He Broke My Heart

He lied to me and he promised me that he doesn't lie. We've been together for almost 5 years and now it's over. How could I have been so stupid.

I was just getting over a nasty divorce and I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything like that but it just happened. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason and I guess there was a reason why Jim came into my life when he did.

My name is Joan and I am a white divorced woman without children. I wasn't able to have them and my ex-husband knew that and we were going to adopt and then he started to drink more, go out more and I didn't think a child should be brought up in a home with someone like that. He was getting very nasty and abusive and that is not what I would want my child to be raised in.

I went to a local store to purchase some things I needed and he was there. He was a customer like me but I couldn't keep my eyes off this beautiful Black man. He was tall, built like a bear and had a smile that melted my heart. He and I were waiting for our items to come down from the stock room and I instituted the conversation by saying that I hated to wait and he heard me and he said he felt that way too. We talked and then the computers went down and we had to wait more. Lucky for us we were near some vending machines. He bought me a cup of coffee and I bought him a cheese danish.

We sat off the side and chatted and introduced ourselves and we talked as if we knew each other for ever. I was really liking this guy and he seemed to me liking me. We got on the topic of music and we shared our love of jazz and r & b and had similar favorites such as Marvin Gaye, Barry White just to name a few.

He said that he was going to this blues club Saturday night and asked me if I would join him and I said I would. He gave me his cell number and I gave him mine and he said he would call me and we would go over the details and my address and I actually was looking forward to it.

I told my best friend about Jim and she told me that I should take things slow and she knows that I deserve to meet someone nice, not to fall for the first guy I meet. He called me the next day and we talked and talked and I gave him the address and asked if it would be okay to text or call me and I said he could. I found myself thinking about him every chance i got and I actually called him just to say hello.

We made our date and I couldn't wait to see him. I text him a pic of myself and he in turn text me one of him. I showed my best friend his pic and she said he was sexy and she does not like black men. She prefers white or Latinos. I used his pic as wallpaper on my cell and kept looking at it. I even took my printer and made a couple copies as I put one in my purse and one in work on my desk, but didn't expose to for anyone to see, not just yet. We haven't even had our first date yet.

I didn't know what to wear and then Jim surprised me with a call asking me to have dinner with him first at his friend's place. It was Italian and he said it was like eating in an Italian grandmother's kitchen. I love Italian food and I said yes I would. I was all a panic as I didn't know what to wear so I ran to the mall to buy a new outfit. I wanted to look nice and maybe even a bit sexy. I had a very nice set of titties if I must say so and the were so firm that I sometimes went without a bra. I saw this great black and white outfit and all the accessories too.

I stopped by my hairdresser and he was able to fit me in for a haircut and I got a manicure, pedicure and waxing too.

I got myself home and showered and I had to admit that I looked really good. I dropped thirty pounds since my divorce and I look better than ever. He showed up about 15 minutes early and I was ready and he brought me flowers and a teddy bear. I was shocked and I threw my arms around him and then kissed him right on the lips. He didn't pull away and he kissed me back. He is one hell of a kisser. He told me how nice I looked as I showed him around my condo. He admired my taste and the decor and fell in love with my "music room". I had my stereo and jukebox and my guitar, clarinet, sax and drums in there. I had the walls decorated with large brass and copper music notes, framed albums and a few autographed pictures.

We left my place to go into his truck as he held the door open for me and then let me in the truck and as he went to close the door, he kissed me, slipping me his tongue and I answered with mine. I was in heaven. We arrived and he again opened the door and helped me out and we ended up kissing and it was really getting heated up. He was getting to me and he seemed to be into me too. The dinner was delicious as we had a sampler of a few things like penne' with vodka sauce, eggplant parm, stuffed shells and chicken breast stuffed with ham, cheese, spinach and tomatoes. We had a bottle of wine with dinner and the most delicious Italian pastries for dessert. They were all miniature like cheese cake, Napoleons, eclairs and more.

We finished every crumb. His friend came out and talked to us before we left and told him that the entire meal was on him. Jim asked him why and he said because Jim was a good person, helped him out a lot and he was with a very beautiful lady. I didn't know what to say but thanks you. We left and we headed to the club. The music was great and I didn't know that Jim knew one of the performers. He gave me an autographed pic and a CD of his music. We danced and he even kissed me on the dance floor a few times and I can feel myself getting very wet. At one point I actually thought I felt his hardon as he was rubbing up against me when we were dancing and I did. I turned to look and I could see the bulge in his pants. It has been a long time since I ever gave anyone a hardon.

We walked outside the club where they had a balcony and we were looking at the stars and he hugged me and kissed me and I knew that I was falling in love with him. He was so gentle as he stroked my face and then he told me that he was so happy we met and I told him I was too. He asked if we could leave and maybe spend some "alone" time to get to know each other and I said I would.

