© 2018 Chloe Tzang. All rights reserved. The author asserts her moral right to be identified as the author of this story (although she seriously doesn't think anyone else would want to be identified with writing this insanity anyhow but you never know). This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.
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Warning * * * Warning * * * Warning * *
This story is a long one (80k words, 22 Literotica pages), so be warned on that one before you start. The introduction that follows is also a long one but it's kind of tied in to the story and if you're going to read this, you may as well read the whole thing. That all said, I think it's worth reading, really, it is. So enjoy..... Chloe
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And of course here's the usual introduction, warnings and disclaimers from Chloe except this one's maybe a little longer than normal, or in fact a little longer than maybe you've ever read before on Literotica or anywhere else:
Okay, so let's start just by saying this is just a fun story I wrote for the Literotica 2018 April Fool's Day competition. I ended up submitting it under Interracial coz, well, like most of my stories, it's all about an Asian-American girl and her Caucasian-American guy but really, there's a lot of monster stuff in here, but it's not really a non-human monster story or an erotic horror story and it's maybe a bit to paranormal for Erotic Couplings.
And in fact, I hope you're laughing for a lot of this coz I was when I was writing it coz I was going for some humor as well as for the monsters, violence and sex and it's certainly not that romantic vampire guy stuff so not under Romance and it's not really SF/Fantasy either. No no no. I did consider Novels and Novellas but then I thought you know what, most of you who enjoy my stories have come across them in either Interracial, First Time or Loving Wives, so what the heck. Here it is in Interracial and I hope you enjoy, even though it's not your normal Interracial fare. And now.... the rest of the introduction and if you make it past that, well, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship if we aren't in fact friends already!
Warning! There're lots of warnings:
As well as a highly likable Asian-American girl (go figure, Mary-Sue here says) and her charming and socially adept Caucasian-American guy, both of whom enjoy shooting monsters and sex and violence and stuff like that, this story also includes: Trolls. Chupacabras. Vampires. Aztec Bat-men. A were-bear (he's a good guy). Werewolves (NOT good guys). Mutant flesh-eating were-hamsters. Black Were-Swans. Loving Wives (haha, not really but they are mentioned and I thought I should warn you). Zombies. Thousands of zombies (those darn mall development companies that build over cemeteries without removing the bodies, I blame them). Other assorted monsters including the Feds but no teenage mutant ninja turtles (teenagers -- they're under 18 -- no no no not on LIT, no teenagers here, even if they are mutant turtles and there hasn't been any DNA analysis but odds are they're probably were-turtles of some sort and underage were-turtles at that, so those teenage ninja were-turtles, that's just a NO NO NO thing).
Further warnings!
Also includes: Coffee (dangerous stuff, coffee, especially the way Chloe makes it). Writers. Romance Writers of America members (deceased, although they were probably alive when the story started but you know, Romance Writers, too much imagination, too little grasp of reality, they believed all that Twilight nonsense and that Meyer woman, she has a lot to answer for). Monster Hunters. Guns. Lots and lots of guns. Big guns. Small guns. Illegal guns. Scary guns. Guns that make loud noises and frighten snowflakes coz they're, you know, black and scary looking (although one of our heroine's gun's is pink with Hello Kitty decals 'n it's kinda cute and not scary looking at all) and go bang bang bang and they have those big magazines that hold lots of bullets. Lots and lots and lots of bullets and we all know lots and lots of bullets are oooohhhh so very scary.
Safe Space Alert:
If that's scary, you come along with me and we'll take you to your safe space right now. That's right, you come with me, she says, very gently and quietly and coaxingly. Here we go, come on in, it's nice and cozy in here and nobody will make you think for yourself and its all pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows and pixie dust and CNN is on the big screen up there where they're telling fairy stories that'll make you soooo happy and they'll tell you exactly what to think and everything so you won't have to do any of that hard stuff for yourself and you won't, be, you know, (she whispers here), challenged at all. Crayons, here they are. Drawing pads there, here's your cushion, there's some nice soft shit ... I mean, music ... on and the kittens and puppies are just waiting for you to play with them. Feel better now? Good, she says, very soothingly, that's good, now you just relax and hide in here from the real world while I go back out and join the adults coz we're gonna do lots and lots of nasty scary things together but you just close this page right now and head off to Harlequin or Mills and Boon and they've got some nice soothing mindless pap ... I mean, nice soothing stories for you and here's a lovely little book about Fluffy the cute little Hamster which I just know you're going to love.... (Closes door very quietly)
....makes note to check snowflake's medications later coz we don't want them going crazy on us now do we ... and Chloe picks up her DDMk18, does a quick safety check. Smiles. Thank frigging Jesus and all the frigging saints that frigging loser's tucked safely away. Let's get back to the real world folks and where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, things that go bang and hot sex and monsters and scary fun shit like that, that's right. So yeah, warnings. Okay guys...
Let's keep rolling with the warnings....
Machineguns (okay, just one and it's an oooold Brit Bren gun and you know, machineguns, they're the ones that fire lots and lots of bullets without stopping. Until they get too hot anyhow and that's, like, totally scary coz you're deep in it if you need a machinegun and it overheats and jams and you're like, totally screwed then and there's no safe spaces in this story other than that one we just took that loser to so if that's really too scary for you, we can find that safe space for you now but we should do that quick coz we're starting soon. Quick quick. Go to Safe Space! Go Now! Now! Hurry scurry!).
