Choices and Sacrifices

"Sabrina," It was first thing he'd said. The first thing to leave his lips while in her company after over 2 months was her name. To hear it subdued all her worrying and fear. She slowly turned around to face him, with a solemn expression. But the first thing she spotted was a tall, beautiful green eyed brunette clinging to his arm and robbing her of her heart.

1 MONTH EARLIER

"I'm going back to Maryland." Keegan looked her right in the eyes. As if on cue, a little glitter flickered in her orbs. Keegan sunk deeper into the soles of his feet from across the room. His back straightened and his breathing evened. They peered at one another for what seemed like minutes.

Keegan had a publisher back in Baltimore who was awaiting his first 15 chapters. His original reason for wanting to return was enough but this added an extra sense of urgency. He'd gotten an email earlier in the week asking about his progress and if he was ready for another opinion. His publisher had no idea that his entire storyline had changed a month ago.

Keegan had more than half his book completed in less than three weeks. So much growth in such a small amount of time meant long nights, early mornings and almost nothing in between. His only escape from his withdrawals had been his keyboard—where he could have his piece of Sabrina through characterization. It was a world in which he had complete control and that brought him a sense of calm.

Conversation with Bethany was limited purposefully.

"Well," Her voice wavered. "I want to go... with you." Keegan's reply was immediate.

"No."

"Just for a few days and I'll come home."

"I have things I need to do. I won't have time to babysit you." Keegan headed for his laptop in Bethany's direction. He strolled past her reclining frame without acknowledging her any further.

"I don't need to be babysat." Keegan was caught off guard by the power in her so-thought timid voice. Against his instincts, he didn't spare her a glance and continued collecting his things to prepare writing. "I just need to get out of this state. I'm sick of people treating me like I'm.. still suicidal." The second sentence trailed off into a break of silence.

*

Keegan agreed to let Bethany stay at his place in Maryland for a week.

Within a second after agreeing to her idea, Keegan regretted it. A familiar deep, pain pounded the base of his stomach and he knew he'd fucked up once again. It was the same eerie sensation he'd felt when he broke up with Bethany over the phone. Although he was quickly occupied by Sabrina and their first sexual experience together, so there wasn't much time to dwell.

He had set plans of exchanging emails before she left back for Florida so they'd stay in touch as friends. It felt cruel of him to spoil her stay by telling her their relationship's official state. Although he was sure she was already aware, maybe in some sort of denial, but fully aware.

With his professional writing career finally beginning to blossom, he decided it was time for him to lose his old identity. His dreads had always been a symbol of rebellion against his father and self realization—teenage angst. Their age mimicked the years he'd started siding with himself and pursuing his writing. Although now his book was close to publication and he was stepping through a threshold that took him into corporate America. He had to let his work take his hair's place. So in a spur of the moment, he chopped his locks. His dirty blonde was subjected to an auburn-black once buzzed less than an inch long. The military cut accentuated his sleeve of tattoos and overgrown beard.

Keegan found that the tattoo shop was his unknown vice. The buzzing and slicing pain brought him incomprehensible tranquility. His entire right arm was sheathed in mixed sentiments. His hometown was represented through palm trees and other various perfectly sketched pieces of art. But the most important piece of his sleeve was the spot on replication of Sabrina's eye.

She needed to be incorporated somewhere, and he couldn't think of anything more enticing than her brown pools. The eye wasn't out of place as he made sure to add many miscellaneous pieces in his sleeve that each told their own story. Many people were too captivated by its vibrancy and flawless penmanship to ask about them individually.

Bethany's deep sigh brought Keegan out of his own mind. She delicately placed her feet onto the warm dashboard one at a time, making sure to cross her thin ankles. Keegan glanced at her pale toes before looking at her briefly. Just as he'd looked to her, their eyes met.

He averted his gaze quickly—fearful that she'd interpret his look as something else.

*

"I haven't seen her." Connor told Keegan honestly.

His first day back in town had to be spent with his best friend. They'd kept in contact as much as their lives would allow. He knew almost everything that'd happened—except that Bethany was still around.

