A Clockwork Orange, Nineteen Eighty-Four, The Handmaiden's Tale. It had been George's idea to put books about corrupt governments and societies on display in a kind of tribute to the upcoming state legislature elections. Josh was placing the books on the table in alphabetical order, but his mind was elsewhere, namely on her, George. She was always coming up with ideas for the store, like when she decided to give out condoms to every person who bought a book about sex, and when she had started a reading hour for preschoolers. She even made decorations for the store, hanging her original illustrations all over.
He'd thought she would have thought of him as geeky for how much he wanted the store to succeed and stay open, even while major chain stores were opening all around it. But she hadn't rolled her eyes when he'd told her that he kind of loved working there. Instead she had gamely suggested egging the new Books-are-us type store that had just opened a few blocks down. It was weird, how much he liked talking to her. He felt like he could tell her anything.
He remembered the first day she had walked into the store, shoving a half eaten bagel into her oversized purse, patting down her colorful skirt, and readjusting her huge belt. Her afro encircled her head like a halo, and he could see that she was wearing an orange bra underneath her white tee shirt. She'd walked up to him and said, "Hey, man," as if she'd known him for ages, and then asked about the help wanted sign. Gus, the owner of Belton Books, had hired her because the sign had been out there for months, and she'd been the first person to ask about it.
He'd been working at the store for over a year, and he was used to running it by himself. He liked how quiet it was, how he could read a book without being interrupted for a good hour. He even liked the people who shopped there: they were usually grizzly bearded college professors looking for books that were out of print, or little old ladies asking him about what book they should read next in their book club. He wasn't used to the jingle of the many bracelets on her arm, or the clunking noises of her knee high boots, or her humming of a random tune. In fact, he was pretty sure that he hadn't liked her at all, at first. He'd never said much to her, and had kind of ignored her presence.
And then one morning he was half awake with a hard on, and instead of ignoring it and taking a shower like he normally did, he'd let his hand slip down his abs to his cock, which was curved up and nuzzling his stomach. He'd let his mind float along the hazy paths it had taken while he had been asleep, and found himself thinking about George and how good her legs looked in her boots. She had long, toned legs that led up to her curvy hips and held up her generous ass. An unconscious smile curved his lips as he'd thought about her other lovely features: the roundness of her breasts, the fullness of her lips.
His hand had reached down to grasp his aching cock in a tight hold. He'd let his thumb probe the slit that had started leaking precum. He tried to imagine what she would look like naked, how much darker her nipples would be than the rest of her milk chocolaty skin. Could her skin really be as smooth as it looked? What would she like, he had wondered as he'd pumped his hips in rhythm to the firm and steady fisting of his dick. Would she like having her nipples sucked? He'd groaned at the thought, the insistent pressure in him mounting as he wondered whether her moans be soft and breathy in his ear, or loud and demanding? Would he be swallowing down her dirty words with his kisses, or did only sweet words make her come? He was stroking himself furiously now, images of her lips fitting snugly around him and her writhing under him overwhelming his senses. He was thinking about how wonderful she would taste, and then he was coming, all the muscles in his body tensing up and stars popping up behind his eyelids as his hot come gushed out onto his stomach.
He rolled onto his side, shaking as he heard his gasps for air reverberate off the walls of his small apartment.
What the fuck? he'd thought.
He had never had a specific person in mind when he beat off. He'd always found himself thinking of things that turned him on in general: breasts, asses, long legs, the wet sound of a soaked pussy. And George was such an odd choice, too. He'd only known her for a few weeks, two months at most. He barely knew her. He didn't even like her. He'd wanted to shrug his shoulders and tell himself that it was just a freak coincidence that she had popped into his mind.
But he was thinking about it as he took a shower, and as he ignored the man selling cheap watches out of his coat on the subway, and as he tried not to give the waitress a dirty look for telling him his medium cup of coffee was $ 4.69. He was panicking by the time he was unlocking the door to the store. And with good reason, because when she walked in a few minutes later, pulling off her sunglasses, her hair up in a huge puff behind her head, bandana tied around her neck, and boy's shorts hanging low off her hips, he had actually tripped over a pile of books.
The day had gotten worse as it wore on, with him stuttering every time he had to say something to her because he was so nervous he would start gawking at her chest instead of looking her in the eye, and then actually spilling his stupid coffee when a guy came into the store and started flirting with her. Then she'd caught him staring at her back, and had given him a quizzical look, as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with you, creep?"
That had been the breaking point. He had to get a hold of himself.
He could have chosen to ask her out. He could have chosen to smile at her the next morning and ask her if she wanted to go to lunch with him. But he'd immediately rejected the idea. He'd always had problems with girls. He never knew what to say to make them laugh, or how to act to make them want to know him. In high school he had hyperventilated every time he'd gotten anywhere near the girl he'd had a crush on. The first time he'd had sex he had been so nervous that he'd come in five minutes, and the girl had pushed him off, a sneer on her face, and left without saying a word. The last relationship he'd been in had been with a willowy girl named Tiffany. It had ended abruptly eight months before, with a pathetic email saying how sorry she was to end things, but that she just didn't think he was the guy for her. Two days later he'd seen her with her tongue down the throat of what he supposed was the right guy, a man who looked like he had steroids with his cornflakes every morning.
There was no way he could go through that again.