Gabriella
Ella stared out of the window as Simon drove them to school. The tree lined route he took whenever they had to make up for lost time looked grey and gloomy from this morning's drizzle. Everything felt grey and gloomy. He'd broken up with her as soon as her mother had left for work. She apologized for the so-called rude comments she'd made to her mother but Simon insisted they were through.
The first time she kissed him, he pushed her away. The second time she kissed him they ended up making love. That was his way, always contradicting his words. But he hadn't uttered one since they'd rushed out of the house. Part of her loved not knowing what came next with Simon as much as she hated it.
"I had a dream about you last night," she confessed, desperate to end the silence. "Want to hear it?"
He sighed. "No, Gabriella, I don't."
"Why not?" She'd hoped everything between was okay again but his tone said different.
"Because I don't."
Ella ignored him. "We were living in England together, in some trendy little flat. We owned some tiny corner bookstore and sat around drinking wine and stuff with these cool English friends. And you—"
"Gabriella, stop."
"—wanted to have a kid and we—"
"Gabriella! Stop."
Ella looked at him. A sick feeling washed over her.
"Get this image of a future with me out of your head. Do you understand that it's never going to happen? Ever."
"But—"
"There is no 'but', Gabriella. I'm married to your mother. Goddamn it! Don't you get that? Does it not matter to you? She's your mom, does that not fucking resonate with you at all? Don't you feel even a little guilty?"
"Yeah, sometimes I do. I mean, my mom...I don't know, I just don't think you two make a good couple. She doesn't get you the way I do. I think you and I make a better couple."
"You and I
aren't
a couple."
"Sure feels that way when you make love to me."
"Gabriella, what you and I do isn't making love." That stung. Ella looked away and pretended to pick lint from her pants.
"Oh, that's right. You make love to her and you fuck me. But did you ever stop to think that maybe she doesn't care about you as much as I do?"
"And why would you say that?"
"Because I'll let you do anything. I
have
let you do anything. And maybe I do that because I care more than her."
Simon chuckled then sighed. "Gabriella, don't confuse sex with love. They aren't the same thing."
"I know that."
"Well, then
know
that I love your mother. I love Patricia with all my heart despite how I've wronged her. I'm married to her. Plain and simple."
"You sure don't
act
very married," she muttered, knowing it would get a rise out of him.
A few seconds later she felt the car slow down as he veered off the side of the road and parked. She stared at his profile while he just looked ahead through the windshield.
"You're right," he stated. And those were the last words Simon spoke. It wasn't the first time he had ignored her, but it always hurt when he did.
**********
Patricia
Patricia still couldn't believe the big day had come. She'd officially turned forty. Her morning began with breakfast in bed and a birthday card courtesy of Simon. Although his cooking lacked...well, taste, it was definitely the thought that counted. And the card had been beautiful, listing forty reasons why she was the most special person to him, with reason number one being:
Because no matter how dark the night, you bring light to my world.
Patricia glanced over the list at least three times that morning, tearing up with each read. For years she had resigned herself to believe she would only be a mother and not much else. She more than likely would never be married or find a man who'd love her the way she imagined love was supposed to feel. Some days, she still believed it couldn't be real. Life taught her that happiness was easily pulled away, a lesson her mother had reminded her of at a young age.
She had come home from school one afternoon, to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table crying. At the time, she had only been seven, but was used to her mother's frequent sobs.
Patricia had just painted a picture of her mom and hoped the gift would brighten her day. She handed it to her, proud of her accomplishment. But her mother only glanced at it, before she set it aside.
She turned to Patricia and said, "Life's a bitch and then you die. It's not even worth the time to get up in the morning."
No matter how much she tried to shake those words, they stuck with her throughout her life. But she was determined to prove her mother wrong. That life
was
worth something, even if it didn't always go as planned.
"Will you still love me even though I'm old?" she had asked Simon after she shoved down as much burnt food as she could stand.
"You act like forty is one foot in the grave, babe."
She pouted. "I feel like it." He leaned back against the headboard and pulled her in close.
