I sat on the couch nursing my second large scotch when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I turned my head to look away from them, staring blankly at the wall, I heard the deep snigger of my wife's lover then the door opening and closing.
I took another swig of my scotch, not something I usually drink but felt in need of as I tried to make sense of all the confusion in my mind.
"Nige?"
I looked around and saw her, she was wrapped in her red satin robe, still wearing the black stockings and fuck me heels I had seen wrapped around his body twenty minutes earlier.
God she looked so sexy, her large breasts and erect nipples pushing through the tight satin, her calves so defined in those heels. I felt such conflict, she had betrayed me and took a young black man as a lover but I looked at her and all I saw was my wife looking more sexy than she had in years, her face glowing and flushed in a way that I remembered from a long time ago when our sex life was at its peak.
"Nige?"
She said again as she sat next to me, running her hand tenderly over my cheek. I pulled away from the touch, feeling repulsed by it, knowing it had probably been wrapped around that huge cock and I didn't want it touching me.
I felt the sudden rush of anger take over and I turned to her.
"How could you... how fucking could you?" I demanded.
A slap to my face brought me up short, her eyes glaring at me as the surprise of the slap stopped me in my tracks.
"How could I?... How fucking could I? Because you haven't satisfied me in years is how could I"
Her words shook me to my core, the instant realisation that what she said was true made me feel sorry for her. Why? Why should I feel sorry for her, she had just been fucking some young black guy in our bed, under my roof.
I then realised I was feeling sorry for myself not her, I was sorry for myself because she had had to go find someone to satisfy her sexual needs because I could no longer perform well enough to.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I blurted out, my voice croaking with emotion and regret.
"I, I didn't know you were so unhappy with our sex life. I thought you had lost your sex drive after the menopause and you were just letting me have sex with you out of a sense of duty." My voice quivering.
She laughed, almost maniacally. Her laughter crushing me and any shred of male ego I held evaporated.
"Oh you silly boy." She chided.
An odd choice of word I thought at the time but I didn't protest.
"My sex drive has been off the scale since then, I need it now more than I ever have. I Certainly need more than you have ever been able to give me. I needed more and I went and found more. I, I have someone now who can give me more pleasure, more orgasms in an afternoon than you can in a year... Nay, a decade." The frustration in her voice so evident.
She laughed again as she looked me up and down. I visibly shrank in my seat, feeling less and less of a man with every cackle.
"Look at you." she said.
"Flabby, a cock that hardly works... and when it does it only takes moments to cum and go soft. No great size to it anyway and you have the nerve to ask ME! how could I? Because you and your cock are useless to me in that regard. I needed to get me someone who could satisfy me and God can he do that, we have been fucking for months and they have been the happiest of my life so that's how could I." She said with venom.
Tears were running down my cheeks, from the shock that this was not a one off, that she had been fucking him for months, that I couldn't and probably never had satisfied her in bed. That it was me, my failings that had driven her to this, that it was my fault she had found a lover.
I turned to her, my eyes bloodshot. A deep fear within me that she will ask for a divorce, leave me to be with him. I couldn't bear that, I loved her with all my heart and despite everything I couldn't lose her.*
"What happens now?" I asked.
She held my face in both hands tenderly, looking deep into my eyes which I felt peered into my soul.
"That is up to you. He makes my life complete, he gives me such pleasure that I cannot be without him. I still love you dearly, he fills a gap that you cannot hope to fill. You can accept that and we carry on as we always have. Or, you can leave. It is not a case of you or him, it's him." She said flatly.
"What he gives me I will not give up, you either accept that or go!" Her last words spoken with such finality.
The import of her words knocked me back and I just sat there, silent and still shocked. Would I, could I leave her? I should be the one kicking her out of the door, send her packing to her black stud. Let her bear the shame and scandal that would ensue. I knew straight away that I couldn't do that, I still loved her beyond measure despite what she had done to me. I hated myself at that moment, but I couldn't leave her, I couldn't live without her in my life. If this was the price I had to pay then I would have to accept it.
I lifted my head, took a long swig of the whisky and looked at her.
"I'll stay, I love you Rora I can't live without you." I told her.
She broke out into a beautiful smile as she leaned in and kissed me, not a passionate kiss but one that still showed her love for me.
"Good boy." There was that word again.
I swallowed hard and looked at her again.
"So what happens now?" I asked.
She smiled at me, her voice now soft and tender, her melodious tones almost a whisper.
"We will live our normal lives, keep our routines, go out with our friends and socialise as we have always done. We will not however have intercourse again."
