Dreams Ch 02 4

Thank you all for the positive responses and critiques. I will look into an editor and I have been reading over my work before I post it. It has been so long since I've written, so I'm trying to do the best I can, bear with me! The details about both Natalia and Jason will come about as the story continues; I don't want to bombard one chapter with tons of info. Don't be so quick to hate Jason, although I know it's easy to! You will find out much more n due time, of course, if you continue to enjoy the story :) Many thanks!

Nana

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"I'm not sure that's such a great idea right now." Jay called as he walked away from the door.

"Enough with the crap. She's my wife. I want to see her. Now." You could see Jason hadn't been sleeping. His eyes were blood shot red and his face looked pale. He looked drained, but that was nothing compared to what Natalia was going through. He meant what he said, too. She was still his wife.

"Jay, excuse us please." Natalia said timidly as she walked over to the door.

As Jay passed Natalia, he whispered in her ear, "I'll be upstairs."

There he was. Just her and him. No phone calls to check up on her. No text messages to ask how she was doing or if they could talk. Nothing. After years, he left her with nothing but the possibility of maintaining her sanity.

"What do you want?" She wrapped her arms around herself and looked him straight in his` eyes.

"You're just going to walk out like that and not even say a word to me to know your ok?" Jason replied. He bent his head closer to her face. His tall 6'2 frame hovered over her 5'6 slender self.

She starred at him with disbelief. This man had the nerve to indirectly place some kind of blame on her.

"Walk out? You walked out on me the first time you were with that red head from work. Don't talk about walkin' out, Jason. You were the first to do it and the last."

"What about my family? My mother has been asking about you. We were supposed to go away together next month" Jason spit at her with his words.

"Don't you dare play that card with me! You wanna make me feel bad? You're a sick person. I'm your damn wife who you cheated on and you want a warm greeting from me? Screw you..." She started to shake and tears began to form. She was way too sensitive around him. Too, too sensitive. She spent too much time worrying about how to please Jason and how to keep him wanting her. She bit her tongue and didn't mention her opinion if it meant it would be overriding his. From the day she met him, he always spoke like he knew what he was saying and nobody else could tell him different. She was worried that if she tried to push him away or if she would leave, he wouldn't come back. And now that was her reality -- he didn't call or try to get in touch with her. He had just accepted her leaving.

"Would you just stop for two seconds and think about what your stubborn ass is saying. I love you. I love you, Natalia. I fucked up and I know it."

She began to walk away, towards the couch again.

"No! Stop walking away." He said roughly.

"You're hurting me. Over and over and over you hurt me. Just leave me alone. Do me that one favor, Jason. Let me learn how to deal! I lost you once before and I can deal with it again." She couldn't take it anymore. It was like trying to fix something but that one piece was always going to be missing.

"How much time do you need?" He asked quietly as his eyes scattered the floor.

"None. I already know my answer." She replied. Only she knew the pain that was deep down. He sighed loudly and tried to release the frustration.

"Please, Natalia...I can explain..."

"Why? Just tell me why you did it? Am I not enough for you? What did I do wrong?" She broke down. She never wanted to break down in front of him or anyone else.

"I'm so sorry." He pulled her close to his chest but she moved back. He missed her touch. Her soft, delicate chocolate skin. They way that she laughed about the stupidest things. He missed her messy hair in the morning and her big chest rubbing against his as they laid in bed. But most of all, he missed his wife. The one who wouldn't let people step all over her. Well, maybe except for him. It was all gone because of a mistake. Or was it only because of that mistake?

His eyes hit the floor, back and forth, hesitantly. Jason took two steps closer to his love that was quickly slipping away.

"I can't keep apologizing. I know I fucked up again. Baby, - God - I didn't do it because I don't love you. You think I don't love you? Are you fuckin' insane?" His voice was so tender that it made her want to cry. Refusing to be broken again, she turned her face and took more steps back.

As Jason walked towards her, he made sure her face was looking directly at his. Natalia took a deep breath.

'Don't cry, don't cry' She thought to herself

"Let me talk." His lips immediately opened and slowly fell together again.

"I am in so much pain right now that I can feel it in my soul. I stay devoted to you..bu- bu- but you..why is it always if you do something wrong then it's ok? Or you try to throw something back in my face to make me feel bad. It makes your stupid ass feel better about yourself and about what you did, doesn't it?" She choked for a second, and blinked back tears but they fell anyway.

"You do me wrong every chance a pussy looks in your direction. I stuck through all the shit for you to believe that we could be happy together. You ruined it. You ruined everything!" She yelled furiously as the tears were no longer held back.

"I'm going to continue to see your family because I love them Jason, and you can't stop me. As far as you and I are concerned, it's done. I'll have my lawyer contact you for paper work issues."

It took a minute for the whole truth to sink in on him. Never had it gone this far. Sure, she had walked out the door and meant for it to be over, but never had she gotten the paper work together to divorce him.

Natalia turned around and hung her head in shame at herself for staying by his side through it all. They say shame on you for fooling me once, shame on me for fooling me twice. It was her fault. At least that was the way she felt.

Her small hands fell to her stomach and she hugged the little tummy that was unnoticeable to the people who didn't know.

Jason touched her shoulders. "Tell me what you want me to do. I can't make you forgive me this time, can I? I don't expect you to forgive me today. I wish you would but I know you won't. Just help me. Help me to stop fuckin' up."

"You need to go. Now."

"I said, help me damn it!" He yelled.

She looked at the beautiful big mirror Jay had hung in the middle of the room. She saw herself and her husband. All she saw was a mess. A big, huge, mess.

Her attention went back to the moment. But she still couldn't look him in the eye.

"Natalia, you're the one who can help me, I love you. You can, I swear." Too late.