Ethiopian Guys for Saudi Girls

I often envy my friends here in metropolitan Ottawa, for the endless freedom that they enjoy. Of course, I never tell them this. They see me walking by, the tall, plump Arab gal with the hijab and long skirt, and they think they're so different from me. As if I don't have romantic or sexual fantasies, as if I don't have needs. They forget that I am a woman underneath it all. I have body image issues and anxiety and worries just like all women, just like all human beings. All they see is my religion, my foreigner and my otherness. I'm a woman from another faith and another ethnicity, not another planet.

In the Capital region of Canada, I am and always will be the other. Let me tell you a bit about myself, if you please. My name is Salma Sharif, and I was born in the City of Dhurma, Saudi Arabia. In the summer of 2011, I moved to Canada and experienced a brand new world. I knew that living in the West would be different from everything I'd ever known in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, but this place still caught me by surprise. I saw women in police and military uniforms at the Ottawa International Airport, and I also saw people from all over the place.

In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, we have a few Africans and Asians living among us, mostly as hired labor, but for the most part, non-Arabs are rare inside the Kingdom. In Canada I saw so many Africans, Asians, Hispanics, Arabs and others that I was stunned. The great white north wasn't as white as I thought it would be. I saw women wearing hijabs in the streets of the Capital, and smiled. My parents, Kasim and Aisha Sharif, had many misconceptions about Canada and Western society in general. To believe my father, women in the West went around naked and the men went around drinking and fighting all day.

I quickly learned that just like many Muslims from distant lands have misconceptions about the West, many Westerners have misconceptions about us. It goes both ways. It's human nature to fear those they don't understand. Since I decided to make a home for myself in the City of Ottawa, I would have to adapt to its ways. I enrolled at Carleton University, opting to study civil engineering. I've always been good at mathematics and sciences, subjects which men worldwide consider to be their exclusive domain. In the West, men often underestimate women's abilities just like they do in the Muslim world. The human species is a flawed one, what can I say? Still, God made us all whether we are Black or White, Jewish, Christian or Muslim. God is perfect and we are not. So we must take life one day at a time.

I decided to live in my own apartment rather than share a room with a student. I found an apartment in the Bronson Avenue area, about a mile from campus. It cost eight hundred dollars a month but I could afford it. My parents have money, for which I am thankful. They sent me to study in Canada because the world is changing and more and more women are entering the workforce even in Saudi Arabia. Time waits for no man or woman, no matter how conservative your mindset. I decided to make the most of my time here in Canada, and by 2012, I had completed a bachelor's degree in civil engineering.

How did I complete my university studies so quickly? I had been lucky in that my credits from the King Abdullah University of Science and Technology had been accepted by Carleton University. It's a Western-style school back home with a lot of American and European teachers. It's the only place in Saudi Arabia where women may drive or wear western clothing. The King Abdullah University of Science and Technology is like a small city in its own way. My academic advisors were surprised by that when I told them. Otherwise they would have made me start my studies from scratch. I decided to stick around and continue with my education. I also decided to apply for my permanent residency in Canada because paying international fees at Carleton University isn't easy. International students like myself pay three times what the Canadian students pay. Does that seem fair to you? I don't think so.

After completing my bachelor's degree in civil engineering at Carleton University, I opted to stay in Ottawa for the summer and take summer courses instead of going home to Saudi Arabia. I got myself a part-time job to occupy myself on weekends. When you're a foreigner living in the Confederation of Canada, even the simplest things become super complicated. In order to get a cell phone, I had to show them my passport, my social insurance number, a document with my address on it and my credit card. I signed up for the student plan with TELUS mobility. Even though I had a civil engineering degree from an accredited Canadian school, no company would hire me because I was still not a Canadian citizen or even a permanent resident. I looked for work far and wide, and even those companies willing to hire me frowned once they found out I was still an international student and not 'one of their own'.

You see, in Canada the discrimination is systemic rather than purely racial. Canadians of European descent don't like you if you're Black, Asian, Arab, Hispanic, Aboriginal or anything other than White. They're polite about it, but they don't like those of us who are different from them. I am five-foot-ten, plump and bronze-skinned, and I wear the hijab and a long skirt when I leave my apartment. I always get stared at. I am always polite to the Canadians, I wish they would extend me the same courtesy. I've been called a terrorist bitch, an invader, a towel head and a rag head by random people on the street. Always I happily flipped them the bird, which surprised them. I guess that in their minds, Muslim women are supposed to be weak and submissive. Little do they know that I submit to the Will of God, not that of ordinary mortals. There is a BIG difference between the two!

While at school, I met someone who changed my perception of Canadians. I'm referring of course to my good friend Khalid "Kal" Suleiman, a big and tall young Black man I ran into at Carleton University. The tall, broad-shouldered young man with the light brown skin, curly black hair and pale green eyes took my breath away. We ran into each other in the library, and we just started talking. He was mixed, as I surmised when I first laid eyes on him. His father is Ethiopian and his mother is White, originally from Ireland. He was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario, and transferred to Carleton University from Seneca College. Did I mention he was well-spoken, charming and also simply beautiful? I was smitten with the brother from the get-go. What? Are you surprised? Aren't I a woman? Geez!

That day, over the course of a LONG conversation, Khalid and I got to know one another. He was Muslim, but not very religious. Oh, and he used to date a Lebanese Christian gal named Catherine Abdullah, according to his Facebook profile. So, he likes Arab women, eh? Good to know! Kal and I became friends, and over the course of summer school, we grew very close. Now, observant Muslim women are supposed to live with either their husbands or their families. I didn't have either. I was all alone in Canada with no friends. Women from my faith are supposed to be guarded in our dealings with men but something about Kal appealed to be and made me feel safe. That's why I crossed certain boundaries by hanging out with him. He asked me to go to the movies with him and I agreed. I had fun, and he was great company. That's how it all began between us.

One afternoon, we sat inside the Saint Laurent Mall, eating some delicious Manchu Wok ( chicken and rice, with garlic ribs ) when something happened. Honestly, I'm not sure how exactly it happened but, um, I grabbed Kal and started kissing him. One minute Kal and I were sitting together, discussing a book we were reading. Leo Africanus by Amin Maalouf, the adventures of a legendary Moorish diplomat, explorer and traveler of Afro-Arabian descent. How we went from that to kissing? I'll never know. I just grabbed Kal and planted a big kiss on him. Though surprised by my gesture, he kissed me back, passionately. When we stopped to breathe, Kal and I smiled at each other and giggled. Wow, I thought. His lips were soft and gentle. I had never kissed anyone before, to tell you the truth. I always thought male lips would be hard and rough but Kal wasn't what I expected. He was different...better.

So there we sat, two good friends who just French kissed. A young woman from Saudi Arabia and an Ethiopian-Canadian Muslim man. Kal reached for my hand and entwined it with his. I looked at our hands on the table, and smiled. What do we do now? Kal looked me in the eyes and told me he liked me, that he'd had feelings for me for a long time, he just wasn't sure what to do about them. I smiled and smilingly confessed that I had feelings for me too. Truth be told, I cared for Kal and liked him very much. I just didn't think he thought of me that way. Most young Muslim men from immigrant backgrounds in Canada prefer White girls because Muslim women immigrants are thought to be boring, conservative and allergic to fun. Kal brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. I smiled as a tingle ran down my spine. Let's give this a shot, I said, wherever it may take us. Kal grinned, and we kissed again. Thus began the first romantic relationship of my life.