Abdc Ch 12

"Natalia!-Natalia!"

"Hey mom I was just on my way out" Rushing I grab an apple and place it between my teeth as I pick up my jacket and put it on.

"You're leaving again? We see you less than when you weren't staying here. I was hoping to spend more time with you while you stay here this summer."

"I'll be back later mom, I'm just going over to Thomas for a bit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I introduced Thomas to my family after 3 months, it was interesting to say the least. My mother fawned over his accent much like every woman I've seen him talk to does. While my brothers just made jokes, and my dad worked the grill.

I was in a trance as I watched mom and Victor joke with Thomas and smiled

"Mom's just surprised you're dating a black guy. Even if he is British." Vincent joked as he joined me in the kitchen for a refill on his drink.

"You really just can't date an African AMERICAN." You're so weird Nat.

I rolled my eyes as my thoughts rejoined reality. "Says the guy who dated a Canadian"

"Hey! They are our sisters to the North." He rebutted pointing his finger in the air.

"Well my brother from the south, maybe you should stop being so judgemental."

"No judgement, I'm just glad you're happy. Especially after whatever happened with D and the last guy."

Choking on my drink I coughed out "How did you know about D?"

"Oh please, a brother knows. You know I don't appreciate you crushing on my friends."

"He wasn't your friend, you hung out once."

"Yeah but we could have really had something, he had a great weed connection."

Deciding to ignore my brother who obviously had one too many drinks I joined Thomas on the sofa and took his hand. He turned and gave me a warm smile as he squeezed my hand and I felt comforted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well"- My mother said waving her hand in front of my face bringing me back to the now.

"You practically live there. I know for a fact your father would like to see more of you."

"Don't exaggerate, I don't see you giving the boys a speech about sticking around more."

"Well I don't want to spend more time with them." I laughed as my mother made a face and stuck out her tongue as she voiced a shared opinion.

"Dad works crazy hours, I could stay home all day and still not see him"

I watched as my mom's face began to frown at my last statement. I know she can get lonely sometimes with my dad being a workaholic and all of the kids out of the house. Growing up her world revolved her children, she gave up her friends who couldn't handle her motherhood lifestyle, sacrificed higher paying jobs to be able to spend more time with us and attended every school event, meeting, and club we ever had. Dad worked around the clock to provide for us and was still able to dole out fatherly advice when necessary. Like most kids I'd do anything for my parents, and like most I sometimes take them for granted.

"I'll be back for dinner, we can go out, me, you and dad. We'll bring the boys a doggie bag."

I watched the familiar comforting smile I grew up with return to her face.

"Okay, but you're paying"

"Deal"

I chuckled as I gave her a kiss on the cheek and raced out the door.

¤

I was laying on the couch with Thomas on top of me as we made out when my phone began to vibrate loudly on the table.

"I thought we were putting our phones on silence?" Thomas sighed into my neck.

"It is on silence."

"No it's on vibrate, you can hear vibrations. I put mine on actual silence, do you hear it?"

"No"

"Eureka, I think she's got it."

"Hardy har har, just wait till you lose your phone and you can't call it because you didn't have it on vibrate."

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"I'm kinda busy here." I said as I kissed his jaw line and traced my fingers on his hips.

"It's okay, you can make it up to me" He winked as he rose from the sofa and sauntered into the kitchen.

I picked up the insistent vibrating phone and was greeted with a picture of a beautifully lit cave with the name Dad across.

"Hey dad!"

""Hey sweetie, your mom said you're taking us to dinner tonight?"

"Yeah somewhere fancy so no work clothes."

"Aw come on Nettie you know I don't like those stuffy places. Why don't I just put a steak on the grill and you and that nice young fella can come over."

"Because it's my treat and I want you guys to relax and let someone else do the cooking for you. Plus I really don't feel like hearing you and Thomas debate football versus soccer again."

"Listen I like the boy and all but he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about when it comes to sports. Tell him if he's gonna be in America he better get into real football."

"Dad soccer IS the real foot- you know what, this isn't happening. Thomas already has plans and you're not cooking tonight. I'll be by to pick y'all up at eight, be dressed daddy."

"Okay sweetie, I'll see you then, I love you."

As I stopped pacing and sat on the sofa Thomas's phone began to light up. A picture of his guitar and the name Emily flashed repetitively before going to a black screen.

"I love you too daddy."

Hanging up the phone I can only see her name flashing in my head. No matter where I looked Emily would flash in front of me.

"Was your dad talking crap about soccer again."

"I am not getting in the middle of that."

Why was she calling him? Is this the first time she's called? Of course not, her name is on the i.d. he identified her. Does that mean they've been talking long? How long have they been talking?

"Y'know soccer is played in every country in the world, football is only in America." Thomas continued the conversation, oblivious to the storm raging in my head.

"Still not getting in the middle."

Why wouldn't he tell me? Maybe he's seeing her now, that's why he hasn't told me. Maybe he just doesn't want me to get nervous or jealous so hasn't told me about her yet.

