"Hello, sugar. Sorry I cut it so close, but we had to wrap the last scene of my current movie. Thanks for letting me run late. I apologize to you and all your crew. Hopefully I'll be brilliant in some way and boost your ratings and everyone will get a bump in pay! I had to run right into make up and then out here, so can I have a word with my husband before we begin?" I asked of the woman with the microphone.
"Nancy, of course." I noticed Ted moving out to the stage. While I'm in the movies, Ted is anything but a movie star – although he was a fine cameraman in his day. Before I was discovered. He tended to make other people uncomfortable if he didn't have a camera in hand. Maybe because he was white and nerdy. Maybe because he was a lawyer. I didn't care – I married him for his heart, his mind and his connections. His friendly connections. His connected friends.
You look great" he told me. "How did that last scene go? You were doing an airtight finish, right?"
I grinned at him.
"That means you nailed it! Or they nailed you and you nailed the shot!" He high-fived me and then stepped back into the background. Ted was well aware of what I do for a living. Hell, he's the reason I'm doing it, actually.
Gwenn, the hostess for the show came back. "Let's just start talking to let the sound guys get levels, and then when they give me the signal we can break for the intro and monologue, and you can catch your breath in the green room" she said.
"Fine, what shall we discuss? Do you have some idea of what you want to get to?" I asked.
"As for the interview content, well, of course you are free to mention your films by name; and obviously there's your book. I mean, that was what got you booked here. Not that you fuck black men on film for a living. That you write about it as well." She had some sort of axe to grind, that was obvious. "You can read a chapter or two from your book, or maybe illuminate on something you wrote. You can talk about how you started in films, and how you went from homemade porn tapes to now being nominated for the AVN newcomer of the year. In as much detail as you want. My show is an adults-only discussion of the nitty gritty. And we also include titties, clitties, and any other bitties my guests bring up " She paused, listened to the voice in her off camera ear and resettled herself in her seat.
"And there's the cue that sound's got you all set up. You can head backstage and relax for a bit."
In short order we heard the studio announcer say in a TV voice: "Once again, ladies, gentlemen and everyone else, it's time to explore Life on the Wild Side, with your hostess, Gwenn Nettles! And of course, on the piano is Wally Longham and his Riverside Band." The audience applauded as the group, fronted by Longham on piano, a very tall, bald black man, with a small group of black musicians on guitar, bass, drums and trumpet started playing the show's theme song as the announcer finished up:
"Gwenn's guest tonight is Nancy Wladczyk, currently nominated for the Adult Video Association's Newcomer of the Year award for her onscreen work in over 50 movies this year, and who at the same time has published a remarkable book that's due to hit the stands in the next month. The title can't be repeated on broadcast TV – but we're on cable! I'll leave that pleasure to you, Gwenn. Over to you." The band played a few more bars and then cut out. I caught all the band members eyeing me. They knew exactly who I was, so I gave them the eye right back! This might be a delightful night – or even my 51st movie of the year!
"Hello out there, and welcome. John and the band just collected enough money to get them each a copy Nancy Wladczyk's new book, "I Find the Time is Always Right to Fuck Black Men." Why is that, do you think?"
Laughter.
"Can you believe that our guest, Nancy Wladczyk, who emerged from out of nowhere last year and has moved from the world of sharing amateur sex tapes online to being nominated for Newcomer of the Year for the Adult Video Awards, literally wrapped up filming on her 51st film of the year just before getting here? Can you imagine? Not only that, but she managed to find time to write one of the hottest autobiographies you will ever read. I bet she combined research and writing!" Longham's piano hit a wild noise.
Gwenn resumed: "That's biggest rise I've seen from the band since we began! At least now I know where to steer contract negotiations for next season." That almost got a laugh.
She continued, on a roll with her audience warming up to the subject. "Rumor has it that they were also considering a new category for her – hardest working woman on her back in Hollywood!" That got a lot of laughs – including from me.
She went into her monologue to discuss things of some interest to some people. Somewhere. Not necessarily to me, but I listened just to be sure about what I was stepping into. Then came my cue and I went out on stage to – surprisingly – a standing ovation! And strangely enough, the audience was overwhelmingly female. I was surprised. And delighted, actually.
"Folks, Nancy just completed another film today before coming here. Or should we say she was coming long and hard before coming here?" That got applause and a laugh; I ducked my head to accept it.
Gwenn resumed: "How do you do it? You are basically turning out a film a week. That's unheard of!"