"I've been thinking about calling her, but I know she won't answer." Keegan fiddled with a string of thread hanging from Connor's couch pillows. Keegan took a glance around the living room and noted the feminine touches. The corner tables held wooden coasters and scented candles were lit across the entryway.

"You're right, she probably won't." Connor said nonchalantly. Keegan scoffed at his honesty. He hoped Sabrina wasn't over him quite yet. He wouldn't be surprised if her strong will had her completely out of love with him by now. But he just had to keep hope that she still had a piece of something for him so he could work on reinforcing it. "Just don't wait too long to get in contact with her."

Keegan would try but his self-conscious would be hard to overcome.

*

1 MONTH LATER

"Hurry up." Bethany was clawing at the hem of her tight, cocktail dress from the sidewalk. Keegan was already irritated that all the parking spaces beside the brand new bar were taken. He had to park over 4 blocks away.

He was too caught up with his publisher to get home at a decent hour so he'd be on time for Connor's grand opening. After coming home to see Bethany lounging around in a towel as if they didn't have somewhere to be, he had to wait an extra 15 minutes for her toenails to dry. They left his apartment a few minutes after 8:00.

When they drove past the packed bar, she caught up with the liveliness. After a few weeks of being stuck in the house, trying to stay out of Keegan's way so he wouldn't notice her extended company, she was excited he'd invited her out. She knew it was an act of self pity but she couldn't get herself to care. It was a small advancement in her master plan.

Keegan opened the bar's front door and smirked to himself. It touched him to see all of Connor's thoughts and ideas in action. Both of their 'Library Dreams' were coming to life. He winded through the restaurant styled tables to what seemed like a different building. The music got louder, the smell of alcohol got stronger and the lights grew dimmer. The Dj's bass resounded in every object in the room but no one noticed. Everyone was too busy dancing and conversing.

Bethany latched onto his forearm. Keegan's instinctive reaction was to pull away but he caught glimpse of her wiry fingers. They were extended across the room, pointing at something 20 or 30 feet away. Keegan squinted into the distance, trying to recognize something. It was difficult because they were right in the middle of the two unusual bar styles. So there was vibrant light behind him but a dark, club like feel in front of him.

"That's Quincy, isn't it?" Keegan could only see the back of his head until he looked momentarily to his right . Only then could his angular profile be seen. Quincy wouldn't come to this sort of thing without a woman on his arm. According to him, his personal woman of choice as of the last few months had been Sabrina.

Keegan took sturdy steps toward the small bar table and stool. His heart was quickening as he did.

A part of him hoped Sabrina was here—just so he could see her again. Although a larger part was still ashamed of all he'd done to her. He wanted to try and fix his mistakes just so he could say he attempted and put his hoping to rest.

As they approached Quincy, the number of people blocking his view thinned out. He could now see 3 other people engaging with him. It seemed to be a serious conversation. Connor and Leslie were 2 of the 3 other people.

Their expressions were mortified and Quincy's was as he expected; pissed.

He looked over to the mystery frame.

"Sabrina." It was out of place for that to be the first word to leave his mouth, but he didn't care.

He sighed deeply, with his eyes still locked with hers. She was beautiful; different from the girl he'd fallen in love with yet still completely the same. He started with her hair—pressed straight, full of healthy volume and lightly skimming her protruding collar bones. Her deep almond skin had a light sheen that left him salivating. Since she was sitting, in order to look up at him she needed to expand her already enlarged auburn eyes. They were accentuated by a burnt gold color on her eyelids and mascara on her upper and lower lashes. Her stricken expression required her full lips to part widely, he was guessing it was an attempt to get more oxygen to her galloping heart. They were glossed in a sinister brown and any bit of light in the room was reflected off of them.

He could see her attention divert elsewhere and he followed it.

He'd been too caught up with the idea of Sabrina being within feet of him to realize Bethany was still latched onto his arm. The awkward situation had her clutching his tattooed forearm even more than before. It was definitely a 'relationship' stance and probably the best way of making sure his plan of speaking to Sabrina never happened.

"Keegan." It was a composed reply but Keegan knew better. There was a pregnant pause as everyone assessed the level of information each person in the circle had and tried to empathize with how they were feeling. The only person left entirely clueless was Bethany, and that was apparent.

