This story happened back in the 1980s.
It may have been one of the most embarrassing moments in all of Nancy's 38 years. Here she was, sitting in the emergency room waiting to see a doctor for a problem she never could have imagined. But as mortifying as this experience has been for her, she couldn't help but see some humor in it.
The striking blonde buried her face in her hands and began to lightly chuckle. Finally, the nurse approached and said the doctor will see her now. Fortunately, the doctor who attended to Nancy was female, so it would be easier to talk about her issue.
"So, Nancy, what ails you?" the doctor asked.
Nancy's face turned beet red, and she struggled to get the words out.
"It's my diaphragm," Nancy answered.
"Are you having trouble breathing?" the doctor asked.
"No, doctor...my diaphragm that I use for birth control...I can't get it out of my vagina," Nancy said as she dipped her head, her chin almost hitting her chest.
The doctor remained silent for a moment before asking how this happened. She asked Nancy if she inserted it properly. Nancy said she did. She asked if her diaphragm was the right size. Nancy responded that it was.
The doctor then asked exactly how this happened.
"Well, uh, long story short, the man I had sex with was so big he pushed it way too deep inside me for me to be able to reach it," Nancy said. "I tried a couple of times to get it out, but I just can't get to it."
The doctor paused briefly before saying, "I'm sorry if I'm sounding so surprised, but I have never treated something like this in all my years of practicing medicine."
The doctor called in the nurse and pulled her out of Nancy's earshot to explain the situation and to have her take Nancy to a private room where there was a gynecologist chair. As she led Nancy to the room, the nurse couldn't wipe the devious grin off her face. She had dozens of questions for Nancy but her professionalism prevented her from asking.
She gave Nancy a hospital gown and told her to get in the chair. The nurse asked if Nancy was in pain.
"It's uncomfortable but I'm not in agony...this is just so fucking embarrassing," Nancy said.
The nurse, lying through her teeth and trying not to laugh, said, "The doctor didn't give me too many details, but I understand you're having a problem with a birth control device?"
"I don't know what the doctor told you, but here's the deal...I got fucked by a man who by far was bigger than any man I'd ever been with...and, well, this is the result," Nancy said in a somewhat defiant tone.
The nurse didn't know how to respond and, as she left the room, murmured to herself, "I guess I'll avoid diaphragms and stick with the pill."
As Nancy sat in the chair waiting for the doctor, her mind drifted and recalled how she found herself in such a predicament.
Nancy was attending a weekend afternoon chamber of commerce mixer in her mid-sized town in California's Central Valley. Like much of that part of the state, it leaned conservative, as it was the typical farming community.
Nancy, co-owner of a floral shop, went to the mixer with Brad, a well-to-do white man who was a major player in the agribusiness field. Basically, Brad was a good-ol' boy whose family had plenty of influence in town. And he wasn't shy about letting others know it. They had been dating for only three weeks, so their relationship had not reached the serious stage yet. They were still getting to know about each other. But they did make a nice looking couple.
The crowd at the event was predominantly white. There were some Mexican and Asian business owners, and two Black business owners -- Cheryl and Rodney Davis, who were siblings. Cheryl and Rodney, both in their mid-30s, had just opened a new gym in town and were hoping to use the mixer to make connections and attract business.
As chamber mixers go, alcohol flowed freely, as did the raunchy jokes. Brad and Nancy both had consumed quite a bit of liquor. Cheryl nursed one glass of wine the entire time of the mixer, and Rodney stuck with soft drinks.
Cheryl was a tall, statuesque woman. At 6-feet-1, she had the body type of tennis star Venus Williams. She was an elegant, dark-skinned beauty. Rodney stood 6-foot-3. He also was dark-skinned. He was fit, muscular but not the body-builder type.
Rodney and Cheryl had separated and were busy making connections. Rodney came across Nancy and Brad and engaged in conversation. Rodney eyed Nancy up and down. Unfortunately, she wasn't wearing anything too revealing. She was in a loose-fitting pair of jeans and a 49ers sweatshirt. Still, she was rather appealing to him. But Rodney found Brad rather condescending, as if Rodney should be honored to ever be seen speaking with him.
Nancy was drawn to the raw sex appeal of Rodney. He had that Idris Alba vibe about him. He too was dressed conservatively, sporting a pair of khaki pants and a sweater. She asked if Rodney was single, and he replied that he was. He said he was still nursing the wounds of the end of his three-year relationship and wasn't ready to jump back into the dating pool. While the three were talking, an amazingly attractive young white woman approached the group and began peppering Rodney with questions about his gym. Nancy seemed miffed the other woman was occupying so much of Rodney's time. He gave her all the answers she needed, they exchanged business cards and she left.
Nancy shot Rodney a mocking glance as if to say there's an opportunity for him. Rodney sort of chuckled and shook his head. As the conversation ended and Rodney had turned to walk away, Brad said loud enough for most to hear, "Whatever you do boy...don't touch anything white," and then started to laugh. His comments drew a couple of gasps from some people while others laughed uncomfortably.
Those around expected Rodney to turn around and punch the drunken Brad. Instead, he walked over to Brad and calmly said, "Congratulations...you're the guy, you win the prize."
Brad, looking a bit confused, said, "The guy? What prize?"
Rodney continued, "You know, every time I'm in a room where I'm the only black guy, there's always one white guy who makes it a point to remind me I'm the only black guy with some stupid ass comment. And today, it's you. So congratulations."
Rodney then reached into his wallet, handed Brad a five dollar bill and walked away. Brad stood there silent and embarrassed as many people snickered. If looks could kill, the glare Nancy shot at Brad would have buried him where he stood. She called him a racist asshole and left to find Rodney.
When she located Rodney, she found he was talking with the woman who had been asking about his gym. She approached him, and he said, "If you've come to apologize for him...don't." She said that was the last thing she was going to do. She asked if she could catch a ride home with him and Cheryl. He said yes, but it would just be him. Cheryl drove her own car and was meeting her husband later that day for dinner.
