Free to Do as I Please

It was getting uglier by the day. So much time waste when it could all be done in the matter of a week; it has been dragging on for almost a month.

My ex-white cheating husband giving me a hard time about the divorce I asked him for.

Let's go back and see how this all started.

My husband had terrible pains in his chest after having a heating argument with a co-worker over a project he claimed they were both working on didn't work out the way it was planned to. He came home that night and complained of chest pains and I told him to see a doctor but he refused.

It was Friday night so that meant he would be going out with the guys to the "club" they went to every Friday. It was a strip/go-go bar and they have been doing this for years. When I met him he was already doing this and I didn't feel that I should have to stop him. He told me that he didn't go their for paid sex, lap dances or tits and ass and I believed him.

We were set up as a blind date by his friend's sister who worked with me and thought we were a lot alike and had a lot in common. We agreed to meet over dinner and we did hit it off. The only thing that was a big difference was that I liked black people, and had a very close black male friend. He made a second date and the he would call me every morning and when he got out of work at night and we would see if we would just hang out or go to a movie or a club or just talk on the phone.

We started off crazy in love with each other but we didn't have any kind of sex, oral or other until we were going out for about 2 months. We kissed of course and hugged but neither pushed for anything more. One night while we were out he asked me if I loved and I told him I did and he said he loved me too and the next thing you know it were back at his townhouse making love. It was great sex; the oral was great as we both liked the same things.

We got engaged about 6 months into our relationship and started to spend almost every night together. I had one night with the girls and guys that I knew and he had Fridays with the guys at the "club". He asked me if it bothered me that he went and said he wasn't into the tits and the ass but it was a night out after a long week at work.

He didn't like the idea that one of my closest and dearest friends were black but I told him that I have been friends with him since grade school and I am not ending my friendship with him because of his dislikes of blacks. He asked me if I have ever gone out with or had sex with him and I said "No, my parents were against interracial so I respected them and they respected my friendship with him". I know we liked each other a lot and just kept it cool. Even after getting my own place we didn't cross that line because we had a long-time friendship that we didn't want to lose because if the "romantic" end didn't work out.

He would talk about the guys on Saturday over our early dinners we had. Some of it was boring to me of course but I still listened and commented. He listened to me for the most part about my night out with my friends but hated when I spoke of my friend Gary. I told him several times not to knock him unless he meets him and it was quite a while before he finally gave in to meet him. He liked him a bit and said "He's not to bad for black". Gary was quite a looker and had lots of girls wanting to go out with him and he didn't date or mess around with them too much. My dear husband then concluded that "He must be gay. He didn't make any moves on you and was okay with just your friendship. I guess it's okay that he is part of your circle of friends."

After 4 years into our marriage he started a new job and he required him to travel a bit more and he would work some late nights too. He was making great money so there was no complaints from me especially when I had to be out of work for a bit after having my tubes tied. I had a really bad history with my period and doing that saved me from taking time off from work and not being able to do my functions of cleaning at home and other chores.

One Friday night he was going out with the guys and he came home a lot later than usual and I said nothing when he got into bed. He really reeked of booze and perfume that night. I wanted to see what he would say as I didn't want to start anything. Over our Saturday dinner he had a hangover and I just commented "Had a little too much last night". The next thing I knew it he had me pinned to the floor and stepping on me and kicking me. He was like a mad man; I never saw him like that.

He stopped and got his coat and car keys and took off for hours. He didn't even shower or shave he just ran out.

I didn't call him to check up on him because I was upset with his actions and I was hurting. That night I was suppose to go over one of my friend's house to look at some jewelry her mother in law gave her. I called to tell her I wouldn't be coming because I didn't feel that great we could reschedule.

I cleaned up the dinner from the table and did the dishes and then decided to take a hot shower and put on my sweats and put on the television. I ached all over and when I got out of the shower I noticed all the black and blues on my body and noticed that my left cheek was black and blue too. I don't remember him hitting my face but maybe it was from his foot as he was kicking.

I put an ice pack on it and got all comfy on the couch and I started to cry. I wanted to call my best friend but I didn't want to tell her what he had done. She never really warmed up to him and told me not to trust him on occasion and I never listened. She thought I had a screw lose because I let him go to the "club" and I told her he did it before and he told me how he isn't into the tit and ass and she would always shrug her shoulders and say "Whatever".

I went to bed after a few hours of television as nothing interested me. He wasn't home yet and I was upset but didn't try to locate him as I figured I would let him cool off.