"I didn't know you'd be here Quincy!" Bethany outstretched her hands to hug him. Quincy was apprehensive, silently praying that her embrace didn't give away his relationship with Sabrina's ex. But as he peered over Bethany's soft bare shoulder, briefly meeting with his date's eyes, he knew she was already well past the level of suspicious.

"Yeah, well I'm Connor's accountant." Keegan gave Connor a hard stare.

He was livid. Connor had never met Quincy or heard his name and neither had Sabrina so he could only blame himself for their cluelessness. He was too focused on keeping Quincy and Bethany from poisoning his fresh start. In his subconscious he knew Quincy was capable of unfathomable maliciousness after decades of watching him struggle with internal and external conflicts. If he had even taken a foot onto Quincy's bad side, he would've used Sabrina and Connor to hurt him. It was all easier to keep their identities separated.

"Nice to meet you both—" Leslie put on a strained smile. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom for a second. Sabrina?" Sabrina didn't give it a second thought and hopped of her stool to follow Leslie through the throng of people. After a few seconds of walking, Sabrina noticed that they were heading toward a more secluded part of the bar. She lead her down a weakly lit hall and unlocked a high metal door. Sabrina wasn't going to question where she was taking her, she was just glad she didn't have to deal with Keegan and all this new information.

Quincy knew Keegan.

She couldn't even understand what that idea meant for her—but she knew it couldn't be good.

Leslie stood aside so she could enter the isolated room. After taking a few steps, the door was closed and a light was switched on to reveal an office. Connor's big oak desk sat in the corner of the room with a couple unpacked boxes on top. There were a few tall crates at the rear of the room and Leslie went to get them. The walls were a dull grey and depressingly barren.

Sabrina hadn't noticed that she was moving with a tiny sense of urgency until she watched her toss the two boxes near each other. Sabrina took a seat as she continued to watch Leslie. She scurried over to the desk and kneeled down out of sight. A deep rolling sound was heard momentarily and she reappeared shortly after. Her hands were filled with two large cups and a full bottle of Fortaleza tequila.

Sabrina smiled; that seemed to be just what she needed. Leslie placed the cups on the edge of the office desk and poured a generous amount into each. She outstretched her hand to Sabrina and she eagerly took the strong drink.

"Thank you." She said before downing a large gulp. It went down smooth, warming her core and forcing a bit of heat out of her nose. She relaxed just a little more.

"I heard a lot of great things about you." Leslie said, starting conversation with a bit of honesty. When she and Keegan were together, Connor would come home proclaiming how similar he thought the two women were. Leslie was always eager to meet her and see if those claims were true but suddenly they'd broken up.

"Same here." Sabrina responded. She wondered if Leslie knew anything she didn't. It'd be easier for her to hear it from her than anyone else. The unfamiliarity gave her a strange comfort. "Um..." She cleared her throat before crossing her ankles.

"Do you know anything about her?" Sabrina decided to put it out there. Leslie contemplated the question for a second.

"I just know Keegan's been talking to her since he got back—but don't quote me. Connor hasn't been telling me much." Sabrina nodded silently. She needed Rochelle. Her best friend would be the perfect person to share her thoughts with. Leslie was sweet and she could see she was trying to comfort her, but she needed something specific. "What's your number?" Sabrina asked. Leslie reached into her back pocket for her phone and the two exchanged numbers.

"Well," Sabrina downed her last bit of liquor without a flinch. "We should probably head back. Thanks for everything—I hope we get to talk more in the future. Under better circumstances, of course." She stood as Sabrina did.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll let you know if I find out anything." She led the way out of the room and Sabrina followed. Just as she was praying for the effects of her drink to kick in, she spotted the open balcony doors across the room. The voyage there would leave her undetected by the group.

"Leslie," Sabrina lightly touched her arm. "I'm going to the balcony."

"Okay but wait," She waved over a waiter carrying a tray of shots. He hurried over to fulfill his manager's girlfriend's request. She plucked two glasses and handed one to Sabrina. They threw back the alcohol in synchrony. They looked at one another as it passed roughly and laughed at the other's expression for a second.

