Afrikaner Woman Into Black Men

When you fall in love, you don't even consider the many ways it can complicate every aspect of your existence. Until it's too late. My name is Gretchen Wolfgang and I'm a young South African woman living in the City of Toronto, province of Ontario. I transferred to metropolitan Toronto's very own Ryerson University from the University of Johannesburg in the Republic of South Africa's Gauteng province to study accounting. In the newly integrated business world of South Africa an international degree goes a long way.

I don't want to be like those Afrikaners that are moving back to continental Europe, especially the Netherlands and Germany, because they don't like the new affirmative action policies that the new government of President Nelson Mandela established to help the Blacks. That's why I came to the Ontario region of Canada in the summer of 2001. I wanted a fresh start, and honestly, South Africa was getting a bit too political for me. A lot of people in my family don't think the legally mandated integration of the Republic of South Africa is a good idea. My parents, Karl and Anneke Wolfgang are descended from the original Boers, German settlers who came to south Africa centuries ago. This land is all we've ever known. It is my home, and I will never leave it.

Many of us feel that we might lose our livelihood the way the Rhodesians of Zimbabwe did once Robert Mugabe and his cronies took the land from the White farmers and gave it to the Africans who had no idea how to manage them properly. Overnight the economy of Zimbabwe tanked, and now it's a third world country. Before, Zimbabwe currency was virtually on par with the U.S. dollar and only a few cents below the Euro. Now look at them. Look, I'm not saying that injustice wasn't done to the Blacks in the Republic of South Africa and Zimbabwe. What was done to them was unfair and unjust, but you can't fix centuries of wrong overnight. There has to be a time of transition, for both victim and victimizer. Look, I know that a lot of what I say sounds like some self-serving bullshit. And I don't care how you feel.

I don't feel the need to apologize for the wrongs of the entire Caucasian race. I'm only an individual. Did I support the ending of Apartheid in the Republic of South Africa? Not at first, but in time I've come to see it as a good thing. Do I support President Nelson Mandela? Absolutely. I think the Republic of South Africa is lucky to have such a distinguished gentleman as its leader. Things could have been worse. We could have ended up with a creep like Zimbabwe's very own Robert Mugabe. Thank heaven for small favors, I say. Ha, enough about this talk of my homeland. I am living in the Confederation of Canada now and must make the most of it.

I'm doing alright in the Capital region of Canada, I think. I went to the Ontario Universities Application Center in order to apply to Ryerson University, then got my transcripts faxed over from the University of Johannesburg in Gauteng, South Africa. I had to apply for a study permit and a work permit. I got accepted at Ryerson University in the accounting program. Eighty percent of my credits from the University of Johannesburg transferred, so I guess I got lucky. A lot of students from places like Nigeria, Japan, the Republic of Haiti, Jamaica, Colombia, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and Brazil come to study at Canadian colleges and universities and for the most part, Canadian institutions don't recognize degrees from schools outside North America. Yup, I got really lucky.

As a young Afrikaner woman setting foot in the continent of North America for the first time, I had a lot of doubts about this strange new land. I had a lot of things to get used to, like snow. Also, I experienced culture shock. Just because there are a lot of White people in Canada doesn't mean that I fit in among them simply because I'm a Caucasian female. Cultural differences do matter. I had very little in common with French Canadians, Greeks, Italians and the other White people I met in the Capital region of Canada. On the other hand, I quickly found out that the people who were the friendliest to me were my fellow immigrants. People who came from so-called Third World countries. There were quite a few students from those parts of the world in the international student program at my new school.

One of them was Kenneth Ogunjobi, a tall, handsome young Black man whom I ran into at the university library. I've never exactly been the outgoing type. I'm a shy bookworm, that's who I am. I like my books, my gadgets, and my privacy. Kenneth was wild and outgoing, and it seems he couldn't forget me after we made small talk at an organized meet and greet for international scholars at school. I mean, don't get me wrong, I found Kenneth fairly handsome, though of course I never imagined that I could get involved with someone like him. Have I seen interracial couples in South Africa? Of course. For the most part it's Black women with White men but I've seen a few White women with Black men. What do I think of interracial dating? The same thing I think of same-sex marriage, I'm okay if others are doing it since they have the right to live their lives their way but it's not for me.

You could understand how I found myself perplexed that Kenneth began to pursue me, though I politely declined several of his requests for coffee. Now, the university campus on which I study is a very liberal environment and the school has gone out of its way to accommodate ethnic minorities. I've started seeing hijab-wearing Arab girls on campus. We don't have a lot of those in South Africa because we're a predominantly Christian country, with a rich tradition of Paganism. I didn't want to come off as the racist Afrikaner woman that half of the polite, friendly and multicultural people of Toronto imagine me to be. They've still got posters encouraging Western governments to stop investing in the Republic of South Africa unless we end Apartheid. Yeah, I had to be careful.

One afternoon after class, I ran into Kenneth again, and this time, I accepted his offer for coffee. Honestly, I was broke. We went to the university center's food court and grabbed a bite together. His treat, of course. This charming Nigerian gentleman wasn't at all what I expected. He was really friendly, and easygoing. After lunch, we walked around the quad together, and when he told me he just wanted to be friends, I agreed. My friendship with Kenneth changed my life in unexpected ways. I mean, I had Black friends and acquaintances back in South Africa but we never really hung out. We began hanging out, at first only on campus but later, we went to the movies and restaurants together.

It's been said that men and women can't be friends if either party feels even the slightest bit of attraction to the other. Well, I guess that in my case and Kenneth's that was all too true. The more time we spent together, the closer we became. Like I said before, Kenneth wasn't at all what I expected. I always imagined that men of African descent were roughnecks, at least that's what Afrikaner men said to discourage us white women from dating outside the race back in South Africa. Kenneth was really friendly, and decent, and respectful. He wasn't rude, or aggressive, or anything I'd been led to believe. I found myself slowly but surely falling for him. I tried to fight it, but in the end, I gave in. And this was the beginning of the end for my old existence.

When my relatives came to visit from the Republic of South Africa in December, and found out I was dating Kenneth, they weren't happy, to say the least. My mother and father, and my brother Hans looked at me like I was some kind of freak. They flat out told me to let Kenneth go or face their wrath. I looked at my family, and swallowed hard. Then I told them to go to hell. With that, I walked out of my dorm, my eyes filled with tears. I went to Kenneth's place, and when I told him what happened, he just held me and kissed me. Hand in hand, we went to bed, to begin our new life together. That was twelve years ago. Since then, we've done fairly well for ourselves. We've gotten married, for one thing. We both graduated from Carleton University, and become Canadian citizens. I work for a local bank and Kenneth works as a civil engineer. And we're the proud parents of twin daughters, Karen and Loren. Life is good.