CHAPTER 3: NO STRINGS PLEASURE
Halfway through the next week, I wanted to call Travis, again. Two glorious nights he had fucked me. Here I was again wanting more. I never imagined a cock could feel that way. That one could be so big! I spent more than a few hours on the internet at women's informational advice sites curious about positions ... and sucking cock. Watching clips to see positions and what sex can be like only made my need for his cock that much more powerful. Not to mention the discussions about deep-throating cock. It's real. Who knew? Certainly not me. Now I wanted to try that, too.
What was this all about, though? What did I expect from this? What did HE expect from this? WHY was this happening? Thinking about it all just reaffirmed my lack of interest in a serious relationship leading to marriage. I was good with my career. I was happy and challenged in my career. I did, though, recognize a substantial void in my life. A void that was surprising while very powerful. I really ... REALLY ... enjoyed and wanted sex with someone like Travis. Travis. Someone considerate and attentive. Someone, undeniably, with a big cock. Someone who could fuck my brains out. That's Travis. Again ... how does this work?
* * * *
"Travis?" I decided to take action myself and stop fussing about it. I called him. "We need to talk."
"Talk?" I could hear the nervousness in his voice. "Oh oh ... listen, Tessa ... if this is you not wanting ..."
"No ... God, no," I exclaimed in interruption. "Please, we just need to talk." I gave him my address and we quickly agreed on a day and time.
* * * *
I paced nervously in the living room as the appointed time crept closer. In my mind, it seemed important to have him come to my home, my home turf. I was dressed in jeans and an old Dolphins t-shirt. Despite the blatant nature of the subject matter I need us to discuss, I wanted my appearance to be neutral.
When the front doorbell initiated its chime sequence, I visibly flinched. I greeted him at the door. He commented on the house while inspecting what he could see from the foyer. No familiar hug. Certainly, no passionate kiss. I held the door open for him, closed it behind him, and led him into the living room. I indicated the loveseat for him and took a nearby chair for myself. Separated. I needed a message of control for what I wanted to clarify.
"What's going on, Tessa?" he began as he settled. "If this is about wanting to stop ..."
I held up my hand to stop him and he did. "I don't want to stop, Travis. You're amazing. You've led me to experiences I never imagined and I find myself wanting more of the same and more experiences beyond those. What I don't want is misunderstandings, disappointment, or someone being hurt. I also don't want to feel selfish." He opened his mouth and I, again, held up my hand. "Let me finish. I have to get this out while I have the courage." He nodded and settled back, crossing one ankle over the knee of the other. Even trying to appear relaxed and patient, he still appeared to me as an imposing presence in my living room. The pullover shirt with his gym logo fit well on his well-developed chest.
I started, again. "I want us to understand each other." He nodded. I talked about my job and how satisfying, fulfilling, challenging, and important it was to me. I told him how I was afraid of that being threatened. I confessed how much of a void I had been suppressing without knowing that I was. A void I came to recognize because of him. A void I wanted to be filled.
"But, Travis," I took a breath, "what I learned from my divorce is I don't want another relationship, at least in the foreseeable future. I was tremendously hurt by that and I don't want to subject myself to that, again. Not now, anyway." I watched his facial expression and body for reaction. My profession had trained me to be aware of slight tells in a person. The only tell I could see was a slight curling of his mouth upward, his eyes still holding me. That restrained smile bothered me. What did it mean? Did it indicate an excuse he needed to end it himself?
He dropped his eyes to the floor between us. He was obviously thinking and, despite his efforts, the smile grew. "Travis ... what does that smile mean?"
"Sorry, Tessa." The next pause killed me. My heart dropped like a rock. Was he ending it just like that? It was always a risk, but ... "I was balancing your comments and concerns with my own." He shifted his weight forward until his forearms were pressed onto his knees. "We're in amazing sync, Tessa. There has been something about you, maybe your unabashed excitement to experience what is new to you, that has been extremely arousing and exciting for me and has me as excited to be with you as you seem to want to be with me. But," his eyes focused like lasers on mine, "our unique gym model is at the point that it looks like it will take off and we can expand to new locations. Like you, I'm reluctant to want a romance that might divert me."
My heart began to swell with hope and expectation. "So ...?"
"You want to continue to experience what we've been doing." I nodded. "And more." I nodded with more enthusiasm. His smile grew. His eyes moved over my body. Just that excited me. "No strings, then." I nodded with a growing smile. "We explore sex in widening forms without relationship complications." I was nodding, yes. "What you're wanting is for me to direct you?"
My eyebrows scrunched and my head changed direction in shaking. "No," I firmly stated. "If you mean that I blindly obey, no. I am definitely not a submission personality, Travis. Guide me, yes. I've trusted you, Travis. As long as I do, as long as you show me I can trust you to keep me safe, not be hurt, or my other life threatened, I will follow your lead. But I can't give up control. It just isn't me."