That night, I'd contemplated (more like, I'd panicked) how I was going to manage what had happened between me and Zanire. I'd received the best blow job ever. I had a severe case of 'adulterous guilt.' I wanted another blow job. Could I just ask for one? Was Zanire playing some sort of game? I didn't get much sleep.
Being the coward that I am, I certainly wasn't going to come out with, 'Zanire, get in here, blow job now.' Perhaps a bit of old fashioned romance, perhaps a pay raise, perhaps threaten her with termination? Perhaps I could chicken out and see what Zanire does?
I heard the front office door close and the jangle of Zanire's silver bracelets, I readied myself. Time to bite the bullet. I swallowed hard and stuck my head around the corner. "Zanire, can you come in here," my voice faltering.
I stumbled on, "Our dalliance two nights ago was wonderful. However, I'd like to see if we can discuss the best way to move forward." Shit, this did sound like I was reading from a script. Stop, take a deep breath. "Zanire, before you start cleaning, can we have a chat?"
"Yes Mr Johnstone, Zanire can talk now. Zanire talk to you anytime." That amusing sing song voice. A smirk appearing across Zanire's broad, dark face.
Exasperated I asked, "Zanire, is that really you, why are you talking like that?"
"Why Mr J, you don't like the way I speak? You don't like Sudanese girl?" Zanire, paused, looked at me and smiled, it was more than a smile, it was an all teeth and gums grin.
"Stop it Zanire! Please tell me what's going on, why are there two Zanires?"
With a more serious, almost melancholy expression, Zanire continued without the accent. She plonked herself in a chair and began her story.
"OK, Roger, I'll stop messing with you. When we first arrived in Sydney, I applied for many positions that were more suited to my education and experience but, I couldn't even get an interview. Then RefuCare, suggested that I lower my expectations and try for more entry level positions."
Zanire, paused, looked at me, as though she was uncertain how to proceed. We weren't dealing with my issues, but we were talking. Zanire continued.
"So I applied for work in Retail, Customer Service, Tele-marketing. Anything that was on offer. I had no luck at all, it appears that Australians don't want to employ Sudanese refugees. Then one day I met your wife and she was so positive and so keen to help a poor Sudanese family that I thought I should act the part that she wanted me to play. So I became Zanire, the cleaner. I didn't mind, I finally had a job and playing Zanire the cleaner is fun."
"Is Zanire your real name?" I asked, nervous about the reference to my wife. Zanire continued on.
"Yes, Zanire is my real name. Don't look so dismayed Roger, I was happy to be working. I finally had some money and a small glimmer of hope that all Australians aren't racist Rednecks."
"Is that what you really think? We are all racist?"
"Well, perhaps 'racist' is a bit harsh, but Australians tend to pigeonhole and stereotype everyone who isn't white. Their ignorance blinds them, they are unable see more than what they're told to see."
I was interested to hear more. Zanire was the first Refugee I'd ever met, let alone had sex with. "Zanire, the cleaning can wait, would you like a drink? Tea, coffee, a glass of wine, a beer?"
"Yes, let's have a beer. We can save on the washing up." Zanire flashed that dazzling smile at me.
As I walked off to the kitchen, my concerns about talking to Zanire had vanished. She was interesting and easy to chat to. However, I wondered how I could raise the question of us? For me, it was the elephant in the room.
I returned to my desk, offering Zanire an opened beer, I skirted the issue and carried on. "So what education and experience do you have? I may be able to help find more suitable work."
"Why you not like Zanire the cleaner?" She laughed heartily.
"Zanire very good cleaner, Zanire such talent." I fed straight back to her. Now we both laughed.
"I have a Bachelor's Degree in Business Management, and I've worked for more than 5 years in Marketing and Public Relations."
"Well done, sounds impressive. What sort of Marketing and PR?"
"Mainly in the wholesale sector, focusing on department stores and big box retailers."
"So how did you become a refugee, how did you end up in Australia? Did you arrive in a leaky fishing boat?" I was keen to learn more.
Zanire continued. "To cut a very long story, very short: We were visiting our Grandparents' village for a family celebration, when a rebel army stormed through and destroyed everything. We collected whatever came to hand and fled. Soon we were in a transitional camp with no papers and no way of proving our identity. I couldn't leave my family to try to get back to Khartoum. Fortunately, we had some money and we were able to buy Refugee status and apply to come to Australia. The whole journey took all our money and several years."
Zanire, stopped took a deep breath and a big gulp of beer.
"Zanire, surely you have friends? A life in Khartoum? Couldn't anyone help you?"
Zanire shook her head and sighed, "Sudan is a mess, my family and I want to start a new life here." She looked away and took another sip of beer.
"Zanire, why did you have sex with me?" Shit. Where did that come from?