Healing 12

Fidgeting with the spoon and fork on his table, Rudra was waiting for his college friend in Vancouver's best Italian restaurant. It wasn't just an ordinary friend that he was waiting. It was Nicole. Rudra was originally from India but had moved to Canada for university. Nicole had been a fellow student at the university where he was studying engineering while she was studying French over there. They had met each other when they both joined the movie club in the university. They were both fans of watching world cinema and that's how they became friends.

Over time, Rudra developed a huge crush on Nicole. It was not hard to explain why. Nicole's beautiful looks which were exotic for him were partly the reason. Nicole was five feet five inches tall and had naturally brown hair with lovely brown eyes and beautiful sun-kissed white skin. She had a thin lean body weighing just about 100 lbs and 31-24-33 body measurements. She had a heart-shaped face. But it was not just that. There were other things as well because of which he crushed on her so hard. It was her friendly demeanour, her sweet Canadian accent, the girl-next-door vibes she used to give and above all, that lovely smile and her beautiful laugh. One time, the two of them were watching a comedy movie and on a hilarious scene, she laughed gleefully. That crush became even stronger since then.

Nicole was Rudra's closest friend or at least that's how he felt about her. He had friends from his engineering course as well but he always preferred Nicole's company.

For Nicole, Rudra was a friend like many others she had. He was her cute-looking friend with lovely brown skin and deep dark-brown eyes and black hair. Their mutual interest in movies was why they maintained their friendship. As years went by, their friendship became deeper. One time, on a Christmas, Nicole even took Rudra to her parents' house to celebrate Christmas with them. Nicole's parents were dairy farmers who lived in a village some 200 kilometres away from Vancouver. Through that trip, Rudra experienced rural Canadian life.

Nicole's friends would always refer to Rudra as "the cute brown guy we see you with". Some of Nicole's friends did ask her about Rudra's relationship status. When Nicole told Rudra about it, he would brush it away by saying that he is not interested. This thing about Rudra would always confuse her. How he never had a girlfriend and neither wanted to go out with anybody.

Although, it was quite clear to him why he was always single. He did not want any other girl other than Nicole. He wanted to ask her out. He wanted her to be his girlfriend. He wanted to be in a serious relationship with her. But, throughout their time in university, Rudra never asked Nicole out.

His reasoning seemed plausible. Nicole was his closest friend there, in a foreign country. He had developed a deep friendship with her, and that's exactly why he never asked her out. He had an inkling that Nicole would never be interested in him romantically and he would lose his closest friend if he asked her out. He didn't know it but his inkling was right. Nicole never thought of him as anything more than a friend.

Nicole had a couple of relationships in college with other guys. It would make Rudra jealous. Ultimately, Rudra did end up dating one of Nicole's friends. It was her that he lost his virginity to at the age of 21, although he did want to give it to Nicole.

Once university ended, both Rudra and Nicole found jobs in Vancouver. He started working as a software engineer. Nicole became the French instructor in a language school. Rudra did think of asking her out then but he never could. About a year after college ended, one day, he saw Nicole's status on Facebook change to "In a relationship" with some guy called Tom. Rudra promised himself that the next time she is single, he would definitely ask her out. Unfortunately, just 3 months after watching that status on Facebook, Rudra saw a life event that Nicole put up on Facebook: "Married" to the same Tom guy.

Rudra was heartbroken. He never got the opportunity to tell Nicole how he felt for her. Nonetheless, he saw Nicole online of Facebook and congratulated her on chat.

"Thanks... how come you never showed up at the wedding? I sent you an invitation." asked Nicole.

Rudra quickly scanned through his mails and found Nicole's wedding invitation.

"Yeah... I wasn't in town." replied Rudra.

"Oh... No worries... By the way I'm moving to Chicago with my husband." replied Nicole.

"Oh... Great!" he replied.

This was like a double whammy for him. That's when he decided that perhaps it was time for him to move on and forget about Nicole.

But as luck would have it, just six months later, he saw another life event on Facebook. It was from Nicole. It said "Divorced". He, in a twisted way, was happy that his friend was divorced. A week later, Nicole updated on Facebook that she had moved back to Vancouver.

