Tom and Casey sat outside an ice cream parlor, both of them enjoying some sweet confections. Tom turned to Casey.
"You know, it doesn't count as socializing if you're just gonna read theory the whole time."
Casey waved their hands in response, then ate some more of their ice cream, all the while hiding their face behind a book.
"And why do you smell like cheap gin?"
Casey gave the same response.
"Y'know, you could at least take off your hoodie and look at me."
Casey dropped their grey hood, briefly lowered their book, and with their black shades on, looked at Tom for all of several seconds, then resumed reading.
"Man this sucks. I try getting to actually know Casey and they don't even wanna talk." Tom thought, resting his head against his left hand. Tom's phone went off.
"Hello? Oh hey, Cliff. No, I'm in the plaza right now, just sitting with my roommate. Yeah, if you wanna bring it down that'd be great. Thanks, I'll see ya. Bye."
"What was that about?" Casey asked.
"Oh my God, it talks!" Tom declared loudly. "That was my best friend. He's coming by to give me my student ID. Apparently I dropped it in his car a couple nights ago."
Tom tried making small talk in the meantime, although Casey would have none of it. They continued reading and eating ice cream until Tom finally threw up his hands in defeat, deciding to just mess around on his phone until Cliff showed up about ten minutes later.
"Here ya go, Tom. Next time try not dropping that. You know how pissy the registrar can get around here."
"Yeah, thanks man, I appreciate it."
Casey lowered their book briefly to look at Cliff, then proceeded to slam it shut as he left, their jaw hanging low. They ran to the other end of the table and grabbed Tom by his collar.
"Oh my God he's perfect introduce me to him!" they said.
"Whoa whoa, OK. First of all, get your hands off me," Tom said. Casey loosened their grip, then wiped their hands on their hoodie. "Secondly, no. No on so many counts."
"Why the hell not?!"
"One, you annoy me. Two, Cliff doesn't date white people. Three, Cliff's gay and you present femme as fuck. Four, he's a Maoist. Five, you constantly smell like a bar."
"One, rude. Two, that's great, I don't date anybody! Three, I'm neither male nor female so 50/50 chance. Also feminine gay men exist, you cishet fuck. Four, whatever, he's perfect otherwise. Five, no I don't. Six, you owe me, because your bourgeois girlfriend used my body wash. After I remind you, the two of you woke me up with your loud sex."
"Forget it Casey, I'm not introducing you to my best friend. Now if you'll excuse me..." Tom said, getting out of his seat "...I'm going back to the dorm."
Casey dove onto Tom's leg.
"Plee-hee-hee-eease!" Casey sobbed "I neee-heee-eeed thiiiis! Help a comrade out!"
Tom looked down annoyed, but Casey wouldn't let go. Tom sighed.
"Four conditions." "Anything" Casey said.
"One, get the fuck off my leg" Tom said. Casey scrambled to their feet and dusted themselves off.