Carie had just stuffed the last corner of toast with honey into her mouth when she heard a knock on her door. She frowned. It was supposed to be a lazy Sunday morning. All she wanted to do was go back to her bedroom and hibernate under her duvet just like the rest of the normal people should have been doing. Who knocks on your door Sunday morning?
Knock, knock, knock.
The sound was dull and plodding; maybe it was zombies.
Carie smirked and shook her head. She knew who it was. She sighed and cinched up her robe. Her rainbow striped socks dusted the floor as she shuffled over to the door. She peered through the peep-hole; all she saw was a chest.
"What?" she asked.
"Is apartment seven." It was a deep, monotone voice.
She rolled her eyes. "I
know,
Vasily. What do you want?"
"Open door. I have
tee-kit
."
Carie pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. Always that dumb
tee-kit
. "Now?" she groaned.
From the other side of the door he started to read aloud in a heavy eastern European accent, "'This golden
tee-kit
is valid at
anytime
24/7 excluding Christmas...'"
"Yeah! Yeah! Got it!" Carie exclaimed.
"Is Christmas today?"
She sighed again. Was that a joke? After a long pause, she realized that he wasn't leaving. She drew a breath, slipped on a smile, and opened the door. "Good morning," she chimed.
The man from apartment seven filled her doorway.
Carie gave him the once over. Starting from his sandal covered feet, he wore a pair of navy-striped sleep pants over his tall legs, and a stretched out tank-top undershirt which did nothing to hide his broad and muscular shoulders and tattooed arms. He was quite the good-morning package except for the scraggly nest of mouse-brown hair crowning his head. Also, somewhere beneath all that facial fur must have been his chiseled jaw and perhaps a pair of lips which he rarely opened to speak to her, anyway.
She scoffed, "Wow. You're a real emergency, huh?"
Vasily offered a mute shrug. As he walked into her apartment, he handed her a piece of paper. Carie was familiar with it.
Three months ago, at the tail-end of a late night drinking binge with a couple of girlfriends at her apartment, months of pent up frustration of trying to gain the attentions of her beefcake neighbour across the hall in apartment seven had finally come to a head. Carie needed to vent, and she took it out on the ubiquitous shag on his face. It annoyed her like a crayon mark on a Renoir.
On a large yellow post-it note, she managed to scrawl:
"Neanderthal Special at Chez Carie! Time to get that dead rat fur off your face, Boris! This golden ticket is good for six grooming sessions with the sexiest Asian nymph with a razor. Try a Carie Special!"
After slapping it on his door, she crawled back into her apartment and passed out on the floor. Not surprisingly she forgot about it until a few days later when he knocked on her door and held it out two inches from her face. It took her a few seconds to focus on it, a few more to recognize it, but when she finally did, her jaw dropped and her cheeks went flush. Before she could sheepishly apologize for the joke, he marched right into her place, pulled out a chair, and sat stoically, hands on his thighs, waiting for her to shave him.
Bewildered, perturbed, confused, and cornered, Carie couldn't recall what happened over the next few minutes but somehow found herself haphazardly sheering off his whiskers with one of her pink lady-razors. For a moment before she began, she actually thought it might be fun. Hell, she had finally gotten a reaction from the man and he was actually in her apartment. He smelled nice, too, with a spicy musk scent.
Yet, any attempt to start some chit-chat, let a lone full-fledged flirting, was disregarded by the placid statue sitting in her chair.
However, he did answer when she asked him his name. "Vasily."
Carie sighed. It was like talking to Tarzan.
So she worked in silence, concentrating to do a proper job with inadequate tools. When she was done, she stepped back and breathed deeply; she actually felt a bit worn out.
"Okay, that's it," she said. She looked at the relatively clean-shaven Vasily. He did look much more attractive this way --the reduction of fur on his face somehow accentuating his intense, ocean-blue eyes, his high-cheek bones, and squared, dimpled chin-- but she wasn't feeling very appreciative of his looks at the moment.
Without a word, Vasily stood up and turned to leave. He suddenly paused, turned towards her and held out his hand. "
Tee-kit
," he said.
Carie tilted her head, confused.
"
Tee-kit
," he repeated, his hand still aloft.
Hesitantly, she took the piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it back to him.
"Five more," Vasily said, spreading out his fingers on his right hand.