The next morning I woke up and he was on the couch sleeping and I let him sleep. I did my grocery shopping on Sunday morning after church. He didn't go to church but I did. I didn't like the way my face looked and my body hurt all over. I didn't go to the store until I used almost entire bottle of foundation to cover up the black and blue.

Came home and unloaded the van myself and put it all away and was going to start my cooking. I cooked our dinners for the week and froze what had to be and refrigerated the rest. That way if I was too tired or he or I was going out, there would be something prepared to eat.

This week's menu consisted of chicken soup, beef stew, homemade sauce for pasta, roast beef and I bought a lot of fresh veggies to roast in the oven and we had those with our steak sandwiches.

I struggled to get it all done but I was done and even had time to make us lunch. He ate and didn't say anything to me and I nothing to him. He watched the game and was on his laptop all day and I did some laundry and stayed away from him.

The next morning the silence broke as he asked me if I had seen his watch and I told him I didn't. The last time I saw it was when he went out Friday night. He probably lost it and lucky he is it wasn't the one I bought him that cost me cost to $1000.00. He told me he would be working late and he requested the stew be our dinner tonight. He kissed me on the cheek and then said "I'm sorry, we had a bad night at the club and I shouldn't have taken it out on you". I told him that he should have talked to me and I would have understood and he said he would the next time.

He came home that night about 8 and I had dinner ready for him. He also put a small jewelry box on my dinner plate. I didn't want him to do anything but apologize and he did and I felt maybe it was was a one time thing.

It happened a few more times and each time I forgave him. Our sex life was getting to be next to nothing and I tried to seduce him a few times and nothing NOTHING happened. I guess I was just being plain stupid and my best friend was furious and threatened that she would have him arrested and i told her not to.

I stayed at my brother's those night. He didn't like what was happen but allowed me to stay.

One Friday night I decided to go out with my friends and he had his regular Friday night with the guys. Gary was picking me up because my car was being worked on. I bought myself a new outfit earlier in the week as I wanted a "pick me up" and felt I deserved it.

I bought a new pair of black pants/jeans that fit me so nice I bought a pair in every color they had and also some new sweaters and blouses and some pull over tops. Some of the pull overs were a flattering compliment to my decent size tits.

I decided on a pull over that was in order as I felt like being "sexy". Something I haven't felt in a long time. I was looking pretty good as I lost some weight with all that has been going on and I have to admit I look my best EVER.

I got dressed and my husband was showering when Gary came to the door for me. We were having dinner first tonight then heading out. Gary always told me how nice I look and always called me SEXY. When I opened the door I could see how Gary was starring at me tits and I didn't mind it. My husband came out of the bathroom with his sweats that he wears after his shower and told Gary to keep his eyes in his head and I was really upset with him for saying that. Gary decided not to get involved as he left for the car and told me he would wait outside for me.

That's the night when all hell broke loose and my husband told me that I was dressing up for Gary and that I couldn't leave the house looking like I did. I didn't wear much make up so I didn't look like a slut or a whore. I could see he noticed because of what I was wearing that I looked really good.

He started to him me and punch me and slapped me across the face on both sides so I fell to the ground where he started to kick me and Gary burst in and got my husband off me. He called the cops from outside on his cell and they were there in minutes. He was arreted and thrown into jail and I wasn't going to bail his sorry ass out. When his friends had called to see where he was I told them he was in jail and to go visit him there.

I packed a bag and Gary took me to his apartment. I cried and he cleaned me up and then took me to the hospital where I had a broken nose and bruises all over my body. I knew right then I was going to be serving him the divorce papers that my best friend told me I should have given him years ago.

His friends all chipped in and bailed his ass out of jail and he saw my note that I wasn't coming home and Monday morning I had the papers served to him at the office.

I sued him for cruelty among other things and he keeps telling the judge and jury how I cheated on him with Gary during our marriage and covered it all up. He had witnesses and this and that and finally it came out that he had "knocked up" one of the dancers at "the club" who had to stop working because she was pregnant.

I won and I got more than 1/2 of the what was his and he is now living in a 3 bedroom apartment, paying child support and on the verge of losing his job.

Gary confessed to me that he has been in love with me since we were 8 years old. When we made love it was like heaven. He was gentle when I asked him to be and wanted it rough and tough other times. I have maintained my new weight and figure and I love my self for the first time in my entire life.

Gary and I plan to move into a new townhouse soon and start our life together. I think that my best friend was right when she said all along "I think that you are in love with Gary and you would make a terrific couple". We do and I've never been happier. We know each other inside and out and plan to spend the rest of our lives together.

Alas, I have what I have always wanted, a black man to love and to love me back.