"I'll just have to bring him to match and show him how great it is. A few lagers and some chips and I'm certain he'll come around."

"Sounds great babe"

MAYBE she just left her crockpot and she wants it back. Who am I kidding a girl like that doesn't use a crock pot. She's probably never had to cook in her life, she probably goes to swanky restaurants and doesn't eat the complimentary bread and only orders soup or salad, but never both.

"I may even take him to a strip club afterwards, or hire a prostitute to ride a unicorn to mapleberry."

"Mhmm sounds like a plan."

She would be a horrible dinner guest at Olive Garden.

I suddenly realize a finger on my chin as I am met with concerned probing eyes with steel colored flecks swimming in a hazel ocean.

"What's going on, you haven't heard a thing I said."

"You have a missed call-from Emily."

"Oh."

A guilty expression crossed his face as he sat down preparing himself for an explanation.

"How long have you been talking to her?"

"She found me on the boardwalk last week, she wanted to talk some things through, something about closure."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, closure, that's the oldest line in the how-to-get-back-in-your-exes-pants book. A week? A week! A week. They've been talking for a whole week behind my back. Having clandestine meetings no doubt. Sneaking around eating tea and crumpets behind my back. This is exactly why we threw the tea overboard. No, no, no, I will not be the angry overreacting black woman. I'm going to stay calm, together, and keep some sophistication about myself. I'm gonna be sophisticated as shit.

"Sweetheart, please don't be upset." Gently he takes my hand but I am trying too hard to hold all of my crazy inside to look into his eyes.

"I barely talked to her, but I did agree to meet her for dinner so we could talk."

My head snaps up when I hear his last statement

"Are you meeting her tonight? Is she 'the plans' you had"

"Yes, but I was going to tell you, afterwards."

I yanked my hand away and stood up. Trying my best to stay calm, I started pacing hoping I can pace some of the thoughts in my head away.

"I was going to tell you, I swear. I just didn't want you getting upset over nothing."

I didn't want to listen to him anymore, everything that came out of his mouth felt like lies. He began to devolve in front of me as everything I once loved about him transformed into my biggest insecurities. I no longer heard his sweet british accent, but what felt like cinders being tossed onto me, every word covered me in darkness.

"Baby please stop-" He tried embracing me but I couldn't touch him, he felt heavy and I feared I would fall under his embrace.

"Baby please stop, listen to me, nothing happened, I swear."

"You know how I feel about liars, how I always felt about liars, I don't care how much it hurts I have to hear the truth."

"I know but I didn't lie, when you asked me I told you everything, one hundred percent of everything."

"If you were honest why did you look so guilty when I said her name? I can't- I can't trust you.I can't believe anything you say anymore."

"No, my love please, I'm a huge twat, I should have been upfront about everything. I just didn't want to hurt you, and I did it anyways."

Sitting cross legged on the floor I take a deep breath and try to think lucidly. I focus on the natural elements around me to bring me back to earth. I close my eyes and I hear the sound of soft rain hitting the windows. I smell the familiar mixture of sage and lavender that hangs in the atmosphere of the apartment. I feel my arms as they hold me together keeping me in the moment. Then I feel Thomas's embrace and it no longer feels burning cinder, he feels soft and comforting. He pulls me in his lap and kisses my forehead as his embrace around me tightens.

I forgive him. I have to.

"I forgive you."

"It's okay, you don't have to forgive me yet."

"Yes I do, I understand why you did it, and why you didn't tell me. I'll never know if you really were going to tell me if I didn't find out, but I have to forgive you either way."

"I was, swear on my mother's life."

"Don't. I don't want someone's life in my hand."

We sat in silence for at least ten minutes. He held me close never breaking his embrace. I knew I overreacted, I didn't truly understand why. If I saw this on television I would think the girl is a needy insecure basket case. Is that what I am?

"You should go." I say breaking the silence.

"What? Go where?"

"Meet Emily. You should go."

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I don't care what she wants anymore, I need to be here with you. You're my home now."

"No-" Breaking his embrace I rise from the floor and smooth out my dress. "you should go. She needs closure, and so do you."

"I gotta go, I'm going to be late." grabbing my jacket and purse I head for the door.

"Wait-" Thomas takes my hand and gently pulls me close. " I love you, more than anything." He held my face searching my eyes for reassurance, for hope that I still loved him.

"I love you too." I just wish I could trust him again. I embraced him with the hope that one day I could love him purely once again.

"I'm late, and so are you."

"I'm not going, I meant it."

"You have to, you should at least see what she wants."

"Darling I'm not going to argue about this, I'm not going and that's that."

My cellphone rung before I could rebuttal.

"Hey mom I know I'm late- what?"

Thomas jumped off the sofa and came to side as soon as he saw my face. As a tear escaped my eyes Thomas held me as I dropped the phone and sunk to the floor.

"Baby what is it? What's wrong?"

"My dad-there was an accident-"

¤

Today I buried my father.