A Troll Is Haunting Texs

© 2018 Chloe Tzang. All rights reserved. The author asserts her moral right to be identified as the author of this story (although she seriously doesn't think anyone else would want to be identified with writing this insanity anyhow but you never know). This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

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Warning * * * Warning * * * Warning * *

This story is a long one (80k words, 22 Literotica pages), so be warned on that one before you start. The introduction that follows is also a long one but it's kind of tied in to the story and if you're going to read this, you may as well read the whole thing. That all said, I think it's worth reading, really, it is. So enjoy..... Chloe

* * * End of Initial Warning * * * Proceed at Own Risk * *

And of course here's the usual introduction, warnings and disclaimers from Chloe except this one's maybe a little longer than normal, or in fact a little longer than maybe you've ever read before on Literotica or anywhere else:

Okay, so let's start just by saying this is just a fun story I wrote for the Literotica 2018 April Fool's Day competition. I ended up submitting it under Interracial coz, well, like most of my stories, it's all about an Asian-American girl and her Caucasian-American guy but really, there's a lot of monster stuff in here, but it's not really a non-human monster story or an erotic horror story and it's maybe a bit to paranormal for Erotic Couplings.

And in fact, I hope you're laughing for a lot of this coz I was when I was writing it coz I was going for some humor as well as for the monsters, violence and sex and it's certainly not that romantic vampire guy stuff so not under Romance and it's not really SF/Fantasy either. No no no. I did consider Novels and Novellas but then I thought you know what, most of you who enjoy my stories have come across them in either Interracial, First Time or Loving Wives, so what the heck. Here it is in Interracial and I hope you enjoy, even though it's not your normal Interracial fare. And now.... the rest of the introduction and if you make it past that, well, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship if we aren't in fact friends already!

Warning! There're lots of warnings:

As well as a highly likable Asian-American girl (go figure, Mary-Sue here says) and her charming and socially adept Caucasian-American guy, both of whom enjoy shooting monsters and sex and violence and stuff like that, this story also includes: Trolls. Chupacabras. Vampires. Aztec Bat-men. A were-bear (he's a good guy). Werewolves (NOT good guys). Mutant flesh-eating were-hamsters. Black Were-Swans. Loving Wives (haha, not really but they are mentioned and I thought I should warn you). Zombies. Thousands of zombies (those darn mall development companies that build over cemeteries without removing the bodies, I blame them). Other assorted monsters including the Feds but no teenage mutant ninja turtles (teenagers -- they're under 18 -- no no no not on LIT, no teenagers here, even if they are mutant turtles and there hasn't been any DNA analysis but odds are they're probably were-turtles of some sort and underage were-turtles at that, so those teenage ninja were-turtles, that's just a NO NO NO thing).

Further warnings!

Also includes: Coffee (dangerous stuff, coffee, especially the way Chloe makes it). Writers. Romance Writers of America members (deceased, although they were probably alive when the story started but you know, Romance Writers, too much imagination, too little grasp of reality, they believed all that Twilight nonsense and that Meyer woman, she has a lot to answer for). Monster Hunters. Guns. Lots and lots of guns. Big guns. Small guns. Illegal guns. Scary guns. Guns that make loud noises and frighten snowflakes coz they're, you know, black and scary looking (although one of our heroine's gun's is pink with Hello Kitty decals 'n it's kinda cute and not scary looking at all) and go bang bang bang and they have those big magazines that hold lots of bullets. Lots and lots and lots of bullets and we all know lots and lots of bullets are oooohhhh so very scary.

