"Susanne never mentioned that you were interested in photography," Carol said. It was our second date and we were sitting in a small restaurant in Soho. Susanne and Stefan, mutual friends, had kind of strong-armed us into a going out together. But she was ... maybe slightly weird. Weird but good. Or good but weird. Second date and I wasn't really any wiser.
The good side was that she looked fascinating. I was trying hard not to stare all the time. Mother Indonesian, father Spanish. Dark olive skin and jet black hair. Almond eyes but a straight nose and a bust that was slightly, almost obscenely, big for her frame. The weird? Well she was a corporate lawyer for a start, with a keen ear for picking out any inanities, stupidities or contradictions in anything I said. She had a fascination for international trading regulations that verged on the obsessive. But also an equally passionate hobby of collecting Modesty Blaise cartoons from the 60's and 70's. There was a resemblance between her and the big busted comic heroine. And she became animatedly and quite loveably enthusiastic when she got her teeth into one or the other of her passions. I hadn't expected much. It was a case of making our friends happy by trying to find out if their two single friends might get along.
But approaching the end of our second night, despite her kooky charms, I wasn't getting the feeling that this was going anywhere. When I had thought about seeing Carol, my senses tingled. But on both nights, every time I tried to even touch her hand, it would slip away. Fuck, if only she looked like a boring, middle-class professional, I could write it off. In fact I probably wouldn't even have gone on the date. But her eyes. And the curve of her arse.
I looked blank. It wasn't the first time with Carol.
"Photography? You were showing me photos on your Instagram feed. That's a photo app. So I assumed you liked photography."
"They're nothing special," I said. "I just do them on my iPhone."
"But you've also got Tumblr, I saw. Most people use that for collecting photos," Carol said.
"Oh I hardly ever use that one."
"But I saw, when you were flicking through your screens," Carol continued, "Siri's suggestions show the four apps you use most. One of them was Tumblr."
I felt a blush coming on. The fucking lawyer had caught me again. "Oh, well, maybe a bit more often then, I think. Yeah, you know I can often find photos there that I like. Like, kind of arty and ..."
"Ah, I think I get it," Carol said. "Arty..."
I looked blank again. Blanker than blank. A kind of red flushed kind of blank.
"I think we should go for a walk," Carol said. So we did, meandering through Soho and ending up at Trafalgar Square, talking about interesting travel destinations (me) and the iniquities of the London Transport fare structure (her). Beneath Nelson's Column we stopped.
"Do you want to show me the kind of arty photos you look at on Tumblr?" she asked. Cornered, I wordlessly took out my phone and opened up Tumblr. She looked. And swiped. Not a trace of emotion. And handed me back my phone.
"You know, Dan, I've had a lovely night. Thank you. Would you like to come and visit me tomorrow afternoon at 3?" She took out her phone and whatsapped me her address. "It was really great." And then she turned away to leave, took three steps and then turned to come back and give me a peck on the cheek. The first intimate touch we'd had in two dates. "Till tomorrow!"
The next day, at three minutes after three, I rang her bell. I'd been pacing the streets for over ten minutes, having got there early, eager and intrigued to find out what the summons meant. It was a new block of flats in Swiss Cottage. All glass and steel. Modern and professional for a modern young professional like Carol was. She buzzed me up to the top floor, where she opened the door to her apartment as I approached. As usual, her hair was tied up into a top knot, orderly and neat as it had always been before on our dates. I'd assumed: correct, efficient, practical for a lawyer in her position. But today, she also wore a slinky, tight black blouse, open to her cleavage but not revealing too much. A black, mid-thigh pencil skirt. And fishnet stockings with heels.
I gulped.
It looked strict. But she wasn't carrying a rod in her hand.
"Come in," she said, and frankly she looked as uncomfortable as I did. I guess she didn't have many guests. Or at least ones she greeted in heels. On a Saturday afternoon.
Inside everything was clean, tasteful and orderly. Carol led me to the living room and invited me to sit down. I was half expecting her to ask if I wanted a cup of tea.
"You've been very kind to me," she started. "Two dates and you've ..." She hesitated. "Can I just say I liked those photos? ... A lot ..." She floundered. The words, the sentences, the message slipping out of her grasp. Then she took a deep breath, looked at me. "I wish you had expected something. i couldn't tell, but I hoped. ... Listen. My ex. It's two years ago, or more. He was a cunt." That word just exploded out of her mouth, usually so controlled and deliberate. "He never listened. He'd talk over me. I was a pretty thing to have like Murano vase or a Lamborghini in the garage. But when we had sex, he'd just take me, use me, finish himself and leave again. I hated it and ... I fucking loved it."
There was a silence in the room. She had a tear in one eye. It rolled down her cheek taking a trail of mascara with it.
"Yes," I said. "And no. Just like you hated it and loved it." I stood up and asked Carol to stand as well. Close to one another I put my finger under her chin, raising it slightly so she looked me right in the eye. "I couldn't tell what you wanted. But now you've put it out there and told me. I know you wouldn't give that to anyone. Do you want me to take care of it and give you what you need?"
Carol nodded. I traced the contour under her breasts with my finger and felt her shiver. "We spent two evenings together. From what you saw there, do feel you can place your trust in me? That I can give you what you want, yet make it different?" She nodded again, with a slight shudder.
"Sure?"
"I'm sure," Carol said.
"I think we need to start over again," I told her. "I'm going to go out the door. You have five minutes to fix your make-up. I want long lashes. Higher heels." She looked down at her heels. Nice shoes but not quite fuck me enough.
"Okay?" I asked.
She nodded. "So do I," she said with a slight smile.
I walked to the door and as I was about to open it, Carol said: "Dan. My safe word. It's 'vanilla'."
Inside my heart, I thought, how stupid, how obvious, how literal, how perfect. What else should it be? And realized I had been falling in love ever since that first date.