What do you do when you darkest fantasy and worst fear are realized all at once? It's a sickness the way that something your secretly fear can become something you desperately crave. The worst part is that it blows you whole world to pieces when it finally happens.
We were up at a business getaway when things started down the slippery slope that lead to my eventual personal disaster. My wife of 10 years and I were going through one of those rough times where one of us was no longer sure that we loved the other. In this case it was my wife who was not sure that she really loved me any longer.
That's not really a fair description. My wife loved me as the father of her kids, her partner in marriage and a good guy who was trying to overcome the not so nice guy he had been earlier in our marriage. It was a tough situation and it was made worse by the fact that our sex life was awful.
I am your typical middle-aged white male. Seriously, I am slowly losing my hair, I carry a bit of a tire around my middle and I don't have the biggest dick in the world. It's not like I am small or anything, but it's less than 8 inches. Like I said, just your average guy.
Now my wife on the other hand was looking pretty good for her age and demographic. She was 5'4", 110 lbs, brown hair, blue eyes and slender. After two kids she looked like a million bucks to me, but was probably just a good looking woman to most anyone else. She didn't have huge breasts, but they fit her body shape and her great ass, shapely hips and toned legs were quite impressive.
Back to the story... I was finally out of the military and had moved to a decent job in the private sector. While I may be physically average, I am not dumb and putting my retirement together with a good salary had given us a comfortable lifestyle. We are not rich and we probably never will be, but getting the kids through college won't be difficult and we will be comfortable after that.
The business weekend was setup to bring different employees from all over the country together to allow us a chance to mingle. It was really just a perk for everyone and a way for the company to spend some money on a tax effective tool. It worked well and there were 50 employees plus a lot of their spouses/significant others. The food was good, there was plenty of alcohol and we were all enjoying the cool mountain temperatures.
The first night there was ugly for my wife and I. We were generally nice to each other, but if I wanted sex it was always an ordeal for my wife because she only did it because it was part of being married. She claims that she just has a really hard time getting in the mood and that's it not my fault. I want to believe her, but my ego suffers regardless.
So, the first night I was hoping that we would have sex and she was not up for it. After a brief, awkward moment where I initiated and she declined, I rolled over to go to sleep and she did the same.
I had been lying there for a few minutes when I began to hear noise through the wall. Our bedroom apparently shared a wall with another bedroom and after a few seconds I realized that I was hearing another couple having sex. Talk about adding insult to injury.
I lay there quietly and listened to the shrieks and groans that accompanied the rhythmic thumping and became more discernable the longer that I listened. It was obvious that the woman was being very vocal about what was going on and the strong staccato against the wall was doing nothing to make me feel any less horny.
"Oh, my god!! It's so deep! Do it! Do it!!" I could hear her calling through the wall behind my head. My pulse was racing as my mind created and image of some porno starlet being serviced by a massively hung sex machine. The activity behind the wall showed no sign of slackening and I was becoming more and more aroused.
"Are you hearing that?" My wife asked me in the darkness of our bedroom. Her voice carried a trace of irritation and I wondered if she would insist on me doing something about it.
"Yeah, it sounds like they are really getting into it." My comment was bland because I didn't want her to know how erotic I found the situation. The woman next door was still moaning and groaning as we spoke.
"Her partner must be huge from the way that she is going on. Either that or she is just trying to make him come quickly by inflating his ego." Her tone was hard to read now. I was more that a little surprised that she commented on it. My wife's lack of interest in sex had often lead me to question if my equipment was somehow no longer satisfying her and this comment caught me off-guard.
"Oh, oh, oh, I am coming again... Ah, Ah, Ah!! Don't stop!!" The woman on the other side of the wall was literally screaming and I marveled at her complete lack of shame when she had to know that others would hear her.
"Wow!" That one word was all I needed to hear from my wife to know that she was not indifferent to what we were overhearing. It struck me then that perhaps my wife was also very dissatisfied with our sex life, but didn't know what to do about making it better.
The pounding on the wall intensified at that moment and then came to a sudden stop. In my mind I could imagine the male partner in the pair grunting as he poured his juices deeply into the still orgasm-sated female. I envied him his release and imagined the great pleasure he must have felt, knowing that his partner was so completely delighted by his sexual prowess.
"Jealous?" The only thing my wife could mean was that I was jealous that he could satisfy his wife so well when I could not. It stung terribly and I had to control the biting comment that threatened to leap from my lips.
"Kind of. Are you?" Honesty was often the safest weapon that I possessed and with my wife it was also the only course that guaranteed resolution. If I was spiteful and mean-spirited then she would use it against me, but if I was honest she would usually be kind and admit her own feelings as well.
"Not to be mean, but yes. It's been a long time since we had sex that made me want to act like that. It's not your fault, but it would be nice to be able to get off like that." Her admission was not what I expected, but since she was telling the truth I saw now way to take offense. Once again I was faced with the chronic challenge that we faced in our sex life. She didn't enjoy sex with me and there was nothing I could do to change it.
My arousal was gone like a smoldering fire that was doused with a fire hose. I was not only no longer horny, but now I felt insecure and embarrassed. Without saying anything else I rolled over and went to sleep.