Safe Space Alert:

If that's scary, you come along with me and we'll take you to your safe space right now. That's right, you come with me, she says, very gently and quietly and coaxingly. Here we go, come on in, it's nice and cozy in here and nobody will make you think for yourself and its all pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows and pixie dust and CNN is on the big screen up there where they're telling fairy stories that'll make you soooo happy and they'll tell you exactly what to think and everything so you won't have to do any of that hard stuff for yourself and you won't, be, you know, (she whispers here), challenged at all. Crayons, here they are. Drawing pads there, here's your cushion, there's some nice soft shit ... I mean, music ... on and the kittens and puppies are just waiting for you to play with them. Feel better now? Good, she says, very soothingly, that's good, now you just relax and hide in here from the real world while I go back out and join the adults coz we're gonna do lots and lots of nasty scary things together but you just close this page right now and head off to Harlequin or Mills and Boon and they've got some nice soothing mindless pap ... I mean, nice soothing stories for you and here's a lovely little book about Fluffy the cute little Hamster which I just know you're going to love.... (Closes door very quietly)

....makes note to check snowflake's medications later coz we don't want them going crazy on us now do we ... and Chloe picks up her DDMk18, does a quick safety check. Smiles. Thank frigging Jesus and all the frigging saints that frigging loser's tucked safely away. Let's get back to the real world folks and where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, things that go bang and hot sex and monsters and scary fun shit like that, that's right. So yeah, warnings. Okay guys...

Let's keep rolling with the warnings....

Machineguns (okay, just one and it's an oooold Brit Bren gun and you know, machineguns, they're the ones that fire lots and lots of bullets without stopping. Until they get too hot anyhow and that's, like, totally scary coz you're deep in it if you need a machinegun and it overheats and jams and you're like, totally screwed then and there's no safe spaces in this story other than that one we just took that loser to so if that's really too scary for you, we can find that safe space for you now but we should do that quick coz we're starting soon. Quick quick. Go to Safe Space! Go Now! Now! Hurry scurry!).

Okay, well, you're still here so I guess we're all good then but don't be complaining later now, will 'ya. Coz if you frigging do, well, you're fucked I tell 'ya. Completely fucked. So where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, those frigging warnings and I feel I should tell 'ya there's an RPG7 (and if you don't know what an RPG7 is, wikipedia is your friend, biased as fuck as it is and if 'ya don't like my fucking language, well, we'll get to that, don't you frigging worry for even one second. Got that covered). Lots and lots of shooting and a few dead people and a lot of dead monsters. Blood. I better mention that too. It does get messy.

Tex's Coffee Shop although that's a fun place but the coffee can be a bit strong for some ' n it's not really that safe, coz people like Chloe stop by there although it's always friendly. More coffee. Tea (coz there's Brits, and where you have Brits, well, you have tea and I hope that doesn't scare you, like, too much, because, well, tea.... gulp). Beer. Coz there's Aussies, and where you have Aussies, you have beer AND scary jokes. Especially the jokes. OMG! Nuff said, roight mate? Even scarier, MRE's (Military acronym: "Meals, Ready to Eat" for those unfamiliar). They're REALLY scary if you have to eat them. They're scary even if you're just reading about eating them.

Disclaimer (as if one was needed):

Do NOT eat MRE's unless you are fully familiar with the contents and possible side-effects and have been medically advised that your body is capable of handling the ingredients, many of which are chemicals more usually used in embalming. If you're in the military and you HAVE to eat them, well, good luck! May you survive! Some have. So I've been told.

More warnings? Oh my god yes, lots more!

I forgot the knives, axes, swords and that hammer and the spiked boots. Covered those now! So, ever onward! Contents of this story also contain: a cute American-Chinese-Vietnamese-Polish girl called Chloe whom we've already briefly mentioned (well, Steve says she's cute but Steve's been wrong before and you might find her, like, scary too, but she hopes not coz she doesn't think she's scary at all. Actually, she thinks she's rather nice and she's very talkative and friendly and stuff). One or two people Chloe really knows (used with Permission although the reality is of course completely different). People Chloe thinks she knows. People Chloe doesn't know. People Chloe made up. People who Chloe made up but they don't realize that and think they're real. A koala bear except it's not. Australians. Brits. That guy from Quebec. The National Guard (they come with lots of guns and stuff and they shoot a lot with military-type guns coz, you know, military (shock, horror, consternation) and they use terribly bad language that shocks Chloe sometimes (so extra warning there). There's (gasp) even some hot sex (quelle surprise. But then again, given the author and that we're all on Literotica together, well, maybe not such a surprise, really).

