Abdc Ch 06

"Get out of the damn bathroom Natalie!"

"I'm taking a shower asswipe, why don't you try it sometime!" Just three more days, I repeat to myself, three more days and I'm back on campus.

I have a strong belief that family holidays was the reason alcohol was invented. I've been staying with my family for 2 out of the 4 week winter break from school and I can't wait to get back to my life. Unfortunately D and Tony were no longer part of that life, but at least I still have Nicky. Ever since D walked out of my apartment, and my life, I've barely spoken to Nicky and Tony.

I invited them all over for Christmas at my parents but only Nicky made the effort to show up.

"They really wanted to be here." I recalled Nicky's sympathetic tone as she tried explaining their absence. "You know how they're always getting mixed up in some shit."

"Yeah, I guess." Trying to mask the disappointment in my voice by holiday excitement. "Uhm I got them a gift, y'know, in case they showed up. You can give it to them for me." I handed her two brown gift bags with cerulean tissue paper sticking decoratively out of the bag. "I got Tony a portable vaporizer, and D a belt buckle pipe, like the one Pinky had in Dazed and Confused." I had seen the movie twenty times but I never noticed the pipe until D revealed Pinkys clandestine belt buckle in the movie. He was so observant of everything, it made me self-conscious. Maybe he was right, it was good we didn't do anything. He would know, he is older and wiser.

"Wow Nat. They'll love it. They're such assholes, they don't deserve these."

"No it's okay, I like giving gifts, just part of the holiday spirit."

"Listen Nat, I'm not enrolled in school next semester."

"What?!" I turned suddenly unable to hide the shock on my face "Why not?"

"I just don't have the money and my grades weren't exactly stellar last semester." I felt a pit in my stomach, I had a suspicion Nicky might not make it to the second semester. She had skipped quite a few classes and, while I passed with A's and B's, Nicky barely made it out with a few C's. I wish I could have done more for her, we could have studied together or gone to tutoring, but it wouldn't help. She was distracted by Tony and like Camellia warned, he tends to take down passing ships. I guess I should be grateful I was left afloat, but I wished I could have saved Nicky.

I remember saying goodbye to her that night as if it was the last thing I'd say to her for a long time. As we exchanged empty promises of future get-togethers we both knew we were headed down different paths, our friendship had run its course and our season was over.

"Dammit Nat!" Boomed a voice on the other side of the door "You've been in there for two hours! Get out!" As I flung The door open I rolled my eyes at my eldest brother Victor.

"I was only in there for twenty minutes, stop being so dramatic."

"That was twenty minutes too long." He complained as he rushed by me slamming the door closed.

As I headed towards my old bedroom I thought of how I grew used to male temper tantrums growing up with two brothers. "Speak of the devil." I thought aloud as I entered my room.

"Talkin bout me?" Inquired Vincent, my older brother.

Vincent was only two years older than me, unlike Victor who was a whopping seven years my elder.

"No one talks about you to your face Vin, now get out of my room I gotta get dressed."

My siblings and I hurl insults at each other as a way to say I love you. We've become desensitized to hurtful words, we don't even notice when someone is genuinely insulting us.

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up, moms wanna talk to ya."

As I waited impatiently for Vincent to leave I relished the similarities in I and my brothers. We have the same cafe-au lait skin and chestnut eyes, but the Italian heritage my mother passed onto us is definitely more evident through the guys. What I lack in Italian features I make up for in passion. In our family a normal conversation sounds like a screaming match, and the loudest person wins.

"You wanted me mama?" I asked as I knelt beside her bed, an action me and my brothers have done since we were children. It's funny how quickly you fall into the sentiments of home.

"I wanted to talk to you."

As I looked upon my mother's face of concern I noticed the gray creeping through her curly black hair, and the wrinkles aging her peaches and cream skin. I have never met someone as proud to age as my mother.

"What about?"

"I just wanna make sure you don't get distracted this semester. You may not think I know what's been going on at school, but I can tell. A mother always knows."

She's a witch!

"I know it has something to do with that boy that Nicky and Tony hang out with. I also noticed Nicky came alone for our Christmas celebration."

"Mama" I said hesitantly, "I'm fine, nothing's going on, and there's nothing to worry about."

"Oh I know that you're fine, but something is definitely going on and I am worried. I just want you to remember people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you accept this, you can accept them for what and who they are."

"Thank you for the advice mama," I took her hand "just try not to worry too much, I am my mother's daughter and you are the strongest woman I know."

Holding her hands I thought of the pain my mother have gone through, the stories that can be told just from her hands. Growing up in rural Louisiana in the sixties was hard enough, doing it with her yellow skin color was even harder. As I turned her palm over I gazed at the slightly dark mark on the back of her hand. The time she attempted to paint herself black after a particularly rough day of being called mulatto and being shunned by both blacks and whites. "Too dark to play with the whites, too white to play with the blacks." Is what my mother would say about her childhood. But she was strong and grew through it, she never stood down from a challenge and it has made all the difference.

As I hugged my mother I knew in that moment how much I would miss her when I went back to campus. Holiday vacations are a double edge sword, the joy of no school work and the comfort of home equals in the pain of leaving it all once again. I understand now why some people stay on campus year round, it's easier to distance yourself and power through school without distractions. I know what I have to do now, no more distractions, no more drama, and definitely no more boys. Well, that's easier said than done.