Him
Yup I said it. I had no control of it. It just slipped out. I wont even blame it on the heat of the moment either, or the three beers I had. It's how I feel deep down. What was terrifying was how easily it came out. I braced myself for her reaction, but there wasn't one. At least not one geared to my confession. Besides my own heart beating in my ears, her light snore was the only other sound in the room.
How did I let it get this far?
Right now wrapped in my arms was everything I've ever wanted in a mate, yet she wasn't mine. I fucked up. I was hopelessly and utterly screwed. What started off as me helping her find the funds to open her studio quickly turned into a friendship. One in a short time I would cherish for the rest of my life. A friendship I ruined by introducing sex into it.
We had incredible chemistry from the start. Explosive. The sex I believe was inevitable. It linger too thick between us to be ignored. She's wild, kind hearted, feisty, funny, she takes absolutely no shit from anyone, yet she loves everybody the same. She would be the perfect wife and mother to our children. She is who I want and need.
Am I willing to risk what we have right now for a broken heart and rejection?
I couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind. I needed fresh air. I remembered a pastime I picked up at the club earlier. I untangled myself as gently as I could from around her. Quickly replacing my arm with a pillow underneath her head. She groaned and wiggled her naked bottom against me. I reached for the sheet at the end of the bed and pulled it over her naked body. I kissed her shoulder and climbed out of the bed.
I put on my briefs and fished through my jean pockets until I found what I needed. I turned off the lights in the room and snuck out of the balcony doors.
After the divorce from my ex wife I got really depressed. I thought we would last forever. I had this whole vision of our lives together. I was so blinded by the fantasy I created in my head for us that I didn't see how evil and manipulating she was being. She didn't have to work, but she opted to work part-time as a secretary. I paid all the bills. Bought her the latest model cars. I gave her a credit card, so she could shop and buy whatever she wanted.
She was in charge of making sure the mortgaged got paid, the car notes were paid, and household bills got paid. For three months none of those things were getting paid. I was creating major debt and I didn't know it. One day we received a notice from the bank threatening to take the house that I built for us. When I confronted her about the matter she smiled at me and said she was leaving me for someone who could afford the lifestyle she deserved.
It took me two years after the divorce to rebuild myself. Gain some self confidence back. Two years to get out of debt. It had been really hard for me, and I promised myself to never be doped again by any woman. I even convinced myself that all women were like Gemma.
The only thing she left me with was the house which I sold for 3.4 million dollars. Over the past year I've become somewhat of a playboy. I've courted women with no intention of giving them anymore than a good time. In the process I might've broken a heart or two, but I was honest with my intentions with all of them.
Monette came out of nowhere destroying my whole mindset. I let her get to me. The person I thought I became was a lie. I wanted a wife. I want the big house filled with children that ran to the door when I came home from work. I wanted it with her.
Maybe this was my punishment. Falling hard for a woman who just got out of a bad marriage. He had done a number on her. Now she doesn't trust anyone. Vowing to never give her heart to another. She was afraid. She told me she didn't think she could survive another heartbreak. I would never do anything to make her feel less than loved and cherished.
It's foolish to think to have things feeling when she is about to start a new life in a far away land. I knew it was only for a year, but four days without seeing her seemed too much. That's why I invited her to Chicago with me this weekend. The distance would've been too great and we had a short amount time left together. If this was it for us I wanted to savor every minute of it.
Her
A cool breeze swept through the room. I must've dozed off because when I opened my eyes the room was damn near pitch black. I looked around and I was in the bed alone with a sheet covering my naked body. I reached for my phone on the night stand the display read 2:51 AM.
"Greg?" I called out in the darkness. No answer. I sat up. I noticed the balcony doors were open slightly. I swung my legs over the side of the bed pulling the sheet with me. When I stood up I felt the tenderness between my thighs. Greg definitely gave my cooch a beat down. I wrapped the sheet tighter around me.
A strong familiar scent met me as I got closer to the doors. I looked out and I could see him sitting in one of the sun bathing patio chairs his back to me and a swirl of smoke dancing around his head.
"Greg?"
He turned his head towards me.
"I'm sorry did I wake you?"
I moved further outside. "No I woke up on my own. I didn't know you smoked weed."
"I do every now and again. If it bothers you I'll put it out."
"No its okay. What are you doing out here? Can't sleep?'
I moved in front of him. He only had on a pair of black shorts. His rock hard upper body exposed to the night air.
"Just a lot on my mind." The crease in his forehead grew deeper.
"You wanna talk about it?" I was concerned. I tell something has been bothering him all day.
"Not really." He said with a coldness that shocked me.
"Well I'll just leave you alone then." I began to walk away.
"Wait no don't leave. I'm sorry." He pleaded. I stopped in my tracks. They way he sounded pulled at something deep inside me. "Come sit with me." He reached out.
I sat between his open legs and leaned against his chest. He wrapped an arm around me holding me tight. He kissed the side of my head. Something was troubling him.
"You know you can talk to me about anything right? I promise it will stay between us."
He was silent for a few moments before he said, "I don't think you can handle what's going on in my head right now." His voice was mellow and distant even though he spoke inches from my ear.
"Try me." I brought his hand down to my face and took a pull off his joint.
"You smoke too?"
"Every now and again." I blew out the smoke.
We sat in silence for a while. I looked up at the dark starless sky. Not sure what to say.
"Thank you." He finally said.
"I told you I'm here if you need to talk ."
"Not just for that." He took another pull from the joint. Then brought it to my lips. I took a pull creating smoke rings. "I know this was suppose to be a summer fling. You've been much more than that to me."
Where was he going with this?
"I haven't laughed as much as I laughed with you. You bring out a side of me I thought I lost a long time ago. I can be myself around you. You've never judged me, or made me feel out of place. Knowing that our time is almost up causes a little panic in my chest. I know you have a life you have to get back to and I would never want to keep you from it, but I'm going to miss this. This freedom I'm feeling right now. With you. I wish things were different, or we met at a different time in our lives. I wouldn't mind waking up to you every day and lay down with you every night. I think I just might have fallen for you."
Oh hell what was in that damn joint? Truth serum?
I was silent.
"I said too much didn't I? I knew you couldn't handle what I had to say. It's okay if you don't feel the same way. I don't expect you to. I was just telling you how I feel."
"Greg why would you..." My voice cracked. "You can't just say things like that."
"It's the truth. Don't lie and say you're not feeling something too. We are no longer just friends. We moved way past that stage."
I swallowed hard. "It's just sex." I said just above a whisper.
"Just sex eh?"
Was he really waiting on an answer?
"So what we've been doing is just having sex?"
"Yes."
"Bullshit. It might've started out that way, but things have changed. We longer just fuck, Monette. We make love. Our souls intertwine. I know it. I feel the difference and I know you do too. Especially after this morning."
He was calling me out. Deny...Deny...Deny...Protect your heart.
"No."
"No? So now we're lying to each other?"
I attempted to get up, but he held me tighter. After a few seconds of struggle I gave up.
"What do you want from me?" Tears threatened the rims of my eyes.