So, if, you know, guns and sex and the military and monster hunting and violence and lots of deaths and blood and stuff scare you and stuff you may want to avoid this story and stuff. Also, no Chinese virgins this time. Everyone in this story has had their cherry popped well before the story starts (decades before in some cases, hey guys, although Chloe's was a little more recent) and it ain't happening in this one. Sorry guys.

Also, more seriously, with many thanks to one of the great old-time Science Fiction writers, Fritz Leiber, for the title idea ("A Spectre is Haunting Texas"), although the story's nothing like Leiber's at all - but the title just grabbed me. And thanks to all the Monster Hunting literature in general. I know, I know, there's lots out there and this is totally a pastiche of influences and stuff but for me, Larry Correia and Laurell K. Hamilton rank highly amongst them, although there are others and they'd probably all scream in horror if they read this, but hey, a girl's got to start somewhere.

More thanks to the denizens of the AH on LIT who so willingly volunteered to appear in my story as characters. You may not thank me after you've read this but thanks a million for coming hunting with me guys and I hope I didn't embarrass anyone (and thanks also to the Literotica trolls, who actually didn't volunteer but were instead hunted down like, well, trolls. Don't feel like I left you out of the acknowledgements, guys, you do your best and I appreciate your contribution -- I would never have thought of this story without you there to inspire me and anyhow, it grew way beyond trolls, so really, thank you. A girl takes her ideas from whence they come). And a big thanks to Tex for the use of both him and his Coffee Shop! Without Tex, this story would have been rather different. What else can I say except "Tex, you're the best!" Your coffee's not bad either. A little on the weak side perhaps but with some coaching ...

And to my (our?) readers, thank you so much for reading this insanity although I know you haven't started yet because you're all reading this long long long note thing from me but when you do get started I do hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. I got some very weird looks at the coffee shop I sometimes write in while I was pounding away on this one. Probably the helpless fits of the giggles that I succumbed to every now and then when some of these ideas popped into my head. I mean, mutant flesh-eating were-hamsters (Cue here: Chloe rotflmao in corner of coffee shop with coffee dribbling out her nose and tears pouring down her cheeks as she struggles to breathe coz she's laughing too hard and let's just say Chinese medicine and you'll know when you get to that bit and I'm so sorry, Fluffy, that was soooo mean of me and if you've ever read the children's books about Fluffy, well, enough said ....!).

I also got some very weird looks and some snorting of coffee from my "Significant Other" (Yes! You know who you are and I can see you blushing haha gotcha!), and I apologize to him abjectly for making him laugh so hard he cried. He says that while "Chloe" in the story is "Ultra-Hyper-Chloe on Steroids or whatever and highly caffeinated coffee made with Rocket Fuel rather than the Red Bull she usually uses in place of water when she's fully over-energized," he is in fact not "Steve", although he wouldn't mind at all if he was and he only wishes he was like him in real life coz that would be so cool. I told him well, he was almost like that in real life (romantic sigh, my hero ... purrrrrr) but he didn't believe me until I tickled him and he gave in and admitted it under extreme duress.

Another Disclaimer and Warning: Like, really guys, listen to me here!

Do NOT make your coffee with Red Bull instead of water. You may end up writing stories on Literotica like Chloe and then you start these stories for competitions with deadlines and stuff and you end up writing in a wild frenzy coz the deadline is getting closer and closer and the story's just growing and growing and you know everyone wants a hot story and you're trying to write this wild sex and stuff and you're drinking more and more coffee and its getting stronger and stronger and the hallucinations will go away eventually but the monsters keep popping into your head and you have to write these action bits and get them out coz otherwise they keep distracting you and ... see what happens. Stay away from pouring Red Bull into the coffee machine, that's all I'm saying on this subject.

So aside from those brief and concise warnings,

please do keep in mind that any resemblance of the characters in this story to reality is purely coincidental although of course you may prefer to think its all real or even that some of its real and maybe it is. In which case get a good reliable 1911, maybe a Kimber, some of those sintered silver rounds, a vial or three of holy water and a silver crucifix or two and start, you know, going to mass or another religious ceremony of your choice although we won't get into that debate on ritual cannibalism here .... but really, if you need that extra protection ... and an apology to His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama is also in order and you'll know when you get to that bit.... Those bench front seats in an F350 are pretty good too...