He reminded himself of his promise that he had made to himself. If ever Nicole became single, he would ask her out. And so, he contacted her and they decided to meet at her favourite Italian restaurant in Vancouver for dinner. Rudra planned that he'd ask her out that night.

As he fidgeted with the spoon and knife on the table, he tried to contemplate the words he would use to ask her out. As he thought about them, he suddenly saw Nicole arrive in the restaurant in jeans and a shirt that covered her arms entirely. It was very different from how she usually dressed in college. He was used to seeing her in skirts.

Rudra saw Nicole looking for him.

"Nikki!" called out Rudra.

Nicole looked towards him and moved in the same direction. She came close and smiled. But it was a very different smile from what Rudra was accustomed to. It wasn't the lovely, charming smile that she had in university. It was faint, barely even a smile. Her face didn't have the charm that she used to have. Rudra understood it as an effect of a short-lived marriage. Nicole hugged Rudra and sat down.

"So, how've you been?" asked Nicole.

"Good." said Rudra.

"How've you been? I mean, I know about the marriage and then divorce and it's really..." he continued but suddenly got cut off.

"Let's not talk about that, Rudra... Please!" said Nicole. The "Please" came out in a very emphatic way.

"Sure..." said Rudra.

They started talking about university and their love for movies etc. Once they had their dinner, they stood up to leave. Rudra thought it was not the right time to ask her out.

As Nicole got out of the restaurant, she tried to book an uber. Rudra thought to himself, "I have always procrastinated asking her out because of some reason or the other. Today, I'll ask her out so that I have an answer."

"Let me drop you home, Nicole..." proposed Rudra.

"You sure?" asked Nicole.

"Yeah..." said Rudra.

They sat in the car and he drove her to her home. He thought he should ask her out as she started getting out of his car. But before he could say anything, Nicole asked him, "Would you like to come up for some coffee?"

"Sure..." replied Rudra.

Rudra climbed up the stairs with Nicole to her apartment. As he walked up, he kept thinking of how to initiate asking her out. But Nicole's beautiful and shapely butt kept distracting him.

Once they reached the apartment, Nicole prepared coffee for both of them. They had their coffee and started chatting about their college memories. Almost an hour passed, Rudra noticed. He got up to leave. Nicole smiled and hugged him. The difference in her smile from earlier days was very noticeable for him.

As he reached the door, he thought once again and turned around to face Nicole.

"Nikki... wait... I... There's something I wanna talk to you about..." said Rudra.

"Sure... Tell me." said Nicole.

Rudra found himself out of words. He did not know what to say. He tried to gather his words. He gulped once and started speaking.

"Nikki... I... I have always liked you... so much... and I... I wanted to ask you out... And please don't think it is recent... I have liked you since the day I met you. You don't know how much I wanted to be with you. I was so heartbroken when I saw you get married. But... I feel like life has given me another chance to be with you. I understand if you don't feel the same way about me. If you are not okay with it, just say no and I'll be fine. At least I'd be content that you know my feelings for you..." said Rudra.

He saw Nicole's eyes getting wet.

"Why... why didn't you tell me all of this during college, Rudra?" asked Nicole after nearly half a minute.

"I felt you'd never say yes if I asked you out. Things will get awkward between us... and I'll end up losing my friend..." said Rudra, his eyes getting wet too.

Nicole knew that if he'd asked her out in college, she would have probably rejected his advances. There was an awkward silence between them. They kept looking into each other's eyes, not know what to say to each other.

"So, are you asking me out now?" asked Nicole, finally.

"Yes..." said Rudra.

"Rudra, you should know that I am not the same Nicole from college. I have changed... a lot. I am a 23-year-old divorced woman. I come with a lot of baggage. Will you be able to handle it all?" asked Nicole, on the verge of crying.

Rudra's heart was racing. Was she going to say yes?

"I would love to... I'd do anything to be with you... to be with my Nicole." said Rudra.

Nicole couldn't handle it anymore. Tears started running down her eyes as she started crying. Rudra walked up to her and hugged her. She hugged him back and cried in his arms. She placed her head on his chest and kept on crying. Rudra placed his one hand behind her head and caressed her beautiful brown hair. A couple of minutes went by.

"So... that's a yes, right? Just to be clear." asked Rudra.