We said good-bye to his friend and I thanked him for the treats and we headed back to my place. He held my hand all the way home. I could see the bulge growing in his pants again and I was actually dying to touch and maybe even see. We got out of the truck and couldn't get the door opened fast enough as we started to take off our clothes and he was standing there with this huge black cock starring at me and I didn't even ask if he liked it or not but I wrapped my pink lips around his black cock and licked off the pre cum and sucked and licked and went to town on his cock and he was loving it. I was handling his full black balls and then suck them and jerking his cock and he was moaning with pleasure. He lifted me off the floor and took me to my bed when he sucked my titties and nibbled on my nipples and then started to eat me out. I haven't been eaten in a long time and he was doing a great job and then I came all over his face and his thin lined beard.

We then went into 69 position and I had the pleasure of sucking him hard and then he put me on my back and entered my shaved pussy slowly as he had a very large cock. It felt like heaven to have him inside of me and I could hardly breathe. I never felt so full and so fulfilled in my entire life. He got me on all fours as we did it doggy style and then he slowly entered my ass. I never had it done before and it hurt a little but he was gentle and eased into it and now I actually enjoy anal sex.

He then pulled out and started to fuck me harder and harder in the pussy and then said he had to cum and I told him to let me swallow some and then squirt the rest on my face and all over my titties. He did and what a load. I never saw so so much come out at once. He tasted so good. We fell fast asleep on the bed and woke up in each others arms. We showered in the morning and then made love again. I made us breakfast and we spent most of the day together.

As time went on I would tell him that I loved him and he would always say he did too but never used the words I love you. I bugged me for a while and then I asked him if he did. He said he's not mushy but he does. That was always a little disturbing but I loved him and I felt that he did love me too.

He moved in with me and we shared the expenses and even gave each other space; you know time apart to be alone or with our friends. We did weddings together, parties, meeting and going out with each others friends, etc. and it was all good. We hardly even argued and we didn't just "yes" each other to death to make the other happy either.

We never spoke about marriage and I was really kind of glad. He was never married and he knows all about my abusive ex and I think he just wants me to be happy and not have to be committed like in marriage. We had just celebrated our forth year together and a few day after he asked me if I would mind if he went away with the guys for a weekend up the country. He never did that before but I didn't think that it was that unusual so I told him to go and maybe I would do something with the girls or just stay home and catch up on some things.

He took the day before they left off from work and went to buy some clothes which was unusual for him but I said nothing because I didn't think it was worth mentioning. They were "roughing" yet he brought razors and cologne and said he needed to shave his head which I knew he did ever day and the cologne in case they decided to go into town for a bite and maybe a few beers.

I decided to do nothing that weekend with the girls but I did get caught up with paperwork I want to file away and then put all my poetry into my computer and make a disc. I was sending of few off to see if they would get published as I as going to do this forever and never got around to it. He didn't bring his cell phone with him because he said they were in a dead zone up NY State way and I know the other guys have talked about that several times.

I got up with him at 4:30 and got him some coffee and filled his thermos with more coffee and fixed him his favorite breakfast of french toast, sausage, scrambled eggs and home fries. We talked and we kissed and then we had a quickie as I sucked him off and he fucked me and then we showered. He got himself dressed and I was heading back to bed as he was leaving at 6 to pick up Bob. We kissed and hugged and he said he would be back probably late Sunday and I told him I would keep warm a plate of something for him to eat when he got in. He was also taking off Monday from work to rest after the long ride and weekend.

I didn't know that he kept his cell phone plugged in and in the bedroom when he left. I was making up the bed and saw it and it buzzed and I don't know why I looked at the display because I never touch his cell or answer it and he has the same respect for me and my cell. The display said "Mary" and what came up on the display was a naked redheaded white woman with huge titties. I was floor and shocked and wanted to see what her message was but I decided not to touch his phone because I never did before. I went on to finish the bed and make myself some coffee and had thoughts of bringing his phone with me and checking it out and decided against it - again.

I tried to keep it out of my mind and decided to put on the television and then called my best friend. I told her that he went away and about the cell. I also mentioned the new clothes and the cologne and she said that I should take his phone and look at the message and I told her that we had that agreement not to touch each others phone or answer it. I trusted Jim and I was getting sick over this. I didn't want to hit him with this when he got back and I would keep it to myself.

Keeping myself busy with my filing and my poems, I kept in the back of my mind. I went into the bedroom to get my handbag and his phone went off again and again it was Mary big tits. The girl did not look familiar to me at all and it was not very disturbing. I got myself dressed and went to the bar a few blocks away to have a few drinks by myself. I had a hot dog and fries while I was there and that way I did not have to mess up my clean kitchen until tomorrow. I was making mac and cheese and it was Jim's recipe. He made it with 6 cheeses and bow tie pasta. I already had the fixings so I was going to sleep late the next morning. Well I didn't get any sleep and when I was just about to fall asleep his phone went off again and there she was again.