Apart from said AH volunteers, "Steve" (who had absolutely no choice about appearing) and (some) of the weapon choices and little personality quirks that I was permitted to use, everything else comes purely, totally, one hundred percent from my imagination. Really, it does (and no comments on that one, please. I can imagine already what you're gonna say by the time you finish this story and if medication features in your comments, well, I'm coming for 'ya, I'm warning 'ya). And seeing as Lovecraft, Voboy and Snoopy all volunteered to go out in a blaze of glory if any deaths were necessary, well, what can I say -- wish granted guys and okay, it always hurts to see your characters die but, well, I sure hope you guys like the way you went 

Anyhow, this was totally awesome fun for me to write even though it's one huge Mary Sue and I do hope you enjoy my awful sense of humor. And the sex of course. This IS Literotica. We always want to enjoy the sex so I hope you will. I did and that workbench in the garage, I'd never thought of that before until we tried it while I was writing this but that was ... I mean, uh, (Chloe blushes) oh no, that just slipped out... I didn't say that did I? Tell me I didn't. ... Oh no, what if my Mom reads this ...What if my DAD reads this! Gulp! Beads of sweat appear across forehead ... Panicked look .... Where's delete? ... Oh crap, I already hit submit? ... Oh no! Nooooooo....

LOL. Anyhow, more seriously, or maybe that should be not so seriously coz none of this was or is, enjoy the story. No, no that stuff up above. That

wasn't

the story. You thought it was? Because it was so long? OMG! I'm sorry! No, the story is below this ...it starts right down here under this line ... So do enjoy and do NOT believe that Meyer girl, she got it all wrong on vampires, believe Chloe! ...and with no further adieu from moi, on with the insanity

... Chloe

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The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight.

There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye

And a blade shining, oh, so bright.

There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky,

And a killer's on the bloodshot streets.

Oh, and down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising,

Oh, I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter,

He was starting to foam in the heat...

"Bat Out Of Hell", Meat Loaf

A Troll is Haunting Tex's

"Jesus, Steve, I can't shake that goddamn Troll." Steve was driving, powering us down that side-road that I'd said would be a short-cut in the beat-up old F350 crew-cab we'd borrowed from Larry for the trip coz we needed the carrying capacity for all the guns and ammo we were bringing coz Tex had said let's do a spot of troll hunting over Spring Break coz Spring is when the troll's get feisty and how could we resist. I mean, we'd been troll hunting before and it was kinda exciting but we'd never gone hunting with Tex and trolls, well, they weren't as dangerous as vampires or werewolves or some of the other monster stuff out there. Steve'd been keen when I asked him about it and told him what Tex had in mind.

"Sounds like a fun weekend," Steve had said. "Better start sorting out what we're bringing with us."

"Larry's truck's got a huge front seat," I'd said after Larry'd dropped it off, eyeing the possibilities with interest. I hadn't made out in a truck since High School and that bench seat up front had a lot of room. I didn't need much room but Steve did. Big guy, my significant other. Not fat. Just Bee Eye Gee Big. Beauty and the Beast, that's us. Except Steve's a pretty hunky kind of a beast. Me, I'm tiny. Five four and one fifteen soaking wet.

The Beast? Six two and he gets down to two twenty when he's been working out hard. Mostly muscle coz he does. Work out hard that is. Works out a lot more since we hooked up but hey, that's more of an aside and we won't talk details. I'd blush if we talked details. Let's just say Steve works out hard and it's not all at the gym and okay, I'm blushing. But, well, that front seat. Definite possibilities and it was a long drive. We'd need some stops.

Yeah, I'd been so sure it was gonna be a fun weekend back when we started out. And that bench front seat really had looked like it had definite possibilities. Back at High School I'd been really good at making out in trucks. Crew-cabs with those bench seats in back are pretty good and you can give a really good blowjob in the front with all the space, even if the back's already in use and the seats up front are the bucket ones which I never liked. Me. I'm small so if you recline that passenger seat and your guy just lays back, well, let's just say I liked being on top sometimes although I've never been hot on doing the heavy lifting.