Nicole raised her head and looked in his eyes. She smiled and nodded.

Rudra smiled as well. They kept looking into each other's eyes. Several seconds passed. Rudra then, made the move. He closed his eyes and placed his lips over hers. She closed her eyes too and kissed him back. It was a soft, tender kiss but it felt good to both of them.

They kissed for more than a couple of minutes. They finally separated and hugged once again.

"Thanks..." whispered Rudra.

"No... Thank you." said Nicole.

Rudra soon left all happy. He had finally asked Nicole out and she said yes.

They started dating. Every weekend, they would meet at a bar or a restaurant and spend the entire night together. They had tons to talk about to each other. Also, they would spend several minutes just kissing each other. Soon, the kissing started involving their tongues. They'd end up drinking so much of each other's saliva and their mouths would remain glued for several minutes at a stretch. Nicole was loving this and so was Rudra.

But something was not right, and Rudra knew what it was. Every time he'd try to get more intimate than kissing, Nicole would stop him. That included almost everything. One time while kissing, he inserted his hand inside her shirt. Almost immediately, Nicole broke the kiss and said, "No" loudly. Rudra would then apologize to her. He didn't want to blow his chance with Nicole that he had finally got after years. So, they stuck to hugging passionately and kissing each other lovingly.

They were dating for almost a month and had not gotten beyond kissing. Nicole did not let him do anything else. Anytime he'd try something like lifting her shirt up or inserting his hand inside it, she'd immediately stop it.

They were now nearly 7 weeks into dating each other. It was a Friday and it was a terribly bad day for him. He committed an error in writing code for a project and because of that he could not deliver the project on time. He was rounded up by his manager and was pointed out for the mistake. Once the day got over, he knew he needed Nicole. He messaged her that he wanted to see her. She agreed and soon, he came to her house. Nicole opened the door in her nightwear that covered her entire arms and legs.

"I've made some dinner for us." said Nicole.

Rudra took off his jacket and they got down to have dinner together. After that, they sat on the couch and started watching a movie together. Rudra soon, laid down sideways on the couch and placed his head in Nicole's lap. He closed his eyes. Nicole smiled and started running her fingers through his hair and caressing it lovingly.

"Had a bad day at work?" asked Nicole in a soft voice.

Rudra nodded. Nicole leaned down and kissed his forehead. Rudra opened his eyes and looked into Nicole's lovely brown eyes. She looked into his eyes and smiled. She leaned down and placed her lips over his. They kissed. Soon, Rudra rose up but their lips did not leave contact. He held her face as their kiss got deeper and wetter. Soon, their tongues met and started licking each other.

Sometime later, Rudra broke the kiss and moved down to kiss her neck. Nicole started breathing quite audibly. She was enjoying it when suddenly Rudra opened the top button of her shirt. Nicole immediately stopped him with a "No". That was it for Rudra.

"Alright Nicole, what is it? It's been about two months since we started dating. We have not gone beyond kissing. Every time I try to get more intimate with you, you immediately stop me. Is there something wrong with me? Am I only good enough for kissing? Is that what you think of me? Coz if that is the case, then fine... Let's end it." said Rudra in a louder than usual voice. His frustration of a bad day at work also came out with it. But then, he immediately regretted a little when he saw tears in Nicole's eyes.

"I understand, Rudra. I am not being fair with you. I understand that you want to get intimate with me... You want to have sex with me and believe me... I want that too. But I can't... Coz I don't want to lose you." said Nicole as tears fell down her cheeks.

"What do you mean, Nikki?" asked Rudra. Nicole did not stop weeping. Tears kept falling out of her eyes.

"Do you know why my marriage failed?" asked Nicole.

Rudra shook his head. With that, Nicole started opening the buttons of her shirt. Rudra kept seeing that. Once she opened her last button, she held the two end of her shirt and took it off. What Rudra saw shocked him to his core.

Nicole's entire body- her belly, her arms, her back were covered in scars. She took off her pyjamas along with her panties. She stood stark naked. The same was the case with her thighs and her butt: covered in scars. They were no ordinary scars. They were the kind of scars someone would get when he/she would be tortured with a whip or some sharp object.

