New posting in the Phoenix portion of a national dating site:
'Hi, I am Aimee, new to Phoenix, new car, new job, new everything! If you are a gainfully employed male, between 27 and 37, in shape, with a good sense of humor, drop me a note! In the mirror I see a bored girl, looking to be overwhelmed by a strong, new force. Help out this girl!"
This dating site bragged that a video gave the reader a better impression than three dates. But evidently Aimee did not want anyone to divine that much information from her. She just posted her photo, made from about four feet away. She was smiling, doing the victory sign, evidently at a football game.
Aimee sported medium length sandy colored hair. She appeared to be in her late 20s. It looked she was roughly 5'4" with a great body.. Likely early braces formed her perfect teeth that highlighted a pleasant, open face. She reminded me of Ginger Zee, on ABC.
With a cute pic attached, queries would bury her.
Feeling as futile as a limping coyote eyeing a young deer, I responded. To give myself any chance, in the subject line I entered "Helloooo Aimee! Pic attached!" I did not post a pic or a profile on the dating site. I just sent it to her. The last girl that said she enjoyed water sports on this site later told me she at least liked to dance in the shower.
Email to Aimee, via dating site:
"You are cute! You remind me of Ginger Zee, the morning weather lady on Good Morning America on ABC! I am Ross, 32, divorced, no kids. I would love to buy you a drink. Let me know if we can meet sometime. Ross."
After no response, in a couple of days, I forgot about Aimee. Over the next two weeks, a para-legal slept over three nights at random. After a late night with friends, Susie was still conked out in my bed when I checked email.
"Helloooooo Ross!" from Aimee flashed in the subject line.
Email to Ross:
"Hi Ross! Sorry I am just now getting back to you. Ginger Zee, uh? That is quite a compliment! I have received a couple of hundred queries at least. A girlfriend scolded me for posting my pic. I am new to this. I have not had much luck. A lot of graphic responses, let's just say. Plus, hardly anyone correctly spells anymore.
And all the shortcut r's and u's. Okay for texts. But if a person does not have time to write a decent email response responding to a dating website post, that person would not have time for me. So, if you are still interested, tell me about yourself. You are cute, too!"
Email to Aimee:
"I am 5'10", 175. Played college baseball and I still work out daily. You can see from my pic that my hair and eyes are brown. Are your eyes blue? They appear to be.
I am an attorney. I hesitate to mention that, since I do not know if that helps or hurts, lol! I have various hobbies, but I don't want to bore you with that. My offer stands, to meet you at Starbucks or a watering hole, and buy you a drink. Or you can call my cell [number given]. I hope to hear from you soon. Or, if you want to correspond a bit, tell me whatever about yourself that you are willing to share."
Email to Ross:
"Thanks for responding, Ross. Well...as my posting mentioned, I just moved here. I had a transfer offer from my company that was really enticing. Maybe I would not have left San Diego if I had not recently divorced. No kids. So, I thought I would try Phoenix. If I don't like it here, my situation is unique. I can likely return to Cal. Most people do not have that flexibility. What kind of attorney are you?"
Email to Aimee:
"I am a bad-ass-don't fool-with-me litigation attorney. Well, that is hopefully not too much of an exaggeration. Even if you don't like attorneys, I am at least in your posted age range! What are your hobbies?"
E-mail to Ross:
"I played soccer at Pepperdine. So, I guess that makes us two jocks. I am 29. I am a technical writer for a Fortune 500 company. My dad taught me golf. My ex-husband taught me tennis. But I am rusty at both.
I sorta lied to you, ho ho. I have met a couple of men on this site. One date for both.
Not bad types, but they did not curl my toes. I am coming to grips that I guess I am looking for a bad boy. I have never had one, unlike most girls. My ex and my boy friends prior to that have all been squishy beta types. I am not asking you to be anything you are not.
Let's try this: on our first date, what exciting thing could we do besides meet for a drink?"
I hesitated. I have my private pilot's license, and have access to a couple of planes. But she might not be confident about my flying skills. And a couple of hours flying with someone I did not hit it off with would be hard on both of us.
Email to Aimee:
"What about a hot air balloon ride? A friend a half hour away will take us up. We can have some wine and cheese and enjoy the view."
I didn't mention that I really wanted to take the ride. But Susie was not keen on the idea. A bankrupt client, who owed me money, would give us a first class, free, nice afternoon balloon trip.
Email to Ross:
"Hmmm...I am thinking this over. Maybe so. But for conversation, let's go another way. Sexually, what could you do for me, which perhaps might be new? I have led a sheltered life. This is for discussion purposes only.
You might not like my looks in person or you might not like me on general principles. Let's just assume there will be a mutual "hot" attraction. And not immediately, but soon, lol, our attraction leads to whoopee. I am waiting with baited breath for your erotic response, ha ha."
Email to Aimee:
"Aimee, you have my cell number, if you want to talk. I think I am good in bed, but I don't have enough imagination to propose anything new. I have access to a friend's cabin cruiser on a lake a couple of hours from here. We could make love on the water. In college I slept on a water bed. I called it Victory at Sea. My girlfriend for two years called it Disaster on the Waves."
Aimee did not respond promptly, as before. I regretted my attempt at water bed humor. Depreciating one's sexual abilities generates a cheap laugh, but in totality, is not good. I watched for a response from Aimee for a couple of days. Perhaps she was traveling. Or, testing another candidate. Likely she would respond, with a mournful dating story. I would at last ride to the rescue
Three weeks went by. More sleepovers with Susie. But nothing from Aimee.
Email to Aimee:
"I regret that I have not heard from you lately. Have you ever been on a date with two guys at once?"
Email to Ross, within minutes:
"No Ross, I have not been on a date with two guys at one time. I barely handle one on ones. Have you?
I don't mean have you dated two guys at one time, lol. Have you and another guy been on a "date" with one girl?"
I hesitated. The evidence was clear. With the normal repartee, I had struck out with Aimee. But discussing my life's wildest fling with her seemed to be the only way forward.
Email to Aimee:
"I have not been on dates as much as arranged threesomes. All have been with one male friend. He usually lines up the lady. I have a couple of times."
Again, I paused. Did I really want to do this? She said she wanted to try something new. Did she know what the new was? Perhaps Aimee did, but did not want to admit it. Or perhaps she did not know what she wanted.
I added, "My friend is a Black stud. He is the star."
E-mail to Ross, within seconds:
"Tell me about your Black friend."
Email to Aimee:
"He is 31, very dark. He is 6'5", 260, muscular, big not overdeveloped arms, large chest with six-pack abs, shaved head, smooth handsome face, a good dresser. He played defensive end in the PAC 12 Conference, graduated. He still lifts weights 2 or 3 times a week."
I thought some more. Would the addendum help or hurt? Might as well go for it. I added "Nine thick inches. "
No response from Aimee. I showered, fixed coffee. Still no response.
Email to Aimee:
"Still online?"
Email to Ross, within seconds:
"I am still processing this. Are you exaggerating? Some puffery involved here? I have never dated a Black guy. I have wanted to. Thought about it a lot...but I married young. And there are not a lot of Black guys where I hang."