"Thanks." Sabrina said before sauntering off into her much needed seclusion.

Leslie prepared herself for any questions the group would ask her about their 20 minute departure and Sabrina's absence. She could see that Keegan and Connor were doing most of the talking but the tension was still thick.

She brushed her hand along Connor's back so he'd know she returned. Keegan was itching to ask about the missing woman but didn't want to make Quincy feel too threatened. If he knew Keegan was as adamant as he was about speaking to her that night, he'd be stuck to her like glue.

"Where's Sabrina?" Quincy looked around briefly before returning back to receive his answer.

"I think she said...she," Leslie was racking her brain of a feasible lie. "She wanted to walk around for a bit outside." Her lying skills seemed to be better than she thought because not soon after he was off of his stool and shoving past people to get to the entrance. Keegan watched him leave. He was nervous and definitely worried about how Sabrina was feeling.

Quincy had gotten emotionally invested in her. Keegan could tell in how each second she wasn't around, he was massaging his fingers and glancing in the direction she'd left, hoping she'd return with a smile on her face. Although Keegan was feeling similarly on edge.

As he was turning back around to face Connor, Leslie and a silent Bethany, his eyes skimmed across the open balcony. There wasn't anyone there that he could see, but he knew that'd be the perfect place for Sabrina to hide. He put the beer he'd acquired on the now empty table.

"I'll be back." He'd barely mumbled it. Just as his feet were taking him to the person he had been dreaming of speaking to, a hard hand caught his attention. He gave the cold appendage a similarly icy stare then looked to Bethany.

"Where are you going?" Keegan didn't want to embarrass her in front of everyone, but she was asking for it. Her presence had already done enough damage and Keegan would not allow any more. He collected himself and angrily snatched his limb from the restraint of her talons.

Keegan walked outside of the glass double doors to a brick patio. There wasn't any furniture but there were twinkling Christmas lights overhead. He looked at where the string lights met and found that there was an upper level. To the left was a somewhat short staircase that lead to another patio. Keegan was careful about making his way up. He didn't want Sabrina to notice him until it was too late.

She was leaning over the balcony's fence, her forearms supporting her body as she looked over the lit city. Keegan glanced around, taking in the scenery for the first time. The scenic admiration was very short lived. His eyes soon refocused on Sabrina.

Her bottom had thinned out into a less curvier shape. He could see her shoulders sticking out of her bare back and pushing into her still vibrant skin. He was almost certain Quincy had something to do with her size and that made him sick. He could also bet he was responsible for her pressed hair and the disappearance of her braces.

"Still beautiful." It was much less than a whisper, but Sabrina still managed to respond. Her back straightened and she looked Keegan in his eyes, completely bewildered. Although in a 'Sabrina' like fashion, she collected herself, gave him an annoyed look and prepared to descend the stairs.

She placed her brown hand along the step's railing and lifted her foot in preparation. Keegan couldn't control his emotions and entered a small state of panic.

He couldn't let her leave when he had a perfect opportunity. In an act of fear, he captured her wrist and pulled her back in his direction. Their bodies collided roughly and Keegan finally realized just how forcefully he'd grabbed her. She had balled up her fist and was in the midst of a violent protest when his voice paralyzed her.

"Please Sabrina." He'd whispered it right into the crease of her neck. It was a desperate sentence, full of need and desire that over time she'd convinced herself he hadn't had for her anymore. She pulled strength from her core and used it to push out of his hold.

"Don't touch me—don't speak to me." She gave him a sullen look.

She didn't know what to do, or what she was doing. He looked defeated and exhausted although she was sure it was her who should've resembled such a broken soul. She was confused but her stomach was turning with familiar butterflies.

He was still so handsome. His hair was extremely different and changed his appearance drastically. But in his eyes, past the strange pain and longing, she could see the man she'd known.

"Bri—," He'd taken urgent steps in her direction, but she retreated speedily. Her eyes were cast downward with her arms folded defensively across her chest.

"Sabrina." She corrected.

"Give me a chance to explain everything out."