Frank, Three Mother's Days, Three Leap Years, and the Radio
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How Latina Convinced Her Man, Frank, That Mother's Day DOESN'T Suck!
Twenty-Fourth Installment in the "Latina" Series of Erotic Tales
"OK, we're back. We're all certainly going to buy our sponsor's product, right? After all, they pay my salary so you can continue to hear me on FM radio. I'm Jack, and this is the Talking About Nothing radio program. We got some listeners pretty upset yesterday, because it was mother's day, and instead of talking about motherhood, we spent the hour talking about how this year, 1992, is both an election year and a leap year. The consensus yesterday seemed to be that election years fall in leap years, so that windbag politicians have one extra day to make campaign speeches at you.
"Anyway, to make up for not noticing mother's day yesterday, we've been starting off your Monday morning commute talking about mother's day. Listeners have been calling us about how they spent the day yesterday, or offering their opinions about the whole concept of celebrating mother's day. So if you have any question or comment that has anything whatever to do with mother's day, we're ready to take our next caller.
"Oh, and here is our next caller now, on Line 3. Hello, this is Jack, you're on the air live at Talk About Nothing. Do you have a question or comment about mother's day?"
"Hi, Jack."
"Hijack? Better not say THAT at an airport!" (canned laughter).
"Hi, I'm Frank, and I want to tell you how I spent mother's day yesterday."
"We're all ears."
"Then you must look awfully funny."
"Hey, I do the jokes around here, pal."
"Oh, sorry, Jack. Hi, my name is Frank. My mother has this disease that has been slowly eating away at the nerves in her legs for about the past 12 years. She's had 3 operations, and is confined to a wheelchair. My parents bought a van with a wheel-chair lift, so my dad could drive my mom around. She doesn't go out much any more, and so she hasn't been to a dentist in years, and most of her teeth have rotted and fallen out..."
"Is there a point to this story of misery?"
"I'm getting to that, Jack. See, yesterday I took my parents out to dinner to celebrate mother's day. My mom couldn't chew much of the food, and she choked on a lot of it. Everyone had a miserable time."
"So, to sum up for our listeners?"
"To sum up, mother's day REALLY sucks, Jack. The florists and card-makers cooked up this day to increase their sales. I mean, if you truly love your mother, you should sow her appreciation EVERY day. And if you don't, why PRETEND to care on one day of the year? I tried to do something nice for her on this supposedly-special day, and neither she nor anyone else enjoyed it."
"Thank you for sharing those insights, Frank. Moving along to our next caller. Hi, you're on the air live on Talking About Nothing..."
"Hi, folks, this is Jack, starting your Monday morning commute with talk about mother's day. This has become an annual tradition since our first time in 1992. Can you BELIEVE we've been doing this for four YEARS now? It's 1996 ALREADY?
"Well, we're ready to take our next caller, anyone who has anything at all to say about the topic of mother's day.
"Hi, you're on the air live at Talking About Nothing."
"Hi, Jack."
"Hijack? I hope airport security didn't hear you say that!" (canned laughter).
"Hi, my name is Frank. I last called you four years ago, on your very FIRST day-after-mother's-day program. And you told that same joke that day. You need new material, Jack!"
"OK, Frank, you're a real wise-ass, aren't you? What do you have to say about mother's day?"
"Well, Jack, I've been raising my brother's daughter for several years, because he can't take care of her. She's 13 now, and she lives with me. I'm her uncle, but I think of her as my daughter. About two years ago, I got tired of being alone, being a single dad. So I joined a dating service, hoping to find a single mom who could relate to single- parenthood, and maybe enjoy each other's company. About two months ago, the dating service organized a small, elegant dinner party for four single guys and four single women. They sat me next to this Filipino nurse named Bev, we talked all through dinner and really hit it off. We've been dating ever since."
"What's this got to do with mother's day, Frank?"
"Well, Bev and I never quite slept together, but we talked about sex a LOT. She likes to wear these really tight, ultra-short shorts. They really show off her dark, shapely legs so nicely. She wore them the night she had me and my niece over for dinner with her daughter. My niece, whom I'm raising, and her daughter are the same age, and they really seemed to get along. As for me, I couldn't take my eyes off Bev's legs all evening."
"Seeing her legs gave your dick a heart-attack, huh, Frank?"
"I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but yeah, you're basically right, Jack."
"And this dinner was last night, for mother's day?"
"No, the dinner was last week. But yesterday morning, Bev called me to tell me that her daughter made her breakfast-in-bed, and that the only thing that could have made her morning better was if I'd been naked beside her in her bed at the time."
"Wow! So what did you do?"
"Well, of course, I asked Bev if she wanted me to come right over."
"And she said?"
"She said yes. So I dropped my niece off with my parents, who wanted to spend mother's day with her anyway. And I drove over to Bev's, stopping on my way to get Bev some nice flowers."
"Did you get lucky?"
"No. She greeted me at the door in another of her killer shorts, but she wouldn't invite me in, she didn't want my flowers, she wouldn't even let me kiss her. She sort-of hinted that I blew it by not having been in her bed when she woke up. She said it wasn't me, she just didn't want a relationship with ANY man right now. So I asked her why she joined a dating service. She didn't have an answer for that one, Jack. She didn't know when she might feel differently. Well, I joined the dating service to find a wife to love me and my niece, and I didn't feel like waiting around for her to make up her mind. So I broke up with her right then and there, right on her front porch. I've felt miserable and alone ever since, and she's called me a couple of times to say she feels miserable and alone and very, very horny. But she's still not ready to commit to a real relationship, and while I'd love to have sex with her, I don't want to do that if sex is ALL that we'll ever have. So I don't see me getting back together with her."
"So your conclusion is?"
"The same as it was four years ago, Jack. Mother's day REALLY sucks!"
"NOW I remember you, Frank. Didn't you have some sort of conspiracy theory, that the greeting-card companies and florists cooked-up mother's day to boost sales?"
"That's right, Jack."
"Do you still feel that way?"
"Yes, I do, Jack. The whole concept of mother's day sucks"
"Well, thanks for sharing with us, Frank. OK, let's take our next caller. Hi, you're on the air live, at Talking About Nothing, where today's topic is mother's day..."