I went to the liquor cabinet and got out my brand new bottle of Jack Daniels and poured myself a shot and drank out of the bottle leaving the shot glass full. I drank until I passed out and woke up with a hangover like I haven't had in many years. I was now angry with Jim for the first time since we met. I wanted to know who she was and why she was naked on his cell and why was she calling him.

I got myself coffee and showered and sobered up and make the mac and cheese early as I cried most of the day. I didn't eat anything and I left it all in the oven for Jim. My cell rang and it was Jim and he said the were back early but were stopping off the get a bite to eat and not to save him anything. I told him to enjoy and hoped he had a nice weekend and cursed his black ass out after we hung up.

I had take the next day off too but I was having thoughts of going in as I didn't want to spend anytime with him and wanted to see his face when he looked at his cell. He got home and I was already in bed but not sleeping. I pretended to be asleep and he turned on the small light by his side of the bed as he unplugged his cell. I was already facing him so I saw his face and he looked panic stricken. He looked at the messages and then he closed it up fast and got undressed and came to bed. He kissed my forehead and whispered "I love you". and then fell fast asleep.

I must have fallen asleep too after not sleeping so good and being hung over. I could hear his familiar snoring and he was mumbling the name of Mary and I was about to go insane. I got up before him and I got the coffee on and tried to figure what to make for breakfast. I wasn't hungry but I was angry. He got up about an hour later and he asked for just toast, coffee and juice. He kissed me and I kissed him back but I was upset. He told me about the weekend on how it rained all day Saturday and then they went for some food and Sunday was good in the morning and after breakfast they nosed around in some of the sporting shops and he bought a new jacket and pair of boots.

He had his cell with him the whole time and it didn't go off once. Then when he got up I realized that he put it on vibrate. I didn't say much to him and he took a few short naps and we had the mac and cheese for dinner and then we went to bed. He wanted to fool around and I told him that I was a little under the weather since after dinner so maybe tomorrow. I took a sleeping pill so I could sleep as I had work tomorrow and had a large presentation to do.

We spend the entire week home and didn't go out at all and I didn't forget about the cell phone but didn't want to eat me up inside. He didn't go out too much after that weekend but he always had the cell with him everywhere.

Eight month went by and my car started to act up on me so we brought it in and I needed a lot of work done so we weighed if a new car would be better than fixing a 6 year old car with over 100,000 miles on it. I decided to keep my car and fix it. Since is was laid up Jim offered to take me to work and pick me up. That Friday, Jim got a cell call before we left and he had a perplexed look on his face. I didn't question him but I was thinking back to the weekend trip.

That day after work when Jim picked me up he had a very strange look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he would tell me but not in the truck. He drove us to our favorite diner and then he spilled his guts.

He has been seeing this woman Mary for over a year now and when he goes with the guys he is usually with her. Since I never question him about his nights out with the guys and I wouldn't question them on what they do anyway. I didn't know if I should laugh, cry, slap his face or just walk out and pack his stuff out of my condo and kick his black ass out. I decided to ask him why she left him message that weekend he went away and he asked me how I knew and I said I happen to see the phone when I was making the bed and saw her picture come up after the phone rang. He said he wasn't with they guys that weekend but he was with still another woman and told Mary earlier that week that it was over between them and he had someone else. He didn't tell her that he was going away and she was calling him to talk to him.

The other girl he was with that weekend recently gave him the boot because she saw Mary's picture too come up when they were together and she questioned him on who she was.

I told him very calmly how much I loved him and I always will but I didn't want any part of him and his lying ways. I asked where I went wrong with our relationship and he said he had a wandering eye and it was all his fault. He said that he still loves me and if I wanted him to break it off and never see Mary again he would tell her. I didn't think I deserved to be a second choice so I gave him his walking papers and gave him 2 months to get out of the condo.

I slept on the couch as I didn't want to sleep in the bed that we shared and I already ordered a new one to be delivered after he was out and told him to take the bed with him.

Sadly I found out that he had more than these 2 girls on the side when we were living together and I started to hate his black guts as he lied to me and I stupidly didn't question him. I would have rid of him sooner and I could have gone on with my life. I guess I was in denial. I also found out that he has cancer and isn't doing too well. As much as I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to go and see him.

I keep thinking that it is me. I was beaten and left for dead by my ex and I gave it all to Jim, my black lover for close to five years. I never saw it coming with Jim as he is one good liar and sure knows how to cover his black ass.

From this day forward, I will remain single and unattached. I don't think I am cut out for men. I hate myself again and I think I will take up some serious drinking again like when I was married to my ex-husband.