He Broe My Heart

Jim's cancer wasn't getting better with the treatments and he had no one to look after him. Knowing how he cheated on me with all those women and how he lied to me, I still loved him. He never laid a finger on me in anger and for that I will always be happy.

I decided to insist that Jim move back into my condo and I would take care of him. Remembering how he took such good care of me and was the one that had made me the happiest I ever was in my life.

Sadly Jim lost his job because he was sick and the company was doing very poorly. His boss, however, took good care of him by giving him his 401K, sick and vacation time that he didn't use and also paid him a pension. He also kept Jim on the insurance as he knew that Jim couldn't afford insurance.

My position was getting more involved and required me to do some traveling but I asked that if and when I could bring Jim and I would pay his way and the allowed me to and I also was allowed to work from home.

This went on for about 3 more years and the start of the forth year, Jim took a terrible turn. He was starting to do a bit better and actually looked very good. He now was losing his appetite and weight and started to decline.

Most of my work was now done from home with a messenger picking up my completed work and bringing me other. One Saturday morning, I decided I was going to the store and making a lot of Jim's favorites and maybe he would eat for me. He loved fried chicken, steak, sweet potatoes, collard greens, apple pie, and butterscotch pudding. I ran out while he slept and got back quickly. After being home for about ten minutes, Jim woke up and actually asked me to sit by his side. He told me that he had something to tell me.

I sat close by Jim and he took my hand. He was shaking and was very soft spoken. He wanted to tell me how sorry he was that he hurt me the way he did and didn't deserve to be living here and anyone else would have made sure he paid for his mistakes and would just let him rot away and die. I told him that I loved him and I always will and I kissed him for the first time in a long time on the lips. Nightly he was getting a kiss on the cheeks or his forehead or on top of his bald head.

I told him I was making all of his favorites and he began to cry and wanted to hug me and he was so weak he actually hurt himself. I told him to take a nap and would wake him when everything was ready and he did. He had a huge smile on his face and was calling my name. I kissed him and cuddled up next to him for about a half an hour and then got dinner ready. I helped him to the dinning room and he saw the spread I had made for him he broke down in tears. All he kept saying was that he didn't deserve me and my kindness. He ate pretty good and we went back into the bedroom where he said he was really tired. I loaded the dishwasher and laid right next to him and threw my arms around him.

Lying there he would keep calling my name and I would answer him and he would be smiling. About 11:30 that night he called me and I went to him and he said, "I caused you hurt and caused you pain and you've taken such good care of me that I could never complain. You have a good and forgiving heart and I love you". He smiled got his lips in position to kiss me when he closed his eyes and died peacefully in his sleep. I called the undertaker and at as his last requests to me were to have him cremated and I was to keep his ashes. He wanted no service, no funeral, just cremation and brought home with me.

On my mantle are Jim's remains and a picture of the two of us on either side of him. One was from when we first started to date and the other was just from a few nights before of us together.

I cried and wept for the better part of the week and his pain and suffering were to no longer be. I told him that I loved him from the first minute I laid eyes on him and I will always love him.

I stay home a lot now, work in the office again more as being home is too fresh in my mind about working without the sad reminders about Jim and his illness.

I forgave him and told him my only true love and savior.

It's been 2 years since his passing and I miss him more and more every day. God Bless your soul Jim and I forgive you. I also told him that I loved him more than ever.