"Well, let's get something straight here, Gwenn. These aren't high budget, CGI animated, orchestrally scored, big name cast films with extensive scripts and brilliant dialogue. 'Oh my God' is repeated more times in my films than most people say in a year. No one has devoted their life starving in servitude to bring a cinematic masterpiece to the screen! No one is going to make the film of their life in my field. If a guy did that, it would be over in maybe three minutes! Since I get to do a lot of scripting, well, things last a lot longer! I like things to last much longer than that. Can you get that I really, REALLY love my work?" That got the kind of laugh I had been aiming for!
I resumed: "I am a porn star. I shoot sex films. And I have a very specific genre – I only fuck black men with big cocks. That means we get a bunch of black men with big cocks together and I let them fuck me silly in front of cameras. I get paid for showing off and doing what I love to do so it's actually easy to do – although it does sometimes get messy. But none of us mind – aexcept the camera dudes and sound guys are are alway concerned about us getting stuff on their equipment. By the way, Gwenn, did you notice the effect I'm having on the guys in the band? What do you think, fellas?" I said, addressing a bunch of very horny black dudes who hadn't expected to be spoken to.
Then the camera cut to a shot of the entire band completely flummoxed. The audience and Gwenn cracked up watching them. I stayed calm and centere.
When it quieted down, I spoke up again. "They reacted like that for a very simple reason. They know who I am! I knew they knew me, either because some brother talked about me, or because they've watched my films. I knew they knew that all they had to do was ask and I would happily give them free and easy access to whatever hole of mine they preferred, where ever and whenever they asked, and when that registered, their big black cocks gave them a signal. Mind you, those big black dicks need a lot of blood to fill up and get hard – and that process deprives their brains just a bit. One head takes precedence over the other. If you get my drift." That got a another laugh, as well as an "I'm interested" look from Longham and his band.
"And what's even better is, I really am going to fuck them all before I leave here tonight. Musicians tickle my ivories and help me hit the high notes. If you know what I mean." Well, that got the reaction I really wanted. The guys high-fived each other, and most of the women in the audience were whooping and cheering. I suspect there were also a few stunned into silence. Probably.
"There's one conditon, though. You guys have to be good to my husband Ted tonight. He's the one responsible for setting us up!"
"Your husband? Really?" exclaimed Gwenn. Her surprise was feigned – she very obviously had read the book – but she clearly knew from the reaction of the audience that there was a rich field of material they wanted to know. But there was a slight edge to all her comments that I didn't quite understand, and then I suspected that that's where her issue was - something in the book that she couldn't deal with. Or maybe she didn't think a marriage or even just a relationship could work like ours did. Because she hadn't been able to do it. "We'll see," I thought to myself.
"Gwenn, my husband Ted and I share a very unique relationship. I'll have you know that from the moment we met – right after I'd come out of the foster system and he was working there – he's had my interests as his. I will say that I didn't always know that, and that at one point I entertained the idea of hiring out a hit on him after he told me that from one point on, I was only going to have sex with black men. When he did that, I started to leaf through my phone numbers, looking for someone seriously connected to the right people – and then my first and still favorite bull, Andy walked naked into the room. I describe all that I went through during that in the chapter called Breaking In." I paused and addressed Gwenn directly. "I don't know how much of that I can repeat on TV. What do you think?"
There was silence from her. I looked and she had my book open. Her nipples were hard and obvious, and one of her hands briefly touched her pussy before realizing that the camera was on her. Then she actually turned beet red! I always thought that was just a phrase – but in her case, it was LITERAL!
"I'm sorry, what did you say? OMG, ladies, this book makes that 50 shades stuff look like a children's book! My goodness." She gathered herself up and then her comic sense kicked in. She went for the punchline in a way that indicated it wasn't a joke.
"Can I get his number?" she asked, bringing down the house. We high-fived! I mean, it was a perfectly played ad lib and she pulled it off masterfully. Great comic timing.
Except she pulled herself close enough to say something in my ear:
"I'm serious!" The laughter continued even though no one heard that. But she played the whole thing like a pro. Her expression was a combination of things – from a quick peek at the audience and a self-satisfied grin, to a a bit of a bow, and then a raised eyebrow that drew a nod from me, and then a lick of her lips. Wild – something changed over there with her.
When the crowd grew quiet, we just looked at each other. "So what do you think? Now see why doing porn is worth at least thinking about?"
