I came walking out of the store carrying a paper sack full of toys and some odds and ends I was hoping my granddaughters would like.
They had both carefully written down a long list of all the things they wanted, although some of it I didn't have a clue what the hell they even were.
Kids nowadays, what is up with them? Black lipstick, black nail polish, red eyeliner, funny looking long black outfits with silver chains? We never did anything screwy like that when I was a kid, maybe stand around with our pants cuffs rolled up and a smoke glued to our lower lip.
Well, there was the duck's ass haircuts and minor stuff like that but black lipstick?
I hate shopping, when my wife of nearly 25 years was alive she always did that. Oh, a few times she actually managed to get me in a store pushing a cart but finally she realized just how miserable that made me and gave up.
Now except for holidays or birthdays the only shopping I ever did now was for paper plates and cheap utensils, I hated doing dishes, too. My cooking pans are almost always new, too. One batch of noodles with cheese and into the trash they go, screw scrubbing them. Less than $10 and I can get a whole set of those Chinese ones.
I liked those frozen dinners, too. Pop them in the microwave and eat, pitch the rest, end of any problems.
I wouldn't have noticed the woman standing there except she had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face, and she was smack dab in my way.
"Just where did you learn to park, mister?" She demanded, her head doing that odd bobbing back and forth thing African American folks do when they are upset about something.
I came to a screeching halt, surprised. She was wearing black slacks and a heavy sweater, she looked a bit on the big side.
"Uhhh..what do you mean?" I asked her, confused.
She pointed at my truck, it was sitting a good six inches over the white line, there was no way she could open her driver's side door. I glanced over and her passenger side door was open, she had obviously climbed over the seat and out that side. Her car was some tiny little thing that looked like every other car out there, I had a vision of her climbing across over the gearshift lever.
When I parked, I had given the car on my driver's side some extra room, my full size truck was pretty big and I swear they are making parking spots smaller all the time.
"Sorry, miss. I will move it." I told her, wanting to get by to set my things in my rig. She didn't seem too pleased with me, I went around and stuffed the bags in my truck and left. I looked up in the mirror, she was still standing there with her hands on her hips as I drove off.
I had more things to get, so the next day I drove back down to the store. I carefully centered my truck, managed to struggle out without jamming the door into the car next to me. I shut the door and turned, there she stood again, looking at me.
"That's better!" She said. She didn't seem mad today. I noticed she was on the pretty side, but she still looked a bit big.
I shook my head and promptly forgot about it, heading into the store to get some more toys. I also went over to the frozen foods section, grabbed a couple of dozen TV dinners and a frozen pizza that actually looked edible.
"That stuff will kill you, why don't you buy some real food?" I heard from behind me.
I turned, there she stood with a shopping cart, a cute little boy sat in it, his legs hanging out the back. He looked at me and grinned, then stuck his thumb in his mouth.
I blushed, managed to stammer something about not cooking very well and this made it easy. I looked at her cart, she had fruits and fresh vegetables, some fresh baked bread and some kind of huge vegetable that looked like a person might use at Halloween to decorate their porch.
"Butter Squash." She said, seeing my glance.
Curious, I asked her what she did with it, since I had no idea at all. I had seen those things in the stores but never bought one. I could see no way to cook one of them, anyway.
The next 10 minutes was a series of recipes, she told me how to slice it, season it, how to cook it, even what temperature to use as I stood there and listened politely. Then she went into how to make a batter, right down to each seasoning and how much.
I listened, trying to be polite.
She picked one up, put it in my cart and told me to give it a try. Next she picked up the pizza, gave me a sidelong look, put it back in the freezer. She shook her head no and went on down the row.
Good grief.
I went and got into line to check out, she was right behind me.
"You men! You are all the same. Are you really going to eat that thing?" She asked, looking at the pizza I had retrieved when she was out of sight.
"Yea! I am!" I told her, starting to get upset. This chubby black lady seemed to be everywhere. She sniffed but didn't say anything, but she did grin when the clerk weighed the damn squash.
"You will like that, I like it best baked with brown sugar." I just nodded, thinking it might look all right as a decoration on my porch.
I started my truck, sat there for a few minutes looking at the front page of a newspaper I had bought. It was the usual, the world was ending, Arabs were shooting rockets off at each other and then there was a big headline about that Simpson guy. I put the truck in gear and pulled out onto the highway.
I made it almost a block, I hit a bump and the sack with that stupid squash fell over. I reached over to grab it when out of the corner of my eye a little car pulled right out in front of me from the parking lot. I got a glimpse of the driver looking over her right shoulder as I locked up the brakes and spun the wheel, way too late.
I nailed her left front fender, knocking her sideways several feet. Her horn jammed on, steam started coming out. I got out and ran over to the little car.
Yep. Same woman, she looked frightened. I checked the kid sitting snugly in a car seat in the back, he was giggling like that was fun and he wanted to do it again. I reached in the rear passenger side and unclipped him, tucked him under my arm in case of a fire or something. I tried to open her door but it was stuck, with the kid under one arm I couldn't pull hard enough to get it open.
I finally got her door unjammed and got her out. She seemed to be just fine, although rattled. She reached out and grabbed the little boy, hugging him to her chest.
"We have to quit meeting like this." I wisecracked. She just looked at me. I figured she didn't see any humor in the situation.
We exchanged information, I found her name was Tania. I checked out her car and it was not drivable. My truck was unmarked, it had a huge steel bumper with a winch on the front. That combined with my big 36" tires had put the top of her fender halfway across the hood.
She apologized all over the place, I went back to my truck, the sack with the squash in it had hit the floorboards and it was smashed. I started laughing, for some reason that was funny.
"Want a ride someplace?" I asked her.
"Sure." She gathered up her kid, we snugged him down in the crew cab section. She saw the squash on the floor as she was getting in, started picking up the pieces.
"I am really sorry." She said.
"Nobody hurt, it's no big deal." She gave me directions, I drove her home, then went on to my house.
I called my insurance agent, let them deal with things, I thought. The phone rang almost the second I hung it up.
It was Tania. I was beginning to think we were becoming attached, either I was in her way or she was in mine, or I was running over her, what was up with that?