Okay, well, you're still here so I guess we're all good then but don't be complaining later now, will 'ya. Coz if you frigging do, well, you're fucked I tell 'ya. Completely fucked. So where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, those frigging warnings and I feel I should tell 'ya there's an RPG7 (and if you don't know what an RPG7 is, wikipedia is your friend, biased as fuck as it is and if 'ya don't like my fucking language, well, we'll get to that, don't you frigging worry for even one second. Got that covered). Lots and lots of shooting and a few dead people and a lot of dead monsters. Blood. I better mention that too. It does get messy.
Tex's Coffee Shop although that's a fun place but the coffee can be a bit strong for some ' n it's not really that safe, coz people like Chloe stop by there although it's always friendly. More coffee. Tea (coz there's Brits, and where you have Brits, well, you have tea and I hope that doesn't scare you, like, too much, because, well, tea.... gulp). Beer. Coz there's Aussies, and where you have Aussies, you have beer AND scary jokes. Especially the jokes. OMG! Nuff said, roight mate? Even scarier, MRE's (Military acronym: "Meals, Ready to Eat" for those unfamiliar). They're REALLY scary if you have to eat them. They're scary even if you're just reading about eating them.
Disclaimer (as if one was needed):
Do NOT eat MRE's unless you are fully familiar with the contents and possible side-effects and have been medically advised that your body is capable of handling the ingredients, many of which are chemicals more usually used in embalming. If you're in the military and you HAVE to eat them, well, good luck! May you survive! Some have. So I've been told.
More warnings? Oh my god yes, lots more!
I forgot the knives, axes, swords and that hammer and the spiked boots. Covered those now! So, ever onward! Contents of this story also contain: a cute American-Chinese-Vietnamese-Polish girl called Chloe whom we've already briefly mentioned (well, Steve says she's cute but Steve's been wrong before and you might find her, like, scary too, but she hopes not coz she doesn't think she's scary at all. Actually, she thinks she's rather nice and she's very talkative and friendly and stuff). One or two people Chloe really knows (used with Permission although the reality is of course completely different). People Chloe thinks she knows. People Chloe doesn't know. People Chloe made up. People who Chloe made up but they don't realize that and think they're real. A koala bear except it's not. Australians. Brits. That guy from Quebec. The National Guard (they come with lots of guns and stuff and they shoot a lot with military-type guns coz, you know, military (shock, horror, consternation) and they use terribly bad language that shocks Chloe sometimes (so extra warning there). There's (gasp) even some hot sex (quelle surprise. But then again, given the author and that we're all on Literotica together, well, maybe not such a surprise, really).
So, if, you know, guns and sex and the military and monster hunting and violence and lots of deaths and blood and stuff scare you and stuff you may want to avoid this story and stuff. Also, no Chinese virgins this time. Everyone in this story has had their cherry popped well before the story starts (decades before in some cases, hey guys, although Chloe's was a little more recent) and it ain't happening in this one. Sorry guys.
Also, more seriously, with many thanks to one of the great old-time Science Fiction writers, Fritz Leiber, for the title idea ("A Spectre is Haunting Texas"), although the story's nothing like Leiber's at all - but the title just grabbed me. And thanks to all the Monster Hunting literature in general. I know, I know, there's lots out there and this is totally a pastiche of influences and stuff but for me, Larry Correia and Laurell K. Hamilton rank highly amongst them, although there are others and they'd probably all scream in horror if they read this, but hey, a girl's got to start somewhere.
More thanks to the denizens of the AH on LIT who so willingly volunteered to appear in my story as characters. You may not thank me after you've read this but thanks a million for coming hunting with me guys and I hope I didn't embarrass anyone (and thanks also to the Literotica trolls, who actually didn't volunteer but were instead hunted down like, well, trolls. Don't feel like I left you out of the acknowledgements, guys, you do your best and I appreciate your contribution -- I would never have thought of this story without you there to inspire me and anyhow, it grew way beyond trolls, so really, thank you. A girl takes her ideas from whence they come). And a big thanks to Tex for the use of both him and his Coffee Shop! Without Tex, this story would have been rather different. What else can I say except "Tex, you're the best!" Your coffee's not bad either. A little on the weak side perhaps but with some coaching ...
And to my (our?) readers, thank you so much for reading this insanity although I know you haven't started yet because you're all reading this long long long note thing from me but when you do get started I do hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. I got some very weird looks at the coffee shop I sometimes write in while I was pounding away on this one. Probably the helpless fits of the giggles that I succumbed to every now and then when some of these ideas popped into my head. I mean, mutant flesh-eating were-hamsters (Cue here: Chloe rotflmao in corner of coffee shop with coffee dribbling out her nose and tears pouring down her cheeks as she struggles to breathe coz she's laughing too hard and let's just say Chinese medicine and you'll know when you get to that bit and I'm so sorry, Fluffy, that was soooo mean of me and if you've ever read the children's books about Fluffy, well, enough said ....!).