Nicole started crying as she showed her scar-covered body to Rudra. Rudra just stood shocked, wide-eyed unable to take in the horrifying sight in front of his eyes. He immediately took his jacket that he had taken off earlier and covered Nicole's body with it and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry, Nikki." apologized Rudra.

Nicole started bawling. Rudra kept hugging her, caressing her hair to show care. Nicole hugged him back. She needed it. She needed the warmth of his hug. He kissed her forehead as Nicole cried inconsolably. It took several minutes for Nicole to calm down. He sat down on the floor on the carpet. Nicole did the same. He hugged her and caressed her hair.

"Are you alright, Nikki?" asked Rudra. Nicole nodded slightly.

"Nikki... what happened with you? Tell me everything." said Rudra.

Nicole waited for a few seconds and then started telling her story.

"When I was dating Tom, she looked like a really nice guy. He would behave nicely and politely to me. The only time he was rough was when we had sex. I thought he was passionate about sex and I actually liked it. I found him good enough to get married. But only after my marriage I found out that rough sex was just the beginning. The guy was a total freak. Soon after marriage, he proposed odd things during sex. He started choking me while he fucked me. Later that became him slapping my face several times during sex. I should have known what was about to come. He then escalated it to flogging me with a flogger or scratching my back so hard that it would bleed. That day, I thought of ending my marriage with him then. But I was afraid. I did not want to be divorced at just 23. I wish I could have done that. Because just 3 days later, what happened changed my life forever."

Nicole choked up. Rudra offered her some water. She continued her story.

"He came home in the evening from work. He asked me for some water. As I got up, he hit my head with something. I got knocked out for nearly 30 minutes. When I regained consciousness, I found that I was standing in my room but my legs and hands were bound by ropes. I was gagged. I could feel terror at that moment. I realized that when I was knocked out, Tom had forcibly pushed a butt plug in my ass. He started flogging me really hard. But it was just the beginning. He then, pulled the butt plug out and inserted his cock inside my ass and started raping me, his own wife, anally. I could not do anything except experience getting raped. He wasn't done with just that. Once he was done raping me, he dug his nails in my back and started scratching it really hard. I started bleeding. And then came the whip. He got behind me and whipped my back once. I screamed in pain. I could feel I was bleeding. He enjoyed it and then, he started whipping my body senselessly. He whipped my back several times. I still remember how it felt when my back was bleeding with the whipping. He did not stop there. He came in front and started whipping my front. I still get nightmares of it. I had decided that that day will be the last day of my life. Seconds later, I passed out. The next thing I remember is that I was in the hospital with mom and dad beside me. It took me months to recover physically. Tom was arrested and put in jail. I filed for a divorce... This is it Rudra... My marriage. My ex-husband is rotting in some prison while he has left me with these scars that will remain on my body for the rest of my life. I look ugly. My body has been violated for life." said Nicole crying.

"That's why I always stopped you from anything more than kissing, Rudra. I thought you would see my ugly body and leave me. I did not want to lose you coz I have loved being with you in these last two months." said Nicole. Tears did not stop falling from her eyes. Rudra kept hugging her.

"You are not ugly. Please don't ever say that. I still find you beautiful." said Rudra after some time. He was trying to make her feel better. He was not lying though. Yes, the scars on her body were something that he wished she did not have, not because they looked ugly but because he wished she did not have to go through the horror that she did.

Nicole looked into his eyes.

"I am ugly, Rudra. I have accepted that. I can't go to the beach wearing a bikini. I have to wear full clothes for the rest of my life. This is me. Nicole Rogers: Victim of Domestic Violence who has ugly scars all over her body. I feel violated every single day. I feel like my ex-husband has marked my body with these scars like people mark their livestock. I feel dirty, Rudra... no matter how many times I take bath." Said Nicole as she wept.

Rudra kept hugging her and caressing her hair. He did not care if she had those scars. He still wanted to be with her. But he knew that there was a difference in this Nicole and the Nicole he knew in university. Her soul was damaged thanks to her marriage. She would need time to heal... and he was ready to be there with her in this healing phase, giving her all the love in his heart that he had for her.

"Let me bathe you, tonight... Let me clean you." Said Rudra to Nicole. She just kept looking at him.