"Hey! Watch where you're going douchebag!" I yelled at the green Jetta honking its horn and almost knocking me off of my feet. "Good grief it's a college campus, pedestrians have the right away." Nicky looks at me and chuckles.
"What?" I inquire.
"Did you really just say good grief?"
"What's wrong with good grief?"
"I swear sometimes you're so corny it's unbelievable."
After months of hanging out with the troublesome trio my naiveté still poked through. Being the youngest and most inexperienced seemed to be a novelty that was wearing thin on me.
"You know I'm not as green as I seem. I do stuff...and things. Mostly stuff but sometimes things."
"Oh I know, I mean, that shot gun with D, that was definitely not green. More like red. Muy Caliente." At this point I was very thankful my mocha colored skin couldn't reveal a change in color or else I'd be deep red in blush.
"Yeah I don't even remember if I actually inhaled, but I definitely got high."
For the past 3 months I've spent almost every night at Nicky's hoping for another "moment". In the early morning hours when Tony and Nicky were still passed out from the previous night adventures, I would lay on the sofa and watch D as he'd rise for his daily wake and bake. Peering past the couch cushion I study him as he separated the fragrant herb and load it into the bong nestled safely between his legs. The light would filter through the blinds of the tiny window and dance along his skin. My eyes feast on the image of him slowly inhaling and tilting his head back to enjoy the privacy of morning delight. He slowly relented the smoke from his lungs, savoring every whisper as it released into the atmosphere. Watching D smoke was enticing. He made it seem spiritual, sacred, beautiful.
I remember one morning in particular; I awoke to the sound of chirping birds, groggily I turned to see evidence of dawn stream through a partially open window. I love Nicki, but this ridiculous obsession with the beauty of nature kills any notion of sleeping in. As I watched the morning fog hug the ground I could hear pieces of a private conversation. Well, there's no such thing as a private conversation in a public courtyard, but still I shouldn't eavesdrop. Although, I am just innocently laying here, it's not my fault if their talking too loud. Actually I could complain but I'm going to be courteous and just ignore them instead, kind of.
As I lie there trying NOT to hear the conversation, my ears perk up when I hear a familiar cough. Oh it's just Tony and D, waking and baking no doubt, having intense philosophical morning observations over.
"No--I can't-it's complicated--". I can only catch snippets of the conversation but it's the person saying it that gets me out of the bed and close to the window. Here goes all plausible deniability, I say to myself as I sit under the window to listen.
"So you gonna tell her?"
"Tell her what? I don't even know what to say."
"Gotta tell her something"
"Listen man Talias cool and all, but she's young and I just can't handle what she would want from me right now."
"Sounds like a copout" Tony coughs out as he exhales.
"Maybe it is, just another reason to let this go."
"Well-" Tony says as I hear him stand up and brush away whatever ash that fell on his pants. "whatever you do try not to cock it up too much, or Nicky is gonna be pissed with you AND me."
I quickly return to the bed, pretending to be deep in slumber I hear the door open and their heavy footsteps enter the room. Listening to the familiar click of the television turning on I think about the conversation I just heard. Is it really because I'm too young? That can't be the only reason, at least he thinks I'm "cool and all". I need to get over this thing, it's not like he's the only guy in the world, I can do so much better. I try to fall back asleep as the sound of Team America fills the air, and they call me the immature ones.
"Well, be careful." Nicky warned snapping me back to the present "I don't want your family thinking I got you mixed up with some bad shit and shit people. D is a good person, but he always seem to be in fucked up situations."
"You're acting like I'm in love with him or something." My stomach flipped as I said the word love. "We're just friends. Whatever moment we had was fleeting, and boy did it flee, special thanks to Tony and his incredible timing for munchies. How do you deal with him just leaving and disappearing for the rest of the night?"
"Tony does what he do. I'm not his wife, and I'm barely his girlfriend. Unless he burns me I don't care what he does." She smiled as she recited what seemed like something she repeats to herself whenever she felt down. There was a sadness in her smile and I realized, she likes Tony a lot more than she wanted to. I felt for Nicky, I know from recent experience how it is to feel for someone more than they feel for you. Also Tony is an asshole, no one wants to be in love with an asshole.
