Elderly, Elmer Jefferson was telling his much younger neighbor, Bob Adams, about his theory of Mother Nature and women. "I'm telling you the truth, there's no difference in the two. That's why she's called Mother earth. You drop seeds into the ground, fertilize them, and plants grow. A woman drops a fertile seed each and every month. A male must germinate it to make a baby grow. Now, I ask you. What's the difference? They all begin with a seed and they all must be fertilized."
"For one thing, a woman is different. Kayla and I have been trying for the last two years to have a baby. The doctor says nothing is wrong with either of us, but her seed has never been fertilized. Mother Earth would have a forest growing by now." Bob ashamedly answered.
"There's probably some other reason you haven't thought about. They say you can try too hard. It could be size, or, the amount of your fertilizer. If you're not very big, most of it runs down your shaft and onto the sheets. Did you know those microscopic boogers have to swim and find her seed. For one to swim an inch, would be like you swimming a mile. To make matters worse, they swim in all directions. Now, if your shaft is large and you have a longer dick, you give them a ride to their destination. With a strong ejaculation, you've put them at home plate and all one of them has to do is touch it. Voila! A baby is on the way."
"I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm in the small size category. I don't ejaculate, I dribble." Bob said. "But, I can dribble every night. How in hell did we get on this subject, anyway?"
"You are the one that started about fertilizing Kayla's garden, such as it is. That evolved to fertilizing the vegetable garden outside and then to the love garden between her legs. I've got just the thing to help with her backyard garden, there in the tool shed. Let me pull it out for you." Opening the shed door, Elmer pulled out an old rototiller that looked to be a hundred years old. "This, my friend, is my black beauty. The first time my Sarah saw it over thirty years ago, she said, "that's a black beauty. I've called it that ever since."
"My God! Where in the hell did you get that old thing?" Bob exclaimed.
"An old black tool for an old black man. For a man that's too cheap to buy one of these, you shouldn't bad mouth my beauty. It may be old, but it will damn sure get the job done." answered Elmer. "I won't loan it to you, but, I can come over and do the job for her."
"I can't let you do that! That thing's too big for a woman to handle. Isn't it?" asked Bob.
"Shit no! My wife used it for years, God rest her soul, and she wasn't much bigger than your wife. Those big wheels make it so easy, a child could do it. What are you thinking, anyway? Among other things, you lazy too?" Elmer wondered aloud. "I'm going to do this for Kayla, not you."
"Well, this will be the third year she has tried growing a vegetable garden. For two years, I've dug it up with a shovel. She has probably never even seen one of these things. Is it possible you would bring it over and show her how to handle it? She could do the work and you could see that she doesn't bury your old black beauty deep in the dirt. I'm too busy to mess with something that's more trouble than its worth."
"It's a deal. Remember, after we till it once, you have to spread all those bags of cow manure. Then, we'll till it again. You can do that much, can't you? Now, what are you going to do about your more personal problem?" Elmer asked.
"I don't know. I've mentioned artificial insemination, but she won't hear of it. I wish we had a good friend that could help me out. I'm too scared to even bring that up." Bob was ashamed to even talk about such an embarrassing situation.
"We're good friends and if I can do anything to help, just ask. Kayla and I talk and gossip a little almost everyday. Sometimes, she makes some kind of Chinese tea and invites me over to have a cup. We sit on the porch and ramble on about nothing. I've never seen a young lady that shows more kindness and respect to an older person than your wife. If I was forty years younger, I'd take her away from you." Elmer laughed.
The object of this conversation was cleaning house and had raised the bedroom window. She could see the two men talking in the yard next door. Being busy, she never paid much attention to them. Kayla was a twenty four year old Chinese, soon to be American. Standing one inch over five feet and weighing ninety eight pounds, she was constantly attempting to gain that elusive two pounds. Wearing one of Bob's long tee shirts while cleaning, sweat beads were running down her chest and dripping from her dark nipples, wetting the shirt.
Suddenly, she was listening when Elmer said something about showing his big old thing. Worse yet, Bob telling Elmer to let her feel and handle it, and if she thought it was too big, not to force her to do it. Then, hearing Elmer telling Bob that his own wife had used it for years, and had even called it black beauty. Could they possibly be talking about what it sounded like? Was her husband offering to let old Elmer have sex with her? Had Bob gotten that desperate to get her pregnant? She ran from the room to escape those awful words.
Kayla's mind was filled with a hundred different thoughts. How could he expect her to agree with something like this? Why hadn't he even discussed it with her first? Was she just someone that could be passed from one man to another? What am I going to do...Leave? Where would I go?
Kayla heard Bob come in and was at a loss of what to say. She need not have worried, since he went into the computer room. "Honey, I have to work on a report I need tomorrow morning. It'll take a couple of hours. I've got a surprise for you! We'll talk about it later." Bob yelled, as he shut his door.
Later that evening, Bob asked. "Honey, why are you so quiet? Something wrong?"
Kayla had calmed down and was prepared to listen to her husband."I don't know if anything is wrong, or not. I overheard part of your conversation with Elmer this afternoon."
"That's great!" Bob exclaimed. "That's the surprise I was going to tell you about. I'm glad you're not upset about it. I know how you never want to try anything new, but here, we have different customs. It's okay for a neighbor to help a neighbor." Bob was thinking about having to dig up that damn garden with a hoe and shovel. After the last two years, he wasn't anxious to do it a third time. Kayla believed everything should be done by hand, a belief shared by her ancestors for a thousand years. Bob continued with, " I've done it for two years and I'm admitting defeat. Pride be damned, I finally asked Elmer for help. He has more experience and the equipment to get it done. Just wait until you see the size of that old thing."
For a moment Kayla was speechless. "You mean he showed his thing to you"?
"Sure, he pulled it out for me to see this afternoon and all he could do was brag about it. His wife even called it her black demon. He said she loved it for thirty years."
