping."

"That's fine. Your space is still open on your side of the closet."

"Well actually I was thinking that I would sleep in the guest room until we can formally sort out our marriage. I don't want to jump back into it so strong and everything goes awry again."

That was at the beginning of November. She wondered why he was really back. They never talked. She would hear him on the phone at night in hushed tones. She could never make out what he was saying though. She rightly assumed it was another woman. This is the second weekend he has had to go out of town because of work.

The doorbell rang, bringing her out of her thoughts. She was regretting calling Caelan now. But he had a right to know. She had been treating him so bad at school and she felt guilty. She got up from the sofa she had been sitting on and slowly walked to the door. As if walking slowly would make him go away. Or walking slowly would mean this is all a dream and she would wake up soon. The doorbell rang for a second time followed by a knock on the door. Finally she opened it.

There Caelan stood, as handsome as ever. The five o'clock shadow he sported made him look sexier than she could ever remember. His eyes were icy blue but you could see so many emotions behind them, anger, hurt, passion. His hair had not been cut in weeks and had started curling.

She took in a deep breath, "Caelan. You are looking nice."

"Thanks." He replied.

They stood looking at each other, neither sure of how to continue. "I guess we could talk in the doorway if that is what you were thinking but I'd much rather come in."

"I'm sorry." She stepped out of the entrance and led him through the hallway entrance to the den. He took in the simplicity of her design. That was just like Astrid, not showy, simple yet elegant. Once he was seated on the sofa she asked if he would like something to drink.

"Whatever you are having is fine."

"Water it is then." She walked to the kitchen to get them both water.

He put his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He let out a breath, anxious to get this conversation started. It was taking her longer than normal to come back with the water. He wanted to seek out the kitchen to see what was taking so long, and then he remembered that is where it all started for them, the kitchen. Maybe he should go and make memories in her kitchen. NO! That's what landed him here in the first place searching for answers. He would just wait.

Astrid was trying to get her breathing under control. Caelan was looking so handsome. Feelings she had tried to suppress came flooding back as soon as she opened the door. The things this man did to her by looks alone. She could feel moisture forming in places it shouldn't. Get yourself together girl. You did not call him over to jump his bones. You need to talk to him. You need to lay it all out on the line. Oh, this is going to be so hard. "I will make sure I don't sit on the sofa." She thought.